Worrying about possible op

[Shoegal0305]

So it's 4am. I'm yet again lying awake. I'm a single parent and suffer with really bad loneliness and isolation so this is my low point anyway.

For those who haven't followed my threads ive been diagnosed with an ovarian cyst. Seeing gynae in a few weeks as I have what is called a 'bilocular' cyst. Doc says it's unlikely to go of its own accord. Herein lies my problem I'm absolutely PETRIFIED of having a GA. I've never had one maybe it's fear of the unknown? Ever since I was little ive had this fear.......... I don't know where it stems from? This fear is taking over my life I'm not functioning. My GP has put me on beta blockers. I know lol of you will say this is a mental health issue, I agree partly, but I DO have something to be scared of! I'm not 'imagining' things, ive been diagnosed with this awful bloody cyst, and I'm scared stiff. I really don't know how to cope? I'm so alone.

I wish I had someone, especially in these wary hours. I'm so lonely I look longingly at others who have support, either from partners and/or family.

Had a really sleepless night last night my apt is looming in s few days to find out if I need an op which I think I will. I'm already having panic attacks........ Can anyone help? Xx

Hi Shoe I just wanted to let you know my experiences with a GA - I've had a few over the years. I almost felt guilty at saying how awesome I thought it was, until I saw other posters saying the same thing. Anaesthetists always seem to be lovely, and you get a fantastic relaxing sleep! It doesn't feel 'doom laden' in any way, you just get swept away in the peaceful bliss!

I don't waken up gently though, I just wake straight up. and then ask the nurses if I've been chattering away talking nonsense as that's what a friend did once. I do this naturally as I fall asleep anyway. They have always reassured me I've not said anything daft and that's the first time I've woken up!

Dropyoursword Thankyou for replying I've never felt this terrified of anything in my life! And I've been a single parent for nearly 9 years haha!

Is it really a 'nice' experience? Xx

If I can't even prepare myself for my apt with gynae how the hell would I physically get myself to hospital for an op?! I think I'd need a GA to GET there!!!! Lol x

Yes, I genuinely find it a nice experience. You have a lovely sleep and wake up with whatever was wrong before being fixed. I know it's terrifying when you haven't done something before, so can totally understand why you're so nervous. I'm trying to conceive my first right now obviously not right this second and have moments of pant-wetting terror about having a child. At least a GA is a really short term thing!

You'll be fine, and come out of it thinking phew, that was no problem! But definitely speak to your Dr, they may be able to prescribe you something pre OP to help with nerves.

Can you take diazepam before you go to the gynae appt? If you're driving to appt you can time it to take it day before and get through the night but still be safe for appt. that's what my gp suggested for me before I had my diagnostic scan.

I've had about 7 GAs, the first was when I was 9 and I would happily have one today- the worst bit is having the cannula put into your hand! Honestly, the medical staff will all look after you and the actual going under bit doesn't feel at all unpleasant. As others have said it's just weird that suddenly it's however long later (I had one where I was out for three hours) but it seems instantaneous.

You will need an adult with you for 24 hours after the anaesthetic- just something to be aware of if you're a single parent and you can't drive for 24 hours either.

Ive been prescribed beta blockers so taking those. Will explain to them at my apt how I'm feeling hopefully they will give me something prior to op as I say I can't imagine me physically being able to get myself there without throwing up/collapsing or worse haha x

Flossie this is another thing that's worrying me ...... I have nobody apart from friends but they all have their own lives and families. I'm hoping my sons gran (his dad's mum) will be able to come down but she lives 100 miles away! Plus she's in her 70s. Also I only have a small house. She can't get up onto my sons high sleeper bed and I will end up sleeping on a blow up bed! X

Your gynae appointment is just an appointment. You've done loads of them before. You don't know that you'll be having surgery yet.

Don't get ahead of yourself. Take it in bite-size chunks.

If you do need an op, see your GP and ask for help to get you through the waiting time. When I'm anxious I just can't eat and was losing too much weight. I had an ovarian cancer scare (turned out fine). After my first appointment with my gyne, when I realised it was going to be long-haul with scans and an op., my GP gave me valium for short term help until long-term anti-anxiety meds kicked in. Made all the difference.

DropYourSword I want to give YOU some reassurance as you said you have terrors about having a child.......

