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Original poster

Sexual Assault

45 replies

stupidme · 04/01/2006 11:15

I went out with a friend in early December who I had known a long while. Ended up getting very drunk together which I now think was his intention. There was no real chemistry but he was a friend and I trusted him. Ended up back at his and I'm not entirely sure how as I was insistent I was going home. My next memory is waking up with him on top of me and me screaming for him to stop. I do not know what happened. I got up and rushed out at 330 in the morning. Found a taxi and got home. He called the next morning but I've avoided him since. I didn't go to the police. I felt too ashamed and stupid. The truth is I don't know what happened. I know he forced himself on me because I was sore for days. At the time I didn't even think about the possibility of being pregnant. This was early December and I've not had my period since. I am now so scared. Mine aren't regular but I wouldn't normally go this long. I need to test but I'm scared. I know there's nothing anyone can say. I needed to tell someone. I am a regular poster but have changed my name for obvious reasons.

OP posts:
spacedonkey · 04/01/2006 11:18

omg that is terrible, I'm so sorry

first of all, please can you change your name to something else because you are not stupid, this was not your fault

trace2 · 04/01/2006 11:21

oh so sorry carnt really help only to say go to the police, it could have been a drug,even if it wernt HE NEW WHAT HE WAS DOING AND YOU DID NOT, HE DID TAKE ADDVANTAGE OF YOU. ALSO YOU NEED TO DO A TEST , GO TO YOUR GP

NomDePlume · 04/01/2006 11:23

How scary for you

First thing you should be doing is getting to your nearest GUM clinic and getting tested for stds & pregnancy. I know it's really scary but the sooner you know, the more options you have if the news isn't good.

If I were you I'd be cutting contact with this supposed 'friend', if you haven't already.

It might help to talk to someone anonymously, maybe on a rape helpline ? I know you say that you aren't certain of what happened but all the signs point to an assault. Talking it through with a specialist trained counsellor may help you come to terms with it, even if you decide not to press criminal charges against your attacker.

WigWamBam · 04/01/2006 11:25

You are not stupid, and this was definitely not your fault.

It's not too late to report this to the police; you have nothing to feel ashamed of, and if by reporting this to the police he is stopped from assaulting another woman then it might give you something to focus on and be proud of your strength for. Try Rape Crisis, they will be able to help you make sense of your feelings and decide what is right for you.

You really need to test, so that you know for sure, and so that you can start thinking of your options. You should really be tested for STDs as well.

WigWamBam · 04/01/2006 11:26

Rape Crisis

Original poster
stupidme · 04/01/2006 11:29

Is it really not too late to go to the police? I'm scared. I haven't told any RL friends. I have avoided him since the time, not spoken, texted or seen. I need to get tested, I know. I keep waiting and hoping that my period will turn up. I have flashbacks. I remember so little until I forced him off of me and literally ran out. He tried to follow but soon gave up. I do feel stupid though. I know better. I trusted him.

OP posts:
NomDePlume · 04/01/2006 11:32

It's probably too late for the Police to collect DNA evidence or evidence of forced entry, IYSWIM, but it certainly isn't too late to report it to the police and get him charged.

WigWamBam · 04/01/2006 11:33

It's not too late to go to the police, although there's probably not much physical evidence left of what happened. Do you still have the clothing you were wearing at the time, have you washed it? If he made you sore then there may still be some evidence of forced sex even now, although it's not likely. You can still press charges against him though.

NomDePlume · 04/01/2006 11:34

Attackers are very often known to their victims, it's not unusual, you are certainly not alone in being attacked by someone you trusted.

QueenVictoria · 04/01/2006 11:41

This is such a common thing. Although rarely talked about. I have been there. You are NOT stupid. Its NOT your fault. Contact the police. Contact rape crisis. Get some good advice and some support.

Try not to blame yourself, you have nothing to feel at fault for. After all, can you honestly say there is anything you would have done differently? No, because you trusted this "friend", and why shouldnt you have. He is at fault, not you.

I hope you get the help you need.

Squirrel3 · 04/01/2006 11:49

You are not stupid, its not your fault, please don't blame yourself.

I know exactly how you feel, it happened to me several years ago. I didn't tell anyone, I kept on throwing up for weeks, I thought it was because of the thought of 'it'. I felt 'dirty' and I couldn't get clean. I was so ashamed, I thought it was my fault.

I only told someone when after three weeks I was still throwing up I saw my (female) doctor. She examined me, I had a broken rib, was very bruised and yes, I was pregnant. The doctor was very patient and understanding. She urged me to have some emergency councelling, I refused. I had a termintation a week later.

