Page 30 | Tamoxifen 34 *the power of Sauron*

smee · 19/04/2013 12:18

Well done on blood test, Kurri, though about babies crying. When do you get results? If it makes you feel any better I'm 5'6 and a half really.

KurriKurri · 19/04/2013 12:34

I imagine I'll get the results next week Smee, - I am now worrying because I have had a few twingy pains in my stomach/liver area in the last few weeks. But it's probably just paranoia.

5'6" is still much taller than me

Copthallresident · 19/04/2013 13:23

Mr gigs Thanks for the update and the drugs Glad gigs is up to croaking at us, and hope she escapes those over attentive ICU nurses as soon as possible. It's all happening out on this balcony now. Get down Topsy, no, you can't fly to Dobbies........

KK Don't worry I'm shrinking down rapidly, and it is all becoming horizontal rather than vertical, I must have a distorting mirror rather than a chocolate and champagne habit Actually recently had a touch of Canceritus about a funny skin blemish until realised that chicken pox scar previously on collar bone, and then just below it, is now well into mastectomy area

My blood test was very strange, went into the room and there was a little old man with shaky hands and a 16 year old in a suit who looked like he was on work experience . He was actually charming, one of those cheeky Robbie Williams types but I wasn't really in the mood. Mas DO NOT READ ON. I wasn't sure if I was relieved that man with shaky hands was actually doing the test but actually he got what he needed first time and then it wouldn't stop Have paranoia box lid open....... He asked if I was on medication, so now worrying terrible blood disease, and I now have a big hard purple lump on the back of my hand. He said it was because he had had to use little veins and they bleed easily. Will the lump go? Could he have damaged the vein? I don't have many!!

By the way I did that to someone once, was convinced I knew her and smiled and said hello and then realised where I knew her from, "Casualty" the TV programme

Sparkle those results all sound very familiar. My WBC still hovers around 2. I used to find that starting the injections as a premptive strike before the WBC started committing hara-kiri would keep my WBC counts going below 1 and sometimes they even shot up to 14 towards the end of the bad week. I just had them from Day 5 or 7 (sorry , a long time ago) for 5 days, but once the injections stopped it would drop down to 1.5 ish and I had to wait for the long slow process of it coming back up again for the next treatment. They were all delayed, and my 5 cycles took well over six months. They also kept reducing the dose. However this was 11 years ago, the drugs and regime may have changed now. However with a WBC count of around 2 I really don't get sick all that often, I often don't pick up colds etc. from the rest of the family and I can't be bothered to be ultra careful about it . Consultant wonders if I always had a low WBC count and it is just the way my body is.

Waves to everyone

smee · 19/04/2013 13:26

Kurri, just did a quick consult with Dr Google for you and I think your GP's looking for raised liver enzymes not due to cancer, but due to cholesterol, which is a common side effect of thyroid problems. Lots of links to stomach/ liver pains connected to thyroid too. Obviously cholesterol problems not great, but so much better than recurrence.

KurriKurri · 19/04/2013 13:40

Thanks Smee - that's made me feel a bit better I wish they would tell you what they have in mind instead of leaving you to imagine all sorts.

smee · 19/04/2013 13:45

I think some GP's just forget how paranoid cancer makes you. I'd bet in your GP's mind, you're his Thyroid Patient now, not his cancer patient, so it wouldn't occur to him to reassure you.

KurriKurri · 19/04/2013 13:53

If I'd been on the ball I'd have asked Smee- but I was surprised when he said it and just said 'oh yes OK' - I am a twit, - should have been properly geared up for the phonecall.

Copt - I am at Mr Shaky and Work experience boy taking your blood.
And you accosting Casualty woman ( that is exactly what I would do, I can never remember where I recognise someone from)

I think next time I have my blood taken I am going to request no tape - I have no mark where the needle went in, but a great big blood blister where they stuck the tape on Actually two blood blisters on closer inspection - double

How is Mr Copt atm? still v. stressed?

Copthallresident · 19/04/2013 13:53

BTW MAS Forgot to congratulate you on your book commission, does that mean lots of Christmassy things in store when the sun is shining down? Good post on Fbook, I love the idea of you sparkling Mine sparkles too but that is probably the Cava still in it

Copthallresident · 19/04/2013 14:07

KK Well as I predicted the huge stress of early this week started to give way to arseyness . However I have not been letting him get away with it, not getting upset but just pointing out that we have done nothing wrong, albeit not done what he wants. It seems to be taking the wind out of his sails a bit. Nice weather forecast for the weekend and he says he is going to clean the patio which would be a great help.

KurriKurri · 19/04/2013 14:16

Stress expressed as arseyness - oh yes, we have been there- why do they do that???
Patio cleaning is a good plan, - I am going to try to get Dh to do something practical/physical this weekend - he is always better and more relaxed for it.

I also try not to get upset, because I figure that it doesn't make me feel any better, and it also allows him to tell himself that the problem lies with me. But I also feel quite that I always have to be the one adapting and controlling my behaviour to accomodate his - there is no give and take.

topsyturner · 19/04/2013 14:34

I'm baaaaaaaaack !

Dobbies was Such Fun ...

