The Back Story

[Matildathecat]

Hi to all fellow back sufferers. I've been on Spooning for a while but don't really feel I fit as I'm not actually ill, just have a chronic (and permanent) back injury. So please post here, no niggle too small. We can share experiences, tips and moans!

Quick history, age 48, last year had sudden crippling back pain eventually diagnosed as disc prolapse L4/5. All conventional treatments tried and failed so had micro discectomy privately.

No progress, and much worse leg pain followed. V long story short was finally seen by second neurosurgeon who diagnosed severe scarring around the nerve root as a result of the surgery. Poor outlook for surgery but we gave it a go, so had second op with similar lack of progress and final MRI showed even worse scarring. Only option chronic pain management . Had several injections with not much effect...

So, permanently disabled, use a stick, endless drugs and a lovely blue badge. Along the way dismissed from career of 25years for ill health.

Sorry, it's a grim story, but hey, I'm ok. Not depressed, have an okish quality of life with the help of my fantastic husband and friends. I walk, albeit slowly and not far, swim a bit and can please myself. Luckily my boys are young adults.

So come along and share. Moans and groans ok, tips and recommendations welcome.

Just don't tell me to see your lovely chiropractor, I might just punch you!(wink)

to make things worse, DH has gone out as he usually does on mondays, DD is playing up, refusing to sleep. She is now in my bed, taking advantage of the fact that I can't physically take her to bed myself and daddy is not here (we both told them both to be good for me when he was out, not to come to our bed as they often do when he is not here) fidgeting, fussing and not sleeping, the fussing is making my legs hurt more and I have just shouted at her I really want to be on my own. And she now wants to go to her own bed because I have upset her, because I am in pain and got cross. But, when I wasn't cross and asked her, twice, to go to her own bed, she wouldn't do it. She cried and made me feel like such a bad mother, because normally I would go down and tuck her back in, stroke her hair etc, and tonight I can't. So she ended up with me. And she knew she would. And after she wouldn't keep still, I got cross. Anyway, I have said sorry for shouting, and stroked her hair and now she is trying to read over my shoulder and not actually going to sleep

And DH called me weird. Not just called me weird, said I am 'always so weird'. Because I got upset that when he put the children to bed he didn't come up and spend a little time with me before going, he went to listen to his kindle. So. I have told him not to talk to me again. And feel very sad that he thinks I am weird. It's not something I have never thought. I got called weird at school when I was bullied and now I feel quite sad that my DH thinks it.

All in all, a fucking shit evening. I feel very tearful, very unloved tonight, and I could really do with someone giving me a hug and telling me it's going to sort itself out, just someone to come in and take over, you know, fluff my pillows, get me a drink, buy some fancy chocolate from the shops to cheer me up i don't even want fancy chocolate, just the sentiment Like, my mum. Why is it, even as a grown up, we still need our mums?

reviving I have given in and taken 30mg of codeine. See if that works.

Isn't it funny how we all tell each other to take it easy, but none of us wants to take it easy ourselves. I guess because it is so frustrating not to be able to do things we feel are important.
My back felt a bit stiff after work not too bad am trying to rest it this evening. Having a hot chocolate and going to bed early, yet again.

how was your first day back though, ok? reasonable isn? Do you think you can manage from now on ok?

I am glad it was bearable. Hope you don't suffer too much tomorrow for it. I only ever go to bed early these days

Aw pavlov I x posted with you the best I can do is send you an unmumsnetty hug [[hugz]]] and some and and [fancychocs]
It is shit when you are ill and no-one looks after you. I always do call my mum I am lucky as she has a bad back too and is understanding.
btw i am weird too, nothing wrong with that, at least we aren't boring right?

Oh I just realised that hug looked like a link so I made this a real link <a class="break-all" href="//[[http://haphugs911.m.webs.com/site/mobile?dm_path=%2Findex.htm&fw_sig_url=haphugs911.webs.com/&fw_sig_locale=en-US&fw_sig_premium=0&fw_sig_permission_level=0&fw_sig_permissions=none&fw_sig_time=1389646654479&fw_sig_is_admin=0&fw_sig_tier=0&fw_sig_access_token=3229afc32fc3746079cf96269d4f46f893d4a8cd&fw_sig_api_key=522b0eedffc137c934fc7268582d53a1&fw_sig_site=80741939&fw_sig_social=1&fw_sig=70fd1f92ed3c996a513f546848210034&fw_sig_session_key=6919ff69b4fe14b42c23ffc451fb1cd0bab48d66de55f1908d256b0eefcc99c2-80741939&fb_sig_network=fw" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">hugz

Thank you that'll go nicely with the codeine you are right weird is not boring

My mother passed away a few years ago this month so alas no late night teary calls to her. If she was here, she would be fussing around cleaning up, making drinks, changing clothes, running baths, making food, you know in that kind of busy way that doesn't feel like she is annoyed about it, or it's stopping her from doing other things, but in that way that is just all about being a 'mum'? I would probably be saying 'stop fussing!' by now though, in reality

pavlov, you are not weird. I'm good at spotting weirdos and you are not. Yes, in intolerable pain, feeling desperate for an end to this endless crap and want a normal life.

