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Original poster

I can't cope...

27 replies

Jessy · 11/12/2003 10:18

Got PND, been feeling bad for a while now, but now I really feel that I can't cope with everything anymore.
The kids are lovely and I am so lucky to have them, I know that, but I spend a lot of the day in tears, and worry about what effect this has on them.
There's just so much stuff that needs doing and I feel like I'm sinking under the weight and responsibility of it all. Every aspect of my life is going badly.
Dh knows how I feel, there are times when I've cried hysterically in front of him, told him how shit I've been feeling, how much I hate myself, that I feel like I can't cope at times, and I just seem to struggle through to the end of each day and don't enjoy any of it anymore.
A few other members of the family know too, probably not aware of the extent.
But he is sympathetic at the time, and then just goes to work the next day and things carry on as before. He never brings it up unless I do, even when he can see things are still really difficult for me.

There is no one that I can go to who would understand and be there for me to help me out of this.
Everyone has their own problems.
I feel like I need to do something to make them realise how bad this has got, and I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Bekki · 11/12/2003 10:24

I have been there too Jessy. All I could think about was trying to make it through to the next hour. Willing the time away so my dh could come back home from work. The thing is though, no one can help you. No one can take your depression away from you. Although its the last thing that you want to do you MUST go to your gp and tell him/her everything. Depression can go away by itself but don't let yourself suffer anymore than you have to. Make an appointment now.
Your kids will bounce back so just worry about yourself.
It will get better. You will enjoy your life again. And you will enjoy your kids again.

Beetroot · 11/12/2003 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pie · 11/12/2003 10:33

I have emailed you Jessy, please take care xx

M2T · 11/12/2003 10:49

Jessy - Your message sounds frighteningly like my situation a year ago!!

Believe me when I say that I understand how you feel and it is not your fault.

My DH, bless him tried to understand but was quite frankly useless! He was good with the practical stuff, but thats was it.

You need to go see your Doctor. Within days of posting here on Mumsnet I had made an appointment. I wasn't prescribed anti-d's as I think my PND had improved dramatically (ds was 18mths by this time).
Just talking and getting it out in the open and hearing that I was quite normal made me feel more in control.

I loved my son SOOOOO much, but there were days when I screamed at my DH asking him how serious the situation would have to get before he realised how depressed I was! Thankfully I never tried anything so desperate. My son's little face stopped me everytime.

YES there are people you can go to who understand! On here for a start and you'd be surprised how many people you know may have suffered too, but kept it all a secret.

I am quite open about the fact I have had PND. And to my surprise my SIL told me that she suffered from it for about 6mths after her 2nd was born. I'm no longer embarassed or ashamed. These things happen and there is so much support waiting for you.

Please go to your GP. I am so glad I did. I hadn't really realised the complete joy of being a Mum until I started talking about it and recovering from this horrible blackness that is depression. It just took a bit of encouragement to get there.

You CAN beat it and you will.

motherinferior · 11/12/2003 10:54

Jessy, yes everyone has their problems but yours deserve for other people to take them seriously. I totally agree with Beetroot - tell your GP, tell your friends, tell your dh just how bad things are. Depression is horrible, horrible, horrible. You're not just feeling 'a bit low' or 'need to snap out of it' or all those things people say, you're a bit ill and you need to get better. Hugs from me xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Clairabelle · 11/12/2003 11:10

Jessy, your message just pulled at my heartstrings this morning as I have so been there.One thing I can say to you is don't worry about the effect of your tears on your children, my dd survived my daily tears and could not get out of bed days for many monthes and is a very happy , 'well adjusted' and sympathetic 4yr old. Well at least I think she is I'll probably be paying for therapy in a couple of yearsI'm now on my second and I've been very open about the bad time I had and friends and family & my lovely midwife are all on 'sanity watch'. I have emailed you. Lots of Hugs

Clairabelle · 11/12/2003 11:10

Jessy, your message just pulled at my heartstrings this morning as I have so been there.One thing I can say to you is don't worry about the effect of your tears on your children, my dd survived my daily tears and could not get out of bed days for many monthes and is a very happy , 'well adjusted' and sympathetic 4yr old. Well at least I think she is I'll probably be paying for therapy in a couple of yearsI'm now on my second and I've been very open about the bad time I had and friends and family & my lovely midwife are all on 'sanity watch'. I have emailed you. Lots of Hugs

Clairabelle · 11/12/2003 11:11

Jessy, your message just pulled at my heartstrings this morning as I have so been there.One thing I can say to you is don't worry about the effect of your tears on your children, my dd survived my daily tears and could not get out of bed days for many monthes and is a very happy , 'well adjusted' and sympathetic 4yr old. Well at least I think she is I'll probably be paying for therapy in a couple of yearsI'm now on my second and I've been very open about the bad time I had and friends and family & my lovely midwife are all on 'sanity watch'. I have emailed you. Lots of Hugs

Clairabelle · 11/12/2003 11:11

Jessy, your message just pulled at my heartstrings this morning as I have so been there.One thing I can say to you is don't worry about the effect of your tears on your children, my dd survived my daily tears and could not get out of bed days for many monthes and is a very happy , 'well adjusted' and sympathetic 4yr old. Well at least I think she is I'll probably be paying for therapy in a couple of yearsI'm now on my second and I've been very open about the bad time I had and friends and family & my lovely midwife are all on 'sanity watch'. I have emailed you. Lots of Hugs

