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Original poster

Why is DP ill all the time?

31 replies

threeleftfeet · 31/07/2012 09:46

DP is ill, so often, these days. Nothing major, but every time there's a cold or anything going round he gets it really badly. He has developed sinus problems in the last few of years, and a cold can end up giving him terrible headaches. It's not just his sinuses though. He's in generally bad health I think, he pulls muscles easily and gets lots of colds.

It seems to me that his immune system is really struggling.

There's hardly a week goes by when he's not taking a morning (till 12) or a whole day in bed. It's making him miserable and makes things difficult for me.

This is not normal for a 37 year old!

I am starting to get a bit annoyed actually - this has been going on two years and he hasn't been to the doctor about it once (he's not even registered at a doctor in the town we live in). He also hasn't tried the obvious - giving up cigarettes - or cutting down on his drinking.

He has wine with dinner many nights, or a couple of beers. He might have enough to be drunk every two or three weeks. I've got no problem with the drinking from a social point of view - he's a really funny drunk. He's an interesting, fun person and I love his company, sober or drunk. But from a health point of view I'm basically starting to think he's poisoning himself. I think he's in denial that alcohol has anything to do with his ill health. He partied a lot when he was younger and sees his relatively modest alcohol intake these days as nothing to worry about in comparison. Which of course makes no sense as he's not in a young body any more!

The smoking can only be damaging. I can't make him give up of course! But I don't think the penny's dropped about how much it's damaging him, or that he's ill all the time, possibly because of it. I got him that Alan Carr book but he found it overly American and it put him off.

If anyone has any advice - maybe on why he might be ill all the time, or how to support someone giving up smoking, or how to show him how damaging booze and fags are to your immune system, or anything else helpful, I'd be very grateful :)

I'm worried about him, and wish he'd do something about it!

OP posts:
lisad123 · 31/07/2012 09:49

Get him to the GP. My husband was ill for year and took GP a year to agree to a blood test, he ha cancer Sad

Original poster
threeleftfeet · 31/07/2012 09:57

lisad I'm so sorry to hear that. Thank you for posting.

Do you mind if i ask, was he ill all the time or did it come and go?

OP posts:
Original poster
threeleftfeet · 31/07/2012 09:58

My first post is a bit unkind I think. I'm not annoyed with DP, more fed up with the situation.

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lisad123 · 31/07/2012 10:00

It was come and go to start, but in the end he would come home from work an fall asleep on the floor and that was it for the evening and had upset tummy a lot and lost loads of weight.

TheWonderfulFanny · 31/07/2012 18:20

Recurrent colds and sinus problems can be a symptom of iga deficiency which I have - though not the recurrent problems. It's the bit of your immune system which protects your respiratory system - DH calls it 'weak snot' and depending on your ethnicity can be a common as 1 in 500. Usually doesn't cause any problems, but worth knowing as you might want to go for antibiotics earlier than otherwise if you get an infection.

Of course, quitting smoking wouldn't hurt at all...

balotelli · 31/07/2012 20:48

No thats not normal for a man of his age.

I'm 49 have on average one cold a year that lasts for 48 hours and have have 1.5 days off sick in 8 years.

His life style of drinking and smoking is almost certainly whats causing these problems.

He needs to take responsibility for his health and sort it out before its too late which it will be very soon.

FrameyMcFrame · 31/07/2012 21:50

Sorry but it's smoking that is causing this. After the age of 35 you just can not get away with smoking anymore.

It destroys your body.

Try this website it helped me to stop killing myself every day

yellowflowers · 31/07/2012 21:52

Could he also be depressed. Sounds like it. Regular exercise (just walking would do) could help both the illnesses and depression.

Squeegle · 31/07/2012 21:54

He needs to stop smoking, eat fruit and veg, it really does work!

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 31/07/2012 21:55

I'd probably suggest a good vitamin supplement and exercise. Does he get enough sleep generally? Is his job very stressful? I'm just thinking about contributory factors.

FrameyMcFrame · 31/07/2012 21:55

it's american but it really does work

Badvoc · 31/07/2012 22:10

Could he have me/Cfs?
Does he sleep a lot, complain of muscle pain and have gastric problems?