I had a fantastic pregnancy and birth I'd happily go thru birth again tomorrow rather than have a GA! For all the horror stories you hear I am a positive story. Tonsillitis was worse!!!! Xx

I have only had one GA. I was very anxious beforehand and the anaesthetist noticed that my pulse had shot up because I was so nervous.

She gave me a tiny dose of the anaesthetic agent to calm me down. It was amazing! I can see why Michael Jackson became addicted.

The GA was fine. I woke up and had a strange sense of calm afterwards that lasted about 2 days. No sickness.

Good luck. It really won 'to be as bad as you think.

Thank you Shoegal!

I'm in such a state today my apt is two days away and I know she is gonna say I need the op. It's clarification of my worst fears.

You have to try to stop yourself overthinking this.

I am the world's worst panicer and over- thinker. My dad died i. hospital after an operation- nothi g to do with the anaesthetic. It has left me terrified of anaesthetics (no sense there I know). I a convinced my heart will stop and I won't regain consciousness.

Since he died I have had 6 GAs and not had a problem with a single one. The worst bit us what I do to myself beforehand.

The staff are always lovely. A couple of times I have had something to calm me down beforehand; the rest I haven't.

They come and get you and you don't get a chace to panic on the way down there. 4 times there hasbeen hardy any wait onceI was down there but once there was and the nurses just chatted to me. I always tell them I am scred and they are always very reassuring.

Then they take you into the sort of pre- op room where they put the thing in your hand. It is quite interesting and the anaesthetist talks you through what they are doing and tells you how it will feel. None of it hurts at all. The nurse will hold your hand if you want her to.

You are asked to count back from 10. I don'tthink I hve ever got past 7. It is a lovely feeling of a huge gin and tonic on an empty stomach, a sort of wam, woosh and then you wake up. When you wake up you are warm and woozy, not in any pain becase they have made sure of that in theatre. You wort of doze for a bit which is very nice. There is always someone there to tell you how it went and keep an eye on you. I am alert quite quickly. Then they take you back to the ward.

I hve only had one as an emergency, very late at night. The relief from the pain I had been in was instant and I felt amazing and I slept like a log.

The others have been planned. Each time I hae been well enough to go home the same day or the next day. When I had my gall bladder removed I was up and dressed within a couple of hours and just wanted to get home, never even needed a paracetemol.

Despite all of this I worry myself silly every time.

I gave birth yesterday and would rather have gone through the gall bladder op- which was less traumatic than a filling.

You will be completely fine. It will be over and done with and you will recover quickly and forget about it. Honestly you will.

Sorry for all the typos above ^^ - I am cuddling DS and it isn't easy to do it and type.

Thankyou Lulu and huge congratulations on having your baby. Lovely. As I said giving birth was no problem to me...... But I had an uncomplicated birth. It sounds silly as I'm a medical professional so ive spent a lot of time in theatres! It's just never been ME lying there. Does that make sense? I've never actually had the experience of being put to sleep/forced to sleep/however you look at it lol. I'm slightly scared of the 'not waking up' worry a lot of people have but to be honest if that DID happen I wouldn't know would I?! Haha. I think it's maybe the build up? Fainting/collapsing/shitting myself!!!!!!! Lol. Fear of the unknown? Will it hurt? I have so many fears? I'm scared of roller coasters and in the summer I went on a huge one at Alton Towers! I keep thinking if I can do that then I can lie in a theatre and be calmly (???) put to sleep........... I'm just so bloody scared!!!! And being a single parent with no family doesn't help. Tonight is New Year's Eve it's just me and my boy again. He's happily on his xbox im say feeling lonely. That's when the worry starts. I think most of my worries are amplified due to loneliness. It's so hard. Everyone does 'family stuff'. Xxx

But you have your DS. Lots of people don't even have that. I have no family at all and have spent many NYE's unhappy and alone until I met DH when I was 30. I gave up on thinking about other people's NYE's- if you take notice of the papers, everyone else goes to lovely parties, sees family or friends, looks glam etc. I hate all that partying ad kissing people you don't know anyway bit I still felt lonely and different and excluded because I wasn't a couple.It seemed like couples only wanted to be with other couples to celebrate.

