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Original poster

Au pair appears to have bad herpes outbreak. How worried should I be?

37 replies

BoffinMum · 06/08/2012 19:52

We've got a summer au pair, and she has been poorly for a few days now, getting worse and worse, so she's see the GP twice and been to A and E. It transpires she may well have genital herpes and it's obviously a severe outbreak as the poor lass can barely walk. I know nothing about herpes and I was wondering if anyone could give me advice about whether the kids are likely to catch it - particularly the youngest, as she has to wipe his bottom and so on.

OP posts:
Kahlua4me · 07/08/2012 15:16

Hi.
Poor girl. Do you know if she has type I or type II? I was told that the pain is really bad on first outbreak but less on subsequent ones, so seems like it is her first.
I had it for first time this year and was in so much pain. I am still in shock from the pain and it was 4 months ago.
Embarrassingly for dh and I we naively did not know that dh had a cold sore or that it could be passed orally! I thought it was sunburn.
Also My mum took me to gp for the pain and I had to discuss it and our sex life in front of her!
No one else has caught it from me, kids, family etc.
As long as her hygiene is good and she has her own towels then others should be fine.
I am no expert but that's what I have learnt.
Colds sores are passed so rapidly and nobody bats an eyelid about them, just accepts them as part of life, but get it in your genitals and all assume it is std.

Once she has treatment the pain goes after week or so.

BlueMoon74 · 07/08/2012 15:23

About as worried as if you found out she'd had chicken pox as a child (that also stays in your system for life)

How on earth is she going to pass herpes to your child?! It doesn't live on towels or anything like that. She just needs your support right now. Sounds like it's her first attack, so the poor girl could well be in bits, mentally and physically.

Check out this website. www.herpes.org.uk/ Great advice on there. Suggest she has a look.

Original poster
BoffinMum · 07/08/2012 15:37

I'm sitting in the GUM clinic with her now - seems like they are doing various tests and have given her some analgesic cream. Poor lass is so poorly. Hope they can help her.

OP posts:
Original poster
BoffinMum · 07/08/2012 15:39

BlueMoon, if you get sores on your hands you can indeed pass it onto others in certain situations, we have been told.

OP posts:
Lucyellensmum99 · 07/08/2012 15:42

Id be more worried by chicken pox or coldsore my friend had genital herpes and has two children no problems you could ask if any precautions necc but i really don't think you have to worry. Its a fair question to ask though . Poor girl if it first attack she will be v poorly

BlueMoon74 · 07/08/2012 15:44

Not much they can do sadly. They can give some gel (see through stuff) which has an anaesthetic effect - comes in a syringe. That is brilliant. Once outbreak is there, no drugs will make it go away. There are tablets she can take to keep outbreaks at bay, but even they don't 100% work, and are useless once she has an outbreak anyway. So even if they do give her some, it will only be to 'look' as though they are doing something! You can use Blistex etc down below, regardless of what it says on the tube.

She will probably feel awful for an least a week. She needs to wee in the bath, it stops the pain. (or pour water from a jug into the toilet whilst she wees)

They will be able to tell if she's type 1 or type 2 from doing swabs on the sores. Type 2 is a worst diagnosis, but academic really. She will still have to learn how to deal with having this. It's not a life sentence, but definitely not something you can talk about in RL!!! Only my mum and my DH know I suffer! Not one of my friends. Mentally once you get your head round it, it's better (although can take a while!)

If you want to know any more, ask away.

Lucyellensmum99 · 07/08/2012 15:44

You sound lovely glad you are looking after her

BlueMoon74 · 07/08/2012 15:47

..oh..she would know already if she had sores on her hands. Called Whitlows. Suggest have a read of the website I posted.

Kahlua4me · 07/08/2012 16:05

I found the gel that you put on area 10 mins before Weeing very good. Weeing in bath or using a jug did not work, but wetting loo roll and holding that in place did.
Was given tablets to take as they minimise symptoms, supposedly, and make it heal faster.

Chinsup · 07/08/2012 16:36

My then boyfriend had a cold sore and I managed to get type 1 herpes soon after without oral sex- no idea how it happened but I felt awful physically and mentally. Was given a short course of anti virals and the worst passed within a week or so. It came back 6 months later and I had a long course of antivirals prescribed - no recurrence in 20 years thankfully! I read that because I have the virus my boys should have immunity though thinking about it it doesn't make sense - a huge % of the population have it so it should've died if immunity could be passed on.
You sound lovely and supportive! She's very lucky in that respect at least!

Original poster
BoffinMum · 07/08/2012 19:08

Update - she likes the gel and that has helped her a lot, and they said she should be feeling better in a couple more days. She's looking less miserable now, and she said she felt happier now she had been to the clinic. She will find out if she is type I or type II by the end of the week.

It really is a dreadful disease. I wonder how much research they are doing into it? So sad to hear how much suffering it causes.

OP posts:
BlueMoon74 · 07/08/2012 19:48

a dreadful disease??! Really, this is one of the reasons that people don't speak out about it! It's miserable, annoying, frustrating - but I would never ever say I had a disease! You make it sound like it's AIDS or something!

