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Spoons! Support thread for CFS, ME & Lupus sufferers

937 replies

Grockle · 24/12/2012 23:30

Merry Christmas to you all.

Wishing you a happy, spoon-filled day.

Xmas Smile

Spoon Theory here

OP posts:
SuffolkNWhat · 14/01/2013 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Megsdaughter · 14/01/2013 12:10

Hi Dont join in much sorry (used to be shoshe) but in a really bad flare with Lupus at the moment.

Discoid Rash over my torso, really painful joints.

Been put back on Steroids which really pissed off about as started to diet after Christmas and have lost a stone. Steroids are not going to help that!

Just want to rant really.

It seems one step forward two behind at the moment.

magso · 14/01/2013 13:11

Megs rant away - I sympathise with the steroid weight gain and shape change! I have had loads of high dose steroids which has really messed with my body shape and weight ( and self esteem). Hope they knock your flare up on the head though. Are you likely to be on them a while?
Suffolk hope you recover properly and quickly from your virus.
Belles the idea of working 5 days a week whilst ill is unthinkable. However I know in the past I would have tried too.

Megsdaughter · 14/01/2013 14:00

Mags, got to see the Dr again next week, I have a weeks worth now but last time I was on them for ages.

I was diagnosed ten years ago, and up till now was pretty much under control.

But the last year or so gradually getting worse.

I was working full time as a nanny until September, now I only do term time , and private school terms at that, anymore and Im wiped out.

Always been bloody minded and it wasnt going to take over my life, but it finally is beginning to.

belleshell · 14/01/2013 20:15

Megs im with u, this was never gunna beat me!!!! it has, Im 40 this year and my close friends are all celebrating in different ways, one is adopting ( it just seems to have fallen around her birthday) one is having a party and im panicking already at the thought f a night out...and another whose birthday is same week as mine and we have always shared celebrations as invited me to ibiza for 4 days...........obviously i cant go, she is a proper pary animal.... i told her a national holiday would suit me more!!! to which she laughed... i was deadly serious....

i hate ME

Solo · 14/01/2013 23:31

Hello all!

ME wasn't going to beat me either; I just pushed myself harder :( stupid thing to do...

I'm back to work on Monday. Dreading it so much.

fuzzpig · 15/01/2013 07:04

Hi meg Thanks

I am kind of the opposite in that I've never been one to really push myself physically. I am optimistic in that I do believe I won't have ME forever, but I do think that for the moment it is going to beat me, if that makes sense?! I feel like I just need to let it take over for a while, and just STOP.

Various things I've read have had sufferers saying that they only really started getting better when they admitted just how ill they were and actually slowed down/stopped properly to give their bodies a chance to rest and recover.

But then I get worried that if I stop totally I will never be able to start again because I will get deconditioned... Argh!

I managed an 8.30-7 day yesterday and had a hellish journey home in freezing rain Angry thankfully today is just a half day.

Megsdaughter · 15/01/2013 08:19

I have Lupus not ME, although I do have Fibro with it. I find when I'm off and not busy I feel worse.
My boss is fantastic tho and insists that when the LO is sleeping I sit down for a hour.
To be honest my job is fairly easy. Only one at home and one at school.

We go out to groups and such in the morning. And play at home in the afternoon, or weather permitting the garden or park down the road.

I will be 54 in feb and I think once these children have grown I will retire. I was suppose to when I gave up full time childminding 3 years ago but got bored to quickly :)

magso · 15/01/2013 09:23

Well I have a day at home today - so no more excuses to avoid the chores.

I think I have accepted I have CFS/ME and must listen to my body and go with it and avoid gettting so tired I cannot talk/stay upright. What I have not accepted is that we just have to put up with it. I just think medical science has not yet established the cause and treatments yet so we have to find our own way. I think in the early days the searching took up quite a bit of my energy - now I know there is no fast fix - just a hopeful search to find my way slowly to a better level.
How are you Solo after going back and Fuzzpig hope you are alright this morning after your long day.
An understanding boss is good - although I think all should be. Rest you should Megs but it so much easier when you know your boss insists on it. I am sure you do not get 'lunch breaks' - so it is sensible to have your break when your young charge is sleeping. Don't feel guilty! I had a collegue who used to remind me to rest when ever I needed (even when we were busy) which made it easier to actually stop.

SuffolkNWhat · 15/01/2013 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grockle · 15/01/2013 20:17

Oh megsdaughter, sorry you are suffering. I remember you from years ago. I think you live in my neck of the woods. I'm glad your job is not too tough atm, that makes a difference.