I so regret not having the emergency councelling, if you don't do anything else please, please have some. Your head is all over the place at the moment, you are still in shock, I still can't really remember the weeks following the rape, I was still in shock.

Please get in touch with rape crisis or your doctor, I know how hard it is but you need to talk. Don't worry about the police now, but I can't urge you enough to seek some councelling.

Please don't think it was your fault, it wasn't.

I'm here if you need to talk to someone who knows how you feel.

Original poster
stupidme · 04/01/2006 12:19

I did not wash my clothes for a couple of weeks but finally did so the other day. I was wearing a skirt that night and left my tights at his house. When I ran out, I only took my shoes off the floor and left. There is no physical evidence. I was sore for some time afterwards but whether there is any lasting damage, I don't know. The flashbacks are the worst. I've tried to keep busy with other things but it's never out of my thoughts for long. Thanks for the support. I will try to ring my gp tonight to get an appointment. I am really not sure I can tell anyone though. My friends, especially, as I do feel really ashamed.

OP posts:
Squirrel3 · 04/01/2006 12:33

I know the feeling of being ashamed well, it took a long time to realize that it wasn't my fault, and only then after a year the feelings had become to hard to cope with that I had to have counseling. Which is why I was urging you to have counseling earlier and not leave it like I did, things get too mixed up and hurt harder if you try to 'squash' the feelings down and pretend that you are ok.

I hope that your GP can refer you so that you can talk to someone very soon, please try to tell them everything you are feeling, even if you think you are being irrational or silly. It helps to talk, it is hard at first, I'm not going to tell you otherwise but once you start to talk about it you will feel better and you will realize it was not your fault. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

I will be thinking of you. {hug}

Piffle · 04/01/2006 13:12

I urge you to contact Rape Crisis, they can help you with conselling as well as what legal action you may be able to take against him and how to get tested etc
I would also involve the police as in sexual assault cases, some of their liaison people are excellent
Sadly you only find this out if it happens to you.
I hope you're ok
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ruty · 04/01/2006 14:30

you must not feel ashamed. you did nothing wrong. any friend who wouldn't support you through this is not a friend worth having. you can't deal with this on your own, you need support and help. Tell your gp, and do contact Rape Crisis, they are the best people to help you. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Just because you knew this man does not make it any less of an assault.

JustThinking · 04/01/2006 15:08

Message withdrawn

ggglimpopo · 04/01/2006 15:14

Message withdrawn

ruty · 04/01/2006 16:01

agree totally ggglimpopo.

Feistybird · 04/01/2006 16:29

There was ana analogy made on the radio the other day. In answer to some shit-for-brains comment about rape being the responsbility of women who were drunk...the response was to do with passive smoking - no-one says to someone who got cancer through passive smoking, that it was their own fault, the response is to ban smoking in public places.

Drunkeness is the new 'short skirt' crappy argument - just because a woman is drunk, does not mean she's automatic sex fodder.

Sorry rant over. You are not stupid, you were attacked and he committed raped. Please, for your own sanity, try and find the strength to report this to the police.

marthamoo · 04/01/2006 16:40

You're not stupid at all - this was something that was done to you and not something you brought upon yourself. There is some good advice on this thread and on JustThinking's. I hope you can take the first step and tell someone - maybe Rape Crisis or your GP - you have practical things that need to be done (like a pregnancy test - and, I'm sorry, tests for STDs) before you can even start to deal with the emotional trauma. Above all though, this was not your fault - no matter how drunk you were.

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 04/01/2006 16:45

It wasnt your fault.

Please consider getting couselling as I know how even when you think you have put it behind you it can come back to haunt you.

Im sorry you are having to go through this.

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 04/01/2006 16:46

Survive

I found this site helpful.

Original poster
stupidme · 05/01/2006 08:21

Thanks for all your support. I didn't phone my gp last night to make an appointment. I will have to contact someone this weekend though like rape crisis because it is eating me up inside. I go to bed at night and think back to it. I try not to think about it but it doesn't help. I don't really have the money to spend on a pregnancy test so I will have to get that tested at the doctor's next week. Thats to those who have CAT'd me, I will reply today. The support on here is as I thought it would be. MN never lets me down. I have to try to get some work done today so may not post again but given my inability to concentrate that probably won't happen.

OP posts:
mummytosteven · 05/01/2006 08:34

i don't know if this will help, but there are shops local (Home and Bargain). to me that do PG tests very cheaply - for about £1 - obviously a bit of a cheap model. If you CAT me I am happy to post one out to you today if that is of any help.

sorry you have gone through this experience.

Piffle · 05/01/2006 11:08

I can post you a strip test for nothing if you want SM?

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