Strategies for avoiding depression - care to share them?

[WideWebWitch]

I don't think I'm depressed but am very aware that I have been before and it could happen again. I am scared, no, make that terrified, of this. The first time, 6 years ago, it was low level depression and, I think, connected to social isolation and circumstances (my GP and my mum both agreed on this) added to the shock of first time parenthood. I took St Johns Wort which helped.

This morning, I had an hour where I felt panicky and weak and I really worried that it was coming back. However, on talking to a friend (thank you, you know who you are), we reckoned betweeen us that it was very likely that my feelings were related to my circumstances atm. These are that I've had 2 terrible nights up with dd (she's 8 weeks), no food since 8pm last night, various stressful arguments with ds's school, I'm at home with a squalling windy baby, my car wouldn't start (again) this morning, the house is a tip and we're being inspected tomorrow by the letting agent, there are 2 extra children coming for tea tonight, I'm v. worried about a dear friend whose husband of 20 years has just walked out on her and their 3 children (so worried I drove for 3 hours to see her yesterday) and I'm knackered! I feel a lot better for realising that it's reasonable to feel a bit overwhelmed by all this. I don't feel suicidal, I can eat (just hadn't managed it this am), I can sleep but had just done dp's turn in the night as a favour to him and I do take joy in my dd and look forward to things. So I doubt I'm depressed but I wondered if anyone had any other coping strategies they could share with me? Pouring it out on mumsnet is a good one and reading the above back actually, it's no wonder I was fed up this morning I think.

I also called my mum and she came over. We went for a walk and I realise that I feel a lot better for some exercise, some fresh air and for eating something. Plus I'm going to have a v. early night too so I know sleep is imminent. Talking, walking and eating made all the difference today. Had I not been able to do these things I really think I'd have lost it. Thanks for listening - if any one has any other ideas for staving off the black clouds I'd love to hear them.

Avoid all stressful situations you possibly can.
Get plenty of sleep.
Eat healthy food and take a vitamin supplement.
Don't booze too much.
Take exercise that you enjoy.
Hang around people who make you feel better.
Accept all offers of help from people who don't stress you.
Make time to do the things that relax you.
Revive your dreams and ambitions and make them a part of your everyday life.
If you are having a bad day, take it easy - obey your feelings or it may turn into a bad week.

You sound like you are doing all the rights things to stave off a depression. I think exercise (in daylight hours) and sleep are two of the most important. This is what my consultant has said (I am recovering from a bout of depression at the moment). He has given me a book on cognitive(sp?) therapy. Which is basically techinques on avoiding depression before it gets a hold.
If I ever get time to read it will let you know what is suggests
You sound like you've had a bad time in the last day or so and it's no wonder you feel down.
Sending you a big hug ((((x))))

I think you've got most of them (exercise, fresh air, sleep etc...)

A couple of other things I've found helpful in the past (although sometimes I really need to take my own advice, I really do):

• if you catch yourself in a negative spiral (e.g. things never go right, oh that's just typical...) I find it can plunge very quickly into a cycle of feeling like a victim and self-pity. Sounds inane and you feel stupid doing it, but try and immediately think of three specific positive things to counteract the negative thing. It's hard work, but it does get easier with practise.

• make sure you have a "treat" to look forward to every day. Even if it's just five minutes flipping through a magazine, or a soak in the bath before bedtime. When I'm busy or stressed the first thing that gets "dumped" is "me time" and I've learnt how detrimental that is.

• an extension of the above really. Avoid long to do lists at all costs (they can be very depressing) but do think of something small each day that you'd really like to get done. Then do it. Sense of achievement of at least getting something done in a day can sometimes be enough to keep me from getting too despondent.

• Light. This time of year, it's really worth investing in some daylight bulbs. I know they're expensive, but I think they're worth every penny.

• Get out. Be pushy - phone someone up you don't know that well and ask if they fancy a coffee somewhere. Go for a walk around the block.

