******The 36th TAMOXIFEN thread******

[NedSchneebly]

You all out there? Pop this way!

Malt? Mr gig got the big gig bug so feeling very yuck poor thing . Nice as I actually slept ok and feel ok for a change.

Can I make a suggestion for your weepy moments? Write down all your fears/bad thoughts. My specialist nurse suggested this. Writing down helps get them out your system. Also I could talk through them and a lot of them could be allayed by talking to someone who had seen the disease at close hand .

Malt it does get easier. The odds are on your side. I saw some high figures for 20 year survival the other day - most people do have treatment and then carry on with life. Waiting is the worst bit. You will feel better after your op and results with a treatment plan in your hand.
Raining here. I did go back to sleep and now I must dash or I'll be late for parkrun...

I promise it does get easier - I think about it every day but it's part of my life now, so it's easier,if that makes any sense
Meanwhile think you all might appreciate this totally brilliant thing:

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/interactive/2013/may/18/matilda-tristram-cancer-pregnant-comic grrr

Mas brilliant link .
She gets it totally doesn't she ?

Jane have a good run .

Malt I really do promise you that it gets better . You have your Pre op on Wednesday don't you ? Do you have any questions about that ?

DD is off shortly , she is singing in the school choir for the First Holy Communions this morning .

Damp Saturday here , hope you all have lovely days x

Sorry for my depressing ramblings
Brilliant link MAS thank you, she says it all. I did look at a few blogs last week but then realised they had died so that wasn't very helpful
Topsy Yes I have my Pre op on Wednesday is it just blood pressure and stuff. Feel embarrassed that they will weigh me which is ridiculous with what's going on
Gigs good idea writing it down not sure I can though. But might help
Jchoc thank you and enjoy your run, if you enjoy running that is seems strange to me!

Getting it on paper is very therapeuti so worth trying.

That cartoon is awesome - love love the bit about messages! I have a friend who bought me a subscription for zest magazine for Xmas. It's a heap of shit for all sorts of reasons but it has to be one of the most presents however well meant there is.

Escaped house of sick mr gig to go to seminar - am looking forward to sneaky bacon sandwich and before heading home.

Hope m's singing goes well topsy.

I loved that comic. I totally identify with resenting the old people who are moaning on about being ill in their 90's. Makes me totally unreasonable.

Malt - I never touch booze when I am not in a good place mentally, I find it very depressing for the next couple of days, it makes me unhappy. I have of course conducted extensive investigations into the phenomenon. Just a thought - you do what feels right for you of course.

I love that cartoon strip mas especially the cancer tourettes. Friend diagnosed like gigs just after birth had exactly same experience at one of those coffee mornings for new mums, everyone moaning about stitches and sleepless nights, and Breastfeeding problems so she just had to blurt out that mastitis turned out to be 7 cm tumour. She felt guilty after and sure none of them slept for weeks worrying.

malt sorry you didn't sleep. Do remember alcohol is a depressant, not that it isn't worth it sometimes but remember dark thoughts next day as chemically induced as hangover. I slept very well last night but just a wee bit depressed today...... It is awful this period of waiting but remember that the certainty that you have indicates you have perfectly treatable kind. You might want to buy some comfy clothes that are easy to get on for after surgery, arm movement can be restricted, depending on where lumpectomy is, something to ask about at pre op assessment?

I shall be glad to see the back of these steroids. They are making me very tetchy and I can't concentrate well enough to read.
Dh is boiling up cow bones to make bone broth. My house smells foul. I am all cross.

I got a wheelchair delivered this morning though which is quite good fun.

I know what you mean about alcohol but it was good to go out last night. Have cried off another night out tonight though as I'm knackered and just want to curl up on the sofa with bgt and Eurovision
Copt thanks, lump is on top of boob towards cleavage side on the right which is bit of a pain as I'm right handed.
It did sound very treatable after the biopsy but I've read on the breast cancer care site that a lot of people have worst results after the lump is out, bigger higher grade or more found and the thought that it's in the lymph nodes or somewhere else still terrifies me
Quiet day today chilling, just had toast with nutella and banana and watching trashy tv. Where's the sun ?

Morning all - sorry to see there have been sleepless nights again - night times are the worst. My tricks for trying to combat insomnia are listening to audio books (at least it makes you concentrate on the story instead of thinking!) and doing the mindfully going through each part of your body thing -i.e. take your attention to each part of your body in turn and to your breathing and put your thoughts on that (sounds a bit woo, but not really - and MAS will explain much better as she knows lots about mindfulness - I do a sort of yoga version but it helps) - I am of the 'whatever works for you' school of self help.

Also I second Gigs writing it down idea - I know quite a few people who did that and said it helped. I didn't do it because I think I was afraid of seeing it written down, but I sort of wish I had now, - just because you write it down doesn't mean you ever have to read it again!

MAS - that cartoon is great, - thank you for linking.

Enjoy your seminar Gigs.

Morning to Copt, Jane, trice, topsy (hope DD enjoys her choir) and anyone I've missed.

Am feeling a bit down at the moment - probably the shingles (which I am bloody fed up about - I know they are not terrible in the big scheme of things but they hurt a lot, and they remind me of chemo because that's when I first had them, and somehow they make me a bit paranoid about stuff - mad I know! - maybe I should be worrying about senility )
I just feel very tearful and hopeless Would be nice if DH even asked me how I was feeling (then at least I could snap 'how do you think I'm feeling?????' ) but he is plugged in to his game.

hey ho - I have a bookcase to build and seedlings to plant out, and DD and I are planning our snacks for Eurovision - so being busy should cheer me up!

