**TAMOXIFEN 35**the all dancing,fat boy snacking and drugs thread

[MaryAnnSingleton]

yoo hoo - over here- bring the trolley...

Ooooooh good choice topsy that's reminded me of Peter Cetera - "Glory of Love"

We haven't even started on the works of meatloaf.

Eek KK sounds scary. I've managed not to have one yet! :)

I'm still trying to catch up with the thread, I think it will have to wait until tomorrow. Goodnight all x

It was bad news I have breast cancer lump was about 2 cm and biopsy showed cancer cells got to go back next week feel like my life is over and I'm only 41 how do you live with this ?

malteserzz - I'm so sorry - it is an awful shock to get this diagnosis, and you will be absolutely reeling for a while. Try not to go into panic mode - I know it is very hard, and you are feeling, frightened and bewildered, but honestly once the news has sunk in a little bit and you are able to talk to your surgeon/oncologist and know your treatment plan, it starts to feel a bit more manageable, it really does sweetheart.

Your life is not over, this is a treatable disease, and there are many treatment options, and the treatments are more and more tailored to individual cancers to give you the best possible chance.

The DX is a big trauma, but getting the diagnosis is the first step on the road to treatment and recovery, and although cancer treatment always seems scary - it is doable and manageable, a step at a time.

Do you have a breast care nurse? - they are very good people to talk to and go over your fears and any queries you might have, Macmillan also have good help lines if you just needed someone to talk to.
We are all here to support you as best we can, we can answer questions about treatment, hold your hand, and offer a safe place to vent, shout, cry, yell and swear - whatever you need. xx

And as an afterthought - if you think you might need a bit of help sleeping or staying calm over the next few days, ask your GP - they will always give you something to help - even if just for a couple of days.

Thank you I have got into panic mode I nearly fainted when I found out the doctor and breast nurse were lovely and though I went private tonight they are the same ones I'll see on the nhs too. Told my mum as she was here looking after the kids and rang my best friend who came straight over bless her. Dh is trying hard but is terrified too. I'm so frightened that it's spread though from the scans they didn't think the lymph nodes were affected. The biopsy will tell more next week and I should have an appointment on Tuesday or Wednesday.
I just keep thinking I'm glad it's me and not the children then getting upset because I want to see them grow up.
I'm frightened to turn the light off and go to sleep
Thank you for your reply x

Malteserzz, wise advice from KK. I echo it.
The 'not knowing what will happen' is the worst bit for nearly all of us, from what people have all written over the years.
If info helps, here it is. And it's good info from the main scientists and specialists.
a) Do Not Google. Google's stuff is total rubbish. Its stuff is nearly all based on evidence from the Stone Age of cancer treatment. It's all changed in the last couple of years. What you want is proper info from proper reliable sources.

b) Your current odds of success are 96%. Thus, only 4 out of every 100 people in your precise starting point (age, lump size etc) end up with a sort that standard treatment can't get rid of. Not fun if you're one of the 4. But good news if you're one of the other 96.
c) What really helps; science says take vitamin D every day as a supplement. Keep bedroom very dark (slows body down and gives cancer treatments more chance to work. Use orange light bulbs overnight not blue/white light. Take curcumin supplements and omega 3 supplements - a number of oncologists and surgeons are now recommending those as standard. I also took lactoferrin which is supposed to be jolly good and has some good science behind it.
d) What happens next - they'll probably do a sentinel node biopsy at some point in which they will glide you into surgery under anaesthetic and whip out one lymph node from under your arm - then stare at it to see if there are any cancer cells. If there aren't, they know it's not spread. Even if it has spread a bit, it's still treatable so do not panic. Then they will decide on treatment from that and the biopsy results on the lump. Sometimes they do chemotherapy first before surgery on the actual lump, to see what it does to the lump (since it's very good news if it shrinks it).

