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Original poster

No don't give him that! - MIL's obsessed with feeding your baby rubbish!

51 replies

leonsmum · 21/02/2006 20:14

Went around to my MIL's for Sunday dinner a while ago. DS at just 6 months was on day two of baby rice and after announcing that I'd begun to wean him I had to spend the rest of the meal fending of attempts to feed him salted mash potato dripping in bisto gravy and other such items.

Even now at 10 months, after DS has had a full meal, a nutricious and colourful array of finger foods and is fit to burst, they ignore my pleas and put cold, gravy soaked bits of leftovers on his tray.

I brought up this subject at baby group the other day and was horrified to hear that one mum cought her MIL, sneekily feeding her DS, at the tender age of 4.5 months, a 'Blue Ribbon' chocolate biscuit bar and later that day stuck a finger of triffle in his mouth.

Why is it that MIL's and the older generation in general seem so bent on the idea of feeding our baby's unhealthy, chokey food stuffs that they don't need and we dont want them to have? Why do they do it and what's the worse thing your MIL has tried to feed your baby?

OP posts:
fisil · 21/02/2006 20:18

Surely that's what grandparents are for?

fireflyfairy2 · 21/02/2006 20:18

When I told my IL's that DD (aged 2) wasn't allowed fizzy mineral, they tried to fill her bottle with it, claiming she would "Have to try it sometime"

SpikeMomma · 21/02/2006 20:26

Have to say i was totally dreading this exact scenario - so far we've been lucky. There is a hovering threat of 'a bit of chocolate on the finger' routine though. Drives me nuts. I am waiting for a clanger though...

MoggyMummy · 21/02/2006 20:56

it isn't every day though is it? That is the sort of things grandparents do. I wouldn't stress about it.

purplemonkeydishwasher · 21/02/2006 21:10

DS is just 5 months and so far I've been able to fend off any foods that have been attempted but everytime Granny sees him she talks about all the foods he'll be able to eat soon. I don't even want to think about what she'll try....

madrose · 21/02/2006 21:12

Prob with MIL feeding dd things, as she is 'worried' that she will get fat I get told off for feeding her bananas (her fav) avacados, cheese and for using full fat milk on her cereal!!!!! As these are fat foods. My dd is perfect and is only 11 months old!!!!! But according to my MIL occaisionally DDis looking a little chubby. TBH I try to laugh it off, but it winds me up, just worried what she might say to her later on in life. Buys her other grandchildren loads and loads of sweets

saadia · 21/02/2006 21:12

I think people sometimes mistakenly equate feeding babies sugary foods with love. I think some people also find it quite entertaining to feed babies sugary unnecessary things just to imply that they know better and have that "oh look, baby can eat and enjoy this rubbish" which makes them feel that they somehow have control of the child.

madrose · 21/02/2006 21:13

Soz meant there is NO prob with MIL feeding dd

DumbledoresGirl · 21/02/2006 21:14

Because they have done it all before with their own children and they came to no harm did they?

HenniPenni · 21/02/2006 21:17

Can sympathise about this. The idea of a finger of trifle/chocolate/cream or whatever completly turns my stomach (vomit emoticon)

alliep30 · 21/02/2006 21:19

apparently my ds wasn't very hungry when i left him with MIL the other week... "he's just had a tub of custard and half a tube of smarties"
guess who scraped their 5yr old off the ceiling that afternoon, he was possessed

pucca · 21/02/2006 21:22

On my dd's christening day, i "caught" my in-laws giving my lactose intolerant 7 month old dd trifle dd then obviously vomited but unfortunately it wasn't all over in-laws!

GRRRR

chipmonkey · 21/02/2006 21:25

My MIL is convinced that "children need sugar" and is shocked that I don't put sugar on ds3's porridge or Weetabix. I'm sure she gives it to him whenever I'm not there!

amyjade · 21/02/2006 21:30

My MIL use to let my 1 year old Dd sit on the kitchen sideboard and dip her finger in the sugar bowl !!

lanismum · 21/02/2006 22:10

my mum and aunt give my dd sugar sandwiches, and huge amounts of chocolate and coke, shes 11 months old!

Original poster
leonsmum · 21/02/2006 22:35

The odd little treat here and there, I agree, can be annoying but harmless, I just think it's reckless when they try to give e-number, msg-ridden, heavily salted stuff like Bisto gravy to small babies who's tiny bodies aren't used to processing much more than milk, baby rice and fruit/veg purees.

I waited until almost 6 months to start weaning my son so I think that's why I had half the problem. Even though he was quite big, I don't think they understood how early he was on the whole weaning process when they were waving spoodfuls of salty mash and bisto at him. I think they used to wean children earlier in their day. My MIL said she weaned DH when he was 3 weeks old!

Here's a great weaning recipe of yesteryear, courtosy of my Gran (aged 80)...

1 Small Banana
1 Tablespoon of Sugar

Mash together with a fork.

And it didn't do my Mum any harm (excpet she's always had lots of filings!)