Trice I'm sure your last post wasn't there when I posted, I'd be cross if my house smelt of cow bones too!
Kurri boo to the shingles and feeling down, hugs hope the bookcase is coming on well? Any lost screws yet ?

malt - I've got them in a little bag - there are the right number at the moment - but that could easily change (luckily DH houses the international collection of old screws in our garage so I can always find replacements )

I am right handed right boob as well malt - its a pain, but the exercises help greatly. I always found the BCC site slightly terrifying so steered clear, although I'm sure they have some very helpful stuff on there. (I was quite 'fingers in ears la la la' about any information for a while) Sometimes if you have too many possibilities thrown at you it gets a bit overwhelming.

trice - somehow I am imagining your DH with a cauldron boiling up bones but they do stink (My cousin used to live near a factory where they made glue out of animal bones - the stink was indescribable!)
Hope the wheelchair makes things easier for you.

Please don't think I am rude if I don't comment or answer things - it is just my pitifully slow typing - I seem to keep x posting all the time!

Run was incredibly wet! But felt I'd earned cappuchino from the coffee man and now lazing in hot bath mning. Malt mine was right sided too, close to skin -surgeon did very neat job just left with a line along areola. This really is much worse in anticipation. I only took up running cos of this thread as joined mn after found this thread and then later joined a weight loss thread and a c25k thread while I was on sick leave. I am not a natural runner but do find it therapeutic as running is 90 % in the mind. (Do need to start gradualy- c25k is ace for that)
Going to take Aunty out for a coffee this pm, so must get out the bath- I could relax here all day!

Xpost kk hope shingles are improving.

Jane - how do you MN in the bath? it sound very relaxing - I want to kindle in the bath but am scared of dropping my Kindle in the water.

I am greatly of admiring of your running - I try sporadically but never seem to be able to keep it up, you've inspired me to start again once I'm feeling a bit better.

I take the risk on dropping my phone! [Grin] my tip on running is to go very slowly...

I'm thinking I ought to avoid BCC site and just find things out as I need to rather than frightening myself with things that may not even apply to me
I kindle in the bath, not dropped it yet ! Have only been able to read magazines since dx but I'm getting to the stage where I feel like trying to read something easy and non sad
I really don't think I could ever run though I like the idea of it
Kurri don't worry about not answering or x posting I'm sure we're all guilty of that sometimes I know I am.
Off to sainsburys with dd in a bit

Ah -slow running - I might be able to manage that (with breaks for slow walking in between bouts of slow running )

My Kindle has been dropped on the floor many times when I fall asleep with it in my hand - I don't think it could survive a bath I am notorious for dropping stuff!

I'm a klutz but my kindle has survived two years of being read in the bath often for hours at a time and I gather people consider Kindles only really last a year so perhaps I have discovered the secret of Kindle longevity My Ipad however came over all funny in the steam and made alarming electrical fizzing noises so I thought better of that.

jchoc I loved your pics of parkrun, came over all nostalgic as spent many happy hours teenage gossiping whilst walking up and down that avenue, may have done some snogging in those bushes too....

malt another right boob, right hander. Those websites are not a representative sample, much better to test your fears on Bcn who will have shared the experiences of a representative sample. For what it is worth my biopsy was bang on the money in terms of grading but a PET scan did find it in 1 lymph node and the lumpectomy had DCIS on the margins and subsequent mastectomy found DCIS throughout breast but it was very ER positive, so whilst post surgery the picture changed there was actually an improvement in my odds. Now they would not necessarily recommend chemo because hormone therapy shown to be just as effective for tumour like mine. So you could have even better news post surgery. More importantly I am still alive and buying lots of clothes, have just bought Rugby player ornament for Xmas tree , planting things that won't come into their own for years etc ,

KK I think we can all agree we don't have to remember to reply to every post or at least I hope so as my short term memory just not up to communicating them all to my brain Shingles is horrible, moan away it must really wear you down.

Copt all my watches I ever own get a coating of permanent steam inside the glass - they don't appear to like being plunged into the washing up bowl! -If my Kindle packs up after a year I will cry big blobby tears - I am love it, and am trying to be more careful and respectful than I am of every other gizmo I own other things.

Two things I know I meant to say and forgot
Well done Coorong on being near to qualifying - well done you
and good lucky Ned for RFL tomorrow - have a fab time

Bookcase is semi-done it needs a metal bracket thing to hold it to the wall or it will be unstable I think.

DH was in London yesterday (using a piece of scientific equipment at Imperial College) and he brought Pringles and Fruit and Nut home, so I will fling some of each on the trolley, and heft my lardy arse onto the exercise bike (I have to say - maybe I just got a dud bar, but fruit and nut is largely fruit and very little nut these days )

'I am love it???' - has Yoda started posting? sheesh!

Afternoon all - what a disgusting day- I think we'll do DVDs with DDs today .... Sound of Music or chitty chitty bang bang?
Love the cartoon - Guardian Mag was good value today. At the other end of the spectrum was this ....
www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2013/may/18/miss-piggy-interview which made me laugh

malt agree with all the others about alcohol and lists / questions. I wrote down all the people i know who've been through BC, not the bloggers or strangers, but in my circle, and it was something like 2 out of 40 women who'd had bad luck.

And agree with others, that once the pathologists had the lump, everything became much, much clearer. A plan, a process and a prognosis. (Sorry, DD2 is into alliteration at the moment).

But back to me (or moi, as miss piggy would say). How long after taking Tamoxifen have your symptoms kicked in ladies? ....

Kk a teacher I am!