• Brief Tidy. Okay, this one is probably just because I'm weird. But I do find I feel more bogged down if once ds is in bed there's still kid stuff all over the floor. Five minutes chucking it all into a box/into another room and shutting the door on it helps me get out of "Mummy" role and back into being "Georgina" again... for a little while at least

I agree that you seem to have got the main coping strategies sorted... eat, sleep, and exercise.. all help me. In life bc (before children) it was much easier to avoid lows becoming full on depression.. but when it's hard to make time to eat due to children needing attention, impossible to sleep as baby needs feeding, and exercise means pushing the pram round a freezing park it's easier said than done!
I've found that I can 'push' myself to cope for a week or two but then I need to give myself permission to have a day of minimal stress, and maximum rest..have to stop trying to support dh and actually accept support from him.
I'm having counselling for my PND at the moment, and as far as I can see it's just a way of offloading all the stresses and accepting that I really am coping with a lot of things at the moment, and feeling overwhelmed is sometimes unavoidable. As you said in your post WWW, when you read back all the things you are coping with it's not surprising how you are feeling.

Sorry you're feeling low but it's not really surprising reading that list. Can't add to what's been posted but at least you've identified it which must help.

I think Janstar covered it all, at least you recognise the symtoms and are prepared to accept the possibility - that is 3/4 of the battle IMHO. I think we all suffer from control freak syndrome and are all afraid to accept help, supporting our children/partners etc as well as running the home, working, being a good friend etc. It is no wonder that sometimes, our bodies just say 'enough'. I think the most important bit is accepting help. People genuinely want to help - we just have to have the courage to let them. Good luck - hope you feel brighter soon {{}}

There's some very good advice here. WWW, Look at what you've got on your plate atm - blimey, most people would be stressed out! Most of all be kind to yourself and keep posting.

Kayleigh, what is the name of your book? When I was first diagnosed (and before, when I was struggling) I tried lots of self-help books but couldn't find one that struck a chord. To be fair I couldn't concentrate for more than a chapter at a time .

ghengis, it's called "Overcoming Depression" by Paul Gilbert. There is a link here to Amazon (can't do links but just copy it in www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1841191256/qid=1075216800/sr=1-2/ref=sr_1_11_2/026-6276330-4211627)

What about keep a journal. I know it takes some time, but it is another way of getting stuff off your chest and rereading can help you identify patterns of behaviours or circumstances that you might want to change, or rereading can give you a sense of achievement at having changed things or whatever.

Can you sleep when your new dd is sleeping during the day, or do you have to look after other kiddies? If you can sleep during the day, that would be great but I found I had to put ds down and walk straight into my bedroom otherwise I would start cleaning up.

I must say the weather is getting me down at the moment, so the light idea sounds good. It strikes me as too cold to go for a walk. It hasn't made it to 0 today here and there is this little tiny bits of snow thing going on.

What about reading a book? When my ds was v young I read by his night light while breastfeeding in middle of night - preferably some fiction that you are very interested in but can still put down and get back to bed. Now I at least get a few pages in for a few minutes before I go to sleep etc.

HTH

Everyone else has said what I wanted to say really - in particular that it's no bloody wonder you're feeling low!

But also I always find that I can cope better with stressful situations when eating properly. By properly I mean fruit, veg etc. You're probably too busy to really worry about it, but even throwing a bit of spinach on a pizza can help I think. Plus keeping nice bite-size fruit in the fridge and grabbing some whenever you open it (cherries, grapes etc). Perhaps it's just me being neurotic, but I did once read that poor nutrition is one of the reasosn that depression rates among teenagers is so high - certainly explains why I was depressed when a teenager (was vegetarian and lived in a house with no useable kitchen. )

I hope you feel better soon.

Do you think its worth taking the St Johns Wort again for a few weeks ust to give yourself a bit of a boost. It sounds like youve got loads to deal with and as it helped you before it might just help give you a break.
Hope you feel bit better soon.
Kizziex

www - hope you manage to stave off those black clouds. Can't give any advice though, as I don't manage it myself pie xx

No strategies, no experience, but laods of thoughts and hugs your way.

Get out in any sunshine that you get (bloomin' Winter!) If it snows, wrap up warm and go out in it. Watch a funny film/comedian...just get a few laughs. Spend time out of the house, with people who make you feel good about yourself. Treat yourself, if you fancy something, just have it (But Ewan McGregor is taken!)

Not eating is going to make you feel bad, especially added to the other items you mentioned. You don't sound depressed (yet), but may go that way if you physically abuse your body and strength. Keep your chin up girl! AND EAT!

a big ((HUG)) from me. Bound to make you feel better!! Take care!

