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Original poster

Peters getting visions of his own funeral.

50 replies

misdee · 17/12/2005 21:35

please god no.

OP posts:
Original poster
misdee · 17/12/2005 21:40

i cant talk about death, he cant die. i need him.

OP posts:
Janh · 17/12/2005 21:41

What do you mean by visions, misdee?

Original poster
misdee · 17/12/2005 21:41

i have no idea, just what he says. says he can see it clearly.

OP posts:
feastofsteven · 17/12/2005 21:41

i hope he can talk to counsellors/chaplains about his fears, to take some of the strain off you iyswim.

Mercy · 17/12/2005 21:45

I don't think it's unsual misdee, it's sometimes just a way of dealing with what may happen. I sometimes 'fantasize' about horrible scenarios. It doesn't mean it's going to happen.

Sorry though

Original poster
misdee · 17/12/2005 21:45

he has been speaking to the chaplin. he is just so scared. we were all hoping he'd be home by xmas, and its not happening. its been over a year now of non-stop hospital, last year he was discharged on xmas eve. this year he wont be.

OP posts:
snowfalls · 17/12/2005 21:46

Couls it be the medication misdee causing these visions????

Nightynight · 17/12/2005 21:47

misdee - I used to have similar visions when I was young and depressed. It doesnt mean anything (except that he is down of course, not surprising!)

Nightynight · 17/12/2005 21:48

Christmas is only a number on the calendar though.

Original poster
misdee · 17/12/2005 21:50

i know, but with 3 kids, and it being dd3 1st xmas he should be here with us at home.

its the 1st time he has really spoke about the reality of dying.

OP posts:
Enideepmidwinter · 17/12/2005 21:52

yes this is upsetting esp at this time of year but misdee he must be thinking about it a lot spending all that time in hospital. It might help him to know that you are listening and will respect his wishes.

Original poster
misdee · 17/12/2005 21:55

i do listen, and he has made it clear what he wants if it does happen (cardboard coffin, cremation), and i will respect that. but i dont wantit to happen, and i dont like to talk about it myself.

its been a rough year, i thought i was going to lose him several times, and each time he has fought back. he is a stubborn man at times, and i know he wont just give up, tho he has wanted to, he has so much to live for, and at 26, he is just too young to leave us now. i love him so much, and the kids do too, we all just want him home soon.

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Nightynight · 17/12/2005 22:00

do you think, that this is a fairly normal reaction to the end of the year, which is a time when we tend to look back on what we've done over the past 12 months? It doesn't have to mean that his actual physical state is worse.
It must be so hard to stay focussed for so long.

Original poster
misdee · 17/12/2005 22:01

it could be that. its a been a shite year. 2006 has got to be better.

OP posts:
Chandra · 17/12/2005 22:03

Misdee, I'm very sorry these "visions" have been added to the equation as I'm sure these could make things even more difficult for you, but I think is part of the process of coping with his illness (the what if... sort of thing) but it doesn't has to mean something, or that is something that may happen.

I have an aunt who has taken a good amount of time planning her own funeral, she has paid everything, given instructions of where she should be taken, where she should be laid to rest, what dress she should wear, has asked my mum to read a part of the bible in her funeral and she has already indicated which passage she wants. SHe has spoke to the head of her congregation about every single little aspect of the process and informed the family about how do we act at each part. And as the years pass the plot thickens, she had been planning it sice I was 13 yrs old and.... 23 year on, she is still here! I think that knowing that things are sorted help her to relax about death, even when she may live for many years more.

Chandra · 17/12/2005 22:03

Misdee, I'm very sorry these "visions" have been added to the equation as I'm sure these could make things even more difficult for you, but I think is part of the process of coping with his illness (the what if... sort of thing) but it doesn't has to mean something, or that is something that may happen.

I have an aunt who has taken a good amount of time planning her own funeral, she has paid everything, given instructions of where she should be taken, where she should be laid to rest, what dress she should wear, has asked my mum to read a part of the bible in her funeral and she has already indicated which passage she wants. SHe has spoke to the head of her congregation about every single little aspect of the process and informed the family about how do we act at each part. And as the years pass the plot thickens, she had been planning it sice I was 13 yrs old and.... 23 year on, she is still here! I think that knowing that things are sorted help her to relax about death, even when she may live for many years more.

Janh · 17/12/2005 22:05

He probably has been assuming all year he would be home for Christmas, maybe even had a transplant and be fixed...it's so hard for you both that he is still stuck in there. He is a fighter, he knows what a lot he has to live for, but I'm not surprised he gets gloomy sometimes, who wouldn't?

Once you get past Christmas maybe he can focus on New Year and what he's got to look forward to. Hope so.

Mercy · 17/12/2005 22:21

misdee I think it's quite normal for anyone to psychologically prepare themselves for the worst possible scenario, whatever that may be. Peter may need to get things straight in his head in order to deal with his and your family's future. I think you may have to discuss certain things with him for his sake as much as yours, however painful and negative it may feel.

Are you being offered any counselling at all?

SilentBite · 17/12/2005 22:23

misdee tbh I am not at all surprised given what he has been through. I hope these visions subside. So sad that you are going through this

PantomimEDAMe · 17/12/2005 22:30

So sorry he's not going to be home for Christmas Misdee. Hearing about these visions must be so painful. It isn't unusual, though - people who are seriously ill for a long time do sometimes have these thoughts.
Am thinking of you all.

EliBeentoSantasGrotto · 17/12/2005 22:31

Oh Misdee
Its true about looking back over the year at Xmas, I always do - and start looking forward again at New Year. Then again, when I've been ill and scared (not on a par with Peter, but enough to give me a rough idea), I've needed to think and talk through the worst case scenarios in order to make room inside my head for the best case ones...its just how I deal with things. Maybe he's doing that too.

BudaBabeInAManger · 17/12/2005 22:34

Hugs to you both Misdee. I can't believe what you are both going through.

Please please God that Peter gets his transplant ASAP.

I am about to e-mail everyone I know to make sure they are on the donor register.

Original poster
misdee · 17/12/2005 22:35

thank you budababe. just finding it hard to keep going atm. and his car is fecked as well, so i am having to get a lift tomorrow. arrrrgh!!

OP posts:
Christie · 17/12/2005 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerryChrishMash · 17/12/2005 23:17

Misdee
My heart goes out to you, Peter and the kids. I really hope that the transplant comes soon and that you can be a family once again and that Peter goes on to live a long and happy life.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))