Bleeding and at the verge of giving up

[Jo4040]

I had a baby late December.
Since then I have had irregular periods/bleeding. I am on no contraception. I am 25.

I have had blood tests for hormone imbalance. First test came back I had very low oestrogen. So they did another and this came back normal. I was sent for an ultrasound scan on my ovaries and uteruse. Normal.

I had a smear ten days ago and I'm awaiting the results.
I am so worried. I suffer from extream health anxiety. I can't eat and sleep for worrying about the results if what the smear letter is going to say.

I jump every time I even look at the post box. It's my birthday on Friday and my OH has made all special plans for my two DS and myself but inside I'm screaming I don't want to do anything except from go to bed and sleep until I get my results from my smear.

Today I woke up and I had blood in my discharge which is still there a tiny bit now.

The GP put me on tables for my anxiety a couple of weeks ago, I don't know if they are making any difference. Only difference I feel is that normally if I found blood in my discharge I would be rocking and going dizzy. This time round I'm outwardly calm... And numb.

For the first time in ages I have felt like just ending my life. I don't want to wake up in the morning. I had a sleep before and when I woke up I sobbed inside at the thought of having to worry about my smear letter and this blood again.
Please don't scear me and tell me I'm going to die. It would be better if I killed myself rather then going to hospital appointments for months and then being terminally ill anyway.

I would just stay in bed and don't get into a row over it. You need to get better and I think the best thing to do is get to the GP first thing and really be honest about how you are feeling. Tell the GP you have been thinking about ending it all and how bad you are feeling.
If your Dh comes to talk to you tell him you are feeling a lot worse than ever, really close to a break down and you need to stay as calm as you can and not argue and you will be seeing the Dr in the morning.

Been to GP. She had a look at my cervix and said it was red at the neck of the womb and the was abit of blood. She's referred me tona gyno. That's it. U won't be able to eat now or properly function for two weeks. I had a melt down in the GP and she's keeping me on same tablets.

It's really weird but she gave me a hug. Never had a hug of a Dr before. I didn't know how to respond. I know its cervical cancer and I know I'm going to die. I can't face waiting these next two weeks.

I remember your last post about this. PPs have given you some good advice. You definitely need more support with this awful anxiety, sweetheart. for you.

What I don't understand is this...iv been referred to a gyno for a 'camera', however when I had an ultrasound scan the other week I'm sure they said I didn't need to have a camera because I'm very slim, so I said I'd rather not have the camera. So because of this they had me signing a form that says I'd consented to not having a camera.

What will the camera look for that the scan didn't? The scan results came back fine. Would it have been a gyno I saw who did my scan? I know I should have asked but I couldn't talk fo r shaking and relief when she said

A. THEY COUKD SEE EVERYTHING
B.EVERTYJING WAS NORMAL
C. YOU CAN HAVE A WEE NOW

The GP I saw today didn't have any of my medical records up because I have moved doctors to have a regular GP. My other practice used locums and it was no good. I don't know if the doctor I saw today heard me tell her iv had a ultrasound scan bcz I was crying and my bottom lip was going like a babies (ffs). So I don't know what the camera is going to look for.

There is also something called cervical erosion. Here is a description of it.

"A cervical erosion is a raw-looking granular appearance on the cervix. It occurs when the inner lining of the cervical canal (columnar epithelium) comes out onto the part of the cervix that can be visualised with a speculum. It appears as a red, velvet-like area."

I've had it and it caused bleeding and pain after sex and breakthrough bleeding too. It was easily sorted by one lot of treatment.

