No don't give him that! - MIL's obsessed with feeding your baby rubbish!

[leonsmum]

Went around to my MIL's for Sunday dinner a while ago. DS at just 6 months was on day two of baby rice and after announcing that I'd begun to wean him I had to spend the rest of the meal fending of attempts to feed him salted mash potato dripping in bisto gravy and other such items.

Even now at 10 months, after DS has had a full meal, a nutricious and colourful array of finger foods and is fit to burst, they ignore my pleas and put cold, gravy soaked bits of leftovers on his tray.

I brought up this subject at baby group the other day and was horrified to hear that one mum cought her MIL, sneekily feeding her DS, at the tender age of 4.5 months, a 'Blue Ribbon' chocolate biscuit bar and later that day stuck a finger of triffle in his mouth.

Why is it that MIL's and the older generation in general seem so bent on the idea of feeding our baby's unhealthy, chokey food stuffs that they don't need and we dont want them to have? Why do they do it and what's the worse thing your MIL has tried to feed your baby?

My MIL(the same one who let Dd1 dip her fingers in sugar bowl) has told me stories of how she use to dip DP dummy in honey to keep him quiet.
Probably why his baby teeth came through black and his adult teeth are full of fillings.

Absolutely infuriating. We are their mums and we should have the last say about what they eat IMO.

My DDs are given endless junk when they are with my in-laws, free rein of the enormous biscuit tin, cakes, sweets. Drives me nuts. DH thinks I should chill about it as it isn't every day but again it makes mum look like the meany who enforces all the rules whilst grandparents and dad are the fun ones who let them eat what they want

AND, I'm on a roll now, not only EAT what they want but DO what they want. My DDs are very good at putting toys away when they've finished playing with them before getting the next lot out, but with DH and the in-laws I come home to a complete bomb site with every single jigsaw, game, bead, sticker, pen ........ you get the gist everywhere, all over the house.

A bit of chocolate/sugar/whatever is not going to do any harm at all.

ILs regularly offer DS things that he doesnt have at home but I have better things to worry about.

My dd's gps all spoil her rotten and I say 'Go for it'. Thats what they are there for. All things in moderation after all and it isnt everyday (if it was then thats a different story).
My mum likes shopping and buying things for dd so I let her get on with it (she didnt have the money to do it when we were all little).
My dad likes to give her chocolate and had the privilege of giving her her first bit at 11 mnths and sure why not? Isnt that what Grandads do? Mine used to give me sugar sandwiches and I've still got all my teeth with very few fillings.
dp's dad comes round with plastic crap bargain toys which fill my front room but which dd loves so I put up with it (just)
they are dd's gps and they love her and if they show their love in a different way to me then thats fine cos I'm jsut thankful they take the time to show they care.

Potpourri, are you ME? Do we somehow share the same MIL? I'm quite spooked at how similar they are, and I fully, fully, sympathise. It's so hard for me to HEAR my DS telling his GM something, of which she hears one word and then goes off on a yabber about something else entirely. DS feels crushed and not listened to. I tell myself it's only once a week or fortnight, won't do him any har, and that not everyone he meets in life will hang on his every word like I do, but it still drives me mad.

Was reading a knitting pattern with dd the other day She found it very interesting. Seriously. It was in my 'treasure box' with all my wool and material etc. But then I'm just wierd

Kitegirl & Mymamma - that is exactly my point about gravy. When we went out for Sunday dinner, my inlaws expected DS to be 'having a roast with the rest of us'. I had the "why can't he eat what were having?", followed by a slight glance of dissaproval when I explained that I'd brought one of his favorite dinners instead.

A roast dinner is a great, balanced meal to mash up and give to a baby, but not when the veggies have been boiled to mush with loads of salt, the meat is that nasty, processed stuff you get at some resturants and the whole lot is swimming in salty, e-number, msg rich gravy.

Why does giving babies naturally good, tasty food to enjoy even have to be questioned? I think junk food can effect their palette if they get it often - Natural, subtle flavours starts to taste plain.

The 'it didn't do mine any harm comment' gets used to justify anything and unless you could pinpoint that salty-gravy at every meal and sugar-banana mash lead to DH's lifetime of poor eating and under-average health, what can we do but count to 10 slowly in our heads while we politely refuse potato al'la bisto on behalf of our 6 month olds!

