Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

General health

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Peters getting visions of his own funeral.

50 replies

misdee · 17/12/2005 21:35

please god no.

OP posts:

hub2dee · 18/12/2005 00:41

Hiya, am far away but still thinking of you, and hoping Peter's spirits will lift soon with good news.

chipmonksRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 18/12/2005 01:11

misdee, so sorry to hear this but don't allow yourself, or him, to think that the "visions" have any other meaning except that with the year he's had , things must be playing on his mind, that's perfectly normal. Try to keep strong!

shepherdswatchedtheirflockets · 18/12/2005 01:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ImdreadinganAUTIExmas · 18/12/2005 04:14

(((((hugs)))))) misdee- I know you were hoping he'd be home for xmas.

EatDrinkAndBeAMerryPip · 18/12/2005 07:26

Misdee, am so sorry you´re all having to go through this. It must be such a huge strain on you all. I hope that 2006 brings you some better luck x

tigermoth · 18/12/2005 07:39

really sorry Peter won't be with you at home for christmas. I didn't realise he is so young. I so hope 2006 is a much better year for you both. xx

Kittypickle · 18/12/2005 08:13

I'm so sorry he won't be home for Christmas. I think it's a combination of what Janh & Mercy have said. He set Christmas as a date that he would have had the transplant by and would be home and now that hasn't happened he's having to re-evaluate things and is psychologically preparing himself for the worst. It doesn't mean his condition is any worse, but it's more a psychological mechanism of dealing with his situation. I suspect that someone in his position will go through a series of coping mechanisms and this is one of them . Can you have a chat with one of the staff about this and ask if there is someone you could talk to about it ? I think it will help you cope having a better idea of how people in Peter's sitation tend to cope with their illness and the psychological stages that they go through whilst waiting for a transplant. I hope that this time next year thing will be very different and this will feel very much in the past.

Original poster

misdee · 18/12/2005 08:15

he has just sent me a morning text of 'i love you' awwwww. he isnt going anywhere.

OP posts:

Kittypickle · 18/12/2005 08:19

That's lovely Misdee, hope you all have a much better day today

alibubbles · 18/12/2005 19:14

Message withdrawn

Original poster

misdee · 18/12/2005 19:17

i am ok for tomorrow (gotta sort out the car, take the kids shoe shopping), and i have my little car for tuesday, if it will go lol. thank you.

OP posts:

WickedWinterWitch · 18/12/2005 19:19

god I wish I could say something more useful than I'm thinking of you misdee. Is there a counsellor you and he could speak to? You're both dealing with some huge emotions here.

anorak · 18/12/2005 19:21

Bless you alibubbles.

misdee I'm so sorry he's feeling like this and scaring you. I'm just wondering if perhaps these thoughts are helping him cope, in a way. I don't know how to explain what I mean. Sometimes people have to imagine a worst case scenario in order to overcome an overwhelming fear and regain their balance. Hope you know what I mean.

bauble99 · 18/12/2005 19:27

I'm stuck for words, misdee.....But I wonder. Is this, perhaps, his way of broaching a conversation which he knows is so difficult for you both to have?

Original poster

misdee · 18/12/2005 19:33

i think so maybe. he seemed in good spirts today, and his room is decorated for xmas, i put his tree up and we decoarted that as well.

OP posts:

alibubbles · 18/12/2005 19:37

Message withdrawn

bauble99 · 18/12/2005 19:41

That's good, and a tree too!. Can I ask misdee? How is he doing now, physically?

If you don't want to talk about anything....please, just tell me and I'll bog off!

Original poster

misdee · 18/12/2005 19:44

physically he is doing well. he is stronger now than before his LVAD op. even tho he is limiting in what he can do and is being kept alive by a machine, he is alive and stronger IYKWIM.

OP posts:

bauble99 · 18/12/2005 19:53

It does sound as though he needs to talk. Would/can he get some counselling? It must be so difficult for both of you and he knows that you're having to keep it together for the littles. Maybe he needs to vent to someone it's not going to affect as much?

noddyholder · 18/12/2005 20:13

misdee I was there a few yrs ago being kept alive by a machine and it is the worst esp at Xmas I think the xmas before my transplant was my worst time I missed all the xmas stuff with ds's school and I was so jealous of everyone.to top it all we arranged a party for friends and I had to keep going upstairs during it to get oxygen and no one knew NIghtmare!It will be over next year I am sure Is peter back on the list now?He must be high priority I wish I could help but I am too far xxxHang in there you are fighters

SnowsyPosey · 18/12/2005 20:22

Sending you a trillion good vibes from here. You are so strong, you and Peter both, it never fails to amaze me how well you keep going.
It is a very difficult time of year and of course you wish he were home with you. But he is still with you, despite being in hospital. Keep those lovely texts going between the 2 of you, to keep you close despite the distance.

I wish I could do something for you, I think we all do.
{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

falalaala · 18/12/2005 20:54

hi misdee
don't know if this helps at all, but i've got cancer and i used to get visions of my funeral all the time - less so more recently. i have no intention of dying if i can possibly help it, but my mortality has been brought starkly into focus and my unconscious is getting my head around the fact that i might not make it. i spoke to my therapist about it and he suggested that rather than resisting the visions i have (some of which come to me in bad dreams), to welcome the fact that my unconscious is doing that work for me so that i don't have to do it in my conscious. that helped massively and they don't come as often as they used to.
i imagine that being the partner is in so many ways harder than being the ill person and have spoken at length with my superstar dh about it. it helps me to share stuff with him, but i do worry that he doesn't have the support that i do. i am trying to get him to seek some support from a counsellor but he's not really up for it at the moment and sees his friends quite regularly instead. i have told him quite recently that it would help me enormously if he did get some counselling because i would know that he was getting some support somewhere at a time when i can't be as supportive as i used to be, because i need my resources for me. it's difficult for me to see him so stretched practically and emotionally when i can't lend a hand.
hope you manage to have a reasonable christmas and best wishes to your dh.

magnolianMistletoe · 19/12/2005 18:05

I can't think of anything constructive to say but I am thinking of you both. xxxx

Twiglett · 19/12/2005 18:06

thinking of you misdee

have nothing constructive to say but you guys are never that far from my thoughts

desperatehousewife · 19/12/2005 18:26

Dear Misdee - Am thinking of you, keeping everything crossed that 2006 will be a better year for you all and that you can get back to being a family again under one roof.

Take lots of care of yourself - you are AMAZING

Flip

1 2