OP posts:
Babydaze · 22/02/2006 01:33

Thanks Leonsmum I was going to start this same thread! I have the same problem. My DD is 9 mths. old. Right from about when she was tiny my mil would try to give her chocolate or sponge "to suck" ?! I have to say a firm "No thank you" but she still does it every time we see her. You do feel they are trying to undermine you as a mum. She fed my DH lots of sugary sweet rubbish from when he was a tiny baby E.g. sugary tea in a bottle. But they didn't know back then how how bad it was for teeth & we do know now.Poor DH lost most of his milk teeth by the time he was 8 so his adult teeth came through crocked. He blames his mum. She is a luvly mil apart from the sweet fetish. But the other day another in law called to visit, she brought chocolate buttons for my DD. I said "Thanks but she doesn't have chocolate yet" She answered "But she's 8 months now, isn't she?" So she tried to make me feel mean for denying my DD a treat.By the way, this in law has a 12 yr old who is 16 stone . Also I was surprised at Xmas at the amount of gifts of chocolate & smarties my 6 mth old was given.I even had to 'help' her eat them

WellieMum · 22/02/2006 02:38

Babydaze's comment about the 16 stone 12 year old has made me think about the differences between generations.

When we were children we ran around all day. A bit of sugar here or there wouldn't have made any difference, so it didn't much matter if we got hooked on sweet stuff (except for the effect on our teeth!). In any case we mostly ate quite plain food with sweets just as treats.

Nowadays there are so many temptations for children to be sedentary, and so much more junk food available. Our children will have to eat better than we did or they'll run big health risks.

So it's really important, imo, that our children don't get hooked on rubbish, and really irritating when the older generation can't see this and undermine what we do.

mymama · 22/02/2006 04:19

my mil gave my dd at 2 months (yes 2 months) a lolly to suck on whilst she was babysitting her. She twittered on about how she kept spitting it out onto the floor and she had to keep picking it up and putting it back in . DD is 7 now but it still burns me up if I tell the story.

kitegirl · 22/02/2006 04:58

my mother was insisting that ds should eat what we ate (potatoes, gravy...) since he was 6 months old. I was adamant that I did not want him to have salt. Mother did not understand what the fuss was about. I have tried to give him home-cooked meals ever since I weaned him, but we always had jars of baby food in the cupboard just in case in a rush etc. My mother, when visiting, insisted on giving these to him, saying that it would be better than any food I cooked at home (!!!)

One school of thought is that 'oh well, it's only occasionally, that's what grandparents are like'. However, if the few ground rules I had asked to respect (no salt, no sugar, always use a car seat, pick him up if he cries) are ignored I think we have a problem. Which we have, hence my regular rantings on every 'psycho mother' -thread...

mymama · 22/02/2006 08:59

What is with all the gravy??? Does anyone remember the 6 month old who died from her parents feeding her KFC potato and gravy each day for dinner??

NannyL · 22/02/2006 09:10

My first food EVER was CHOCOLATE, fed to me by my Dads mother when i was just 2 months old and only ever consumed breast milk...

My mum was horrified.... My grandmother always gave us LOADS of sweets etc, and it used to drive my mum crazy!

We are both still good eaters tho and have always eaten pretty much anything, and it obviously hasnt killed us!

I would have a fit if anyone did the same to my kids, and my mother has already been told (despite me having NO plans for kids at all in even the distant future) that she will NEVER feed my my kids ANY additives /chemicals / fertilisers of ANY sorts or she wont look after the "baby"! lol

jellyjelly · 22/02/2006 09:16

My parents are a nightmare with my 3 yr old ds, i had my parents helping out with him because i couldnt look after him because of a broken leg and everyday it was 'kfc or macdonalds today or maybe fish and chips?'(and if i said no he got all huffey and couldnt understand what the problem was) everyday, it really peed me off or he would give him crisps at 1155 for lunch or sweets or a horrid low meat content sausage from the supermarket and then have a go at me about his behaviour. I almost had to beg to get him to peel a carrot or cut up a pepper which is what ds is used to having.

Well things reached a climax and my dad stamped his feet and walked out and hasnt been back since so now ds is having better food than he was. Who was the child?

Bozza · 22/02/2006 09:26

Babydaze - 8 isn't young to be losing baby teeth. DS was 5 on Monday and he has two wobbly ones. They are absolutely in tip top condition, shiny white with no cavities. The dentist says the adult ones are pushing them out.

JennyLee · 22/02/2006 10:03

My Mother always ever since ds was small undermines my rules like no cola unless at parties or in a restaurant where there is no alternative,
he is not allowed to just go and help himself to crisps, sweets and biscuits, yet at her house she says things like 'he did not want his dinner, but he has eaten - he had 3 packets of crips and some of them mini-coco bars anyway' the best one was where she brought ds back home to me and said 'he punched his uncle in the car the whole way home and make loud noises all the way home'..., 'he reckons it was the entire bottle of Irn Bru we let him have before we set off?' AAAAHHH!!!!