Have you ever managed to 'relaunch' yourself, in style, health or other ways?

[Legacy]

I feel like I need a major 'overhaul'.... The last 7 years have been a constant whirlwind of stress and change:

• difficult births of 2 kids
• made redundant
• DH left job and started up on own
• death of a parent, serious illness of inlaws
• on-going relationship issues (now resolved I think) ...

Anyway, I am about to stop work fulltime and go freelance, ideally spend more time with kids and focus on family life and DH a bit more, but I feel like I need a complete 'life makeover'!

a) Am about a stone overweight
b) health is crap - get out of breath too easily
c) Have no decent clothes, because I won't buy any 'cos of a) (in denial that size 12 can look a bit tight sometimes)
d) hair is boring
e) teeth need whitening and straightening
f) need to rebuild my friends and social life

I don't know what happened really - I seem to have lost all my 'spark' and confidence...

Just wondered - do people really manage to 'relaunch' themselves (new & improved). And if so, how did you do it/ get the motivation etc?

Yes yes yes this is completely possible and I believe an ongoing challenge over the course of our lives. First you should also remember that although some things have slipped through for the past 7 years, you have had a number of major issues to contend with which 'count' as acheivments, just getting through. Try not to throw the baby out with the bathwater and believe the statement that you need a complete life makeover! You sound like you have loads going for you already that you need to remember and credit yourself for!

You sound like you are ready to spend some time on yourself. I personally have done this in my life and there is really only one key. You have to forgive and like yourself, then do things nice for yourself that are investments in your longterm wellbeing. You start with one thing at a time. For me this was health -- eating, drinking and exersising properly which resolved a lot around how I felt about myself. You take one day at a time and when that is too overwhelming you take one hour at a time. In your shoes I might look at establishing an organised routine in my life that I can stick to (so you feel in control and you don't feel like things are caving in on you), and maybe eating well for your health (the best first step). Add slowly things like a good daily walk (to music).

That sparkly person who you have been in touch with in the past is still there -- you just need to rest up, treat yourself with respect and care and she will come back naturally. Hope springs eternal and every day is a new beginning.

hello Legacy
yes, I did this at the beginning of 2005 following long drawn out divorce.

lost weight
did a lot of browsing and bought some decent clothes (not expensive, mostly at C&A - try them if youre on hol in France or Germany)
got a bike and started cycling a bit
went to the hairdresser instead of cutting it myself!
am currently psyching myself up for the dentist
rebuilding social life - dont know, try a mn meetup??!

Good luck - it will be worth it when you feel that you're having a second youth!

I went to see Tony Robbins at one of his London weekends. I did a firewalk and had a brilliant time! If you are into self development books you should look at "awaken the giant within" and "Unlimited power". He is pretty amazing.
New clothes always help too! I find trinny and susannah inspiring. Good luck to you

wow - thanks CandieMom - that's a very inspiring post!

You're right, and deep down I know it, it feels as if I've just been 'surviving' for the last 7 years - getting by from one thing to the next, worrying all the time about everyone else - never me.

About 10 years ago I was very very fit, and although I don't think I will get back to that level I'd like to get back to a 'fit' level for my age.

Don't worry about going back it's all about going forward. You aren't the same in body mind or spirit as you were ten years ago (and I'll bet you wouldn't go back?) so you are already a 'new you' get to know yourself (probably what you've been putting on the back burner whilst on survival mode). I found out a whole bunch of new things about myself when I went through this. Surviving and coping should in theory instill you with a lot of confidence -- throw it at me and I can deal!

Try to see this current feeling as your own inner checkpoint you have finally come up for air and realised you need more 'me time.' You must take it for yourself as burnout doesn't self-heal it needs you to focus on it and be active in allowing healing to take place.

You could go through your list and try to see the bright side. A stone overweight is about three months of sensible eating away from where you want to be. That's not much! Health is not crap getting out of breath is easily remedied by 10 - 20 mins cardio three times a week (walking counts! and combats depression!). Clothes, hair and teeth are symptoms of how you feel inside. Tackle one at a time and don't go radical, especially on the hair as I once did blonde and really regretted it!! Choose clothes based on what you wear the most (eg. don't go out and buy a killer dress when you might not get to wear it ever) and then wear it to death (saves money). Teeth leave for a while but maybe try a store bought whitener before investing with a dentist. You might grow to like their crookedness after you do some other things (I have never had my nose done though in times of fatigue have really hated it. Currently liking it makes me myself!). Friends and social life this is a deeper one. Can you identify one or two people you can truly trust? Can you identify one or two people you really have fun with? Can you identify one or two people that give back to you? Can you identify one or two people that inspire you? Doesn't have to be the same people for everything -- in fact it's better if you spread it around. What are you missing in your primary relationships? Can you find that somewhere else? Once you know the answer to these questions, you can try to spend time with those people in appropriate ways.

