Just got criticized for portion size for pre school packed lunch

[VixStarr]

My DS has just started at pre -school and i got advised today that I should give smaller portions. I am livid because even though I explained my reasons for giving larger sized portions I felt as I wasn't being listened to. I was told that I shouldn't feed him all the time ( he is a grazer) but he says he is hungry all the time - so what do i do not feed him?

I don't have a car so DS scoots/walks to pre school which is a mile away ( so its a two mile trip), he is very active - as in if you don't exercise him he gets very irritable/challenging, and more importantly i have never pushed this idea of having a clean plate as i come from a different cultural background. I must add that actually he walks 2 miles a day, every day regardless of its pre school or not thinking about it. I don't expect DS to eat all that I give him and he knows this. Although since starting pre school he thinks he has to eat everything which i am honestly baffled by.

But pre-school started trying to ply me with leaflets and this talk of the obseity crisis. Just for info he has had so far for lunch for pre school. Cheddar/courgette and carrot mini muffins/ mini fish cakes/ fish, rice and veg/ pasta with broccoli and tomato sauce. He has cheese, grapes, blueberries and a pot of plain yoghurt with passionfruit with the 'mains.'

So could someone please tell me a) specify what they give their children and how much particularly if they are active. DS is 98 cm and 14 kg b) how can i get across to DS that I don't mind if he doesn't eat all of his lunch c) try to get staff to understand that I actually don't overfeed my child d) tell me if i am actually in the wrong completely.

I found that when my eldest started primary I had to cut the variety in his lunchbox as he was supposed to finish it, he was getting upset because of it, as he is very active, I gave him more at breakfast, made sure he had a snack when he got home, and kept the fruit bowl full and down low.
He started to eat more at mealtimes, so maybe a similar thing could work with you?

Today he took pasta salad, a banana, a packet of monster munch, squash, and a frube, hope this helps a bit, he's now 7.....

At a guess, preschool are trying to get them to "eat up", so if you're giving generous portions on the grounds he'll eat as much as he needs they are then encouraging him to eat too much.

Why are they saying you are "feeding him all the time"? How do they even know how you feed him at home? Or is it possible they're giving this to all the parents as part of the national thing and you've just misunderstood? 98cm/14kg doesn't sound overweight to me, what are the respective percentiles on the growth charts?

When my DS was given cooked lunches at nursery they could have second or third helpings if they were hungry. So while a portion was smaller, in total on a hungry day they'd probably eat a lot more. I think your approach is a sensible one, you wouldn't want them to go hungry, but you do need to have preschool on board in encouraging him to stop when he's had enough.

I'm pretty sure there's even something specific in the early years stuff about not telling them to clear their plates, wasn't it in the news a year or two ago?

We have DTs. They take (once a week, they only stay for lunch one day)

A cheese and marmite sandwich (2 slices of bread), bag of pom bears, grapes or satsuma, small tube yoghurt, a jaffa cake.

They are both slim and very active.

They are 4.

Maybe instead of being livid you should listen. Do you always take suggestions or criticism so hard?

I don't think there sounds anything wrong with what he is eating btw and he sounds as though he is well exercised.
However, I think they are right about not letting him eat every time he wants too.
I would try more water as dc quite often confuse hunger with thirst.

Please listen to them though, nobody knows your son better than you, but throughout his life people will advise or criticise and you will either learn a lot or be livid quite often.

Honestly I would send smaller portions, though I agree it's annoying. Once they are at school they seem to forget they don't have to eat everything, and if that's how they are behaving it's best to match what you provide to that.

WhereIparkedmybroom - I give him a snack while we are waiting for pre school to open the gate when he asks. I have one for him ready to hand out if he asks when he comes out and have hummus/dips on the ready at home or have prepared an early dinner for him.

I think pre school are trying to hurry him - he is an incredibly slow eater so hence all the snacks on the ready.

Catkind : I think from memory he is in between the 25/50th centile which is what he has always been. He's three and a half ish. I did say he's a grazer and still eats main meals although a very small dinner.

Thinking about it even though it may say in the early years stuff about not clearing plates he has said on a few occasions ' i ate all my lunch' very proudly which suggests that he has had praise on it from staff members ( which i understand as it is a natural thing to do i suppose).

I think what i may need help on is my approach with the staff in terms of how to get my message across effectively. That I really don't mind him not eating all his lunch and to encourage him to stop if he is full if he is getting mixed messages at pre school.

If the school are hurrying him, you should speak to them. I think they are being told to push the obesity literature at the moment and tbh seeing some of the children in my sons class I can understand it.
I did change breakfast to hot wettabix with fruit as I thought it would be more filling/warming for the walk.

morethanpotatoprints Actually i did agree to send in smaller portions but as a compromise i said i would put food in a separate bag which is not visible to him if he wanted more and leave it on the premises.

And i am on here to get advice but i can still feel angry!

Angry is fine, better on here than blowing up at the nursery, I find especially with primary school that it's best to pick your battles!

