*tamoxifen* 31- in the bus shelter with the cheap booze

[Gigondas]

Shiny new thread

Jane congrats on the job . Is there any hope of bumping up the pay scale ?

World hasn't ended here yet either .
Although the DC break up for Christmas at 11.45 , so there's time yet

DD made fairy cakes yesterday , anyone care to risk one ?
We have custard yellow or blood red icing ???

Congrats on the job Jane - well done you and whatever you decide because of the pay issue, its always nice to be offered the position.

Pen - perfectly reasonable to ask for there to be no talk about your illness at work, you call the shots with this thing - if you don't want to talk about it then people will have to respect that. I totally agree with you - sympathy can be very hard to deal with, so play it by ear, see how you get on at work, you can always change your plans if you find it too stressful.

Sleeping - if you don't want to go down the sleeping tabs route (and that's perfectly understandable) then relaxation might be the way to go. Perhaps a relaxation CD to listen to in bed, warm bath before you go to bed. And my GP's tip was don't lie tossing and turning for more than 10 - 15 mins, if you haven't gone to sleep by then, get up and watch TV, or read or something, then try again a little later. You have to try not to get into the cycle of lying there thinking and over thinking, so do something to distract yourself.

Thyroid - I've had mine zapped with RA iodine, because it was over active, - so it no longer functions and I have to take thyroxine. Presumably you will be on thyroxine too. It's OK, - not as good as having a thyroid which works obviously, but it's a medication with no side effects, and is definitely livable with.

But again - as topsy says it is grief for the life you had imagined, and that takes time to get used to, and it has all happened in a very short space of time, so a massive shock tot he system.

We call it the new normal on this thread (thank you Amber ), - it's not the same, and it has it's ups and downs, but you will get past this feeling of panic and fear, and you will start to enjoy life again and be able to look forward, and although I hate all the positive thinking bollocks people shout at you if have you have cancer, in some ways your attitude to life will change for the better, - you tend not to sweat the small stuff after cancer xx

for sleepy Gig - was mini Gig up at the crack of dawn again?

Good luck for oncy appointment MAS xx

Supplements can help sleep - magnesium and zinc plus all the normal stuff about no caffeine. Personally I always found sleeping tabs counter productive as you feel groggy next day. Get yourself a good book (something engrossing), audio book, podcasts , boxsets and try to use that to distract yourself .

Pen My friend was ill over the summer and made it very clear she did not want it discussed in work. She did take two days off mid week for a few weeks before she started treatment and found it took her mind off being ill.

I think that I will take the new job, though it a big change and probably more stress than I am used to at the moment - My current job involves regularly driving across the Moor and site visits to a beautiful part of the country.
BUT the S188 notice means heads will roll and I think this new job will be more secure as it is a new post in an expanding area. It is qualifying employment for my professional qualification I would like to finish and it does sound really interesting and an opportunity to learn new things. Downside is being desk bound again and no working from home :( I'm not sure I need to ask them to bump me up the scale as currently I need to gain a masters to pass the bar on my pay scale and the new job doesn't have one there...
Bit of a scary grown up job though

Congratulations jchoccochip on the new job! Obviously only you can judge if it can fly, but could you point out that this constitutes a pay cut for you and frame your need to work from home periodically in the context of them giving you a benefit that means a lot to you (assuming it does) and shouldn't cost them anything? As I'm sure you know, it's becoming increasingly common for people to work one day a week at home.

jane I seemed to have missed the thing about your new job ! congratulations xxxxx
pen I think topsy was referring to Mindfulness which is something you can very easily practise to keep your mind in the present moment - I could always send you a cd which goes through the exercises and there's much stuff online available. It involves meditation which is very simply following your breathing,in and out and noticing everything around you as you do this,but not involving yourself in and sounds,thoughts,impulses -I have no blank cds at the moment,but pm me if interested and I could do you one as soon as I can.

Back from onc - she has decided to delay my chemo for another week on account of hands- bcn had told her they were still red - so I go and have a blood test next Thurs and nip in to see bcn and if all better then get my next chemo meds. Am feeling a bit as I think that this is my hands new default state - unless the dose is reduced even more. I feel I should have manned up and said let's go ahead as my hands aren't as bad as before...or would that be foolish ?

pen www.bemindful.co.uk/ Mindfulness courses (I did an 8 week course- very,very good and helpful)

Pen, new research shows that women who are under 55 have better outcomes than the 90% success rate that is 'standard'. From what I'm reading, it's likely to be a 1 in 20 chance of it being really rudely behaved. Those are cracking good odds if you're one of the 19 lucky ones. Of course it doesn't do a lot to cheer up the person who's the 1 in 20. But it's a good starting point.
Things we know are true for cancer but scientists haven't figured out why yet - really good social networking. The more social support you have, the better your chances. It halves the remaining risk. so if you surround yourself with lovely people at every chance, you could put your odds up to 97.5%.
Phew.
That calls for tea. And more paracetamol...ow...and remind me not to eat eggs after norovirus please....

PS who was it who asked about boob pain? I still get it 15 months after tricky back-of-boob lumpectomy too, some days worse than others. In case people are reading and wondering whether the sort of surgery counts for that.

and this is an example of a mindfulness exercise..

