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Original poster

totally heartbroken. lost my baby now need to make a decision on how to misscarry.

29 replies

sarah115 · 22/08/2013 15:36

I had been bleeding on and of for a few weeks and tryed not to over react. Got a scan early on and eptopic pregnancy was ruled out. So was very happy. Ended up getting another scan weeks later and was told they could not find a heartbeat so my baby had died. I now need to decide what I want to do next. Im heartbroken and feel so empty. Any advice or shared experiences would be good.

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Totesamazeballs · 22/08/2013 15:39

So sorry you have to go through this. When it happened to me I opted for a D and C because I didn't seem to be miscarrying naturally and I felt terribly sick. It got it all over with in an op rather than waiting and going through the pain of miscarrying.

What potions have they given you?

Totesamazeballs · 22/08/2013 15:40

Options, not potions!

Montybojangles · 22/08/2013 15:41

I'm so very sorry for your terrible news. I have no help to offer sorry, but couldn't read without letting you know my thoughts are with you.

upto11 · 22/08/2013 15:51

Im so sorry you have to go through this, it really is just so horrible. Like Totes, I opted for the D&C, for me because I just wanted to get it over and done with. The actual procedure was very quick and I was only in hospital for a few hours. I did feel pretty emotional for a few days afterwards, but was expecting that. It's a very personal decision of course, and I have friends that decided to wait to miscarry naturally and were happy with that decision too.

Am thinking of you.

Original poster

sarah115 · 22/08/2013 16:03

Thank you montybojangles. And thank you to upto11 and totesamazeballs for your advice I know that having the d and c would prob be the best decision as its over and done with quicker and easier. I will be honest the very thought of it terrifies me. Can they put u to sleep before u go in to surgery. But also the thought of sitting about waiting on it will prob mess with my head and scared its extremely painful and that im on my own. Feels like a rock and a hard place im stuck.

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upto11 · 22/08/2013 16:19

I am pretty sure that you always have a general anaesthetic when having a D&C. I certainly did. It really was v quick and I experienced no pain, apart from some very mild cramping, afterwards (I didn't even need to take the painkillers the hospital gave me). All the hospital staff were lovely and I felt very well looked after.

Like you it was partly the thought of being on my own miscarrying that worried me, but also that it happened around DS1's birthday and I really didn't want that to be ruined. However, as I said, I have 2 friends that both decided to go with the natural option as they didn't want to have a GA, and both felt 'happy' with how that worked for them.

It really is such a personal decision, but I feel that I made the right decision in opting for the D&C.

Vatta · 22/08/2013 16:25

So sorry for your loss.

D & C (also known as ERPC, you may find more info by googling for that) is either done under local or general anaesthetic. They should give you the choice but normally general is recommended so you'd be unconscious for the whole thing.

Vatta · 22/08/2013 16:28

You may find this thread helpful for making decisions on the medical/physical side: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/1344311-Tips-for-coping-with-the-practicalities-of-miscarriage

More generally there's a lot of support and advice available on the miscarriage board.

Original poster

sarah115 · 22/08/2013 16:45

Thank you vatta I will try that site. How quick after you decided to have the dc did they take u upto11.

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GwendolineMaryLacey · 22/08/2013 17:24

I'm sorry for your loss.

I found out on the Friday and had the ERPC on the Monday. I was also scared of miscarrying either at work or alone with my 3yo in the house. The ERPC seemed the neatest option and meant that I could concentrate on mental healing.

The procedure itself was very quick and straightforward. That, at least, was nothing to worry about.

Vatta · 22/08/2013 17:37

I think it varies a lot how quickly you can have the Erpc , but for me I asked for one on the Tuesday and had it on the Friday.

Unfortunately I had most of a natural miscarriage on the Thursday evening (the sac got stuck inside, so I still had the Erpc.

If youre sure you want one, try for an appointment asap. While waiting, you may start to miscarry naturally anyway - if so the advice on that thread is really helpful.

Nectarines · 22/08/2013 17:41

Sorry for your loss.

I had a mmc last year. For me, the ERPC was the better option as baby had died a while before I found out and it could be any length of time before I mcd naturally. The surgical management meant the physical side was taken care of (over very quickly, physical recovery not too bad) and I could deal with the (more difficult) task of recovering mentally.

Everyone is different though and all options have their pros and cons.

Take care.

strokey · 22/08/2013 17:42

Im so sorry. Ive had an ERPC (evacuation to remove products of conception) and it was quick. Only had a few period pains and light bleeding afterwards.

Got pregnant very quickly afterwards. Good luck

upto11 · 22/08/2013 17:43

After I had made my decisi

upto11 · 22/08/2013 17:46

...decision I only had to wait for a day. I can second what Vatta says about the other thread. I found it helpful, not just practically but emotionally too, to be able to read about others who had been through the same thing.

Hope all goes as well as it can, whatever you decide to do.

Armadale · 22/08/2013 17:53

I'm so sorry.

I have had both natural MC's and ERPC's.

The ERPC's I have had they took me into a side room and gave me the anaesthetic in there (its just a little room with a bed) so you are unconscious before they wheel you into the operating theatre so it is not as frightening as I thought it would be.