We all feel like this in our lives sometimes, and it doesn't have to last. The great part is that you know how you feel, are talking about it -- that is the first step to getting around to dealing with it!

God no legacy but I feel a bit like you:

8.4 yrs ago had ds
6 years ago left ex dh, got divorced a few years later
5 years ago my dad died
2.5 years ago moved from countryside to city
2.3 yrs ago dd was born and didn't sleep for 1.5 years
Last year spent 8 months with no work and then took a job that meant being away from my family during the week and driving a lot
Got re-married 3 months ago and am now back at home but jobless more or less again

So I need to:
Lose weight
Get fitter
Get a job I like and move to somewhere I like
Get settled
Get my teeth bleached
Turn 40, eeek!
And maybe go back to my natural brown hair colour
I haven't got time for a social life, not if I want to talk to my husband too

So if you decide to start an overhaul thread, count me in!

uuurrgh if we do an overhaul thread i want to join. if not i think best of luck to you and seriously do just do one at a time. xxx

I did this when I was getting over some horrible personal issues and it helped me so much. I was finally in full remission from a cancer I'd had from childhood (I'm 22), and was ready to let go of the bulimia that had controlled me for years. Changing your mindset is a lot harder than simply buying new clothes, although it certainly helps. (also, these don't have to be expensive. Most of my clothes are finds from charity shops, which can be great fun, or cheapy basics from H and M) I learned to be happy at the weight I am by dressing to compliment it, and also to stop following the crowd, and that was the scariest part - ultimately you have to be ok being you, and, from experience I know that being thin doesn't mean you'll be happy. Losing weight is relatively easy if you learn to listen to and respect your body, and maybe buying an exercise bike or something to do in front of the tv can have great results with minimal inconvenience to you. As for a haircut, go into several places that will give you a free consultation and go with the one you get the best vibe from- finding a hairdresser I like and trust has been a revelation. Don't be afraid to try something new. I think a lot of the time people try to fit in with what everyone else has regardless of whether or not it suits them, so don't be scared to be individual. After so many years of hiding under a hat in an attempt to grow my hair, I finally realised that actually closely croped hair was fine by me, and it was more a psychological thing wanting to grow it, as it had bad assocoiations with losing my hair in secondary school. When you feel more confident, friendships will follow And I can really recommend buying a sonic toothbrush.

this struck a real chord with me as I am doing this sort of thing never actually thought of the big picture but have a series of small projects to re-discover ME after several years of focusing on kids and DH... my driver was a feeling that I had lost who I was and was becoming very dull and it was beginning to make me feel down and almost depressed I got a book called Life Aufit which really helped with making me focus on my whole life and not just hide in the work/family bits...

So...

Am training for a marathon to sort out health and weight issues and also to raise money for a charity I am involved in -- charity work was first step in getting life outside of work/home and it has been great..

Clothes am obsessd with Sue and Trinny have used their advice hugely over the last 2 years and now am defining a style of my own and feel at times I can look quite good - just need to make it more of the time...

My main project now is to rebuild social life... small steps being made -- meeting up with other Mumsnetters soon and making effort at work to get out...

And I feel good -- plan is to look back at the end of the year and to have made a couple of new freinds, made more of an effort to have me time, lost some weight and be more the old me...

Good luck -- hope we keep this thread going cos it is very easy to fall back into old habits!

Can I join in?

Have started by instituting exercise routine and loseing a dress size since last september. Now need to work on:

a) Style/wardrobe
b) Hair
c) Teeth need bleaching
d) Make-up and nails need to be sorted
e) Need to study for some kind of professional quals. DH has said he can get me work when the time comes but I want to be respected in any work I do rather than have peaple think I got the job cos of who DH is.

