does anyone here have a phobia to vomiting?

[retailtherapist]

For as long as I can remember i have had a severe phobia to vomiting. Can't stand it if anyone is sick near me, have panic attacks and then worry for days in case I am sick myself. I have never been sick yet!
In absolute state at moment as my 2yr old d/s has just had a gastric virus - he spent 3 nights in hospital as he was dehydrated. He actually threw up over me when it started and I think the shock of it all is just hitting me now that he is home and recovering.
I am now terrified of getting close to him in case he is sick again and he now feels unclean. It is breaking my heart as when he needs me most I feel I am not there for him. I force myself to hold him but I know that he can sense my distance. Am terrified of being left alone with him as d/h has been around all the time so far.
Would love to know if any other Mums have this phobia and how you deal with it, as I've been told it's quite common.

IF, have you ever tried to seek any kind of help?

I have periodically. First time I went to the GP about six years ago but he said there was nothing he could do to help me.
More recently I tried a therapist but he just tried to make me see that there was nothing to fear...yes, I KNOW that rationally, but this is not rational.

I am thinking of trying someone, something else, because I cannot live like this with the constant fear for the rest of my life.

I know the feeling can't live with this for the rest of my life. Big hugs to everybody who needs them

I have tried different forms of counselling. I firstly tried cognitive behavioural therapy but the therapist was very inexperienced on my type of phobia and think she was a bit scared of it herself so she absolutely terrified me so I never went back.

I have also tried hypnotherapy which was very expensive as they don't do it on NHS and after 3 sessions and £150 out of pocket I decided it wasn't going to work without me seriously being in debt so I jacked that in too.

I know what you mean about the hopelessness of it all. The only thing that has been good for me is the antidepressants. Although I am not recommending them and I wasn't given them for my phobia (for PMT) I actually went abroad for the first time and ENJOYED GOING, I was just so relaxed and I have never been like this abroad ever.

I just don't worry about it much anymore, it just seems to have taken a back seat in my life unless of course I feel ill then I do panic a bit.

I don't worry about the kids all the time unless there is something to worry about of course.

You name it, footprint, I've tried it. Anti-depressants for 3 years (it WAS better while I was on those but not gone and I had other side effects I didn't like), CBT for 2 years (useless but I had a lovely guy to do it - a professor working for the NHS), psychotherapy for 5 years which is still on-going actually, more as a kind of letting off steam experience weekly than anything else. I've never considered hypnotherapy but I've also tried acupuncture, homeopathy and cranial osteopathy. All very pleasant procedures but made no difference whatsoever.

I feel as though I'm stuck with it. I was so used to it that pre-sickness bug earlier this year I just kind of lived my life like a cripple. But since then it's become quite unbearable. I get panic attacks at the thought of what having that bug was like. And about how I caught it despite all my best measures. When dd and I were in A&E I had us both washing our hands every 5 minutes, I'm surprised one of the paediatricians didn't suspect me of having a hand-washing obsession. I now totally live in dread of EVER having to go into a hospital again for anything.

I used to have a phobia about vomiting, and about other people vomiting. However, some years ago I was very ill with pancreatitis, which meant that every time I ate, I vomited and was in horrendous pain. Thanks to a crap GP, I was dangerously ill before I got admitted to hospital, and, at the risk of sounding like a male, I really did think I was dying. Anyway, the silver lining in that cloud is that I'm no longer phobic about ME vomiting. But I'd run a mile and trample over small children to avoid anyone else vomiting, even my own children. My saddest memory is my 2-year-old standing in the bath with his all-in-one jammies on, covered in vomit, crying for me and reaching out for me. My DH had put him there when he cleaned his bed. I couln't go near him, and I still feel bad about it 9 years later. That was the one and only time he has ever been sick, and I think he has inherited my phobia. My other son vomited recently, but he's 9, so he just got on with it in the loo. I have never had to change bedding or wipe it up. I couldn't. I just couldn't. I'm so glad I don't have sicky children, and I send my sympathies to those of you who do.