I decided I was going to make it nice for me. So I ignore NYE. I went for a lng walk in the afternoon. I made myself a nice tea, had a bath, watched a DVD and went to bed. No TV or radio. I got to quite like it. Interestingly, I have since told friends and work colleagues what I used to do and they often say 'That's a good idea. I hate NYE'. One of them does it every year herself now for her and her husband who hates NYE as well. On NYD I used to clean the house so I started the NY with a spotless house.

When I met DH and it got to near NYE, he said ' I should tell you, I hate NYE. I never go out drinking or go to parties'. That just about sealed the deal as far as I was concerned. Kindred spirits. So now we do the same thing I did by myself. We are often asleep by 11pm or lying in bed reading!

Tonight no doubt we will be giving DS a bottle and changing nappies.

Make it nice for you and your son. Don't think aout other people's supposed wonderful NYE- lots of people will tell you they are lonely or unhappy really. You are here,you have your son and a job and a warm home and decent healthcare and you are safe- and that is more than probably 80% of the world.

You are going to be fine.

My labour and DS birth was very straghtforward but having my gallbladder removed was faster, less painful and much less stressful, I promise.

Happy 2015. I hope it is a good one for you.

Thank you lulu. Your words mean a lot I guess after 9 years on my own im a little sceptical. My ex was my soul mate or so I thought, he left for someone else, he was the nearest thing I got to a complete family unit. I do my best for my son, I'm so lucky to have him, I know this. He's just my complete world, but even he gets bored just us two all the time. I do suggest things to do but he's happy on his xbox so I leave him to it. But it's lonely for me. I've now managed to arrange a visit to some good friends, so feel happier, my son gets on well with them too, so he's happy. I think another reason I'm so fearful of this operation is that everything is down to me. I will struggle to find someone to help with my son, let alone look after me, but I know I'll manage. Have a lovely new year yourself hun have lots of cuddles with your baby they grow up so quick and won't let you cuddle them haha xx

We have all kissed lots of frogs- I kissed two in particular who I was sure were my soul mates. Turned out not- both went off with someone else or several someone elses in one case and I was left in a state.

Decided not to do it again and spent a year just looking after me and maing my life the best it could be. DH appeaed from nowhere one day- totally unexpected. He is just lovely. They are out there but you need to be in a good place yourself.

After I introduced him to my mum - who had not ever liked any of them men I fell for- she bought me a beautiful frog price and said 'This one is it'. She was right, bless her. He isn't like any of the men I fell for before- probably why it works. But here we are 5 1/2 yrs later and happier than we have ever been.

Not being rude but you are feeling sorry for yourself and you need to not. C'mon, chins up and be positive. Ypu will find someone tohelp if ypu have a op. What about these friends you mentioned? How old is your boy? Will he beable to help once you are home?

I was very ill a few years ago- pre DH- with acute pancreatitis. Completely alone. Had to get myself to hospital. Hospital in agony for 2 weeks. Two month recovery and no one to help. Did the shopping on line , took taxis because I could not drive for a month. Washed every day because I could not lift washing out of a machine more than a couple of items. Friends did bits but they all worked full time and had families. You do it and be glad you are getting better. You just need someone to have your son for the couple of days you are in hospital. What about his dad?
What about your friends? Is there anyone who could sta at your house withhim for a couple of nights?

I only had my mum but shelived 20 miles away and was very old and frail and could not help at all. You WILL cope. Chins up Buttercup - as my mum would have said.

Sorry, typos again. Cat nudging me.

Again thanks lulu. I am totally feeling sorry for myself I know do please feel free to tell me and give me a kick up the arse lol.

My friends I mentioned have a baby themselves so would struggle to help me overnight etc. My son is 12 so he can do a lot but obviously not too much. His dad lives 60 miles away so even if he would help (he wouldn't!) my son needs to be in our home town for school etc. I will cope you are right. As ive said its just its never been ME going thru a period of ill health ....... I know that's probably the wrong term as I'm not ill but u know what I mean xxx

24 hours to go till my apt! Totally bricking it as at the minute I have the 'ignorance' that I won't need an op but I kinda know in 24 hours my worst fears will be confirmed! Sorry to keep harping on to you guys but you really are my only support xx

Et us know what they say at your appointment! We'll be here to help you through!

DropYourSword Thankyou you guys have been great support. I know she will say it needs to be removed as I can feel it there. It's not painful as such but I'm aware of it so I know it hasn't gone. I've put it to the back of my mind the last few weeks as best I could but now it's real! Xx