I have exactly the same problem. MIL thinks everything has to be cooked with 3 tonnes of salt and that is perfectly fine to let my kids raid the chocolate cupboard 3 seconds after having the last bite of there meal.

What I would love to say to MIL on the "it didn't do mine any harm" theme is.
"Didn't it? Your sons are obese, one alost had a heart attack at 41 and the thinnest one lives with me!"
But I'm too polite!

my MIL is lovely but she seems obsessed with breaking my rules and i get the "it never did my kids any harm" about everything.I could debate but that's a whole differant thread!

I really sympathise with you guys with babies.(DS is 2+ now) I remember the fear i had with a small underweight child that something nasty would creep in somehow. I have to admit to being a total food snob. i'm still dubious about anything processed even if it's only occasionally. DH is more relaxed about this.it most be his upbringing!

Good grief, what is it with mils. Mine is good in most respects and I get on well wth hr but I'm sure she thinks dds probs with food are down to me - keeps saying "leave her with me for ten days and I'll get her eating" - she is a fab cook but was always telling me to give dd the same food as us (ie not pureed) at a very early age even though I knew she would eat two mouthfuls and spit out the rest. Her kids were weaned at 2mths apparently.

Hi, I don't really have this problem as dd doesn't spend much time with gp's due to them having various health probs that mean they can't look after her. FIL/Step MIL had dd on their own on 2 occasions which resulted in docs/hosp visits as they didn't look after her properly. So I put my foot down, and now they only see her when I take her to visit regularly, and I can chase after her! FIL has bought choc buttons for dd but he gave them to me, so I was able to dole them out at a sensible rate, so can't complain really. They are just from a different generation and probably aren't as well informed about nutrition and food prob as we are. Just stand your ground if it really bothers you, it's only right to be concerned that los eat properly. Although, I don't see a problem with the odd treat myself. I ate some crap when I was little, and I don't want to stop dd enjoying sweets now and then.

Bozza I know that! What I meant was: My unfortunate DH had 9 milk EXTRACTED by the dentist while he was knocked out with gas because they were totally rotten from his sugary diet.So because he didn't loose the milk teeth naturally as kids normally do, his adult teeth came through crooked & goofy, (sounds awful but he's still gorgeous otherwise!)He blames his mum.As he says what child is going to say 'No' to sugary treats? Now she's trying to ruin my kids teeth! Not surprisingly she's commonly known as 'Nan Chocolate'.

My mum had my DS over the weekend and when we came back we were informed that virtually all he'd eaten was chocolate. And when he came down off the sugar high he was just horrible.

I agree that some things in moderation never hurt anyone but do think there should be limits. I think that when parents/Pils say that "it never did mine any harm", they lose sight of the fact that, in previous generations, the sweets and chocolate the kids were fed didn't contain all the additives/e-numbers that foods these days contain. They find it hard to believe when we tell them that certain foods can make kids hyperactive because it never happened in their day, but that's because things are made differently now. And generally, the parents never get to see how the child is because they feed the crap and then give the child back.

I would let my DS have most things in moderation, with one exception. I have not, and will never, allow my DS to drink coke, and if either my parents or Pils ever did, I would refuse to let them have my DS on their own again, that is how strongly I feel about it and here is why.

I think that a lot of people see coke as being a harmless softdrink which, if drunk in moderation, is ok. Reality is, a 240 ml can of coke contains 12 tablespoons of sugar, and the cafeen content of 2 cups of coffee, and here's a little experiment to see how harmful coke is..

When next at the supermarket, buy a packet of chicken livers, put one of them in a bowl, and pour over a glass of coke. Cover and leave overnight. When you look in the morning, the chicken liver will be gone, desolved by the coke.

I used to drink a lot of coke, then recently I started getting heart palpitations, serious heart palpitations. I'd had them before but not to that extent. Was on the verge of going to the doctors to get it checked out when I read that cafeen can cause palpitations. I gave up coke altogether, and no more palpitations from then on.

oops sorry such a long post

MIL gave dd2 (then 9mths) a large tube of white chocolate buttons for Christmas.

My mother insists on salting everything when we go there for Sunday lunch so I always have to take food with me. I keep asking her to cook without and add it afterwards and point out that I don't salt any of my food and they always enjoy it when then come to us. She still carries on in her own sweet way though...