It's just a virus. Please don't call it a disease! Yes, causes suffering, but it's hardly cancer. Less prejudice, more teaching about it - that's what is needed. Then people would have more support and be able to openly talk about it. :)

Original poster
BoffinMum · 07/08/2012 20:14

Well, I don't see how something viral that fells people and puts them in bed for a week in such pain can be anything other than a disease, tbh. It clearly causes physical distress and from the sound of things, more research funding has been spent on how to deal with miscoloured teeth than this obviously very complex and uncomfortable condition.

OP posts:
mummytime · 07/08/2012 20:27

A virus is a disease! Flu is a disease, Chicken Pox is a disease, both caused by a virus. As is AIDS btw.

Lucyellensmum99 · 07/08/2012 20:45

Anything that causes pathology can be referred to as a disease state. So chicken pox is a disease (caused by the same virus but a different strain to herpes), the common cold is a disease, a fungal nail infection is a disease. Blue moon, please don't feel offended by the term - its just a description, i'm sure you will agree that herpes is just horrid.

I agree with you that there is a lot of prejudice and ignorance surrounding the condition. There is no shame in it, just as there is no shame in HIV and AIDS for that matter.

Original poster
BoffinMum · 07/08/2012 21:33

If they can vaccinate against varicella it is a shame that this form of herpes doesn't have a vaccination available.

OP posts:
BlueMoon74 · 08/08/2012 14:50

Yes, but the word disease shudder. It's the connotations it brings with it. 'Oh don't trust her with your children, she suffers from a terrible disease' (for eg!)

There is huge prejudice and ignorance surrounding herpes. Enormous, especially considering that they reackon the majority of the population have it! (a lot are unaware) . I'm offended by the term because I have it! There are lots of words that are just 'descriptions' but aren't used because they can cause offence! The biggest issue with having it IS the prejudice. I can deal with the symptoms, you have to, they become part of who you are.

Original poster
BoffinMum · 08/08/2012 15:15

Well, I just see it as a virus that has caused my poor au pair a lot of pain and suffering. It sounds to me as though you have a pretty big chip on your shoulder about it, if you don't mind me saying.

OP posts:
BlueMoon74 · 08/08/2012 15:20

No, I don't have a chip on my shoulder about it at all! So yes, I do mind you saying! But I do get annoyed when people who frankly have no clue about it other than what they've heard (which let's face it, is usually pretty negative - you have it for life blah blah) have opinions about how bloody awful it must be! What an awful 'disease' I have etc etc!

Anyone who hasn't got it, read the thread I posted. It really really isn't that big a deal. (and I have it really quite badly) It's caused your au pair pain and suffering - yes, it has, and will continue to do so. She's unfortunately going to have to deal with that (and the mental embarrassment that goes with it!) . But really..it isn't that big a deal once you get your head round the facts. :)

saintlyjimjams · 08/08/2012 15:22

DS1 regressed following what was believed to be a severe herpes infection. Several specialists have said it is likely to have been the trigger for his severe autism. Although granted, he presumably has something else going on as that's not a particularly usual reaction.

I would be very careful if your child(ren) have eczema. Eczema herpeticum over the whole body is not fun.

Hervana · 08/08/2012 15:28

If its not that big a deal blue why are you so defensive and angry about the op referring to herpes as a disease (which it is) or asking if it can be transferred via hands (which it can)

Don't forget blue the op has posted asking for advice not to vilify anyone.

Hervana · 08/08/2012 15:29

Anyway hope your au pair feels better asap, you sound like a lovely employer :)

Original poster
BoffinMum · 08/08/2012 18:02

Far from being prejudiced, blue, I had an open mind and posted on here for advice and information from other people with more experience than I have of this. I then took my au pair down to the GUM clinic for proper treatment and guidance from specialists. This hardly represents the actions of a bigot.

So thank you for pointing this out, Hervana. Wink

OP posts:
myob · 08/08/2012 22:41

BoffinMum - I don't think BlueMoon is suggesting you are a bigot. I think you have been been very open minded and supportive to your Au Pair.

I think what she is trying to say is that if you really want to help your AP, the most helpful thing you could do is let her know that despite the fact that people don't openly talk about it, it is actually very common and in the scheme of things really isn't a big deal medically speaking. The first episode can be very nasty but subsequent episodes (if she has any) are nowhere near as bad and will most likely become a lot less frequent over time.

I can say from experience (I've had it myself since I was 19) that far harder to deal with than the symptoms is the unnecessary stigma around the word herpes. I can completely understand why BlueMoon is annoyed with the use of the word disease as very few people would describe a facial coldsore as that, despite the fact is is exactly the same virus.

Kahlua4me · 08/08/2012 22:52

So glad she is feeling better, Boffinmum.
I also have it and am not offended by the term disease as it is a virus that could be classed as disease in general terms.
Whilst being horrified when first diagnosed, and acutely embarrassed I have infact told most friends who were concerned by me being so ill and all have been fantastic.
For me it was a big deal as I have never ever been in so much pain, and I have been very worried of passing it on to my dh and giving him the same pain (although it was his cold sore to start with!!)
Also, having to discuss my sex life in front of my mother was blushingly bad!
As time goes on I am forgetting the pain, and getting on with life as well as trying to share knowledge about it on the way.
I had lots of help from others on here in dealing with symptoms and reconnecting with dh and feel that the more it is talked about, the more acceptable it will ultimately become.

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