(I have had 2 glasses of wine since dd went to sleep so am feeling a bit perkier this evening!)

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Dp came home, cleaned the house, took the baby, ran me a bath, ordered a pizza and we had an early night. All this and some lovely sex (I think that helps too actually) means I feel a LOT better today. I'm spending the day with a good friend who I've known since we were both 9 and she's always a star and a tonic so I think today will be OK. GeorginaA, I've already used your 'think of 3 positive things' strategy this morning - it's good to police negative thoughts I think. Janstar, that's a great list, thank you. Senora, apart from the pizza I ate healthily yesterday and you're right, it does make a difference. Kizzie, thanks but I think I'll wait and see for a bit. The second time I took it (when I was just a bit down, not depressed) I had awful nightmares so I think I'll see how I go. I'm so grateful for mumsnet. Thank you all for this.

message withdrawn

Kayleigh - that book looks great! I've put it on my wishlist along with the other ones in the series for Anxiety and Low Self-Esteem (I'm really getting into worry overload at the moment and I just know it will be worse with a young baby in the house - I panic over the slightest thing). Never heard of them before but the technique sounds really interesting. Thank you for posting the link.

WWW - glad you're feeling a bit better today. I think you hit on the right word with "policing" - your post has been a good reminder to myself that I need "policing" again as I have been feeling very negative about my health and pregnancy. As I said before I often need reminding of my own advice!! Perhaps we need one day a month where we give ourselves a "mental health check" particularly in winter

www- glad you had a good night.
I think you've sort of answered your own question now. As you've suffered before you'll know that with depression there really is very little that can make you feel better short term. Whereas when you're feeling a bit low - a bit of kindness, some support from your partner and spending time with a good friend can make all the difference.
Sounds like you need some big time pampering and some TLC!!
Hope you have a good day.
Kizziex

glad you are feeling better www. i know what you mean about having a pants day (i was woken early by ds, hit head hard on door handle when locking door, threw keys under fridge in exasperation, caught train that was 1.5 hours delayed and sat in severn tunnel for half an hour, got to office and no pc for half an hour and nearly cried at work).

Um someone mentioned "dreams and ambitions". What do you do when you don't know what these are any more?

Or when all your good friends and family live over 100 miles away and when your local friends are often too busy doing things with their partners at weekends and your DP is too busy doing DIY which you can't help with because of DS to look after and he's better at it anyway.

Just need to get some of this off my chest. Feeling up and down like a yo yo and scared that this at 18 weeks pg might turn into PND.

Kayleigh, thanks for the book info. Have added it to my wish list too.

I found getting a really good haircut and some clothes that fitted me helped a lot when ds was tiny and PND was looming. You get covered in sick with a small baby whatever you wear, so I decided to wear clothes that flattered the shape I actually was rather than waiting to fit back into my pre-pg clothes while wearing shapeless baggy stuff of dh's. Also I never leave the house without earrings and mascara - it takes no time to do but it makes an ENORMOUS difference to my self-esteem. Roll on Spring....

www, hope you are still feeling ok. It sounds like that hour on Tuesday morning really scared you. Your dp did just the right things - he is one in a million.

you wanted tips for staving off the black clouds - can I add this because it's worked for me in this skint, depressing post christmas period. I don't know if it would work for someone who is very depressed but anyway I will put it down:

I made a list of all the nice things I could do with my sons (and without them) according to my budjet, my time and other constraints. Even simple things like making an apple crumble and getting batteries for thier bubble guns. Also I added friends to the list who we could visit or invite round. I tried to remember all the things my sons said they wanted to do, that fell within the constraints or time and money.

When I am stressed I find I cannot think of nice things to do, or if I can, they are the obvious, expensive kind of things. Making a list of the less obvious things is great to refer to in times of crisis. Planning to do these things at weekends, putting them in my diary, gives me a sense of order, even if we end up doing something different.

Also, sometimes I go on internet sites and enter every single competition I can find! I have only just begun to do this so don't know if I will ever win anything, but it's nice to dream.

Hope these suggestions don't sound too flippant - I can't add any more useful advice to what's here already.

glad your feeling better - just wanted to say am thinking of you - and if you ever want to write it all down and pour it all out mail me any time - i can then reply using the word "feck" a lot and being generally flippant...seriously tho' its a genuine offer

xxxxxxxxxxxxxkeep well