Original poster
threeleftfeet · 01/08/2012 00:54

Thanks for the replies everyone. (I only just saw this had been updated.)

I'll have a look at the now ...

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Original poster
threeleftfeet · 01/08/2012 00:55

lisad thanks for posting again. How is your husband now? And how are you?

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Original poster
threeleftfeet · 01/08/2012 00:56

TheWonderfulFanny thanks I'll look that up.

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Original poster
threeleftfeet · 01/08/2012 01:02

balotelli "His life style of drinking and smoking is almost certainly whats causing these problems."

I suspect so. But the penny just doesn't seem to have dropped. He'll never blame things on the booze / fags when it seems to me they should be the first suspects!

So the other day, for example, he had either a pulled muscle or bad cramp in his leg that lasted ages. He'd drunk an awful lot the night before. I said "that'll be the hangover" He said don't be ridiculous, booze can't cause cramp! It can, of course. (I googled to prove it).

Possibly a bad example as his ill health isn't usually related directly to hangovers, but he just doesn't seem to have twigged that alcohol and fags can damage every part of you.

I don't know how to get this through to him without sounding like a nag!

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Original poster
threeleftfeet · 01/08/2012 01:04

FrameyMcFrame i agree. Thanks for the link.

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Original poster
threeleftfeet · 01/08/2012 01:05

yellowflowers that's interesting, what makes you suggest depression?

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Original poster
threeleftfeet · 01/08/2012 01:05

Squeegle i agree

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Original poster
threeleftfeet · 01/08/2012 01:06

DontstepontheMomeRaths no he doesn't get enough sleep, neither of us do.

his job is very stressful, these last couple of years have been very stressful indeed for both of us.

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Original poster
threeleftfeet · 01/08/2012 01:07

FrameyMcFrame thanks, I'll suggest it but suspect the Americanness will put him off!

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Original poster
threeleftfeet · 01/08/2012 01:08

Badvoc he does sleep in a lot, but I put that down to the fact that he doesn't get enough sleep! He's catching up with what he's missed I think.

he does get muscle pains.

OP posts:
garlicnutter · 01/08/2012 01:16

It took extra long for me to get a CFS diagnosis because doctors (and I) assumed my "life style of drinking and smoking was almost certainly causing these problems." Batteries of tests, scans and so forth later ... my drinking and smoking are not (yet) causing any problems. With hindsight I can trace the onset of the CFS to a bad attack of shingles. I was extremely fit at the time, which would have masked symptoms, and I blamed my tiredness on drinking, smoking and stress. Looking back, it was abnormal tiredness and I can now also see that I started getting more minor infections after that illness.

I'm not defending drinking & smoking - it's obvious that the one is never good for you and the other only in moderation. But I want to caution you, OP, about being too quick to blame him for his illness. It doesn't help and, actually, shame could be keeping him away from the doctor's. Very many serious illnesses - both more threatening and more curable than CFS - present with non-specific malaise in the early stages. Could you sit down with him and think back to times when he was properly healthy, with normal amounts of energy? Try and trace when that changed by pinning events to his health timeline. This might give both him and his GP something solid to work with.

Hope it goes well and DH finds out how to get his mojo back!

yellowflowers · 01/08/2012 06:48

Well I have a friend whose husband is similar. Alway too I'll and tired to come to events with friends or look after his sons, but manages to get up for work or if they have tickets to things. Perhaps he just doesn't like his friends any more but that would be a bit strange to take against all of us. He's had lots of tests at docs which have found nothing and they all blame it on tiredness. But after he started having panic attacks as well he started some cbt and there is some improvement. Depression can manifest itself in so many ways.

lisad123 · 01/08/2012 07:41

He does ok now thanks for asking. Treatment continues as there is no cute but his at work and the gym three times a week and this third treatment seems the easiest for him to take so his feeling ok.
Hope you get to bottom of all of this but while not suggesting he has cancer, a simple blood test can rule out some stuff, could be be something as simple as lack of iron.