*tamoxifen* 31- in the bus shelter with the cheap booze

[Gigondas]

Shiny new thread

Will keep thinking of HND then. Hope she's out soon.

Pen, sorry about god mother. 77's not old these days, though I do get what you mean about old age. Something i used to dread, now I hope for! And yes blimey those foxes. Are you an urban girl too? Foxes seem to thrive here and they're cheeky buggers. One likes to sleep curled up in our garden and he doesn't budge unless you're vehement.

AtoZ, hooray you're back. Have they given you anti-nausea drugs? Keep taking them, as they're supposed to be more effective if you use them to prevent rather than once started. Trouble is on first chemo it's trial and error, so shout loudly to your team if you're suffering and see if they'll switch to another drug if it's not working. I'm not sure if it helps at all, but I know I felt v.similar emotionally when first diagnosed. Just go slowly and be kind to yourself. Getting through all of the treatment is first. I'm two years on from end of treatment and still struggle some days psychologically. I think we all do.

MAS, good to be busy and new stationery always helps.

That all sounds like v.grown up reading, Gig. Am not cat napping, waiting for a work call then will go for a nifty swim on the way to pick up DS. Am thinking it might make me sleep more soundly tonight.

I've been given domperidone and endem? Still feeling that I will puke at any minute (sorry TMI).

Do as smee says atoz- emend is the super strong one but the Domperidone works well too but have to take regularly. And I know it's the last thing you feel like but just like with morning sickness can you try to eat bland stuff or drink something ( using a straw helps for some reasons).

Know what you mean about old age (but so sorry about your god mother)- I envy old ladies now .

And on cold hand take blanket or shawl - think that was a kurri tip. Or can ask them to slow drip (assume its 4 hours of drug plus hour to pre med and rince out).
And remember it helps to sing (in your head) a nice soft rock anthem- hit me with your best shot or the final countdown work well .

I am finding myself looking at old people too and just hoping I get there.

The funeral was sad but I can never be really upset at an elderly person passing as it it the natural order of things. Even my beloved gran who I was really close to. She died in her late 80's (after bc dx in her 50's) and she herself was thankful at such a good innings.

Is it normal to be quite intolerant of other people ? My friend was moaning about something trivial the other day and I had to bite my tongue to stop myself saying 'at least you have not got cancer'. Cruel I know and I did not say it but find myself thinking it a lot.

I am in a town near lots of woods so we are over run with foxes. They frequently wake me with the delightful screaming.

I am going to the hospital to sign the consent forms tomorrow and I have a long list of questions written down for them, they will love me !

Oh god yes- it does go pen but I still feel it at times ( I should really get rid of person on fb who makes me feel most like this). Also to my shame (and I do go over this in therapy as it is a development from when I used to think this about miscarriage), I do also have people who I think why me and not them. I think it is part of the grief/anger reaction.

Go on with the questions- can you get them on a couple of a4s then get them out and scare them.

I have them written in a little notebook .

When I am at work and people get out a list of questions my heart sinks but the boot is on the other foot now !

Hi Pen and Gigs

So many things you've expressed that I'm nodding in agreement with. My dx came out of the blue while they were looking for arthritis. My usual crap GP would never have referred me to the Consultant who discovered the cancer so I was really lucky that I saw a locum GP who did.

I was initally very angry. Not at having cancer but in the fact that it was discovered at all. Sounds bizarre but I've always refused smears and mammograms because I knew I could not deal with a adverse result. So I refuse dthem and was content to let nature take it's course. In the end the dx got to me by the back door as an unexpected result from routine investigations. For a while I was really angry that it hadn't been explained to me that cancer could have been found by these tests.

But I was being irrational and now accept that it could have been a life saving revelation. Funny how your thoughts change over time and as treatment progresses.

I'm another one who has become a little intolerant since my own dx and now thinks 'Shut the fuck up and start counting your blessings'. But life's not like that you do spend a lot of your time worrying about 'small' things' which seem huge at the time.

My whole belief system has been challenged by this dx.

Gigs - they told me afterwards that I could have had a hand-warmer. Grrrr.

It just took forever - started at 3pm and finished at 10pm. Had anti-emetics, , saline, then vinerolbine, then Manmtol?, then flush, then Cisplatin, then a huge bag of saline. There were several interruptions in flow (probably caused by me disturbing the step up as I tried to warm my hand up).

Can't see how I'll getthrough 3 more of these but you never know - I was pregnant again 4 months after the most horrific forceps delivery after which Isaid I'd never have another baby. You just seem to find a way to get through it (advice that MrsDeVere gave me and very true).

Will definitely use the rock anthems tip.

You will get through it- my tip is always make sure they start you early as poss (tricky when its first one as more tests) cos the later you finish (anything after 9) and a stay in hospital = sicker you feel the next day.

And ikwym about dx out of blue as I had a lump on my leg that grew thru pregnancy . Never in my wildest dreams did I think it could be cancer. I can remember being angry and bewildered when they came to examine me after I had dd2 (by time they took my moaning seriously was decided wouldn't do anything til post birth ), I was so hurt and upset that about 12 hours after delivery I had this to deal with.

I still get emotional when people whinge about newborn on here (and I have never actually gone on a feeding thread to say is a cancer dx good enough reason to stop bf but maybe one day I will ) as it distresses me to think I have had no time virtually with mini gig where this whole hassle wasn't a part of it. MRI in particular upset me as I can remember sobbing as I spent hours having one when she was a day old so was away from her and didn't really see dh or big gig as they were taking care of mini for whole of visit that day.

