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Original poster

Just found out my grandad has cancer.....

52 replies

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 16/01/2006 18:28

I dont know what to think or how to feel

He has cancer of the ospharagus (sp?)

He is 69.

OP posts:
NomDePlume · 16/01/2006 18:29

Oh Tamba for you. Do they know what stage it is ?

NomDePlume · 16/01/2006 18:29

Oh Tamba for you. Do they know what stage it is ?

MarsOnLife · 16/01/2006 18:29

I'm sorry Tamba

I'll put him on my prayer list.

Cadbury · 16/01/2006 18:31

I'm sorry Tamba

Blandmum · 16/01/2006 18:33

Sorry to read your news. There isn't a right or wrong way to deal with this, I remember how I felt when dh had his diagnosis (2 of them!), I wanted to run away, but you can't.

First thing first, don't jump to conclusions that this is 'the end', many cancers are now very treatable...dh is 11 years from hs diagnosis of testicular cancer. You need to be there for your dad and to get more information about the degree to which it has spread. tiy also need to discuss treament options with your dad.

Resist the temptation to trawl the internet for information, you can end up scaring yourself silly for not much reason....you may find info on people with a much more agreesive cancer, for example.

If you want a reliable source of info, Cancer bacup is an excelnt site.

Sending you hugs, but try not to panic.

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 16/01/2006 18:34

I dont know NDP no one tells me anything, they seem to think im too young to know...

My mom just called me after my nan phoned her in tears.

He has to go back on wednesday. They are hoping to be able to operate but if not he will need chemo.

He went to the doctors months ago with persistant hicups (one of the signs) but the doc said it was indegestion.

It is apparntly an aggresive form of cancer and one of the hardest to treat.

I dont know how I feel, I have tears but feel numb.

OP posts:
RTKangaMummy · 16/01/2006 18:35

Oh Tamba sorry to hear this
{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}

Yorkiegirl · 16/01/2006 18:35

Message withdrawn

Blandmum · 16/01/2006 18:38

Sweetheart, I am sorry. Has you grnadfather been sent information on the Macmillan nurses? They can be excellent and support the family as well as the patient.

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 16/01/2006 18:45

I dont know, no one will tell me anything.

We went round the other day, we often go for dinner and I did notice that all my grandad was eating was mash as he hasnt been able to swallow anything for months, He had lost alot of weight, but the doctor kept saying he had indegestion, in the end they went private.

Ive been posting about dh going to see a stripper, and my birthday and it all seems so irrelevent.

I wish they would tell me whats happening, Im not a child, but i guess I will always be there little grandaughter so its undestandable.

I feel so helpless. No one I know has ever had cancer before or been really ill, im not sure how I am supposed to feel, what I am supposed to say. Should I call? My nan was in tears on the phone to my mom so maybe its not the best time.

My nan and grandad are carers for my great grandparents, who are very old and they do everything for them.

Im sitting here typing not even sure what I am trying to say except that its something to do, I am trying not to cry as my children are around but i cant help it. I dont know what to do, i feel so shocked and lost.

OP posts:
Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 16/01/2006 18:52

Thanks for the site MB i am just looking at it now

OP posts:
Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 16/01/2006 19:47

Ive calmed down a bit now and given my boys a cuddle. DS1 wanted to know why i was

I dont know what to do.

OP posts:
Blandmum · 16/01/2006 19:50

It is horrible and you have all my sympathy and hugs.

All I can tell you is that you will cope, it becomes more 'normal' when the shock wears off and more part of every day life (dh was a slow form of leukemia, so I'm still living with it).

For the moment there is nothing that you can do. Your dgf's doctors will plan out his treatment, which may be sucessful remember no matter how 'bad' the diagnosis. Try to save your enrgy for supporting him and your dgm then. Try not to get upset before the event (easier said than done I know)

Hugs

Flossam · 16/01/2006 19:50

Tamba, The ward I used to work and and indeed hope to return to used to specialise in this type of Cancer. I am very sorry your grandpa is suffering from it. He is going to have a long hard battle ahead of him, but a positive outcome is still very possible, obviously depending on the stage. If you ever have any questions, you can quiz me - I might be able to help. xxx

blueteddy · 16/01/2006 19:59

Message withdrawn

PeachyClair · 16/01/2006 20:10

I used to work for this charity here {http://www.macmillan.org.uk/\Macmillan}, their information line is on the site and they can offer loads of support both to you and your Grandfather, also practical advice and signposting to more specific services.

I wish you all luck and I am sorry that you are having to all go through this

X

Original poster
TambaTheDragonSlayer · 16/01/2006 20:11

Thank you.

I dont know whether i should call or not, my nan idnt tell me herself as she never tells me anything, and because she was so upset on the phone to my mom I dont know whether this is a good time. They only foundout today, perhaps they need there privacy tonight?

We are not the sort of family that do alot of talking, no hugging etc so it will be a difficult thing to mention iyswim.

I just picked up the phone to call Sax (an mn friend) and my phone isnt working either. I just feel like I want to talk, about anything, just something to make me laugh.

I have known my grandad forever (obviously) and I cant remember him ever being ill. I am scared he is going to die.

I just dont know what to do, think or say and that is so unusal for me. I feel I have been thrown off balance.

I need more information, like survival rates etc but its been recommended that I dont google and i know that if i did i would scare myself and I cant get anymore info with knowing what stage of cancer he has etc - and no one will tell me!!

OP posts:
PeachyClair · 16/01/2006 20:11

Macmillan

dodgy link!

PeachyClair · 16/01/2006 20:12

Tamba, the link I gave you (open tomorow) will help you find out all that you need to know.

Frizbetheexpansionset · 16/01/2006 20:16

Oh Tamba {{{{Big Hugs}}}} hope they can get it treated soon

Blandmum · 16/01/2006 20:27

I really wouldn't go googling for information because you don't know the stage of your dgfs cancer, and you might end up scaring yourself unnecessarily. And remember that these statistics are looking bach 5-10 years, cancer treaments are always getting better. For the moment get yourslef some more general information bacup and macmillan are excellent sources. try not to go into too much depth yet, you don't have the facts that you need.

Blandmum · 16/01/2006 20:29

And re the 'no one telling you, they may not have that information yet. Whe dh got both his diagnoses we had to wait a few weeks to have all the information, so the rest of your family may not know yet. You often have to have scans, x rays and blood tests before they can 'stage' a tumour

Socci · 16/01/2006 20:38

Message withdrawn

BudaBabe · 16/01/2006 20:54

Sorry to hear this Tamba - you have been through the mill recently. Fingers crossed for your grandad.

Flossam · 16/01/2006 20:58

Tamba, scans, xrays and often a small op where they put cameras into the tummy (microsurgery) to 'see' the tumour are all used. It could be some time before it is known whether the cancer can be treated with an op or not. Do whatever you feel you want to do about phoning etc. If you want to it dosen't have to be a long call, just a I love you call would be lovely IMO.