**TAMOXIFEN 35**the all dancing,fat boy snacking and drugs thread

[MaryAnnSingleton]

yoo hoo - over here- bring the trolley...

Can't keep up, but totally agree with Sometimes, MAS. You're more than allowed to moan. Hope gel works.

Gigs, go sleep - see there was quite a night shift thing gang last night. Hope you're all okay today. Malt, hope you get some pills to help tonight.

Waving to all. Just mad amounts of work, but will try and catch up later.

No overdoing it, missus!

Oh and don't talk to me about the roid hunger - I have emptied our fridge and cupboards -have all the more time for being up at night!

Key thing is Cancer is only semi and mono intelligent, and not actually malevolent. More a bunch of leaderless idiots that are always in your body, usually your bodies police keep them under control but sometimes they need reinforcements.

I think you cling to the normal even if it isn't a conscious coping strategy based on the Science. I remember being involved in the girls routine became hugely important to me and a real source of comfort and joy. Everything that is happening is so extraordinary you cling to the comfort of the everyday. It is actually a perfectly normal response to trauma well researched and documented by Psychologists. Crops up again and again in the writings of the people I have studied for my diss /thesis who have experienced terrible trauma, even as they face or have experienced terrible atrocities they worry about what clothes to wear. Your brain cannot cope emotionally with the horror it has to process so it focuses on the comforting familiar and everyday as a sort of anaesthetic. Then you can retrieve the memories of the traumatic things in manageable chunks when you are ready, if ever. The memory of traumatic times is notoriously unreliable and of course some people need help with the process of dealing with what has happened to them. You can come out stronger though, and it can lead to some powerful literature and poetry

mas of course you can moan about hands fingers and nails especially as they must be so precious to you, and in front of you all the time. That gel quickly got rid of a nodule thing that had developed on an arthritic knuckle, have not had any pain since. I was quite amazed by how effective it was, especially as had put up with it for months. My nails are still shit, it is as if all the drugs created some sort weakness in the nail bed so they are all ridged, and split and blister as they reach the end. At least I don't have to worry about wrecking my nails when I am gardening.

Always love that - cancer cells as leadlerless idiots.

Amber, the words 'pot' and 'kettle' spring to mind.

Do you have a special cushion to keep your arm up on Gig? I used an old breast feeding one when my lymph edema got bad. And lots of gentle stroking to give those nerves something to do instead of causing pain.

My nails are paradoxically gorgeous at the moment, because the rest of me feels like crap. I haven't been gardening or hiking or any of the other active things which usually wreck them. I think I just found a bit of silver lining!

I listen to old issues of "In our time" on the iplayer in the dead of night. I find it has exactly the right mix of distraction from the intrusive thought roundabout and boring me back to sleep.

I can see how In Our Time would be good for sleeping - I listen to it most weeks and marvel at how incomprehensible it mostly is...

Hi all, brief update, just back from seeing consultant. The bone cancer is definately from the breast cancer. It's in both femurs and extensive on spine all the way to something called L 11 or T 11, brain freeze there I'm afraid.

He is sending me for a CT scan to see if spread includes lungs liver stomach etc. That should be in the next ten days so prayers crossed fingers anything gratefully received.

He is also contacting the cancer specialist to see what we do next. I think he meant chemo which I refused (had radio therapy only for breast) last time but after following posts on here feel braver about (or desperate enough for)

What scare me the most is that he is usually quite a jokey chap but today was very straight faced. Stupid I realise, it wasn't a jokey time. I found myself searching his face a lot

On the plus side I got a new lighter, smaller Betty

Earth chemo is not as scarlet as you think .
I did great on chemo , anti sickness meds do wonderful things these days .
As for the rest of it , secondaries are shitty news . But not necessarily the end of the road .
Give yourself time to get this step processed , then see what your onc recommends re chemo .
They wouldn't be talking chemo if they didn't think it would do any good .
Be kind to yourself today , it's a lot to take in x

Scarlet ???
Obv meant tough , no idea how that got in there !

Well done for taking in so much, Earth.

I hope we have given you the courage to go for the chemo, as topsy says, it is doable and they must think it is worth it or they wouldn't put you through the hassle. Take it easy this weekend, don't google, it really is confusing and inaccurate and just anxiety inducing. They'll taker good care of you, and we'll hold your hand. x

Thank you I gained some of my trust back in him today. I'd lost it back when I had my mastectomy as he left a bleeder in which took a midnight dash back to theater to fix, scary time!

Today he was much more straight faced and, I felt professiona,l instead of jokey.

I did chicken out of chemo last time but I must be around for DD2's wedding next summer, no question there. Get myself well armed with all the support you lot can muster and I can do it.

Please though can I have a good cry now? xxx

Thank you I gained some of my trust back in him today. I'd lost it back when I had my mastectomy as he left a bleeder in which took a midnight dash back to theater to fix, scary time!

Today he was much more straight faced and, I felt professiona,l instead of jokey.

I did chicken out of chemo last time but I must be around for DD2's wedding next summer, no question there. Get myself well armed with all the support you lot can muster and I can do it.