Yes you are being silly- a week won't hurt (onc wouldn't suggest it) and symptoms can come and go on chemo so I don't think it is necessarily the default state.

thanks gig - I am happy in a way that it's been delayed.

I bet - how was the babycham?

it was quite nice, like a not very potent cider

MAS, I think it's up to them to tell you really, as they're the experts after all. If it means your poor hands have a restful Christmas, then that's all to the good and as Gig said, a week's rest won't make a difference. Be good am sure.

Pen, I think keeping working's not a bad idea, as you're right it will make the time pass quicker. Could you compose an e-mail to relevant work colleagues to explain the facts as you know them, and how you want people to be with you? I did that a lot when I was first diagnosed and I think it helped me and the person I was telling. Meant I could be rational in writing and reassuring too for them. Tough and exhausting to have to tell everyone individually.

Loma how are you today?? Are you feeling more your old self, or still a bit low?

Jane, that's great about the job. Congratulations!! I can see it's a hard choice, but it's so lovely to be wanted in this day and age. Are you celebrating?

Gig, why 4am? Which mini-Gig did that to you? And how's the leg? Been meaning to ask. Is physio helping?

Amber, I think it might have been me talking about breast pain. Interesting how many of us have it. Reassuring in a way. Are you back to normal yet, or still lurgy-filled?

Off to the pub in a bit with a gaggle of friends in a bit, so that should be fun. DH is staying in with DS, but he went out last night, so I don't feel too guilty. DS and I just back from Panto. Oh-yes-I-did enjoy it. DS wouldn't let me dance though.

Waving to all. Wishing you all a Festive Friday.

Smee, if I don't eat anything, I'm fine. If I do, I get two hours of gut ache and feeling queasy. So aftereffects really. It'll go. Enjoy that pub

Still at office. Should go home and cook something for those that can eat.

Aloe Vera and probiotics might help amber.

Yes physio is helping but painful - have exercises but I can already feel a difference . And it was mini gig- the Bigger one is generally ok at sleeping.

Enjoy your pub trip.

Hi everyone

Just in case anyone was wondering, and it would have been rude not to come back after all the support you gave me when I started worrying about the big C, I got my results today. I phoned as 4 weeks was Christmas Day and I wasn't going to wait longer than I had too.

I'm okay . I have a benign nodule in the opposite breast to the one I had the pain in and the woman on the phone said it was the same as 12 months ago. I don't really understand what a nodule is, or if benign means it won't eve be bad, but she said I am fine so .

Thank you everyone for being so welcoming.

excellent news !! benign is good - very pleased for you fab a nodule just means a growth really.

BCN has emailed to say it was the right decision (the delay) as I was wibbling to her about it- it doesn't help that I'm going through a self critical phase of finding fault in myself- mostly appearance,which is superficial of course- but seriously,I do equate looking nice with being acceptable and likeable to others (I mean myself here,not how others look) Today I am in a nice stripy matelot but feel my shoulders are to wide-that I look fat and my hair is awful- so therefore I am unloveable. Arghh- it sounds horribly self indulgent-forgive me.

poor amber's tummy xxxx

Just fab- benign is good

Mas there is nothing like chemo for eating away at your mental and physical well being . If you have weak spot it will make it feel worse so no wonder you are sensitive if you have the issue of looks= acceptable.

Thank you MAS.

You are totally lovable .

Probiotics - tick. Aloe vera - shall get some. Lactoferrin thingies - must start re-taking those too as they might help. and manuka honey if I can get some tomorrow.

Justfab, Fab!!!!

MAS, personally I can't see people (faulty brain design) so have no idea whether someone is the right shape, size, hue, design or otherwise, but as far as I'm concerned I am blessed beyond words to have you and everyone else in my life. Never forget it.

MAS, (((hug))) from me. Not self-indulgent at all and if you can't have a moment of moan on here, then we're doing something wrong. I'm sure you look better than you feel, but I do get that you don't feel it! xx

Amber, should you even be working?! Yes go home.

Gig, mini-Gig must be a bit of a shock if midi-Gig's always been not so bad at sleeping. Glad physio's working though.

• JustFab. YEAY!!! That's brilliant and just before Christmas too. Go celebrate, as benign is the best world in the world.

Gosh lots happening on here! Thanks for all the congratulations Had a nice day at work - most of the office now knows that I have been offered a job in City Hall another department. I am going to accept it (assuming crb and references are ok) I just haven't thrashed out the terms yet. One thing I worry about is office wear as the dress code in there is more formal and I don't think the jeans I wore today would do... I know what you mean about appearance mas I spent a lot of time not feeling confident because I thought I looked "wrong". I think I am going to be really nervous in the new job because of everything that has changed and I will doubt myself. Dressing for the office will help, I know it is all superficial but I bought a pair of heels recently after years in flats and I swear they make me more confident!

brilliant news justfab love the word benign.
Enjoy the pub smee wish I could celebrate but need to pack to go away tomorrow. Manic week so still washing clothes...
Amber go easy on the eggs!
Sorry for the ramble, not going to splash fb until formal offer letter as still negotiating and never know. so is nice to share 'nonymously on here.

Am sure you 'll be just fine in new job jane - heels will help you feel officey and smart. Thanks all for wise and kind words - I hate feeling like this - such a waste of energy.
Parents seem to have everything in order - tomorrow we buy the rest of the food