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Original poster

worried sick about my dh

37 replies

Blandmum · 27/10/2006 20:57

he was ill in the summer, a gastic bug, a really nasty one. He lost a load of weight, and now moths down the line he still isn't 100% right. He sufferes from indigestion, his tummy is still a bit swolen, and he just looks so thin.

I'm worried sick that his leukemia has something to do with it.

He has seen 2 different gps and they say it is OK, he even got checked out my the hospital. It is crazy, but I can't shift the worry that he is really ill and this is the srt of him getting sicker.

I al him a douzen times a day if he is OK, it must be driving him mad, it is driving me mad.

i just don't know what to do

OP posts:

foundintranslation · 27/10/2006 20:58

I wish I could advise, mb. I'm really sorry you've got this worry - I can't imagine what it must be like in your position.

foxinsocks · 27/10/2006 20:58

was it an oncologist or gastroenterologist who checked him at the hospital?

I'm not surprised you are worried. How does he feel?

SoupDragon · 27/10/2006 20:59

Has he tried stuff like probiotics to balance his stomach again?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/10/2006 21:00

Ask the GP to refer him to a Gastroenterologist anyway.

xena · 27/10/2006 21:01

Oh the fear is crap isn't it MB, have know there are so many false alarms in case's like your DH's but its the rare ones that aren't that stick in your head. If he has been checked out by the hospital then you have to put your mind at rest, how does he feel in himself?

scarysuejonez · 27/10/2006 21:01

My mther had cancer two years ago and after major chemo and radio is curently in remission. She does get sick far more often than she used to and doesn't bounce back well either. She is always convinced that hse feels unwell becuase the cancer is returning and everytime the doctors check, it isn't.

I think its absolutely natural.

Did you join any patient support groups when he was ill? I'm sure you would find every spouse is going through exactly the same thing. I don;t have any practical siggestions but perhaps one of the organisations like BACUP would be able to help if you call them.

In the end my Mum spoke to her consultant about it and in addition to checking her whenever she wants them to, he also explained very clearly to her what the likely symptoms would be if/when the cnacer returns. It did help.

Original poster

Blandmum · 27/10/2006 21:01

he says that he feels fine. and that he is feeling better al the time.

he was cheched by the GI people, and A and e. They did a load of tests, including blood tests and said it was infective gastroenteritis....he'd just come back from Africa.

Rationaly I know that if his wbc count had risen they would have refered him back to his consultant. But they didn't

I know I am being stupid, but I can't stop my sel. it is all so awful.

OP posts:

TwigTwoolett · 27/10/2006 21:01

breathe

I know how you feel .. but remember that some bugs you can catch do not just take a couple of months to get over .. they can take up to a year .. I think this is particularly true of lung nad gastric infections

you cannot overdose on gaviscon

people with underlying illnesses can get other bugs that are difficult to kick .. it doesn't mean they're connected

who has he seen? I assume his GP and oncologist at hospital .. could you ask for a referral to a gastro-enterologist to rule out anything else?

Original poster

Blandmum · 27/10/2006 21:03

his gp told him that the bug could take many months to shift. I'm just sick with worry

OP posts:

xena · 27/10/2006 21:03

It seems abit pathetic advice but that activia yoghurt does actually do what it says on the tin

foxinsocks · 27/10/2006 21:03

aww mb - you're not being stupid, you're just being loving and caring. It does sound like he has seen all the right people though.

Perhaps you could ask the GP/Gastro people how long the symptoms are likely to last? Then if they give you a rough time limit, you could try and stop worrying until that time and then take it from there?

Mercy · 27/10/2006 21:04

Dh had something similar recently, we though it may be IBS. Has cut right down on dairy and seems fine now.

BUT given your dh's previous history I would push push push for a referal.

Are you still in contact with his previous specialist?