Please though can I have a good cry now? xxx

Wedding is definitely something to look forward to, which always helps. Concentrate on getting well for it.

But in the meantime - yep, have a good cry.

xxx

Yep crying is the way forward for today .

Chemo is doable. Not a bundle of fun, but (for example) a friend of mine was pronounced as only having three weeks to live. That was, er, two and a half years ago now. She's currently running her local Council, is a stalwart of half a dozen other places etc. Absolutely riddled with cancer inside, etc, but chemo has halted it and now she just ignores it and has her weekly dose to keep stopping it. Does more than I do. Bungs a wig on, off she goes. I worked through chemo and found it was fine. Others are not so impressed with it, but the modern anti sickness potions etc are handy. Give it a whirl, definitely.

Earth, what a bugger - stupid shitty cancer! You can feel sorry for yourself today. It is allowed.

Squeezes earths hand - definitely cry and get it out. The meetings where discuss treatment are always scary as they have to spell it out (it's basis of consent and you can't have cancer treatment without details).

Another who managed chemo ok. We will help you through . You just keep that wedding in your head as you want to be there - that's your goal .

Will light candle on scan but that's normal to check. If its spread , will affect the chemo (but as topsy said its not game over - they wouldn't be discussing treatment if wasn't worth it) . Also the scans are base level to measure chemo success. I know we all hate the scans but try to think of them as tools like blood pressure check just to help treat you.

Trice- yes that kind of cushion and sitting up was advised (am guessing the discomfort and odd sensation very similar to lymphodema). It had helped me have a rest which is good but not for too long as don't want to end up in the nap day/no sleep night pattern.

If I had two good arms , I would duct tape you together as I am loving the pot/kettle discussion with amber and smee,

Malt- how you doing?

Will be back later for but trying to do some reading before big gig returns.

My cousin similar to Amber's mate and still here. There was also another long term poster mas knew who was still around 4 years on and working despite ton of treatment. Google doesn't show the many people quietly living with mets as chronic disease.

I am a wimp about chemo and just lie around being pale and sucking ice cubes and making everyone else look after me. Feeble is the word. All you folk who soldier on at work have my admiration.

Crying then and karaoke and orange men later? Please topsy

def later
earth I am having chemo for mets and really it's quite ok and I'm working (I know I work for myself, but am doing quite a lot at the mo.- it keeps me sane and feeling like me) You might be offered oral chemo like me which I think is something that enables people to carry on their normal life pretty much,particularly if it's going to be a continuous treatment (which seems to be the case)

trice Don't worry, I took to the couch too........

earth chemo affects different people in different ways. I know people who sailed through but I had quite a tough time with infection and low white blood cell counts but even so it was a bit like being pregnant albeit going on a total bender every three weeks that left me with the mother of all hangovers!! However there was only one bad week, then a being careful about catching things week, then a week sometimes two or three (if next treatment got delayed by white blood cells not multiplying) to party! Definitely doable

And weep buckets, it's shit.

You are also allowed to join me with a bit of cathartic I thought it was safe to go near the newsstands outside of Breast Cancer awareness week but no the bloody Telegraph is doing a Daily Mail with half the front page devoted to a "women are giving themselves Breast by drinking, having babies late and generally being naughty girls article" www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/10033436/Under-50s-with-breast-cancer-at-record-high.html NO THEY ARE NOT. Help me out Amber but this is misleading. Last time Dr Geek and I discussed this known risk factors account for only a small part of risk, and most of that is familial risk. They don't fully understand the rest of risk, probably a combination of environmental pollution, genetic risk, exposure to hormones in drugs and from the environment (Dr Geek is strong on this
especially in my case) and other risk factors as yet unknown. Whilst the known impact of increased alcohol consumption and delaying babies will lead to an increase in the incidence of breast cancer in the whole population it will be a small part of the explanation, it is just the only part of it they understand.

Meanwhile all those Daily Telegraph misogynists will be tutting and happily perceiving we have all bought it on ourselves

Oh Earth cry as much as you need. It is very cathartic. I like to cry in the shower as then no one else has to know. My family find it very difficult when I cry and so I try not to it in front of them!

I had chemo on Wednesday and apart from a bit of a shitty evening yesterday where I felt sick and restless and just a bit bleurgh I really am alright. Today I have been clothes shopping and tried on and bought two dresses, a hat and a jacket! That's a good day for me, chemo or no chemo. And I hope this doesn't sound rude but I guess you're probably a little older than me if your daughter is getting married, how exciting by the way! And my onc and nurse said younger people often take chemo worse than those slightly older as young people are still growing/making new cells at a much faster rate so the difference is more marked when the chemo stops that :) so you may well breeze through, lots do, or at least it won't be as bad as you may think, none of the ladies on the chemo ward looked toooo grim this week, and we all have a bit of a giggle

That was very rambly meant to be reassuring through. Have a big hug from me and give yourself time for it all to sink in. I wouldn't take too much notice of the doctor's mood, they often seem to have no idea how their behaviour or moods can affect their patients! :)

Grrrr cross posted cop. Absolute twats!