Quit feeling guilty about dd, she pushed you, got shouted at and will be just fine. Quit feeling guilty about work...truth is you weren't well enough today and probably won't be tomorrow. On that basis, take the fucking painkillers (not swearing at you), because you might as well be comfy and spaced out rather than feeling shit. Can you get a hottie, pjs on and a good strong dose of medication.

I'm a bossy nurse and it's for your own good! live is right! no good dishing the advice and not following it. I really hope you stay home tomorrow and rest.

I finished the bloody form! It's sooo long. If you are free in the next day or two I might ask you to glance over it, but probably it's fine really. I either qualify or not. And probably won't hear for so long I will have forgotten anyway.

Glad today was ok live, you are the example that people do get better. So glad.x

Sleep well, everyone.xxxx

Oh sorry to hear about you mum pavlov have another wine don't get drunk mixing it with your drugs though. I am sure your dh will stop being a dick guy soon and develop some empathy, especially once we get that pain transferring device online.

matilda here is a for you to celebrate finishing that form!

Btw they let me take 60mg of codeine when I was really bad and it was ok but no good for my digestive system.

matilda Thank you, I needed the kick up the ass. I know I am not weird really, well, I think I can probably be weird sometimes. But, I don't really need to be told so. It's not helpful to say so even if I am, I mean, what can I do about it if I am ? I have taken meds, but not diazepam, as I don't think my muscles are spasming, this is definitely definitely nerve pain, but weirdly no pins and needles, no real numbness in feet like I have had before, this is actual real pain, and now some throbbing in my legs. I can only describe it as rusty nails being pulled in my back, and being dragged down through my buttocks and inside my legs. I don't even know why I think that as how would I know what that feels like?

Definitely send the forms over if you want to, I am happy to read through them. I will PM you my email address as don't think you can add attachments to them. I will be astounded if you were not eligible, but I am not Mr Prime Minister who has changed the goalposts so what do I know!

I have just had a bloody good cry. I have my heat pad, I have got up and stretched my legs. I don't have chocolate as I ate the virtual chocolate given to me already, I do have port but not a great idea to have any of that I feel a bit better, not necessarily pain wise, but mentally I can cope better.

Thank you for listening to my shit.

reviving have you got heat? if you are feeling stiff this evening, heat will ease it.

I normally take 60mg if I am in a lot of pain, but that is my max reserve. I really don't want to take that much as DH is out and I haven't taken that much since post surgery so it might knock me sideways a little. Although, 30mg doesn't appear to do much, so probably not. I have in the past taken 60mg codiene AND 200mg tramadol. I called OOH once as nothing was touching the pain (pre surgery, it was horrendous at times) following one relapse and he said it was actually fine to take both, they just don't advertise it, and he wouldn't recommend it for more than a couple of days/if I'm on my own. So, I took it. I was a little fluffy cloud of goo for a few hours I don't even think it actually stopped the pain very much, I think it stopped me caring very much

I am going to try to sleep. That might help. If I can't, and the pain doesn't ease, I will up the codiene to 60mg at next dose. Wow, it's such a lot isn't it? I mention those type of doses at work and they look at me like , I guess as you can only buy co-codemol on 8mg/500 tablets, it seems like a lot for them.

It is really annoying I have lost my microwave hottie and don't want to waste a stick on pad boo.

oh no! that actually is really bad, losing the hottie! I have 3. plus a larger water bottle one. Not that I am obsessed by them or anything ooooh noo! I have one for work, one for the freezer, one for heat at home. I also have a spare one for the children in the freezer as they are quite good for children's bumps and bashes (gel packs) and my cat 'bought' me an actual water bottle type thing for christmas, as he obviously thought I didn't have enough

It might be worth using a stick on one you know, so you can ease the muscles.

Hope you sleep and the codeine helps, im sure its fine short term at least.

Yeah I will use the stick on one.

rest well, hope the pad helps and that work is not horrendous tomorrow. I am going to say I shall consider going, as in I will get up and go through the motions but not make any actual decisions until after my shower and a coffee. If I can get that far, I will be ok to go to work.

