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Original poster

Good article in the Observer about a woman's experiences of PND

27 replies

mummytosteven · 12/02/2006 10:09

this

OP posts:
GeorginaA · 12/02/2006 10:29

That made me cry. Beautiful, heartwrenching story.

pesme · 12/02/2006 10:34

i was blubbing too. fantastic article.

CarolinaMoon · 12/02/2006 10:58

That is so , especially that no one noticed how unwell she was the first time round.

Original poster
mummytosteven · 12/02/2006 13:01

.

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 12/02/2006 13:04

Mumsnet gets a mention too.

expatinscotland · 12/02/2006 13:16

I still find the Edinburgh Test pants. I forgot till I had to retake it. 'I look forward to thing . . .' 'I feel miserable . . . '

Multiple choice. Anyone w/half a brain can see how easy those are to fool, especially when you don't trust the HV or GP. I never have. Still don't. Need to switch surgeries.

I was a high-functioning alcoholic who later became a high-functioning depressive - believe me, there are more of these around than you think. History's full of them, so are the literature aisles.

No one probably noticed how ill she was first time round b/c despite the sloppy wardrobe, I'm willing to bet money she was pretty good at covering up what she considered to be her 'failings'. I remember being complimented on how thin I was after having DD1. I'd just grin proudly and not tell anyone it was b/c everything I ate made me sick.

I'm glad she found something that worked. The Lustral really helped my anxiety.

PND just sucks.

Highlander · 12/02/2006 13:28

what a heart-wrenching article. The first year is so bloody awful when you have no support. I remember phoning DH at work at 9am and begging him to come home. Looking at the clock thinking an hour had gone by and it was only 5 mins.

expatinscotland · 12/02/2006 13:52

I remember missing my mother so much it physically hurt. I remember trying on some shoes that I'd brought over when I first came and they didn't fit and for some reason that put me over the edge so much I laid DD1 in her cot and went out on the balcony and stayed there till I'd smoked an entire half pack of fags.

harrisey · 12/02/2006 16:47

I cried reading this - the bit about all your margins being gone, but living on the margins of your own life. Been there, with all 3 kids, but off the ads for 8 months now and still OK - but this reminded me what it was like.
Very sad story, I do feel like the first year of all my children's lives was just lost, even with the help and medication I got.

expatinscotland · 12/02/2006 16:50

I do, too, harrisey. In fact, the fug didn't start to clear till DD1 was about 18 months old, and that was w/drugs, counselling, etc.

Funny how it works, but I honestly cannot remember much of her first year.

I focus instead on our lives together now and our future, each day as it comes.

harrisey · 13/02/2006 01:19

Hey, expat, its nice (in a way) to know there are other people who experienced the ghastly blank of the first year being awful. My kids came along at 2 yr intervals so that I had a yr of PND, just learing in time to get pg again, and I dont do pg too well either. My dd1 was 6 last week, and I do feel that the last year has been good, but 5.5 years were either sick or pregnant and I'm quite glad to be out of it.
Nice to meet someone else in scotland, too, even if you area an expat!

jabberwocky · 13/02/2006 03:19

I couldn't bring myself to read the article yet, but wanted to say that ds's first 12 - 18 months are a total fog to me as well. It's so sad, he's such a great little boy and I feel that time was stolen from me. We are currently ttc and I am so hoping that I don't get it again. Dh is terrified that I will and it took some persuasion to convince him that at least if it did happen again, I know the signs and would have doctor and therapist already in place to help out.

Bouj · 13/02/2006 05:27

Wow, that brought it all back. I am terrified of it happening again. I have lots of measures in place to cope, will definitely stick my hand up and say I'm not good, which I failed to do last time. Will also rely on mn too, I think. God, it was such an awful time.

Original poster
mummytosteven · 13/02/2006 10:39

.

OP posts:
alexsmum · 13/02/2006 11:00

i found this article really interesting.
i have in the past said, that with hindsight, i think i had pnd.But after reading this article i don't think i did at all.
sure i spent huge chunks of first year crying but i never felt the terrible feelings she describes.
iadmire hugely anyone who can come through that kind of thing .

WharfRat · 13/02/2006 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Highlander · 13/02/2006 11:20

interestingly, they refuse to do the Edinburgh test in Canada as it's crap and easily fixed.

welshmum · 13/02/2006 11:40

That was bit of a scary read, the second baby has definitely made me realise how much I missed with dd.

Enid · 13/02/2006 11:47

god that is terrifying

I really hope I dont get it.

Was very anxious after the other two were born, lasted until I went back to work...

expatinscotland · 13/02/2006 16:47

'interestingly, they refuse to do the Edinburgh test in Canada as it's crap and easily fixed.'

It is such crap, highlander. I mean, who thought that up? Bet they got paid a lot of money to come up w/that, too. What a crock!

Well, folks, I got it again! Yes, I've had PND twice. I will say, however, that the second time around hasn't been as bad - 1) b/c I recognised it 2) b/c I knew where to get help right away.

expatinscotland · 13/02/2006 16:49

I told the new - equally worthless - HV that it was a crock last week, but she didn't seem to care. She just said, 'Well, we have to ask this.' You have? Or you just can't be bothered to bring it up that it's utter shite?

harrisey · 13/02/2006 16:52

I've had ti 3 times but yes, the first time was worst, as the other times I knew what was happening. But I still felt numb - the anti-d's, IME, numb all your feelings, not just the depression. I'm glad to be off them.

Highlander · 13/02/2006 20:10

what did you do expat? Did you organise for extra, regular help for the first year? Do they fob you off with drugs?

I am absolutely shitting myself about #2.

expatinscotland · 13/02/2006 20:18

My mother came and lived here for a few months and took a flat nearby so she would take the baby, especially overnight. I'm lucky b/c both my parents have a comfortable retirement and can come back and forth flexibly.

We also went to the US for a month over Xmas holiday and then again in summer.

Luckily, I live in Edinburgh, the Church of Scotland runs Boswall House for women w/PND and their babies. A godsend! Spent a LOT of time there. They offer a service where you can come in and these lovely ladies who have older or grown children spoil your baby rotten whilst you get to have some tea or coffee, chat w/the other ladies, or meet w/a counsellor or have group therapy.

I had LOTS of drugs, b/c my depression was so bad I had panic attacks galore, anxiety big time, insomnia, etc. I honestly believed I was better off dead many times.

This time round, I was offered ADs antenatally, but I didn't want to take them. In case there was a chance I wouldn't have PND. But I did. So I'm on Lustral again. I have had to use tranqs, but much more sparingly this time.

expatinscotland · 13/02/2006 20:21

It was a real blow to get sick again. But I just knew I was. Wasn't such a big crash like last time, but that whole thing where the sound of hte baby crying just fills you w/anxiety - where you can't sleep at night for being jumpy, panic attacks, all that same old shite. It really pissed me off at first, but I knew I had to get it sorted before I let it rob me the way it did of DD1s babyhood.

Even now, I do have some bad days when DH sort of takes over the baby.

I'm still off on leave, tho, and I have a very understanding boss. So if at the end of my leave I'm still unwell she doesn't mind if I'm signed off.