Postnatal Depression Support

[susanmt]

Is there anyone else out there currently suffering from PND?? My son is 4 weeks old and I have a 2 yr old daughter. I am getting treatment for PND but would like to chat to others who are going through it - maybe we could support each other a bit and share the things that give us the good days?
Looking forward to hearing from folk soon
Susan

susanmt, I saw your post and instantly felt - well, I felt that although I have been through it and it lasted quite a long time as I did not recognise it?! (I am supposed to be intelligent) that I will try to help you, and I offer you my support. It is so horrible and you feel absolutely vile to everyone. Just to get through it, I had girls days where I managed to escape, not easy I know with breastfeeding. Also I remember very long phone calls to old friends to talk about BEFORE babies and the outrage we used cause. Just feeling like an idividual again was good, not just the linchpin of everyones life.

I can only say that shopping used to make me feel good, not food but buying lippy, perfume, shoes etc, just something for me. And making a huge effort and going away to a friends for the night leaving enough stored up boooby milk and a frightened husband - It felt so good to be away, and then I missed everyone!

It does get better - patronising yeuch, but it takes a while, and I still have days. For me it all got better when I went back on the combined pill after breastfeeding. Did you have it with your daughter? Big support to you, and post on when ever you want and have a good moan, god its good to get it off your chest!!

susan, contact your local NCT (National Childbirth Trust) find them by calling 0870 444 8707 and ask for the number of your local branch and the the no. for the holder of the Experience Register. They will put in you in touch with someone locally who has had PND and is now better for you to chat to. If there is no one locally ask to be referred to the national register for help. This costs nothing but you could also join the NCT if this interests you call 08709 90 80 40.

Good Luck R.

After the birth of my first son I was really depressed but didn't realise it. Sounds silly I know, but one night I just blurted it out that was so unhappy. I think the worst thing was the fact that my life had changed so much after the birth of my son and my husbands just hadn't seemed to change at all. The only advice that I can give is that you make yourself go out everyday. Join a mums and tots group and other similar things so that you socialise with people everyday. It's difficult when you've got to organise everything, feeds etc. but it's well worth it. At least you've got Mums Net anyway. I wish it had been around for me.

Thanks for all you messages. Those of you who have been through PND will understand how hard it is to get out and make yourself do things, although I try as much as I can. I had quite severe PND with my daughter and only just avoided having to go into hospital, so at least I know I am not as bad this time. I have got some good friends locally, but the main thing is I just don't know anyone who has had PND (or at least, I don't know anyone who will admit to it!)
Unfortunately I don't have a local NCT branch as I live in the real wilds of remote and rural Scotland (and I mean remote!).
I suppose what I really wanted was to chat to others here who are going through it - it's not easy to chat to people when you are feeeling tearful and down, and doing it this way is easier for me.
I do like the shopping idea though - next time we are in Inverness I am going to go off by myself fo a couple of hours and blow some cash!!
Thanks again

susan, call the NCT anyway, you may be surprised. R

Hi Susanmt, sorry to hear that you are feeling down at the moment. I think that there are lots of mums who get PND and don't realise it. Looking back now on the months after ds was born, I am sure I was suffering from it but at the time I just thought I was exhausted.
You are so right when you say how difficult it can be to force yourself out of the house. I remember cancelling arrangements with friends because I felt so fraught & tearful, when in actual fact the best thing I could have done would have been to go ahead with the get together.
I used to find that small "me" things helped a great deal. Everyone has their own things but even painting my toenails, buying a magazine or spending an uninterrupted half an hour in the bath etc would all perk me up a bit.
I also know now that I was deficient in some minerals and vitamins, so you may want to consider buying a good multi-min & vit supplement. So many women are borderline anaemic after having a baby and this can add to feelings of inertia & lethargy.
Its good to hear from you & I hope you find Mumsnet helpful.

Susan, I also had PND with one of my children. I too recommend getting in touch with NCT, as they have members all over the place.

Another place that can help is The Association for Postnatal Illness . When I was ill I also lived in remote Scotland but they still found someone for me to talk to. HTH.

i found st.johns wort very good. get out of the house as often as possible, above all find someone to talk to. good luck!

Just a wee word of warning - if you are still breast feeding, I think St John's Wort is contra-indicated.

susanmt - you are not alone! far from it - there are so very many of us suffering pnd.

one of the hardest things is to admit that there is a problem at all. and admitting to health professionals is different, i found, to admitting to yourself. when my ds was about a year old, a friend had a baby and for various reasons i thought she might be developing pnd. i remembered how i felt it impossible to admit to a serious problem when everything went to pieces for me and thought that maybe she might feel that way too. so i gathered a few scraps of courage and told her about my depression. we had a brilliant chat and although i'm not sure whether i helped her, i felt marvelous afterwards.

suddenly i realised that there is no reason to feel ashamed of myself, or that i am a burden to anyone. it's perfectly normal to have pnd, it's like having greasy hair - only a zillion times worse!

you can feel proud of yourself - it's hard work to be a mum. the hardest times are on the bad days, but there will be good days as well, and the good days do gradually increase.

