Diagnosed breast cancer today - can someone hold my hand?

[elportodelgato]

Diagnosed today, after what I thought was a fairly routine check last week. Biopsy and CT scan show cancer in one breast and has spread to nearby lymph nodes, but not anywhere else. Looking at surgery within a few weeks and then chemo etc.

I have literally no experience of this, no one in my family has gone through this. DH and I are both in bits and need to find a way to a) rearrange the holiday of a lifetime which we were due to go on in a fortnight and b) somehow tell the DC who are 3 and 6

I am veering between crying uncontrollably and being strangely calm, just need someone to talk to who has been through this, anyone please?

Morning, thank you StillProcrastinating, you sound immensely strong to get through that and shield your kids from the worst of it.

Had a terrible get last night even with some sleeping pills, was up and crying at 3am, just feel wiped out now. I have phoned my brother this morning to tell him, and told some friends last night too, only close ones who I know will be supportive and not ask too much.
Kids have been playing up this morning and I found it really hard to cope with, they'll be off to school and nursery soon but in a way I don't know if that's worse, being alone in an empty house

I've been through it too, 2008/9, lumpectomy, chemo, radiation. Lymph nodes involved.
Just had the 5 year all clear.
It's a long road, and very hard for you with such small children, but let me just say that the treatment has never been better from the point of view of what the doctors know, and the science behind it all. Survival rate is high.
Good luck, and we will all be there to hold your hand.
The Breast Cancer Care forum is also very good for support of those going through it now.

Thanks helzapoppin, I am such an awful mess today, just weeping uselessly on the sofa. I have to go for another biopsy tomorrow morning, and then to meet with the nurse again. I can't remember from one minute to the next what I am meant to be doing to be honest, am trying to write it all down but then it's like I've written it in Japanese, I just stare at the sheet and it makes no sense. It's parents evening tonight and so I have to get my shit together for that, DC cannot see me in this state. When will it start to feel a bit less horrendous?

So sorry you've been diagnosed, but I'm another who's been through similar and still v.much around. 2010 for me and my son was 5. You're bound to be reeling and thinking the worst, but odds are you'll be okay you know. I'm sure that sounds hard to accept atm, but it's true. It's a slog to get through the treatment, but you will get through.

I can't add much to what the others have so wisely said, but just on children, I think upbeat honesty's the best way. We told our 5 year old that the doctors had found some rogue cells in my breast which if they weren't removed would make me ill, but it's okay as now they know they're there they can get rid of them. So I'd have to have an op, then take some strong medicine to make sure the bad cells had gone. That the medicine is so strong that it might make me tired and feel a bit sick, but that after that I'd be fine again. So very much stressing the positive, but being real about it. We also told him that 8 out of 10 women would have breast cancer at some point during their lives (true). He used to like telling people that!

Tamoxifen thread's ace. Kept me going too, so head over there. xx

I've just seen your last post, it will get easier once you know everything. Once you've got your treatment plan and know what's next it becomes something that you know about and knowledge is power, so that makes it doable iyswim. Let yourself cry and be angry as that's spot on, but it honestly does get easier. xx

Hi OP, just wanted to say that I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's a frightening time but it sounds like you've lots of support. Mumsnet is at it's best when supporting people through times like this.

My SIL was diagnosed last May and I came here to ask for advice on how best to support here. As kurri and malt and others have said the Tamoxi gang thread is a great source of support. Those ladies have been through pretty much anything and are so welcoming. They gave me so much info that helped me support my SIL.

She is doing well now and has never looked healthier. She had mastectomy, chemo and radio. She's back at work part-time and her treatment finishes in Sept. In a funny way this has all changed her outlook on life for the better and was a huge reminder to us all about what's really important in life.

Be kind to yourself. Lean on your friends for support. Don't be alone if you don't want to be. I remember sitting with SIL for days on end talking about nothing just because she didn't want to be alone.

I wish you all the best xxx

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I don't have any useful experience or advice but send you lots of love and support (and prayers if you want them). Look after yourself and don't be afraid to ask people for help xxx

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Both my mum and my nan have had BC and both had treatment several years ago (radiotherapy for my nan and I'm not sure what else as I was fairly young when she was diagnosed, chemo, radiotherapy and lumpectomy and lymph node removal for my mum). My nan was diagnosed about 25 years ago and is still an irritating battleaxe going strong, and my mum was diagnosed age 47 around 15 years ago and has just got back from a lovely cruise around Iceland. The time around diagnosis is hard emotionally (on you and those around you) and the treatment is undoubtedly tough, but it works. MN has been a great support to me through years of infertility and I suspect the BC threads on here will offer you great support too.

Afternoon el Porto. Make the most of having some sad time on the sofa out of the view of the kids. We all have it.

