*tamoxifen* 31- in the bus shelter with the cheap booze

[Gigondas]

Shiny new thread

Hnd- will be thinking of you tomorrow my lovely.

Shoulder a lot better. It is certain positions (yes slumping in front of TV Mn being one) that set it off.

copthall she is off the green. One on end of clifden road is ok but noisy so you don't get an ambient massage. I stopped going as I didn't want to hear ever word in reception when being treated.

Yes need to do primary and secondary - can do some online but balancing up British library or ucl or kings.

Ned that sounds so positive

wanders in yawning. went back to sleep after alarm and wrecked another days flexi hours :(

Cruel to make you wait so long tipsy :) does hnd know something we don't?
All the best for tomorrow hnd
new job not until feb. Still have to get my official offer letter and work my notice...
Will be sad to leave - been in one place (ish) for nearly 9 years - working my way up through 4 jobs. But it is not like I'm leaving the organisation, and only going a couple of hundred yards from my friends so guess we will still be able to do lunch :)
ned sound like the session was helpful, hope term starts well.
early night for me, I'm cream crackered...

looking forward to 'death in paradise' tomorrow!

HND, huge hugs for tomorrow. Hope you're first on the list and don't have to sit around in the paper pants for too long. Will be thinking of you until you're safely back. xx

Gig, I know you have no time but have you thought about swimming? It really helps my neck/ shoulders, which have a tendency to stiffen up too.

Copt, that whole dietary thing's a sod, as they do keep changing their minds. I still love that research that said a glass of wine a day helped. Definitely my favourite. How come you can't get a new 'breast' on the NHS then? I thought they replaced them when needed.

Ned, not crying as much sounds good to me, though surely it's okay to cry lots if it helps? DS starts back tomorrow and is good thanks. Lots of support edging into place, so he gets 15mins each day 1:1 with a TA for handwriting/ spelling, and he's on a specialised computer programme too each day. This term he'll also have 1:1 with a teacher who he adores, though I'm not sure how much. He's also being allowed to dictate some of his work to free him up a bit, so he's v.happy about that. Which day is your first teaching day? Is it Wednesday? And is your DS back yet? Hope he went back happily.

Jane, didn't realise your new job was in a different place. Change might be good though. Hope you sleep well.

You guys have been busy posting today !

I'll survive the wait for results , it's only 2 weeks eyes up wine bottles

Just would like to let you know that a new series of Lewis starts in 20 minutes .
Topsy doesn't watch it just to perve over the Lucious Laurence Fox

Well my GP was lovely and really supportive. I felt a right fool sitting there sobbing as I am not a crying sort of person usually. She has signed me off for a month and I just need to ring up to get it extended when I need to.

She said that I had taught her a lesson in listening to patients as she could not detect anything when I first went and she sent me for a scan just to put my mind at rest. I shudder to think what could happen if I had seen a GP who was not so thorough.

I am quite enjoying my time at home and am trying to exercise every day and prepare for when I am laid up.

Any recommendations for books / ipad apps for when I am recovering ?

Lol smee none of my boobs have ever been called amazing - but I kinda like it . I think of myself as Frankenseins Bride as I'm awaiting nipples and have a wonderful scar running hip to hip. Happily the scars on my boobs will mainly be 'hidden' when I get nipples and tattoos

Aww sorry amber - they ate all the cake, I never even had a bite quickly swallowing, licking lips and sucking carrot cake topping off fingers
Happily Herceptin has been kind to me, the only se I've had is a runny nose, and I can cope with that!

Good Luck for tomorrow HND - at least you get to sleep in your own bed tonight i was dragged in kicking and screaming the night before my op will be thinking about you!

HND, good luck for tomorrow!

Hurrah that herceptin has been kind!
Pen, hurrah for supportive GP. I found it darned near impossible to read a book. Magazines and newspapers were my limit. Others may have better clues.
Leaving out for all.

loads of good thoughts for tomorrow HND and we'll wait for updates from tipsy
gig loads of luck with your OU stuff...am sure it'll seem less scary once you've delved in a bit more.
pen hooray for nice GP
ned crying is good in sessions,you are allowed,even I shed a tear or two - it all sounds as though you're making great progress.
Will search out Minfulness for you - I could copy my cds if you liked- though haven't any blank cds at the mo...will email you.
I've seen proofs of the joke book and think it looks ok - am always a bit critical of my work when I see it in print... I've dedicated it to my dear friends (this means you lot)dh and my bcn

on kindle so short and sweet. good luck tomorrow hnd we will be thinking of you.

Ned glad counselling is going well.

glad you are happy with joke book. how lovely to think of us.

book recommendation for topsy - willow rose - one, two he is coming for you.

Hi all - just dashing in quickly to say loads of luck and massive hugs for HND tomorrow - hope everything goes well for you and you are home again asap. xx (am loving 'tipsy' so apt )

Atoz hope everything went well for you today and you are back home tomorrow feeling relieved that you have one under your belt

Pen - I found it hard to read (although I'm normally a book worm) but I listened to a lot of audiobooks. What sort of thing do you like reading? - I will try to remember what we have read in our book club in the past year. I read a book called White Tiger by Aravind something last month which was v.good, also enjoyed The Behaviour of Moths by Poppy Adams, - if you like detective fiction I've just read a good one by Alison Bruce - The Calling.

