Help me be more sympathetic towards dh and the Big Snip

[Moomin]

after two rotten pregnancies and being no spring chickens anymore we have decided to definitely stop at 2. Dh has always been very willing to have a vasectomy when the time came and we initially decided to wait until dd2 was at least a year old maybe more. but i've decided not to take the pill anymore and am really enjoying the freedom of having my body back to myself.

so we have recently talked about bringing the snip forward to the next few months and starting investigations. dh works in a hospital and one of his colleagues' dh performs vasectomies (in a different hospital!) and has offered to 'take care' of dh. i think this has made it suddenly very REAL to dh.

he gets skin reactions when he is stressed and i noticed some inflammation yesterday. he said the only reason he could think of it being there is thinking and worrying about the vasectomy. part of me feels sympathy for him and part of me thinks WTF!!! I've had two dreadful pregnancies: hyperemesis, SPD, placenta praevia, two c-sections; not to mention the fertility investigations, lap&dye, clomid, etc. And i've now got ever-lasting piles, a weak back and ongoing physio for constant pain from a ligament in my buttock that got screwed up having dd2!!!!!!!!!

[deep breaths]

i don't want to scare him off having it. i need to try and summon up some sympathy but it's really not a strong point for me. help me be more nice

That is really ridiculous.

those two blokes are such wasters. the one phoned me the other day, and he had to ask me what Prevenar was for.

nugget.

the other one spends a lot of time at each appointment staring at his own reflection in his computer screen, touching up his hair every now and again.

to the point where, at my 6 week 'check up' - LOL! - i offered him my powder compact.

that got his attention :o.

should have asked if he wanted a touch of lip gloss as well. :o

GPs sound a bit misinformed - it's not up to them to make the decision anyway! I could undersatnd if your DH was 21. Pity you can't self refer.

don't use a diaphragm expat- not very reliable. (and beyond embarrassment to get fitted).

I know people who have had vasectomies on the NHS in their 20s. I think that rule is made up!

We had to go for the counselling bit, as soon as we mentioned ds1 they were happy to sign the form!

well, even if he had the snip, we'd still need something, and diaphragm is better than nothing.

not worried about reliability b/c it takes a while for me to get pregnant each time.

condoms. i'd rather not have sex than use those. he feels the same.

i don't feel embarrassed about anything having to do w/my boyd or bits. i did when i was younger, until i had a LEEP and worked in a women's clinic. they've seen it all.

I used a diaphragm for a while - bit slippy but not bad

i think the fundamental problem with vasectomies is not the op itself (which i grant is scary) but the psychological effect. men can father children until old - to get snipped would probably feel like a loss of power / virility / manhood. i agree that us chicks have a much harder time having to deal with childbirth and pregnancy, but we don't expect to be fertile all our lives, we know it'll end in our 40's. there's always the possibility that something may happen, they may go on to remarry and want to have more children. we don't necessarily have that option (more children i mean).

having said all that, my brother had a vasectomy and says he feels fantastic - no worries about unwanted pregnancy anymore.

it's a good point about the longevity of your fertility, i hadn't thought of it from that angle. but have also had a long chat with dh and he says it's the general anaesthetic he's worried about more than anything. he works in theatres and i think that's affected the way he thinks, as people do very strange things as they come out of a GA and he doesn't like the sense of the lack of control. He's much more positive anyway as he's found out the dh of his colleague does the 'new' type of vasectomy with the clamps rather than the snip and this is done under local much of the time. he's asking for more details at work in the next few days.