Chemotherapy is doable. Not fun, no. Most of us end up with it. You might not of course.I worked all the way through mine because I'm a complete nutter. Lost my hair but had fab wigs that people thought were my real hair and I really enjoyed wearing them. Had a lumpectomy not a full mastectomy (even though my lump was quite big, in a dodgy place and a very rude sort). So don't assume that you'll lose a boob. you might, but you might not.Depends on the view of the team.
Meantime, strong ?
Anyone else for one whilst I'm at the virtual kettle?

malteezers I can't add anything else to the excellent words of kk and amber except to say how sorry I am,and to promise you that this waiting bit for results and treatment plan is the very worst bit - once things start rolling you'll feel much more in control and able to cope.
Stick with us and we'll see you through every step of the way- and the best way to cope is one step at a time. Absolutely don't google - proper info from the Macmillan site and get to know your bcn as they can be totally wonderful supports. A big hug and lots of good thoughts to you xxx

Thank you all you're all lovely and I'm sorry we had to meet like this . I feel so guilty as I felt something a few months ago but convinced myself it was nothing as I was scared how stupid. So I'm now frightened that means it will have spread. The doctor did say well done for finding it though as it wasn't an easy one to spot. Have told the kids I have a lump and the doctor is going to help me to get better. Dh keeps breaking down which is awful
Anyway enough about me sorry for hijacking your lovely thread! I'll stick around though if that's ok I'll have lots of questions thanks for the advice do far

malteezers What everyone else has said. Almost twelve years ago I was almost exactly where you are. Age 43, 1.7cm lump, a 6 year old and 9 year old and had almost fainted when surgeon gave me the news. I'm still here.

Firstly as I remember, chemo is not a definite if you have a 2cm tumour, depending on grading of tumour and lymph nodes. Secondly even if lymph nodes are involved, and one of mine was, and my tumour was rather offensive so I thought that was it, it clearly isn't. One of my friends diagnosed at the same had 7 involved and her tumour was even more offensive, she is still here too. The treatments have moved on as well. As others have said chemo is something you endure, not nice, but doable.

The problem with a Cancer diagnosis is that we have a baggage of perceptions about things like spread to lymph nodes, chemo etc. which generate intense fear when we are first faced with it. I think we can all testify those fears, which you can't ever altogether shake, are at odds with the reality. It is going to be a whirl of fear and uncertainty for the next few days. However once you know exactly where you are, you can get on with coming to terms with your new reality (the new normal), putting your fears in a box, we have a very well sat on box and will always happily assist with keeping fears and paranoia in it, and just getting the treatment over with.

Many of us have been there, got the badge.

Oh Malteserzz, I am so sorry you have ended up here. I still get flashbacks to my own diagnosis, it is a horrible experience to endure. Amber has given excellent advice.

Please don't feel guilty, it is part of your brain trying to find a meaning or a reason for the whole thing. There is no one to blame. You can drive yourself mad trying to find out why it has happened to you. Well I did anyway!

Another hug for you malteserss . Tons of good advice here but I do echo this is worst part when it is still raw, you have no treatment plan and the cancer dx is throbbing thru your brain. Stick around , ask what you want and you absolutely are not thread hijacking.

I will have that amber- it's concert day for big gig . Lets just say she has gone into loud theatrical mode so I was pleased when went to school.

Trice- how you feeling? Hope mice haven't stolen more chocolate.

Waves to everyone else.

Thank you x
Dh just rang to tell his parents and told them he had some bad news and totally broke down I grabbed the phone off him to tell him it was me rather than one of the kids ! Think I'm going to have to be the strong one sometimes

I have the perfect rock anthem for singing very loudly at our karaoke piss up us. Nothings Gonna Stop Us Now Especially the line "People think we're crazy" ..............

Second visit to Pompeii exhibition and just as absorbing as first. I hope it is on your bucket list gigs It was stupidly crowded yesterday, although we still got on the day tickets easily, and people still seemed to be getting them at lunchtime. Lots of tiger grannies, friend of male type was with us and was laughing when one posh old granny stood in front of an information panel I was reading to talk inane banter with her friends so I kept looking around her as a gentle hint until I ended up so invading her personal space I was practically kissing her neck but she still didn't shift.... Perhaps you could email and ask if you could have a private viewing? I bet they would if you explained, Classics scholar and " I have CANCER"

The posh granny and friends then really got on my wick in the bedroom bit "Ooo look it's a willy, is that a willy? Is that what roman willies looked like? HAW HAW. Look at that potty, so well designed HAW HAW" I had to go for a sit down so they got ahead because I couldn't have coped with them looking at the statue of Pan shagging a goat .

Also wrote badly yesterday, the fbook comment about bravery and awesomeness was not addressed to me, though I am clearly brave and awesome It was addressed to the girl who was having 8 injections to go cycling in Africa so I had another attack of Tourettes about how you shouldn't wrap the horror of cancer up in the candy floss of pinkness and talk of being brave and fighting...