Clairabelle · 11/12/2003 11:11

Jessy, your message just pulled at my heartstrings this morning as I have so been there.One thing I can say to you is don't worry about the effect of your tears on your children, my dd survived my daily tears and could not get out of bed days for many monthes and is a very happy , 'well adjusted' and sympathetic 4yr old. Well at least I think she is I'll probably be paying for therapy in a couple of yearsI'm now on my second and I've been very open about the bad time I had and friends and family & my lovely midwife are all on 'sanity watch'. I have emailed you. Lots of Hugs

Clairabelle · 11/12/2003 11:11

Jessy, your message just pulled at my heartstrings this morning as I have so been there.One thing I can say to you is don't worry about the effect of your tears on your children, my dd survived my daily tears and could not get out of bed days for many monthes and is a very happy , 'well adjusted' and sympathetic 4yr old. Well at least I think she is I'll probably be paying for therapy in a couple of yearsI'm now on my second and I've been very open about the bad time I had and friends and family & my lovely midwife are all on 'sanity watch'. I have emailed you. Lots of Hugs

Clairabelle · 11/12/2003 11:12

Jessy, your message just pulled at my heartstrings this morning as I have so been there.One thing I can say to you is don't worry about the effect of your tears on your children, my dd survived my daily tears and could not get out of bed days for many monthes and is a very happy , 'well adjusted' and sympathetic 4yr old. Well at least I think she is I'll probably be paying for therapy in a couple of yearsI'm now on my second and I've been very open about the bad time I had and friends and family & my lovely midwife are all on 'sanity watch'. I have emailed you. Lots of Hugs

Clairabelle · 11/12/2003 11:14

Oh dear bit impatient with the mouse, am new to this. Can you tell1

Northerner · 11/12/2003 11:21

Jessy, I to had PND last year and my situation sounds very similar to how you describe yours. You have to go to your GP and explain how you feel. I was worried about sounding like a whinger as there was nothing seriously physically wrong with me (only lots of colds/tonsillitis etc due to being run down). I thought my GP would tell me to pull myself together. She didn't. She totally understood and immediatley signed me off work for 2 weeks. It really helps to have a professional tell you that you need help and you need rest, and you need it long term not just for a day or two.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and you will come through this. Good luck.

Janstar · 11/12/2003 12:23

I can only add to what everyone else has said: Go to your GP - help is available.

I too have been there and can assure you that there will be better times in the future. Just hang in there and get some help. PND is an illness, don't deprive yourself of treatment any more than you would if you had broken your leg.

Sounds like your dh wants to help but has no idea where to begin. Don't be too hard on him, paranoia and feeling got-at are symptoms of PND. He may be bewildered. See if you can approach him in a more calm moment and make room for him to tell you how he feels. You might feel more supported than you think.

Don't be afraid - lots of mums are here for you.

smartie · 11/12/2003 13:52

You are by no way alone with this Jessy, I can only agree with advice given, go to your gp. Antidepressants aren't adictive if prescribed correctly and they do a fantastic job of re-leveling our hormone levels so we can get on with our lives and focus clearly on what's important!
Good luck.

marthamoo · 11/12/2003 20:42

Jessy,

It doesn't have to be this bad. Please go and see your GP, don't pull any punches, tell him/her just how you are feeling. There is help out there but you have to ask for it.

I have been where you are and I PROMISE it does get better - but you can't do it by yourself. Your children will cope just fine, they are resilient little creatures.

Take care, hon.

elena2 · 11/12/2003 23:58

Thanks for your messages of support. It helps a lot to know that I am not the only one who has felt like this.

I went to the Doctors a couple of weeks ago, she was really sympathetic, and asked me if I'd thought about anti-depressants. I have, but the thought of them scares me. I've read how they can affect you negatively. And I worry about the effect on my job prospects if I have to put down on app. forms that I've been treated for depression.
And I have days when I'm like this, and then other times (usually when I'm with other people) I feel fine, and I think I can cope with it myself.
The bad days are getting more and more frequent though. And worse.

As for friends and family, I don't get on with my mum, my dad is really down himself because of a death in the family recently, and everyone works full time, so there's no one to come down in the day when I'm on my own. My younger sister knows how I feel, and she's really sympathetic, but she doesn't understand how bad it gets sometimes, and I could never admit to her.
All my friends are really work friends, or very casual friends, I'm not close to any of them.

Dh is finding it hard to handle, I know. But when he told me how he didn't get any work done because he was worried about me at home, I decided it would be best for the sake of his job if I didn't go on about it too much. He works in a pretty high pressure sales environment, and his concentration hasn't been too great recently as it is with me being overdue one month, then ds in hospital the next. He was made redundant a couple of years ago beacuse his figures weren't good enough, and things were so difficult then, I couldn't let him or me go through that again.

I know it's up to me in the end to do something about how I'm feeling, but apart from AD's, I can't think how to start going about getting my life back together again.

elena2 · 12/12/2003 00:01

Forgot to say, posted in my real name now, as I had to give away a lot to explain in my last post, so might as well.

Forestfly · 12/12/2003 00:02

Are you ok now??? I'm up

musica · 12/12/2003 00:06

elena, I'm sorry , I didn't realise you were feeling this bad. D'you want to talk?

Forestfly · 12/12/2003 00:09

We should all talk, i'm up offload

musica · 12/12/2003 00:19

What are you up to Forestfly? My dh is asleep in the armchair downstairs, so I'm kind of waiting for him to come upstairs to bed.

Forestfly · 12/12/2003 00:22

I'm just sitting here

musica · 12/12/2003 00:22

Me too. Are you still there elena?

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