And Suffolk too Sad This is the perfect place to rant though... feel free Smile

How is everyone else? Belle, Magso, Fuzz, Solo, smiling?

I'm doing ok. I did sleep in the car on the way to work this morning and again when I got to work. My boss came in and woke me up Blush

OP posts:
Megsdaughter · 15/01/2013 20:22

I did indeed Grockle but over over a county now Grin

Feeling better today. steroids are working and skin isnt so itchy.

DH is away at the moment so I am coming home from work, having a meal from the freezer (DH does all the cooking and has left me meals already done) and curling up on the sofa with the dogs.

We organised a dog walker for while he is away, I dont think I would have coped working then having to walk them.

Grockle · 15/01/2013 21:07

A dog walker is a good idea. My poor girl doesn't go if I am ill & DP away. That's very rare though & she does have 5-8 mile walks most days so I don't feel too terrible!

DS seems to be going through another bad patch but I don't know why.

OP posts:
confuddledDOTcom · 16/01/2013 02:04

I marked my spot and never came back Blush

OK, so here's the story. Until 2005 I didn't think there was anything wrong with me, apart from being a hypochondriac, being very cold and the fainting a lot! I had an early miscarriage but it was my first time so we weren't too worried, then I got pregnant again straight away and I went into labour at 19 weeks, our daughter was born alive so they knew something was wrong with me and I got lots of testing. From that we discovered the Hughes Syndrome and I went on to have 3 more little girls and just before Christmas our first son. All my pregnancies have been healthy although irritable and I deliver early. Our son is the earliest at 29 weeks, he's still in hospital which I'm finding a little strange and Sad being separated from him and he's in another town so I can't see him often.

Anyway, a few days before the 19 weeker was born I had a nasty fall and have had PGP ever since, I've needed crutches for the last 4 years or so. I saw the Lupus clinic after my diagnosis (Hughes is generally covered by Lupus clinics as the nasty big brother) and they found out from there I get TIAs rather than fainting (hardly surprisingly starting at 13 when I went on the pill for my awful cycles) I have Raynauds which is why I'm cold and of course it explains all the general aches and pains I get and a few random things I never expected.

In 2011 I was pregnant with our youngest daughter and had a week where I could barely get out of bed, I could only do one direction on the stairs without ending up ill, so needed to go to bed every time I went to the toilet. I stupidly convinced myself I had a PE (stupidly because being a thrombophiliac I'm at greater risk so I should have got someone to take me straight to hospital!) but waited from Monday until my antenatal clinic on Friday before telling anyone! By that point I had ruled out a PE as I wasn't dead, I knew it wasn't asthma and pretty sure I didn't have a chest infection. As I see rheumatology when I'm pregnant they were the right people to see, they went through the same checks I had and came to the same conclusions, she then started to poke me in particular places and ask if it hurt... I had all but one trigger point for fibromyalgia. I had an assessment with an anaethatist to see if I could have an epidural as they'd failed in the past and he found that area of my spine is badly damaged from the fall.

Then last year I was out with Mum and my husband and was getting really bad sulphur burps. Convinced I was dying they rushed me to the out of hours GP. I knew I'd had it before but I guess I'd never gassed the car out before! They didn't really come up with an answer, gave me gaviscon to try and control it. I carried on like that for awhile, bloating up painfully after a meal, it hid my pregnancy for awhile as I looked about four months, I lost about a stone as I was unable to eat and losing everything I did eat pretty much straight away with painful runs. Calmed down in pregnancy but since the baby was born it's started up again. The GP thinks it's IBS but couldn't do much testing before as I was pregnant, I'm going back on Friday.

I currently feel like I'm falling apart, my back is painfully spasming regularly (which is new), the IBS (or whatever it is) is back with sulphur gas going both ways, my tummy constantly moving (for want of a better word), constant migraines (also new! I've had the odd one but nothing like this) and of course to top it all off I'm trying to express which is leaving my boobs tender.

My eldest had a couple of nasty infections last year which left her with CFS, she was on part time school for the last half term of the academic year but hasn't had a day sick this year Grin she's still not brilliant, but she's working hard to keep going, the insoles she got a few months ago have really helped to reduce the pain she's in which has made her less tired.