Do you have someone that can come to all the appointments with you? It's amazing how much you can fail to take in during the appointments. I found it useful to go with a list of questions each time, and literally cross them off. Otherwise I'd forget to ask. And DH and I used to chat after each one, as sometimes to people can hear the same thing but draw different conclusions from it.

I'm quite an organised person when I find the time! So I had a lovely file to help me remember everything. Front page should be your list of who's who (consultants, breast care nurses, gps etc) and their contact details.

Second page i wrote any upcoming appointments, so I had a record of who I saw when etc.

I got given reams of paper from mAcmillan etc, and it was useful to have them tucked away. Didn't want anyone else stumbling across them!

Depends whether or not you like filing!!

Hope parents evening is a good one. Great opportunity for you to explain to the teachers what is going on, and ask what they can do to help your DC.

Take care xx

StillProcrastinating, thank you. As soon as I can peel myself off the couch I am going to buy a lovely folder and some stationery so I can start a file - I do love a good organised bit of filing

Been to the school to see the deputy head who is also a good friend, and asked her to make DD1s teacher aware in case she is a bit off-colour of worried next week. We're telling the DC on Sunday. I managed to tell the deputy head about it without crying which I am going to take as a massive step forward.

Feel a bit better and more able to cope now I have had a bath, though it's still coming in waves, it has been an hour since I last completely lost it and cried uncontrollably. I have been glued to this and the tamoxifen thread today, I can't tell you how much is has meant to have support from you guys, just to hear from people who've been through it is so comforting and I really welcome all the advice. Going to have yet another cup of tea and some food, then back for parents evening...

Elporto, I too was diagnosed yesterday :-(. I was only at the clinic for tests and haven't had the results from the core biopsy yet but from what the consultants saw on loads of mammograms and ultrasound they told me there and then it was bad news.

I go back next week for full biopsy results and treatment plan.

All feels very strange right now. Think I'm coping of and then my mind wanders a bit and I have to drag it back to the here and now.

Fortunately I have a busy weekend ahead to keep me occupied. Will just be glad when I know what's going to happen next

So sorry to hear this, both of you.

All I can say is that my SIL was dx'd 13 years ago, lymph nodes, an aggressive form, everything.....and she has since been promoted to a very high powered job, she walks in mountains, did the Moon Walk, has a very happy family life....is well and fighting fit.

It was a tough time getting through it, but I am surrounded by BC survivors.

I don't mean to dismiss your shock and worry, no-one would wish such a diagnosis on anyone. All strength to you, and a happy ending.

Hi op, I am one of many on here who has also had and survived breast cancer.
I was 27 and it was pretty aggressive and I'm now 47 I've been fine. I was furious and frightend and at times couldn't face it all.
Many more survive than don't.
I had a double mastectomy with reconstruction to prevent a recurrence and had chemo and radiotherapy and have had three more babies since.
I was divorced and remarried and kissed a few frogs in between, all with my reconstructed breasts, I wear what I like including swimwear nobody would ever know.
I have had and am having a great life despite it all.
You will to.
Happy to answer questions as you go through this.

Hi mintyneb, how are you doing today? I'm so sorry to hear your diagnosis too, how are you feeling? Can I PM you perhaps in a week or so?

I am thinking a lot about something my nurse said about 'eating the elephant one bite at a time'. I honestly can't even focus on next week, let alone the enormity of surgery and chemo. I am just going to get through today. I have dropped the kids at school / nursery and have taken myself out for breakfast which is the furthest I've walked in a few days. Seeing my nurse later on for a chat, which I am looking forward to as I have lots of questions. The kids are having a sleepover at my mums tonight, DH and I were meant to be going out for dinner but we may just stay in again and hunker down.

Mintyneb, do you have some support? My poor DH is completely at sea, and we have an army of grandmas just desperate to come and live with us - for which I am insanely grateful, but I really want to be alone for now.

Ledkr, you are an inspiration, thank you so much for your post. I know that everyone's journey is different and I can't allow myself to be overly hopeful, but I love hearing stories which end well You sound so strong and I feel I know you a little from lurking on other threads over the years. Even though it feels a long way off, it's nice to visualise a future where there is a kind of 'normal' again

Thanks all, I hope you don't mind me continuing to ramble on this thread, it's ridiculously helpful to write stuff down.

I'm doing okay today although it sometimes feels like I'm walking through treacle trying to do normal things.

I'm not really thinking of things too much because although I was told on Tues that it was bad news I haven't yet had the full results so don't actually know what I'm up against. Part of me even wonders if there's been a mistake and it's going to turn out to be benign. But then two consultants wouldn't carry on as if I had cancer if there was the slightest doubt. Would they?

The biopsy site is a bit stingy and sore today and the plaster over it is beginning to itch so I can't wait to take it off later!