Well, I survived last night and wasn't sick! I was so relieved when morning came and I actually felt ok.
Went to the doctors today and she was really helpful and sympathetic.. though obviously had no understanding of the phobia. She has referred my to a clinical psychologist as I told her that I had tried CBT twice and hypnotherapy. Waiting list is months though apparently but she has written me up as an urgent case!
I am finding it hard to eat still. I just can't seem to swallow and I feel so weak and tired as I'm not sleeping.
Imaginaryfriend, your experience after A&E sounds horrific! You poor thing. I think I would have died if that had been me, I really do. It's strange that you caught it from the A&E dept as we went there the evening before d/s was sick as he'd banged his head. As he was sick three times he was admitted to hospital for observation.. and then three days later had chronic diorrhea. They said it was one virus but i do wonder if he picked something else up the 1st time he was in hosp.
I felt a bit more relaxed and positive after seeing the doctor but then it appears that no-one has been successfully cured of their phobia with any method of treatment (apart from trinityrhino).
I too cannot imagine living the rest of my life like this as it is just so miserable.
Footprint - I guess you've managed to avoid being sick too!

The odd thing was, rt, when I did have the bug I felt so absolutely unwell (it was a real gastric flu with fever and shivering too) that the actual being sick itself wasn't the worst part. And I learnt such a lot from seeing dd vomit (her first time EVER) - she'd go very quiet and lie on her stomach not speaking for about half an hour, then be sick, then start running round and chatting again. It was so amazing seeing somebody be sick and not be totally traumatised by it.

Anyway, what's the worst for me is the feeling that I've lost my miraculous 'immunity' against being sick. That I am fallible. And the thought that no matter how I try I can't protect myself against it happening. So the psychological effects of it have been devastating. Any tiny glimpse of confidence I had that if I do things a certain way I'll be ok has gone.

Mrs Muddle, you don't know what an extraordinary effect your post has had on me, so I have to tell you! Because I haven't been sick with a bug since I was 9 (now 41) I am still in the blissful state that imaginaryfriend was in before she got ill - not exactly thinking I am immune to all bugs, but fairly confident that I can resist them, given fairly normal precautions (washing hands etc). But my greatest fear is my children being sick. I sometimes count the years I have left when my children would need me if they were ill. I sometimes look at teenagers and think to myself, "They look practically grown up and capable of looking after themselves when they are ill, yet they can only be 15" so I start counting the years until my youngest is 15, or 14, or 13. When they get to the age when they can look after themselves, I know I will be able to live reasonably happily with my phobia again because I can reasonably expect to not have to deal with sickness again.

So then you come along Mrs Muddle and say your ds has not been sick for 9 years and he is only 11 and I can't tell you what hope that gives me. My eldest son is 10 and hasn't been sick for nearly a couple of years and I was hoping he might have gone past the point when he would catch bugs, but my youngest is 3 and I feel he has it all still to come (he has hardly ever been sick yet). But maybe not. If your son can go through 9 years of childhood without sickness, maybe mine can too, or maybe he will only be ill once or twice. I can't tell you how much that gives me hope. It is pathetic I know, but I live every day thinking this might be the day, or worse still, this might be the night. Illness happening at night scares me even more than illness during the day, I suppose because at night you are so completely taken by surprise and that adds to my panic.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that. I read about you all trying different therapies and them failing and I feel so hopeless, but the thought that childhood doesn't necessarily have to mean sickness is something we can all hang on to.

I do also feel cross that most people seem to feel hopeless too, and that there is no obvious therapy we can all turn to. There are obviously so many people out there with this phobia - I think I read once it is actually in the top five phobias - yet the whole subject is shrouded in shame and secrecy. It makes me want to start a campaign!

How comforting to read this thread. I am another one. I have been like this for years. I remember when I was little and my brother was poorly, I would refuse to sit in the same room as him. I would also not touch anythimg he had touched - door handles etc in case I picked up the sick bug.
I have to say that it was a big concern to me about becoming a mother, and having to deal with a sick child. I am getting better, but still fret if dd says she has tummy ache/has a softer poo than normal/doesn't eat much. Not long ago, she came back from nursery with a temperature. We gave her some Calpol, and she started crying. I knew she was going to vomit, and I passed her to my dh - how awful is that. I just started shaking like a leaf.
I can't bear being near drunk people, as I am always convinced they are going to be sick on me.
I don't know what to do about it.