here's a strategy for when you're down: when you're not feeling to bad choose a memory of something that you did that fills you with joy or laughter or pride, anything at all, and think about it so that you remember it. then, when you're really low, take 5 or 10 minutes to concentrate on that memory. i mean REALLY concentrate on it, go throught the event step by step, recall what you were wearing, what you did, what you smelled, what you saw, heard, said.

this works, it really does lift you.

and another thing that i find helps (i know, i'm having a right old waffle) is to decree a baby-free zone with dh. the baby is asleep, the chores are done (or they WILL wait!) and for the next two hours we will not do or mention anything to do with babies, our's or anyone else's. at first we didn't know what to do with ourselves and just watched tv (that in itself was bliss!). but then we realised that it was counter-productive and we try to have a baby-free zone at least once a week when we don't watch tv or read our own books. we talk about things we did in the years BB, and what we would like to do, we give each other massages, we read the papers together and talk about the world, if we can we might go for a walk together and then we have to make a real effort because all we can do is talk. it's brilliant!

anyway, my burble is over. log in and talk, because it may help you, and it will also help others, i'm sure.

wmf - THANKYOU! That is the sort of advice I was hoping people would share. I find that having some 'me-time' to play on the internet or have a bath is brilliant, as well as time with dh - we know we will be undisturbed for a couple of hourd in the evening and it is great just to relax together.
Are you recovered from pnd now? It took me a year to get over it with dd but I am hoping it won't take so long this time.

susanmt - thanks for your message (Mutual Appreciation Society!) i'm so glad that my experiences may help you. pnd causes me such a loss of self-respect, that your response made me feel that i do have something to offer.

to be honest, i don't really know what's happening with my pnd. somehow i feel right, but not right, at the same time. the other day, feeling thoroughly narked with myself, i started a new thread 'does pnd go away' or words to that effect.

i think that, maybe, having gone through/going through these experiences, we have to learn a new way of living - both us and our partners. when things were at their worst i leant so heavily on dh, and when something troubled him i was terrified that i would not be strong enough for him. but what we've come to realise is that when things are bad we're like a wigwam - all the sticks together support each other.

i'm always advised to speak out if i feel bad, not to try to hide or suppress it - but how could i do that when it resulted in dh getting depressed? i'm the talkative sort, as you can tell, but he's the strong silent type. somehow, and it's taken a year, we've learnt to talk to each other, and share the burden of feeling bad.

for me there's a lot of guilt in pnd. we're taught that we should be in charge of our emotions and just get on with things. if your leg was in a plastercast there would be justification for not doing certain things, but then you'd find a way of doing some things anyway and feel pleased with yourself. not so easy when your emotions are in a plastercast - and an invisible one, too.

what a waffle.

My sister who had a baby a few weeks ago is wondering if she is suffering from PND... Her DH seems to think so... she isn't sure and I don't know what symptoms to look for... I will e-mail her this thread but your continued advice will be much appreciated.

sympyoms of PND include - all the usual signs of depression - not able to get to sleep but waking up early, change in appetite (either loss of appetite or comfort eating), crying all the time, for no reason, feeling like things will never change, suicidal feelings, and in pnd no interest in baby, no feelings for the baby etc. Your sis should see her doctor or HV as there is a special questionnare which is used to see if someone has pnd which they will be able to do. There are lots of ways to get help, and even if there is a suspicion she is depressed it should be dealt with asap. It's only this time round when I have been getting treatment for my depression from the start, that I realise how much I missed out on in the first few months of my first baby's life. Tell her to get help, and if she's on-line, get her to join us here!

wmf - I know how you feel about depression changing us forever. I am in many ways a weaker and a stronger person than I was before I was depressed. My dh and I are much closer than we were because we were so vulnerable, and I relied on him to such a great extent that when I got better he had a breif reactionary depressive episode.
I think that to expect things to be the same after kids is expecting a bit much, but it is hard after you have been depressed to know if you are better when things have changed so dramatically in your life anyway.
Are you still taking medication? I came off mine when I got pg again and then went back on just before ds was born in feb. I think it gets to a point with the antidepressants that you need to come off and do it yourself, show yourself you are capable of it! Not easy, but worth doing. When you are only very mildly depressed I think the tablets make you feel worse than the depression would! Just my opinion though. Hope you stay well!

susanmt - i refused 'conventional' treatment, ie prozac. many reasons. but i did use 'chemical' treatment, i took kava-kava. like with all drugs there are benefits and dangers to taking kava, even though it's classed as a herbal remedy. i absolutely agree with you about having to come off the medicine and do-it-yourself. (that's one of the reasons i took kava and not prozac.) but you also have to be realistic, and accept that sometimes the drugs - if you use, and whatever you use - have their place in helping you.

by the way, when i say 'you' i don't necessarily mean susanmt, it's just easier than saying 'one' all the time.

i'm thoroughly intrigued by what you (and this time i do mean 'you' say about re-starting drugs just before the baby's birth. i didn't know that was possible. what did you take and did you breastfeed? the reason i ask is that i have a strong suspicion that i'm pregnant again. it's too early to test, but i certainly recognise the morning sickness!

valerianne - while keeping an open mind about pnd, remember also how knackering and confusing the first few weeks/months of new motherhood are. fortunately the early treatment is the same: lots of physical and emotional support and encouragement, and plenty of opportunities for your sister to talk about anything and everything. i had a wonderful health visitor who encouraged me to come and see her and simply talk for as long as i needed.