Sleep well everyone else too, fingers crossed for a reduced pain day for everyone tomorrow x

Heat patches sure do work, I bought a huge supply in Wilkies the other day.

pavlov, sorry about your mum. That's crap. Mine isn't a lot of use at this tbh, she actually does call me a cripple! Still she helps when she can and I can't imagine not having her. And men. Men.what can you say. You gotta love em.

Not being a kicker up the bum now (not greatly suited to the task) but if you need it, take it. I mostly take 60mgs twice a day and sometimes top up with tramadol plus the regular gabapentinand naproxen. I can't stand the pain otherwise.

Sleep tight. Tomorrow's another day.

pavlov Sorry you're pains still bad. Take the meds, it's hopefully only a short term fix to get rid of the acute pain. I worry about the pills I pop but I have given in and take the drugs now. On a daily basis I need the naproxen, Nefopam and pregabalin to function and have been taking 8 30mg codeine for the last few days to stay upright. My friend told me yesterday to take paracetamol as well as they can increase the effectiveness of other drugs. Hope you are ok toady, I'm not going to tell you not to do too much as I know it's fairly impossible not to!

Matilda, congratulations on getting the forms done, I hope someone useful picks them off the pile and runs with them so they get done quickly and you get what you are entitled to and need.

live, well done getting through your first day back. I hope it's onwards and upwards from now on but as my mum would say "just go steady".

I'm off to pilates this morning so hopefully can stretch out some leg and foot pain and will possibly be able to move my left arm by tonight. Bonus.

cowmop, your friend is right! I was told the same by a consultant anaesthetist. I had to take paracetamol with oromorph for the very same reason. Cocodamol 30 does the job for you as they are combined.

I have counselling today. A whole hour of rambling on about myself. Poor woman, I hope she's well paid. Since it's NHS I doubt it, though.

Let's all adopt cowmops mum's advice today and go steady.

You are all so lovely.

cowmop yes yes to paracetamol, they are part of my staple diet now I remember when I first started taking tramadol for pain I didn't take paracetamol with it, didn't think of it, and it wasn't doing as much as I wanted for pain. GP reminded me of paracetamol, I took it, and wow it actually made a HUGE difference. On it's own it doesn't touch the pain, but with the opiate, it causes some kind of reaction and it works together. Same with anti-inflammatories, add them to it and they all work together better than each one in isolation.

I got up with the children, got them dressed, had buckets of coffee, ignored the pain in my back and legs until they left for school with DH, and now back in bed (I didn't want the children to see me back in bed, yet again). I emailed my boss, he just called and I burst into tears poor man. He really has a tough team to manage! Anyway, I am not at work, and told him I suspect it might not be just today. He was quite sympathetic as I guess he had to be with a blubbing woman on the phone.

I have taken 60mg codiene, paracetamol, naproxen, omeprazole and I am now rattling proper with meds. I only just took them as I wanted to be able to string a sentence together when I spoke to work.

I feel soooo guilty. My colleagues resent me being off as it is. Oh well, I can't change it

matilda are you finding the counselling helpful?

Well my back is a bit stiff and achy this morning. Am going to give work a try but if it starts getting any worse am going to think about it. Its very difficult because it is not that bad, I'm sure you ladies would not even notice it but I am worried it will sneak up on me as it did before. But don't want to be a wuss about a slight ache and a bit of stiffness.

matilda hope counselling goes well and no more forms arrive for a bit.

pavlov hope you feel a bit better and are in bed with a heat patch resting. I know what you mean about feeling guilty but it is not your fault and we will plug your resentful colleagues into our back pain machine and zap them too. If only we could! They would be thanking you for coming in at all.

cowmop hope pilates goes well and loosens you up. I might look into something like that. I do have a DVD of pilates for backpain do you think that would be safe to try? I will take your mums advice and go easy

Have a goodish day everyone.

AH! I knew I was missing something. my heatpad! I am sitting here thinking there is something my list of meds that I don't have, and also thinking it's quite cold. Thanks!

Don't minimise your pain live, honestly, none of us here has the upper hand on back pain and levels of pain. You know if you can manage it, and if you feel it is becoming worse, then definitely stop, even if it is still manageable. If you stop before it gets too bad, then maybe you can stop a full relapse. But, who am I to give advice eh I also find myself, that following a reasonable length of time off work due to back pain, that the immediate return to work does increase pain a little as I adjust to new positions etc. However, I don't have a very active, physical, constantly bending and lifting job like you, so an increase in pain is much more likely to be a red flag. Caution. As cowmops mum says, go stead that could even be our motto couldn't it

signed off for two weeks (to start with, says the GP) and a slight telling off that I have tried to work. reminded that nerve pain takes longer to go away than back pain following a relapse and to give it time.