Shit hitting fan here, looks as though DHs job at end of line, which will be a relief to me, we can cope financially and I might get my Darling Husband back as opposed to the Arse I have now but I think it is going to be a rocky few days as it pans out. He is upstairs asleep but promised we will talk later just now.... He'll have to get a move on as also have to get little Copt to Ed Psych for crucial assessment for extra time...........

Poor dh- but sounds like you are doing well (and I completely get better you than kids).

Macmillan (or indeed Bcn) can offer support for dh if needed. Might be worth ringing them or getting dh to,

How old are your kids btw?

At tiger grannies - yes its on my list and will play cancer cArd. At present enjoying using that to get out of helping at school fair.

Hope appt today helps little Copt.

Spookily enough dh was discussing taking early retirement too. His boss an arse and tho dh doesn't do too badly with stress of it , he is at point where thinks if boss an ungrateful tit again (boss freely admits relies on dh but then never thanks him, shafts him in pay rise, takes credit etc). We would be ok financially and I can see idea of more time with kids eat appealing to dh.

Hi Gig, I am trying for denial which is a bit hampered by the fact I have been stuck in bed for a month. I just hope they can sort me out.

My yarn stash takes up three cupboards and my friend has just given me three meters of vintage liberty silk which needs a pattern. My ds is going on his first residential with school and my dd is the magic mirror in the summer play and needs a costume.

At the moment I can't breathe or eat properly. I am worried about the new chemo but if it helps - bring it on! It's different to last time when I felt well and the chemo made me ill.

malteezers Having to be the strong one for husbands not coping was a shared experience for my friends and I, (an informal support group sprung up out of two other women at DDs school diagnosed at same time as me and other people we met whilst being treated) some of friend's husbands ended up on ant d's whilst we got by on black humour and each other.

I really recommend some form of support group if you can find one that works for you, which isn't necessarily going to happen with a random group of strangers. However having someone to share the experience with, laugh at it and talk about the things that would be too painful for family and friends was a huge help to me during treatment.

I want to go to the pompeii show now. I always laugh at the willies and toilets though so you wouldn't want to be near me!

I definitely want to go to Pompeii thing...I may snigger at willies..
Dh did ancient hist at university so no doubt will be the grown-up.
Am gasping at cycling girl fluffiness thing copt
Hope both gig and copt dhs job things sort themselves out in the best way.
trice what meds are you being given ? - am guessing capecitabine,which is what I'm on.
Righto - off to collect boy from school and off to hosp. a bientot !

trice Yes that was another thing I remember needing to arrive at early. No point in "What ifs"

Hope your meeting tomorrow gives you a good plan going forward, that is the good thing about chemo, it does actually work!!

Another knitter and sewer (It seems to occur more amongst us than the rest of the population iyswim) Do you want any help with costume ideas? In charge of costumes for two Year 6 productions, and I have the scars to prove it!!

gigs When DH is human again we should definitely get them together. Just had a talk, he seems quite upbeat, worried about money (only because he has lived too long in la la land, you know what I mean) but he has a plan , and we all know that is the key thing

Should be clear I have no problem with laughing at willies and potties. I have a problem with doing it loudly, and with air that everyone else should be in awe of their great wit and poshness and with sense of entitlement to hog exhibits.

In fact I have a business idea, as I think there is a gap in the market for garden ornaments featuring willies and especially Pan shagging a goat www.standard.co.uk/goingout/exhibitions/pompeii-some-facts-to-whet-your-appetite-for-the-british-museum-blockbuster-8550205.html (This is not rude because it is Roman and the goat is clearly enjoying it). If I can con pursuade just one alpha trophy wife around here that is classy and the next big thing in garden design it will start a trend and I could be the Kelly Hoppen of garden ornaments

A massive hug from me too, Malterserzz. But everyone else is right, you have an excellent chance of getting out the other side, even if it is a bumpy ride through, and the treatment is way more doable these days than it used to be, and far more efficient.

Many of us were around your age (or even younger) and with young kids when diagnosed. It is a shock but you are not alone. So many of us have done it/are doing it, you will be able to also, I am sure. Even if you have to have chemo - like amber, I too worked all through it, even built my business a bit larger at the same time. I was lucky, I guess, but it shows that it may not be as bad as you think now.

As for ignoring your lump - we've most of us done it. Mine didn't feel like a lump really and I thought my bra was rubbing. Ignored it for months. Treated in 2009, and as far as I know I am currently just fine. x

And on the willies subject- v snigger worthy. We go to an Italian restaurant with -erm- paintings. Dd and I spend most of our meal snorting, while DH gives us withering looks.