Dumbledores Girl, I'm touched and thrilled that I've been of some use to someone. I actually thought long and hard before having children because of the whole vomit thing. I was scared I'd have morning sickness (I didn't) and also scared of childhood sickness because I presumed that all children would be sick at some time. I guess now the next big test will be when they're teenagers being sick through too much alcohol, but they can deal with that themselves.

It's amazing really that so many people on MN alone suffer with this and yet I've never EVER met a person in RL who has this phobia ...

I've been anorexic on and off all my life because of this too, belgianbun. I'm currently VERY underweight following the tummy bug I finally succumbed to after 33 years without being sick!

For those on here who are more afraid of others being sick than themselves, pre-kids did you have a much milder version of the phobia?

Some positive experience for once. I am a fellow sufferer - since the age of 12. For me it is very much others rather than myself being sick that I am scared of.

I would say that since I have had children it has actually improved. Slightly. I am less scared of my children being sick. I hope that lasts although they are still very little so it is less violent than with older people. It doesn't dominate my every waking minute (and many dreams) as it has in the past. I am still terrified of anyone else being sick. I thought my husband was going to be recently and there was no way I could stay in the house.

Other things have improved though. I can write the word "sick" with a slight flutter and increased pulse rate rather than faltering at the first letter as before. Seems a minor thing but for those of you also suffering, you'll probably agree it is something of a breakthrough!

I don't know why I feel better. I suppose part of it is that I have had to deal with it myself for the first time. In the past, I would confide in someone whenever I had to and they would get me out of there. Also, although I have had to deal with it, realistically it really isn't very often. 3 times in 3 and a half years with 2 children in nursery. The odds of it happening on any given day are really quite remote. If only I knew when so I could avoid the constant dread!

I am also on ADs which are also meant to help social phobia. I wonder if they help other phobias? I hope it is not those in many ways because I don't want to stay on them forever and I am so pleased that the phobia seems more in the background than it has for more than 20 years.

There does seem to be some hope and I really hope everyone else can feel better than they do. It's such a horrible phobia to have.

DG (are you Lonelymum? I recognise your writing style), I would support your campaign. It is so debilitating and I am constantly amazed that other people have it. I really want professionals to get past the "Well, no one likes it but you're not really scared" attitude that I feel they have. It has affected my life more than I feel able to describe but it seems that only fellow sufferers appreciate that.

IF - you HAVE met people in real life, but no one owns up to it!

Funnily enough, my husband's ex-girlfriend (still a good friend) suffers. He wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry when he found out that he'd got another one!!

Also I saw Denise Richards (wife of Charlie Sheen??) talking about it quite openly on Jay Leno one day - a celebrity sufferer!!

I definitely think we should start an emetophobia awareness campaign

Steala - glad to hear a bit more of a positive experience. I also used to feel terrified of other people vomiting but life's own exposure therapy has helped a lot and I wouldn't describe myself as phobic at all anymore - just the distaste that many people have. HOWEVER, I think that my phobia for MYSELF has gotten worse at the same time.

Me too, footprint. My fear of other people being sick has definitely diminished over the years while my fear of me being sick has grown massively. I'm only really bothered by other people being sick nowadays if I think I might catch something.

Steala, yes indeed I am Lonelymum - oh dear, I wonder what is meant by my style? The ability to drone on at length in a highly self absorbed way, perhaps?

Imaginaryfriend, I am phobic about both me and other being sick, but on a day to day level, my phobia manifests itself more with regard to others being ill, as I rarely feel sick and even more rarely am sick. Before I had my children, I would say my phobia was more or less under control. I have certainly never not gone somewhere or not eaten out for fear of people around me being sick or me being sick (although I wouldn't go on a fair ground ride, and dread boats etc) In those days, my phobia only manifested itself if I felt sick (huge panic) or on the rare occasions when a child in my care was sick (I was a primary school teacher). Then I used to do olympic style sprints to get out of the classroom! yelling to the well children to follow me, as I can remember the horror as a child of being at school and being forced to stay in a classroom where a child had been ill. I could never inflict that on anyone, so I would shout to the class from the door to follow me out! I do think I was getting worse, just before I stopped working and had my own children, but it was never as bad as it is on a daily basis now that I have my own children.