Jimjams2 · 27/10/2006 21:04

mb are you receiving counselling? As your dh has a chronic, longterm illness it might be really helpful. If you find the right one. Otherwise you're going to exhaust yourself, and him. You have every reason to feel anxious, but you also need to be able to function which means being able to cope with the worry always being there iyswim.

Original poster

Blandmum · 27/10/2006 21:05

he sees his consultant every 6 months. We have the next one just before christmas....shit timing. You should see me that week, not a pretty sight

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 27/10/2006 21:06

mmmm several months is a long time isn't it? Poor you. I have to agree with jimjams.

Original poster

Blandmum · 27/10/2006 21:07

jj you are right. Last time I had some help, and it did make things a bit better. i know what i'm doing isn't helping. i just cant stop myself

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foxinsocks · 27/10/2006 21:07

I remember how you were the last time he saw the consultant. It must be a dreadful build up to that date.

scarysuejonez · 27/10/2006 21:07

I'm sure you are desparately worried but in situations like this the worrying can spiral into becoming a problme on its own. Can you chanel the worrying into something similar but more positive eg read everything you can about building people up after severe gastic problems and torment him with healthy things rather than worry. I hope that doesn't sound condescending.

I would really ring BACUP and ask them about support groups - I think what you are going through is very, very common. You are always going to worry about him but perhaps others who have been through it will be able to give you some more practical advice.

Original poster

Blandmum · 27/10/2006 21:10

I'm really wary of the patient groups, because it is a chronic progresive condition. I'm scared that I will see just how bad things will get. And I don;'t think i can cope with that.

i know too much already

OP posts:

Posey · 27/10/2006 21:11

It is really hard to think rationally after a major illness. I know with my dh that I do tend to panic if he feels unwell. But don't we all feel unwell at times? But I do think "what if its something more serious?" He's the one who stays in control, he knows if he feels unwell enough to see a doctor or not, and tends not to tell me if he's a bit off colour cos I just panic.
Keep an eye on symptoms, and if he get worse get him to see a doctor again. But if he says he's feeling better each day, maybe you do just have to trust him.
Thinking of you x

TwigTwoolett · 27/10/2006 21:12

my gp gave me some printouts on cognitive behavioural therapy and how it works to change those mind-killing spirals of worry and fear ... I found it very helpful .. not to do the counselling just to read it because I have a fairly analytical mind and its all about breaking the thought spiral as soon as it comes into your head

I do think you should look into it .. just to break through that worry

Original poster

Blandmum · 27/10/2006 21:14

I did some CBT last time.

You see he has already had one cancer, then pancreatitis, and now the leukemia. I'm just worn out with worry. I keep worrying all the time. Stupid, even the RAF have stopped seeing the first tw as an issue. I keep thinking that this time we wil not be so lucky

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Jimjams2 · 27/10/2006 21:16

Yes i can understand that- the worry stuff. It's something I'm wary of when meeting people with young children who are very like ds1 at that age. I tend to get excited and say "oh ds1 was really like that when he was 2" then I go away worried I've scared the hell out of them, so I try and correct it by saying "oh but its really hard to tell how it will go", and pribably dig myself in a bigger hole! So yes I do know where you are coming from.

I've never sought an official counsellor, I have my homeopath instead (really she plays a strong counselling role for me). If your previous one was good could you go back, or do you know anyone who could recommend someone.

With a long term condition I do think its essential to have someone to call on to offload when you need to, and someone you feel will be onboard for the next million years.

Original poster

Blandmum · 27/10/2006 21:19

the really stupid thing is that atm he is OK. We can still do all the normal stuff, and I'm spoiling it all by checking, worrying, analysing every move that he makes. I'm wasting the good time....however long that good time lasts.

I know it is so stupid. He says he is OK, his doctors say he is OK, consultants say he is OK, blood tests.

whatthe hell is wrong with me

OP posts:

sunchowder · 27/10/2006 21:19

I highly recommend probiotics, can't say enough about them. You can much more in the powders than you can in the yogurts. See if that will help him. I would be so worried myself.

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