"For me the stage you are at now was the very worst time, I felt powerless, at least once treatment started I felt I was doing something."
This.
I've been there too sweetie and I won't lie, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to confront but many years on, I'm still here. Medical advances are fantastic nowadays and the care you will get will undoubtedly be fantastic (and humbling).
Your body plays cruel tricks on you when you're so lost. Ever twinge will make you fear, I know sweetie, I really, truly do, but so very, very often it's because you're so aware of your situation and think the worst of odd feelings that you wouldn't even have noticed pre-diagnosis. Remember all those times over the years you've found a bruise on an arm or leg and thought 'How the jeff did that get there?' and then thought no more about it. Sometimes you later recalled, 'Oh yeah, that's when I hit my leg on the table last week', sometimes you never recall. But they went away didn't they? They weren't a result of some serious illness just as that ache in your back was only a result of sleeping awkwardly or that tingle in the hand was just an odd, unexplained thing which happened 6 years ago and was soon forgotten about.
In my own experience this is the hardest, hellish of times. You don't have answers, you don't have a plan for treatment fully in place, but soon you will lovely. Hang in there. Take the pills to help sleep. Do what you can to distract yourself. You will feel more in control and less helpless in a short while.
Radio 4 and World Service were my saviours during those days when sleep wouldn't come. They distracted a little bit without being so intrusive or loud as to disrupt all chance of drifting off.
You'll find offers of help abound. Please, please, please take them. I wish I'd taken more, I wish I'd not tried to soldier on and thought it rude or grabby to accept offers of help, be that from the mums at school or friends and family. It will be so much easier if you do accept them and people care. They want to help. It helps them. They would rather help than feel bloody useless and know you're struggling. Trust me.
You don't need to mention the C-word to the children. I didn't. I just said I was poorly and needed the doctors to make me better. Unfortunately my ex told the DC and although I was (and still am) furious with him they coped. I'm blessed with having wonderful parents who helped with my DC, took them on holiday while I went into hospital and kept things steady for them. If your or DH's family might be able to assist in this sort of way ask them, they may not have thought of it, they may not want to ask for fear of making you feel that they're interfering. They don't know unless you tell them. Likewise others and any other kind of help. Ask.
Lean on your breast care nurses for support and advice too. You'll doubtless already be finding them fantastic and they'll in my experience go to the end of the earth for you.
And keep posting. We're here. We care.
Hooby xxx