From their perspective, given what you've said on this thread, he is having:

Breakfast
Early morning snack at preschool gate
Mid morning snack at preschool (they have to do this, I think)
Lunch at preschool, with a 'main meal', two fruits, cheese and yoghurt
Leaving preschool snack at door/gate
Hummus/dips at home once home from the 1 mile scoot
Dinner

That's a whole lot of food, to be honest!

They're getting him used to eating in limited time so he's ready for school. Not to mention they probably have an afternoon session ready to start.

The main meal in the lunch seems excessive and doesn't sound appetising cold. Can you not do crackers/sandwich/wrap?

As lougle! Says it's a lot of grazing. They also only have a short time to eat so he's either being pressurised to eat it all quickly / they think he's getting too much. Can you scale it back a but in terms of size?

In YR all of the mums said they're child didn't have time to finish the lunch so most people made it smaller. All those wee bits of fruit are fiddly and if he's already a slow eater it's probably taking ages.

It does sound a lot of food to be fair, does he really need a snack before going into pre-school and one when he comes out?

lougle
I know it is a lot of food being offered. But he doesn't eat all that is given - that's my point and that's what i am trying to get across to staff members. That expectation has never been there and i don't want that to change. Sometimes he eats a lot and sometimes he doesn't. He is fantastic eater in the sense that he's not fussy and I have been very lucky because i never had to worry about him not eating a range of food. He does know ( certainly at home) when he is full - he will always ask to leave the table when he is. I essentially don't want the attitude he has to change because i think its a healthy one.

whereiparkedmybroom
I didn't think that battles would commence so early as it were! I do think i compromised ( feel free to correct if i am very very wrong) but its this new attitude to food that has arisen that I don't want to see - at all. Thanks for the breakfast suggestion. Do you think that if i offer protein in the morning that would help?

I hate this idea of sending more in a packed lunch than they will probably want to eat. Just encourages waste of food. I am all for not pushing to eat everything up but just send a normal amount of food in and they can eat what is provided.

Proteins might help, I don't think that school will change his home relationship to food, kids understand that school and home are separate normally and behave differently, I wish I had learned the " when in Rome..." Idea much earlier, life would have been easier!

My DD1 is 5 and just into her second term at school. She used to have packed lunches at preschool, which were:

Apple (or satsuma but she prefers apples)
Yoghurt
"Salad" (couple of slices of cucumber, couple of cherry tomatoes) or a few carrot sticks
Sandwiches (One slice of bread, with variously ham, cheese, jam, peanut butter)
Sometimes a little home made cake
Sometimes a couple of crackers and pieces of cheese

She used to eat the lot, and if we were at home having a sandwich lunch, she would do so, too.

Now she is at school, I started by sending her with exactly the same as she'd had at nursery. She was always hungry at the end of school so I upped her sandwiches to two pieces of bread.

Now, she comes home and has usually eaten only the sandwiches, bar the crusts, the yoghurt and the apple. If I put a cake in, that's gone, of course! She tells me it is because she wants to go out and play, so she just eats the quick things and scarpers. She is a very slow eater, but I have said to her that there isn't much point in me sending things if she hasn't got "time" to eat them. I now let her choose which bits and bobs she wants as well as her sandwiches, apple and yoghurt, as most of the time they came home uneaten.

She is tiny but also has a tiny appetite.

Put a note in his lunchbox saying he doesn't have to eat it all. I did that with DS as he's under dietician and we are not supposed to make food a big issue.

Thenightisdark

I am afraid that DS is one of those and is not a sandwich/wrap person at all. I put all the food in one of those fancy sistema insulated stuff that keeps the food to a good temperature ( I have done trial runs and I cook the stuff freshly in the morning)
Thanks for the time tip - i just assumed naively that they give them a lot longer to eat. I am a SAHM so the concept of time is a loose one for me.

Sirzy

If he asks for it I will give him a snack. It's usually something like nuts or fruit but I think I will try to hold him off especially in the morning. I have agreed to make smaller portions so I think he would probably want the after snack.

So he eats breakfast, snack before school, snack mid morning, lunch, snack at gates, snack at home, dinner.

Does seem a lot. Today my 4 year old ate:

Breakfast: Porridge with fruit
Lunch: salmon, pea pasta
Snack: an apple
Dinner: chicken in white wine sauce with green beans and broccoli. Orange

He cycled 1 mile to park, cycled around park ( Hyde park so large) for 1 hr, played in play park, 1 mile home, scooted 1 mile to swimming pool, swam 30 min intensive lesson, scooted 1 mile back. I think he has a good appetite

My DD is 3 and gets a small cream cheese and ham wrap, little yogurt and fruit. I would give her more, but when I have done she doesn't eat her fruit and ends up a bit constipated. Nursery provides snacks 2 x a day (I think it's one or two of fruit, toast, biscuits). Again, I don't want to overload her with lunch as she might not eat her fruit at snack. She is generally very hungry when she gets home and has her tea at about 5pm.

In summary - if she was like your DS and ate a wide range of food without leaving the healthy stuff to last/not at all - I would probably send as much stuff with her as you do with your DS.

As you are saying that he doesn't eat all he is given, just give less. No problem.