Anyway can I be in?

would help if I could spell of course. Also social life needs a bit of a kick up the a*se

Can I come too

a) Lost 64lbs Gone from size 22 to size 14
b) Gave up job I hate
c) Started my own business (& now employ staff)
d) Finally got a hair style I like

Need to

1. sort out my teeth (tho I have seen a hypnotherapist so I'm not scared anymore)
2. Sort out a wardrobe (as I still wear "fat" clothes ie elastic waist just a smaller size)
3. Be more assertive
4. Finish my NVQ

So I'm half way there

Like a couple of others here, I did a relaunch after ex-H left me. I felt very dowdy and sparkless. I lost quite alot of weight from the stress of him leaving, so I treated myself to some new clothes, dyed my hair and made much more of an effort with my make up and appearance generally. I eat much more healthy food now, drink less (almost nothing in fact) and look after myself better. I finally worked out that no one else was going to do it for me, so started doing it for myself.
I have also had some counselling, which has helped with my self esteem generally. If you feel good about yourself, you are less likely to comfort eat, not exercise and all the other ways we mistreat ourselves inside & out!
I would definitely second the advice by taking it one step at a time and really trying to think about what you really want for the future & not dwelling on mistakes in the past.

Katymac well done on losing all that weight.

Can i ask how old we all are in general?
I have been feeling just like you all and thought maybe at 37 next month that that was the reason.Although i feel it is a very positive feeling.
My husband had an affair last year and i lost a stone through sheer worry.I have not regained it either (silver lining heh).we are still together but it has been truley life changing for us both and we are both closer but growing.Positive too.
Just feel it is time for me now.
I have joined a gym and also do yoga now but

Would like to lose some more weight (a couple of stone)
change my style of clothes
sort out teeth
and find a way of lowering my stress levels.(gym does help this abit)

so can i join too

Am loathe to agree with Susannah & Trinny (& Bugsy!!), but just tidying up your appearance does make you feel better. Couldn't believe how great I felt when I had a hair cut and put on some slap a few months after DS1's arrival. But I think that you have to make changes deep down - really about the way you see life and yourself.

Not dwelling on mistakes in the past is really important - don't beat yourself up over stuff that's happened. Reflect for a while, so that you can learn from mistakes, but then let go of them.

It is possible to remake yourself - or maybe get back in touch with the person you were in happier times. Six years ago I packed in a job I hated. Five years ago I walked out of a very unhappy long term relationship.

Today I do something I enjoy most of the time (when not on Mat. Leave) and am married to a lovely man. I have a beautiful kid and have got to know loads of people where we now live (through work, partner & just talking to strangers at ante/post natal clinics!!). I don't say this to sound smug - it's just that 5 years ago I felt like a dowdy, lonely woman, at the "Bridget Jones-tick-tock" stage, who had no hope in hell of achieving happiness in career or home life.

I think it's down to self confidence - life and "bad men" can grind you down, but try to remember who you were when you set out on the journey. For me, a round-the-world trip (didn't have the baby then!), a bit of wild partying, and going out with a few guys helped me regain confidence. And I think I was determined not to waste anymore time being sad.

Good luck with your revamps. In five years' time you might not recognise yourselves!

I'm 38 in 3 months

Reflexology helps with stress (& weight loss)

I am also a Tony Robbins convert! You can buy his audio courses on ebay - I did his 'Time of your Life' course. Did it about a year ago and I found some of it very useful. It is all about having a life plan, really thinking about what is important to you, and letting go of all the stress of things you can't influence and best of all deciding on the sphere's of influence that you are going to focus your effort on - ie being a GODDESS .
I did it because I was finding the transition from full time career to Mother and part time worker difficult to reconcile and frankly haven't looked back. Its a great catalyst to move on and think of your whole life strategically rather than just focus on bits you are unhappy with. If nothing else, just listening to someone so comically enthusiastic can only make you laugh.

Totally second that. Reflexology is the best thing I've ever done for myself, and now I have it every month as a treat (when I can afford it!) It always makes me feel a lot better in my body and mind. My reflexologist is a miracle worker

overdraft, I was 33 when I found out about ex-H's affair & 34 when he left - so not a disimilar age.
Not sure whether it is an age thing, or just a wake-up call that you could get at any time. Smellen is right that although a general tidy up is a great boost, it probably helps to try and find a more deep seated belief in yourself and what you are capable of achieving.

oh my goodness how impressed am i with some of your acheivements!! wow. i dont think you guys need to change that much, i think your doing great!!

Am 32 od.

Im also late 30s.

littlelamb, please tell me more about the sonic toothbrush?? like the sound of that

LOVE my sonic toothbrush. Basically it's quite an expensive electric toothbrush (bought mine at Boots as I got points and it had money off.) The difference it has made to my teeth is incredible, and they are noticeably much whiter, but in a nice, rather than blinding, way!

littlelamb, were you using an electric toothbrush before or just an old fasioned DIY job?