I am on a drug called Sertraline (Lustral) which is similar to prozac. But I did a LOT of research and decided to take it while pg/bf (with my doc's ok, plus dh is a GP and he was happy with it) as there seemed to be no real effects. I decided the benefits of bf/happy mummy was more than any other effect. But this is not the conventional advice - but then I am not conventional!!

Hello susanmt - are you still logging on? I did read your message in March but I'm afraid my PND at the time had reached a peak and I had got to the point where I found it difficult to post on here, let alone talk to 'real' people!
Anyway, I'm a bit better now, I've been a 'blue' bear since ds was about 10 weeks old. He is now 9 months and a gorgeous chap. It's been a long, uphill road getting this far but I have found that talking helps (and on my worst days - just lurking!). The best thing for my depression was getting enough sleep. This meant that at least I could get some things achieved the next day. I started small -eg. task for the day would be to do the washing up before dh came home. Now I have started going to a Mums and Babies group, something I could not have dreamed of 4 months ago.
I hope you're getting better - it can and it will happen! Good luck!

Thanks bluebear. I am a lot better - to the extent that I have not been using Mumsnet as much as I have had the energy and inclination to meet real people! Still taking the tablets but as ds has just started sleeping through the night, I am sure things will be looking up even more soon.
Glad to hear you are feeling better too!

please can anyone help. My friend suffered from post partum psychosis with her first baby. This is NOT the same as PND. It occurs in the first two/three weeks and is very dramatic.She was in a mother and baby unit for 3 months with her first child and is trying to find support now as she is pregnant again. Her first child is nearly four and I want to find someone else who has experienced this illness.If you have suffered you will understand how she is feeling, or have any experience with friends who have been through this please share your ideas...many thanks.

Susanmt, I also have suffered in the past with PND. It was with my first boy now 12 yrs. I went into labor with a case of the flu in feb. I had a fever and a bad cold. It was awful. I was still sick when I went home. My mom only lived 2 miles away and had to come to my house from morning to night till my dh came from his second job at night. I was so depressed that I couldnt even get up to feed the baby at nigh which was every 2 hrs for a while. My dh (bless him) fed the baby ever night for the first month. I had no car so was pretty much trapped at home with no friends at the time. This did not help my mental state. This depression probally lasted about 3 months. My son had horrible colic 24/7. This was the worst experience in my life. I will never forget it. All i did was cry and cry to my dh and mom. My mom kept telling me it will eventually go away. It helped to reasure me. It seemed like I counted each day as it went by. To me it meant one day closer for this colic to stop. It eventually tapered off slowly. Thats when I started getting my stable mind back. This sounds so horrible and I have never told anyone I know but at one point when my baby would not stop crying I almost had the urge to hurt my precious baby. Somthing made me stop though. Thank God. I will always have that memory in my head. Now that its been years later I think back and realize that I really had more then just baby blues. Sometimes you just dont realize it. With my second I had a little baby blues (nothing major). With my third I was a little more depressed because we had just moved into a house and had nothing unpacked but clothes. Not even the silverware. This was when I was in labor. I didnt even have the nursery set up yet.

I just thought I would fill you in as I thought you would like to know that I saw the doctor last week and I have been taken DOWN a dose on my antidepressants. This is brilliant as when I had pnd with my dd I was still going up the doses at this stage. He is now 5 months old and I am really enjoying life at the moment - sunny days help too, of course! It just feels great to know I am on the way out of this. I know I will be on the tablets for another 6-8 months but I can bear it knowing that I am getting better!

Whereabouts are you then that you're getting sunny days??!! Only kidding, great news Susanmt, sending you love and hoping you continue to make such good progress, Mopsy xx

Hello - now that this thread has been kick started, I wondered if anybody out there is still suffering with PND? I was almost predestined to have it, having suffered from depression since my early twenties, but I did fight medication until my dd was 4 months old as I really felt I wanted to cope. It is SO much better now I'm taking tablets but I still do have periods when I get really down. At the moment dd is 7.5 months and teething so she is really grumpy and there are occasions when I'm singing nursery rhymes to her and smiling with tears running down my face because I feel so crap ! My husband is wonderful and is only too happy to spend all his weekends with our daughter and I do get out and go to mums and toddlers, NCT coffee mornings etc.
I know I've just got to grit my teeth and keep on until it passes - and that's the important thing, I know it will pass. In case anybody else is in the same boat, I found the Depression Alliance website to be really helpful and, in fact, its just really helped to write all this down and get it off my chest !
Might go and have a cup of tea now and wallow third party in Steff's misery on Neighbours.