It's my mother rather than MIL I'm worried about. At Christmas she suggested we could let ds (4months) suck on a chocolate finger biscuit and when told "No" told us (again) how my brother was on chocolate pud at 6 weeks!

I think Kitegirl was spot on with the reference to respect. For me it's not so much about giving them crap, but the lack of respect shown for the mothers wishes. If the mother doesn't want the child to have crap that should be the end of the story. Yes, in time ds will get chocolate and stuff but in moderation and when I say they can, and until that time I expect my parents (and others) to respect my wishes - whether they agree with me or not should be irrelevant.

And as for the "Oh it never did X any harm arguement" I usually reply with something like "Yes and some people smoke 40 cigs a day and live till they are 90, doesn't mean its ok for everyone to do the same"

Grrrr

I will remember the bit about smoking piggy to shut my parents/ inlaws up as i always get that.

Leonsmum: "unless you could pinpoint that salty-gravy at every meal and sugar-banana mash lead to DH's lifetime of poor eating and under-average health, what can we do but count to 10 slowly in our heads while we politely refuse potato al'la bisto on behalf of our 6 month olds!"

Actually, there is clear evidence to suggest that longevity is DEcreasing for the first time ever. Those post-war baby boomers (i.e. those grandparents now around 60) who were breastfed and raised on a healthy diet due to rationing are likely to live to a greater age than their children, who have consumed more junk food and drunk more alcohol.

My husband had a paper on this and how it related to the insurance industry, but just offhand I'm not sure where he got it from.

WannaBe1974 and RedZuleika, really good points. I don't think they even printed ingredients lists on packaging until recent years and the chemicals/food science industry is more than likey to invented more and more ways to pad out our foods whith chemicals since then.

I think our parents grew up in more trusting times and maybe they just don't realise what is in some food.

I know I sound gravy obsessed but 'proper' gravy is great stuff - vegetable water, stock, meat juices, bit of flour. It's all good but have you ever read the back of a bisto packet? I did for the first time when I was pregnant and started taking more care over my diet - e-numbers, msg, buckets of salt, thickeners, stabilizers, emulsiphiers, yuck and yuck. I just don't think that its suitable for babies. Maybe I should try and get MIL/FIL to read the back if a packet next time I turn it down on DS's behalf, but I think they'd look at me like I was from the planet 'Zog'.

I've not long since wrote this on the other thread in relationships so have copied it here:

My mum and MIL are okay about what we give DS2 to eat - he's 9 months.

Nan-In-Law (aged about 87) is the worst I've ever known. When DS2 was about 4 months old she peeled an orange and tried to give him a piece of it to suck on, followed by a sip of lemonade, followed by a half coated chocolate orange digestive biscuit!

She means well, honestly!

And since writing this I've been thinking about FIL, who is absolutely terrible with DS1. On the rare occasions that we have Sunday lunch there, he will let DS1 eat god knows how many chipolata BEFORE dinner, is then surprised when he eats all of 2 carrots from his dinner plate then proceeds to give him ice creams etc afterwards. It seems our pleas (or should that be screams ) fall on completely deaf ears, hence us not going there very often now.

My MIL apologised to me a few months back as she (finally) realised that she was probably a bit of a pain (understatement) when it came to her ideas on rearing children. My dds are now young adults but, when they were babies, she thought it was OK to try and feed them cream cakes, icecream, meringues and chocolate instead of "proper" food. She would undermine anything I said. It has taken her over 18 years to realise that they are actually my children, not hers!!

What about a soap coloring and moulding set for a 3 year old with an allergy to food colouring and eczema? The crappest of crap presents.

My inlaws (sil is worse) refuse to listen to anything I say about ds's food. He is allergic to egg and the only time he has come into contact with it since being diagnosed is at SIL's house, bless him. They'll also feed him 3 rusks at 4.30 and then complain that he is a poor eater and they also have no respect for routine.

He has lots of health issues so there is a laminated card in his changing bag with the food 'rules' on it, and they are there for his health, not because I felt like it, and they can't even follow that.

Has resulted in me not letting him go to their house unless he is with me or dh and we take his own food. It's sad, If they can't respect rules for his health, they must have no respect for my wishes or for my little boy. I din't trust them and dh wants to make them legal gaurdians!