More fun was the M&S sandwiches

Copthallresident · 19/04/2013 14:42

KK I completely agree that one partner should not be the one doing the adapting, with no negotiation. Perhaps you can chip away instead of having a grand summitt, a clean patio here, a walk out there, all slowly weaning him off the dratted game. I am sure your DH would benefit from hearing it is not fair from a third party......

DHs Counsellor has made him realise he can be controlling and even abusive (verbally) but he can't seem to stop himself. I think part of the problem is that I am an appeaser and will try and find a way of keeping the peace but then I end up with Hitler (and being Hitler helps him cope with his stress and loss of control in the rest of his life) and it all just builds up and eventually I blow in a way DH can dismiss as unreasonable and me not coping which is why I am now focusing on resisting the little things, and keeping calm.................

Sometimesiwonder · 19/04/2013 15:12

Bloody hell can't keep up with you all!

Will have to check back in later and read properly before I say more .... xx

MAS hope the appointment went well.

amberlight · 19/04/2013 15:43

I'm blessed with good working/family relationships with at least 20 men on the autism spectrum, none of whom are in any way controlling or abusive or Hitlerish, and if they can manage it, so can other blokes. Grr to any partner who gets dictatorial with their other half.

MrGigs · 19/04/2013 16:21

Gigs now out of intensive care and back in her luxury room with her bounteous balcony (keep the noise down).

smee · 19/04/2013 16:26

Whispering hooray! Give her a v.gentle hug from all of us MrGigs.

Original poster

MaryAnnSingleton · 19/04/2013 16:27

waves to everyone especially gig and mrgig - hope recovery is going well.
copt I think has seen my fb post,tapped out on my phone while waiting for my meds (2 hours !!) I saw oncy's understudy who is v nice but I think lacks the directness of onc himself - I tried to explain again about how I feel about my diagnosis and that being so well ~(my blood is apparently extremely ok ) makes it hard for me to accept it. She said that people with lung mets rarely feel ill. It seems harder when several people I know are struggling with mets problems and I feel bad about that - I wondered if it might be lots to do with my brother ? or am i trying to be too psychological. I really felt like weeping but couldn;t really.
Will find a link to my joke book coorong
Well done to blood test survivors hope the bruisy bits disappear quickly.

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Original poster

MaryAnnSingleton · 19/04/2013 16:27

hooray for gig - can we come in for a bit ?

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MaryAnnSingleton · 19/04/2013 17:01

bumper book of very silly jokes coorong

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topsyturner · 19/04/2013 17:17

HOORAY FOR GIGS !!!
(Whoops , contains excitement and whispers hooray)

Mas it's very hard to explain isn't it ?
Almost like you are asking to be ill .
I know we're not , but you almost feel like if you were sick - at least you'd know what's going on ?
When you feel healthy , you then start wondering does that mean that it's creeping silently around your body ?

Anyhoo , enough deepness from me
And I'm sober !!!

amberlight · 19/04/2013 17:23

Gig and MrGig, hurrah!!!!

all round.

jchocchip · 19/04/2013 17:57

Hurray for gigs being back in her posh room with balcony some of us have balconys on our office Yippee its the weekend and def worth celebrating I vote on the balcony :)

Copthallresident · 19/04/2013 18:02

Mr gigs just throw out more drugs, they make you beatific and peaceful, then we won't get on to the Iceland Babycham, Tesco basics cider or Buckfast Abbey tonic wine , and start singing................

Glad gigs is back in the lap of luxury on the way to recovery.

MAS Isn't it as much to do with our perceptions of Cancer, as something threatening and as Topsy says that creeps silently around your body, like some sort of malevolent being. In fact it is just the mutating of cells that goes on all the time, but usually gets mopped up, more like a gang of random idiots. Yours are well and truly being slapped around and contained so they can't do too much harm, so of course you can sparkle, and Topsy appears to have beaten hers up so thoroughly it has put them right off causing any trouble . The part of this disease that has made life hardest for most of us is not the Cancer but the treatments, the psychological effect of those perceptions and the way we are expected to behave and look.

Though of course if you know someone for whom the random idiocy got a hold you do also feel the weight of what they went through hanging over you, and a survivor guilt.

Original poster

MaryAnnSingleton · 19/04/2013 18:36

yep, copt and topsy you have made v good points there. I look well and am well but when the oncs speak they say things like 'at the moment...' so there's the anticipation of something bad that will happen at some point. And it is a kind of guilt,because others are having horrid things going on with their mets and I'm fine and dandy. And my brother -there's lots tied up with that I suspect.
I always over analyse.

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smee · 19/04/2013 19:04

MAS, lots of wisdom from Topsy and Copt. I always think it's the unknown with this bloody disease that gets you. It's hard to stay on an even keel when you can't know absolutes about any of it. I'd say a good weep would have been in order, but failing that can I pour you some and celebrate your blood?? That's truly great news.

Hope Gigs has got the butler sorted and is eating something divine. You too, MrGigs. Thanks for the updates. for you too.

What's everyone up to this weekend? We're in tonight, but tomorrow it's a friend's birthday so that should be fun. Going to a posh trendy wine bar apparently. wonder if they'll let me and DH in