Sorry for the essay Blush just nice to get it all out because it's really getting me down at the moment. No one IRL seems to appreciate what I go through, I had a conversation with Mum who'd heard on a programme I think that TIAs are a sign of something and I should get them to check them out, I kept saying "Yes Mum, I have Hughes Syndrome!" but she doesn't appreciate what a nasty disease it is so she can't understand that it's about what you'd expect!

magso · 16/01/2013 17:15

Hi confuddled sounds like you have had a tough few years.
Guilt at not being able to do as many active things with our children is something we all seem to share. My son is older (13) but because of his SN does not fully understand my limitations although like you dd Suffolk he understands when Mummy hurts- I cannot imagine how we would have managed if I had got ill when he was very small - at least he has mostly got over hi 'running' phase. He can be very sweet when I get wobbly and get me a blanket. Hope you are getting over your virus.
Good you are feeling a little less itchy Megs. Hope your flair up is soon under control. I had heard Lupus can improve with age, so it must be double frustrating for this flairup to be happening.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 16/01/2013 19:22

Hello everyone, I dont have the energy or the attention span to read everything ive missed over the last few days so will try and catch up tomorrow.

Ive had a really stressful day, the jury people finally got back to me at 3.50pm today and said that unless I can provide them with a drs note by Friday I will have to report for jury service on Monday!

I obviously couldnt get a dr appointment today at that time and my gp doesnt work Thurs or Fri so I went into melt down, I asked the dr's receptionist if she could ask the gp to call me and she said she would pass the message on but couldnt promise anything, this caused me to completely shut down and dp found me asleep on the kitchen floor Blush

Lovely gp rang at 6.30 and is writing me a letter and faxing it to jury service tomorrow, she is also chasing up an appointment with endocrinologist, so fingers crossed I will be excused from jury service.

I am exhausted and am in bed already, dp is making hot chocolate then coming up to watch a film with me.

magso · 16/01/2013 21:41

Fingers crossed for you smiling.

Grockle · 16/01/2013 21:44

Oh, confuddled Sad Welcome. What a tough time you've had. And smiling... I'm glad you got a doctor's note & can be excused.

OP posts:
belleshell · 17/01/2013 14:23

((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))) confuddled and spoons to u all........ just popping bye to say hello.... and off to slap myself for making a bloody stupid mistake in work today.....

Grockle · 17/01/2013 21:53

Oh Belle... you ok?

OP posts:
fuzzpig · 17/01/2013 22:12

Oh no what happened?! (unless you aren't allowed to say obviously)

I have had a good day working at the smaller library, I was supposed to be applying for the job there tonight but I am still dithering because dropping my hours is such a massive deal and it scares me. Plus the fact I feel so massively unconfident that I don't think I've got a hope in hell of getting it anyway.

Finding the form exhausting but gradually ploughing through it and then the fucking website crashed... bollocks.

I am so very very tired and sore and generally in a shit mood.

magso · 17/01/2013 23:02

Grr- computer did that to me once Fuzzpig and I never did go back! Dropping my hours scared me too so I fully understand. However for me it was the only workable option (except giving up completely which might have made more sense financially) - I did not want to stop work and loose the last bit of me to ME! If you apply for the little library post you have a chance - and can always turn it down if you decide against it. If you do change and then later want to return to longer hours you will be even more valuable ( having worked in several settings) and could apply for a fuller time post if and when.
Belles hope you are OK! Grockle how are you? CFS team are awaiting OK from cardiology before I can do physio and exercise - so a bit fed up but whats another few months?

Megsdaughter · 18/01/2013 08:10

Dh away, and the dog walker cant get to me with the snow, I cant get to work, (middle of Salisbury Plain, its a bit white here) NannyBoss is a teacher and her school is shut so its ok shes told me to not even try.

Dogs will not be walked today, they can keep me warm on the sofa. Grin

belleshell · 18/01/2013 10:15

i made a medication error!!!! everything was ojk but i am cross with myself, because i was helping out in a different area, an thought something was amiss but didnt say anything until patient had gone!!!! he is ok, nothing untoward occurred but this is exactly why i need my wits about me, and my wits where elsewhere yesterday!!!!!

Fuzz, i think you should go for the job.... you have said yourself you dont think you can do full till atm, and at least u will still be working in a job you love, without the full time pressure...and if you dont apply u might regret it...regret is a terrible thing..
Good Luck

fuzzpig · 18/01/2013 12:54

You are right of course. I was just feeling so exhausted last night that I felt 'what's the fucking point' y'know?

Anyway I woke up early and sat in front of our new heater wrapped in the blanket (slept downstairs as DD was in with DH) and did a bit more, then took my lunch into the workroom just now and have finished it. Thanks all Thanks

Now trying not to panic due to snow. Manager being very accommodating though. Thankfully I'm only one bus away and so far (I keep checking the website) they are still running.

I have been asked if I'd hypothetically be free tomorrow as it is expected to get worse but there's no way I could walk in - an hour would half kill me!