I found ERPC only mildly uncomfortable afterwards, a bit of grumbling tummy pain and some light bleeding, but not much, and I liked the fact that I had a deadline and I knew on that day it was going to be over, if that makes sense.

On the other hand I think I found it slightly hard to get my head around afterwards, because I was asleep when it was all happening and so I didn't really confront the reality iyswim.

Natural MC I have found much more painful physically, more intense pain than a period, and also I found the blood etc very upsetting.

On the other hand I did feel mentally I was better able to come to terms with it as I was physically seeing it happen.

I think it is a case of working out which you think might be the least awful option for you at this point.

Sometimes you can get them to book you in for an ERPC as a reassurance if you decide to try and have a natural MC-e.g. OK we'll leave it 2 weeks, but we've booked you in for a ERPC on x date so if it hasn't happened by then you will have the surgery, which I found psychologically easier as I knew then it wouldn't go on forever.

Original poster

sarah115 · 22/08/2013 18:06

Was your second pregnancy healthy strokey and hiw dis you cope with being pregnant after what you went through. I have respect for all of yous on here that have experienced this and I am very grateful yous are taking your time to help me. I think as you said Armadale that mabey asking them to book me in for a set date would be a good idea then I can c if it happens naturally. Im glad to hear they put u under before you go in to theatre as that is something that was putting me of. Does the pain of loss get easier? I know I wont forget.

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strokey · 22/08/2013 18:13

Yes, my next pregnancy was fine, no problems. I know it feels awful now, but no heartbeat is quite common and doesn't mean it will happen again.

Is this your first pregnancy? I bet you will be pregnant again in no time. You are really fertile following a miscarriage.

They are really nice to you when you are in the hospital.

nancerama · 22/08/2013 18:15

So sorry for your loss. It's a horrible thing to go through.

I opted for the wait and see approach, but I was offered an ERPC the day they discovered no heartbeat. I wasn't ready to enter the hospital pregnant and go home not pregnant, if that makes sense.

I was told it would be like a heavy period with uncomfortable cramps, and to take paracetamol.

After a week nothing had happened and the hospital recommended an ERPC. It was a quick procedure under general anaesthetic. I went in as a Friday day patient and was back at work on the Monday.

Having read threads here from posters who have miscarried naturally at home, I'm glad it didn't happen for me. I think the hospital didn't prepare me at all for the likely reality.

Be gentle with yourself and be kind to your DH/DP too. He will be grieving as well x

eurochick · 22/08/2013 18:20

I'm sorry you're going through this. I hate GA so decided to see if I would mc naturally, but set a time limit on it (2 weeks) so I know it wouldn't go on for ever. As it was, i only had to wait a few days after the bad news scan. It really wasn't too bad. I bled for 2 weeks in total, most of which was just like a heavy period. I had one day of severe pain and a couple of days of really quite heavy bleeding. I was well enough to work throughout (desk job), apart from on the one day of severe pain.

Did you know there is a miscarriage board on here (under Body and Soul)? There is a lot of support and useful information there.

Original poster

sarah115 · 22/08/2013 20:43

Thanks strokey no its not my first I have a beautiful healthy baby boy at 10 months and was shocked to descover I was pregnant again so soon but once it sunk in I was over the moon thinking how nice it would be for them to be do close in age. Thanks Nancerama my fiance is finding it very hard and he says he is hurting knowing that its not over yet for me. I am worried about how I would cope if I let it just be I think i know myself after listening to advice on her that mabey the d and c would be best. I didnt know there was eurochick so thank you. You sound as if it wasnt as bad as you thought doing it natural. Was it just all of a sudden or did you get a build up of pain first. As today I have felt sore like a period but not sure.

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spiderlight · 22/08/2013 20:44

So sorry. I went through this at Christmas so my heart truly does go out to you. I miscarried naturally at home, but given the option I wish I'd had a D&C, as I had a very long and difficult time of it with a lot of pain and blood loss. The miscarriage board on here was a source of the most amazing support and wisdom throughout.

Sending you lots of love

freelancegirl · 22/08/2013 20:54

So sorry for your loss. It does get a bit better over time but I don't think you ever get over it completely. I've had four miscarriages and would say, physically and emotionally, I would go for an ERPC every time. The two natural miscarriages I've had have been very very painful with cramps like labour pains coming up to every three minutes. I know there are people who have been in less pain but the labour cramps also seem quite common. Also emotionally it means it goes on a longer time I feel and if it comes to having another one (my fifth pregnancy ended up sticking and I now have a one year old) I would definitely choose the op again. You might be 'lucky' of course and it is over quickly and as easily as possible in the circumstances. But you won't know until it's happening.

freelancegirl · 22/08/2013 20:56

Oh as regards the build up, when I've miscarried naturally it has started with light period pains and spotting and got progressively worse.

Original poster

sarah115 · 22/08/2013 21:35

That must be worse to go through this at that time of year to spiderlight. Im so glad your 5 stuck and u have a lovely child. I am worried about the pains of miscarriage I have been having pains on and of today so I have a feeling this could be the start from what u have said
I dont know how you coped going through that 5 times emotionally and physically but you have my respect as I must be a strong person freelancegirl.

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