The Dr said I had a red patch at the opening of my womb.

hope your feeling a bit calmer today , i to suffer with health anxiety so know how you feel , keep talking and posting if it helps , big hug x

I could just cry for you, I know exactly how totally and utterly hopeless and terrified you are feeling, I'm exactly the same x

Are you really? How do you help yourself to function? Do you eat, sleep, laugh, smile? Normally I wouldn't be eating, but tbh I'm eating what ever the hell I want. Iv never comfot ate before, I normally feel too sick with nerves. But I think iv just given up and accepted that I'm I'll with this bleeding. Iv just had a lovely chilli and rice tbh

im same to .. talking helps with others who understand x

Yes talking does help. I'm on lots of conversations here, trying to act normal and have abit of fun. It's my Birthday tmoz so iv got to have a happy face on all bloody day for the sake of my OH and DC. my friend has text me if I want to go out for something to eat with her. Iv not txt bak bcz I don't know what to say! What's the point of enjoying life when iv got all this stuff to come...

i think will be good to go out with your friend , change of perspective and get out of the house , i do feel better once i get out see a friend talk about other things , does help i think x

I'm sorry you're suffering with this terrible health anxiety. My dad had this and I saw how he believed so strongly he was ill, nothing anyone said could convince him otherwise. Not even a piece of paper in front of him saying he was fine.
You're doing great to be asking for help. Well done OP, it's really tough.

I don't like the thought of a man having any kind of anxiety. I don't know why..my parents are much older (67) and I'm 25. My dad is such a kind hearted man, I would hate the thought of him being so worried.

Omfg. I'm panicking again
Just had blood in my discharge again.
I'm.back to rocking and can't thinknstraight.
I'm gona be sick. I'm dizzy. I'm gona die. It's cancer. It's cancer. I know it is

I am not a Dr but it seems to me if they were really worried it was cancer they would be rushing the results through and taking it a lot more seriously. So they are much more likely to think it is a harmless cause, like a benign polyp or fibroid or cervical erosion or one of those other conditions mentioned upthread. These conditions will continue to give symptoms so there is no reason to think it is more serious because you have still got symptoms. Keeping calm, relaxing and doing something to take your mind off things is very important.

The bleeding seems to have gotten abit more. I suppose I know if its something less serious like an etropism it would carry on but I just can't get past it being cervical cancer. When I told the Dr I had a baby seven moneyh ago and I'm still irregular bleeding, she looked scarily concerned.

Hope you are feeling a bit better today. I think just try to take each day as it comes and enjoy the good parts and spending time with your family and friends. Not because I think you are likely to be ill, but you can't let the future spoil your now. Whatever happens I think you are strong enough to deal with it, so try to connect with that inner strength that will enable you to cope with whatever happens in a positive manner, and get through your day enjoying the good parts.

I agree with badzz that it sounds as if you have PND. Please do go and talk to your GP and explain how you feel. There are many causes of irregular bleeding almost all of them non life threatening. I have had periods of health anxiety so I do know how easy it is to convince yourself that your health is far worse than it really is. I also know that however often my OH told me I was worrying for nothing I would continue to worry until I got definitive proof that I was ok, so I really feel for you.

Just had my cervical smear letter back. It says my results are normal. I'm in shock

Well there you go! Now spend the day having fun with your little ones and your OH, everything is ok. :)

Glad it was normal. It sounds very much like cervical erosion which is just a simple treatment. Try to enjoy your weekend and on Monday you need to see your GP to get more help for your anxiety problems. It's normal to worry about results to test etc. but in your case it's obviously badly affecting your life. Hope you feel a bit more reassured.

There you go :)
Now please go and see your GP and tell him how you are feeling and how it is affecting your interaction with your baby.
I had late onset pnd with ds1. I wouldn't wish feeling that way on anyone.
But you dont have to feel this way!
There is Help.
Take it
X

Thankyou. It says its not 100? accurate, but I have still got a logical side to me that says...what's the odds. I'm leaning now towards a etropism or a hormone imbalance.

I'm having my birthday again today and u might actually try showing my OH some affection tonight because its been months and now if I bleed I won't need to go into a blind panic.

Going to a summer fair now...to get some bargins!!

That's wonderful but do continue to get help for your anxiety