I rang my boss at work yesterday and told him the news and whilst he has never been a great people manager he has been on and told me not to come into the office this week. I had a days leave booked for tomorrow anyway so it's only a couple of days I'm missing. It's come in handy today though as I've been able to look after my daughter this morning as her school is shut due to the strike. She's with mil this afternoon so I don't have to put on a happy front all the time.

Happy to chat offline if you wanted to pm me.

Hope you're doing okay too.

Glad it helped a bit, I also loved to meet people who were long term survivors too, it made me feel safe.
I also know many other people who have done very well too all diagnosed at the same time as me.
Life will be a blur of hospitals and treatment for a bit but try to find enjoyable things in between so it doesn't become all doom and gloom.
When it's all over you feel a bit shocked and fearful but as time passes you feel fabulous and excited and are able to believe you are going to be ok.

Mintyneb, sorry about your diagnosis. Very heartening to hear that your manager stepped up and gave you the rest of the week off. It's sometimes the unexpected people who do the best things!
Unfortunately these consultants do tend to know what they're looking at. It's bloody horrible, but I just counted my lucky stars it had been discovered and something was being done about it. Best wishes for the next few weeks with the results, and treatment plan. One step at a time is the only way!

Hi minty, I am the same, waiting for a whole bunch of additional tests before we know what we're really dealing with. I hit a real low today and had a huge cry to my friend on the phone, proper hysterical weeping at the front of the hospital. Then I went to see my nurse and she pulled me back again, so I left the hospital feeling almost positive and with a clearer idea of how I'll be post-op, what chemo might be like etc. This evening me and DH have been out for an early dinner which was lovely and felt almost normal. I find trying to get to sleep really hard so slightly dreading the rest of the evening

Minty, what other tests are you waiting for? I'm glad your work have been supportive, there is literally no way I could be in an office while going through this. How old are your DC and have you told them anything yet?

The only test result I'm waiting for is the core biopsy where they took 4 samples. On Tuesday I had loads of mammogram images taken - I've actually lost count how many and an ultrasound.

They've said that the core biopsy will tell them what type of cancer it is and what grade. By the time I go back to the clinic they will also have their big team meeting so I'm expecting to hear what they have planned for me.

I'm actually doing quite well so far emotionally but I know the tears will come. I think there are some good reasons why I'm like this but I'll PM you them as they would out me - not that I'm expecting anyone I know to be reading this type of thread! Probably won't be today but will try and do so over the next couple of days.

I'm glad you had a good meal out, I think at this stage whilst we are still essentially well its best to try and carry on as normal.

So sorry you had a tough time earlier in the day but sounds like you have access to a good nurse. I haven't met one yet!

Have you got many tests left to go then?

Hi minty and everyone,

I am waiting for quite a lot of tests to take place next week. The CT scan was clear but I need to have bone scan, liver ultrasound, MRI and also another biopsy. It's far far too much for my brain to take in to be honest. I am going slightly fucking mental wondering if it has spread any further

DH is exhausted and has gone to bed, which leaves me up on my own getting more and more worried. I hate the night times. Someone up thread suggested sleeping tablets and I think I might try and see the doc tomorrow to get some. Starting to get angry, is this a good sign? Better head to bed and get some rest for whatever tomorrow will bring.

Minty, when is your meeting to get your treatment plan?

Up early and in a total mess. I can't imagine how I will get through today, it's far too overwhelming.

Oh no, that's no good :-(. I'm up too but only because I'm going away for the weekend! I don't know what advice to give but it sounds like you desperately need something to distract you from the worry. Is there anything you can do today or over the weekend that might help?

I know I can't help but I'm thinking of you and am here if you need to share your worries. I'm sure I'll be doing the same to you in a week or so!

Oh no, that's no good :-(. I'm up too but only because I'm going away for the weekend! I don't know what advice to give but it sounds like you desperately need something to distract you from the worry. Is there anything you can do today or over the weekend that might help?

I know I can't help but I'm thinking of you and am here if you need to share your worries. I'm sure I'll be doing the same to you in a week or so!

Thanks minty, I didn't even imagine anyone would be up this early too. Hope you are going somewhere nice and relaxing this weekend and will be able to take care of yourself.

My mum is taking the kids to the zoo today and I could go with them which would take my mind off it a bit, but I am terrified of having a meltdown there. On the other hand the thought of being at home alone all day scares me too. I am starting to 'imagine' a whole range if other symptoms now, and thinking the worst about it having spread further. I know this is pointless to think about now but my brain keeps doing it anyway

Go to the zoo! Do something normal - enjoy seeing the children's delight at looking at all the animals. You might have a meltdown. ... but you might not.

I'm at an airport right now having a coffee but the track playing on the radio when I sat down was Coldplay's 'fix you'. Nearly burst into tears on the spot but I managed to keep them in check.

Will message you later this morning