Postnatal issues I wasn't warned about

[susang84]

Ok, so I know about the 4 month postnatal hair loss, the baby blues, the cramps as my body settled, the lack of sleep and the teeth clenching agony first few weeks of breastfeeding BUT nobody warned me about how my husband would be affected. Yes, I knew he would be tired and yes, he's have his fair share of elbow deep poo nappies however at times he also suffers badly from LAZYITIS!
It's like he's got the thought in his head "well I'm working all day and she's off now so she can do all the housework"
Oh he'll help out not and again and he has done a lot in the garden but why is it I can have my house tidy all day, but by the next morning it's a tip again and I'm starting my same routine. Even starting with putting his breakfast dishes in the empty dishwasher!

I love my husband but I really need to find out if there's a cure for this haha

OP if you are looking for suggestions then I'd suggest your DP reads 'wife work'. That was a condition of my DP moving in with me.

I also gave him a list of chores I wasn't prepared to ever do work or not: picking his underwear off the floor, cleaning pee splash around the toilet, cleaning stubble from the sink/bath, making his packed lunches, basically things that a ft working person would have to do for themselves anyway. I made it clear that mat leave was for the purpose of babycare not housework. If he wanted a cleaner he could pay for a cleaner (for a while we did put our washing to a laundrette).

Thanks! I've been saying things like "whilst im doing this could you please do that" to show its a team work thing.
Oh, and some may notice some responses have been removed because I was not impressed with basically being told to go somewhere else. There's lots of lovely people on here but one or two we're clearly the playground bullies!'

But you are not the boss of him.

By having to ask/ tell him that a chores needs doing you are both reinforcing the idea that chores are your responsibility, and what he does is merely 'helping'.

You need to sit down and jointly make decisions about who is responsible for what, to what standard and at what frequency. Ie don't say 'can you clean the toilet?' But make an agreement that every Sunday he cleans the toilet with a brush and bleach until it is shiny. Leave it a few weeks. If he isn't doing what he's agreed have another meeting. You need to be a partnership.

It's the same with the DCs. They are also picking up your cues about housework being women's work. You both need to set a good example to them. They need to learn that chores are part of being a member of your family not something extra they do to 'help' you, like some kind of favour. Chores are never a favour. They are part of being a well rounded responsible human being who cares about the environment they and their family live in. It isn't your job to micro manage others' lack of chore conscientiousness.