Actually when I was ill, a work colleague of my DH's lent me a big carrier bag full of books and it was really nice just trying different things by authors I hadn't tried before.

Ned sounds like a positive session today, - well done

Off to bed now, - I've got to get up early for dental appointment tomorrow - Hooray

I went the easy read book route so did jilly cooper, georgette Heyer then montalbano .

Apps- song pop , words with friends, draw something, Einstein hd, azada hd, sudoku, kris keoss, nori kabe, sudoku and times crosswords.

Oh and I got obsessed lurked a lot on Aibu and relationships. This is not recommended as it still makes me annoyed and I long to post about one particular long running thread is still with her partner nearly a year on despite endless threads etc. but I bow to kurri on the tell it like it is and get flamed postings .

Also iplayer was great as watched or listened to loads

Hope HND's already through, though I'd bet she's being operated on as I type. Doesn't reconstruction take a few hours? Think it might do.

Pen, your GP sounds lovely. I was like Kurri as I read a lot, but found it impossible during treatment. I watched DVD box sets of things like 'West Wing'. Lots of Radio 4 on in background, made myself go for walks even when I didn't feel like it. Nice things like growing tomatoes obsessed me for some reason. Also weirdly cooking, so I bought things like Ottolenghi cookbook. Weird because my taste and appetite went on chemo, but I still cooked. I think Topsy started knitting, as that's a good time filler too.

Of course your breasts are fantastic, Snail. I didn't realise you don't bet nipples straight off with full reconstruction. So we are scar-twins. v.exciting to have someone else on here who might be able to banter about new nipples. I might go that way down the line, but am still trying to get my implants to match. Have capsular contraction on the elective side quite badly, so it balloons up and looks absurd. Having op in Feb to replace/ sort.

Ned, how are you today? Feeling okay? Hope you are xx

And Mas are your hands and feet still okay-ish? How much work have you got on? Not overdoing things are you?

Gig, how's shoulder? Any easier? How much reading have you done or are you just in book stroking anticipation mode?

Am supposed to be working, but finding it hard to keep awake. Fox mania outside our window last night. Not at all sure what they'd cornered, but it was screeching at them, so I went out at 4am to scare them off. Then of course couldn't get back to sleep. G'ah..

Am quite excited as have ordered new postcards and mini cards - yay ! Moo.com seems to be very good,so hope I've uploaded everything ok (and not made any spelling mistakes)
Hands are doing really well this time- no feeling sick either -just slight gut disturbances, but all in all miles better on this dosage
Lots of work on, so trying to tackle several projects at the same time.

pesky foxes smee - can you have a few catnaps ?

Grr re foxes smee - mini gig was up at 4:30 (basically I think she likes to see dh when he goes out to work ...) so sympathies. Then had to take big gig to gp and got lots of nice you are looking so well which felt on edge about as stressed about scan next week so just wanted to pretend I was like any other mother without reference to fucking cancer albeit indirectly and well meant.

Have started some reading of the more easy bits (there is a history, literature and archeology bit- have started on the Greek tragedy and history set books and am wading my way through the course guidance for first module).

Oh and shoulder a bit easier (swimming is a good idea as even going with kids on weekend helped) - probably as wasn't sat on Mn , with TV or holding mini gig for as long yesterday.

HND is still in surgery . Was taken down first and told it would be 4/6 hours . So been about 4 hours now .
Will let you know when I get some news .

Do let us know topsy- sometimes can be longer than they say as can hang around waiting for anaesthetic etc

Hey smee I was woken by foxes at 4am today too !

I have been to a funeral today. My godmother died aged 77 of cancer. I just sat there and hoped I make it to 77. It was a very glamorous affair and my godfather seems to be coping.

very sorry about godmother pen

Good that HND is having her surgery. Wishing her a speedy recovery.

Had first chemo yesterday and stayed in overnight. Found 5 hours of drips v hard-going. Hand became very cold.

Feeling very nauseous and unable to concentrate on things. Hope these feeling end soon.

Ned - saw my pysch yesterday. Was told I was expecting too much in trying to get my head around all these life-changing things, i.e. tests, dx, major surgerty, retirement, chemo- all of which happened in the last 3.5 mnths (or 15 weeks to be exact). Putting it into weeks makes it seem very recent.

Was told that my bursting into tears (not just at the sessions but quite spontaneously anywhere and everywhere) shows that emotionally I am still struggling. Told to expect it to take a lot of time before I heal mentally from the shock - possibly a year or so. Advised not to make any life-changing decisions while feeling this way. Thought this may help you as you are experiencing similar.

Just counting down the days until chemo (or at least this first cycle) is over.

Just caught up on the previous pages I missed. Thank you all for your thoughts for yesterday - they worked!

Topsy Waiting for results is mental torture. I had a whole series of '2 week wait' assessments last autumn and I don't know how I kept it together for so long - but I did and so will you.

Oh - and psych said talking about my dx and treatment a lot will help me - trouble is I'm running out of RL people to bore with