No, please don't be offended! Without meaning to sound obsequious, it is an intelligent, polite, supportive style. That's all!

I'm amazed you managed to teach. Good for you! My career was determined by where it was least likely to happen. My dreams of being a doctor stopped very early....

I suppose choosing to be a primary school teacher is an indication of how little my phobia affected me pre-parenting days, although it was always there.

I just can't believe how many of us emetophobes are out there! I find it so incredible that such a common phobia appears to be incurable. Surely there must be someone out there who has researched and worked with our phobia. Perhaps a publicity campaign would indeed find that person!
I have almost reached the safe period now when I think I have escaped the dreaded bug. But I now feel so depressed at the prospect of living my life with this constant fear. It is definitely worse for me now I have a child because of the high risk of being exposed and then the guilt at my reaction to him. I think that I may try anti-depressants for a while just to get me back into a calmish state. I had PND and took them for a few months. I hated the side effects, constantly yawning and night sweats, but can put up with that now. I have been trying for another baby (had 2 m/c this year) but now feel incapable of parenting so being on AD doesn't affect that side of things any more.
Sorry I'm rambling on here. Just feeling very low.

RT, this lowness you are feeling after a bug has hit your family is so familiar to me, you could be me writing. Like someone else said further down the the thread (sorry, in a hurry, so can't look to see who it is) I was already pregnant with my second child when my first child had his first stomach bug, and I can remember feeling so despairing that I was bringing another child into the world because I was so incapable of looking after even one when he was ill.

Every time we have a bug, I go into a deep depression, as you seem to be in now, but it does lift after a while, and if we go long enough withut a bug, I can even kid myself that I will be able to cope better next time. No saying I kid myself is being a bit harsh. Somehow, I have learnt to cope a bit better each time, although I still go into total panic and fear mode and want to run away and I still dread a new bug every day.

But don't give up on your dreams RT. If you want more children, don't let this horrible phobia stop you from doing what you want. That was my attitude. I wanted four children and I darn well held out until I had four children, though I often doubt I am capable of having any.

BTW, if anyone comes across anyone who would like to do research into emetophobia or who reckons they have a new cure, do let all of the rest of us know please!

RT, I feel very similar and have been thinking of trying ADs again. We could be the same person - I also want another child but wonder if I should. I just don't know. Ads would stop me trying to conceive again, but it isn't looking very likely at the moment anyway....

I know I didn't used to be this bad - I would only start to panic if I actually FELT ill, but for the past few years it has been a constant worry on my mind just about every moment. That is no way to live. If ads would help, I think it would be worth it.

I don't have any great words of advice. Just wanted to let you know how much I understand how you are feeling - you are not alone.

Don't know how you feel about "hugs", but hugs to you anyway

Hi Reatil
How are you doing. Can I just ask people with older children when did your children know they were going to be sick and look after themselves. I live for the day my 2 get to that stage.

Not knowingly got there yet Ills. My oldest is 10, but was last sick when he was 8. He was ill several times that year and sometimes he would get to the loo, no problem, other times he would just sit there and....well, I'll leave that sentence unfinished.

But I have seen posts from people suggesting that their children were a lot younger than that when they could look after themselves a bit.

I am feeling rather dodgy right now as my youngest has just had some dreadful diarrhoea. I try to tell myself that means the bug is further down, but I am all jittery tongiht nonetheless.

Hi DumbledoresGirl

Lets hope your youngest has just had a one off bout of diarrhoea and hasn't got a bug. Hope you are OK is your DP/DH supportive and here this weekend. Mine DH is great when they are ill, mind you he should be he's a Doctor. He has no understanding of how I feel, which is partly my fault as have never explained fully. Anyway thinking off you