Sorry bit of a blurb there but feeling very canceritis as had to book post scan consultant visit today - and it's not like It isn't obsessing me. Topsy is there any room in wino corner? Also any news from hnd?

Plus it will be a year next week since mini was born (and 2 weeks after that gotd results)

Gigs - that was a terrible thing to have to deal with at a time when you should have been welcoming your child into the world. Very, very sad. I can understand how you must feel so cheated.

I was just 10 weeks away from planned early retirement/voluntary redundancy when I got the firm dx (suspected for overa month earlier). I had planned to have many breaks away in parts of the UK I wanted to visit. Instead, I have a large tent and full set of camping accessories lying unused in their original packing. Not even sure if I'd want to do this now even if I was ever fit enough to - it's part of an unfulfilled dream.

One thing that concerns me - are my posts about dx and the early days I am in actually causing 'old hands' distress? If so please tell me - I can well imagine that people don't want to revisit those early days again.

I got very cross the other day when a cancer specialist nurse kept banging on to me that I was 'on a journey'. I fucking am not - I have/had (NED at last look) cancer. The phrasing really annoyed me.

Absolutely not upsetting for us- its part of empathy that we can understand what it's like. Also I am coming up to one year post dx which is traditionally a tough one (I know it's been hard for ned lately).

Don't give up on that tent yet- I was sceptical of being able to do stuff but did manage. Yes I didn't go abroad with my family as that would have been logistically too hard mid chemo but I know people do and if holiday had been here would have gone. Have also been to our holiday place in France a fair few times.

on a journey- gah ! Btw- I have domperidone which seems ok- I haven't needed it this cycle though take loperimide (for diarrhoea) just in case as that seems more likely.
Have worked on a family tree today-was fun and the drawing looks ok- am going to start painting once I've ironed a few things.
Hope hnd is safely and comfortably tucked up in bed - give her our love tipsy

oh and ned good luck at school tomorrow xxxx

If feeling , sip ginger beer
I also took ginger supplements three days before chemo - good research showing it helps minimise nausea.
And i used the wrist band thingies for nausea too - seemed to help.

Tipsy - truthful slip there mas.

Amber is right- the ginger chews are good too.

I like the pickled ginger slivers in sushi packs...

Hello to all and hugs for anyone feeling a bit low today, bad days come and I think it helps to be able to write it down here, - so don't worry about venting, - this is a safe place to do it. Don't worry about causing distress, it won't happen, you can say whatever you want

Totally agree with Fuck off to 'journey' talk, - when I go on a journey I usually have a choice in the matter and the destination.
I saw an 'inspiring' cancer t-shirt slogan the other day 'Attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure' [vom.] - I mean seriously Fuck the fuck off.

AtoZ - glad you are home, but sorry about nausea - others have said to keep your dose up before the nausea takes a hold. But don't put up with too much - there's loads of other nausea drugs and they work in different ways (some on the stomach some on the brain IIRC) domperidone didn't do much for me, - cyclizine was the one that finally worked, - so keep asking, they'll find one that suits.

Gig can't believe tiny Gig is coming up to a year, bless her little cotton socks.

Ginger, lemon and peppermint teas all good for nausea. Also I found fizzy drinks, which I don't normally drink, helped (specifically apple lucozade in my case)

Hope HND is out of surgery now and having her post op toast and tea.

I managed to escape unscathed from the dentist this morning - he doesn't want to see me for nine months - that must surely be health service cuts rather than my marvellous teeth!!

See that's why I love this thread. We're allowed to swear rather than smile sweetly and say 'how kind'. 'Journey' indeed..

Hope drugs are kicking in a bit more now, AtoZ. Kurri's right, get them to try other drugs if yours aren't working. Interesting how all this changes your viewpoint. How did they get from arthritis to cancer? Am guessing blood markers made them look further? You've been through so much and so quickly you can't know which way's up. Never worry about telling us all on here. I find it helpful to think I might be able to help others through iyswim and it helps me to put my own experience into perspective too. Makes me feel less mad.

Gig I think you're more than allowed a bit of canceritis. Will plonk myself onto paranoia box. Know it won't stop you wibbling, but at least it's solidarity. What's mini-gig up to now? Is she walking yet?

Kurri, well done on dentist. Always wants to make me eat a shop load of sweets whenever I get the all clear.

Journey or the whole fighting talk- actually I am not fighting cancer, I thought I might invite it in for a bit of tea and cake-FFs.

Mini gig is climbing stairs , standing ,cruising and trying to walk but not actually walking yet. But I think the walking has taken second place to talking as is trying hard now.

Thanks for stopping on box. Was Gp visit that set me off and now thinking that feeling this scared/down about scan since one where found out about mets. I suppose it is cos feel better and it is first post treatment one/coming up to a year.

Think may help.

Pouring for you Gig. Seems essential.

Who keeps calling me Tipsy ?
How very fecking dare you ???

HND was in post op mid afternoon , and blethering on chatting to the nurses apparently !
Her DH is there now , and if she's up to it , I shall call up tomorrow .

I can't bare hearing about people "fighting bravely" against cancer ...
And people telling me how strong and brave I am .
Patronising little shits