Afraid I have PND

[melsy]

I must apologise first as I seem to be posting my ISSUES all over this website and feel I am being a tad wallowing in pity and all that.My dd is 5 weeks old and it has been and overwhelming litany of problems.

I have just read the thread started in March by Tappy on prozac, as was worried to post message regarding PND as quite difficult to talk about . I have suffered with depression on and off for many years up until beg 2002 I had been on seroxat for the previous 3 years. I weaned myself of so we could safely family plan. During this last year though with getting preggers, I had discussed PND with my DH, who by the way had a hard time accepting my depression as his Dad is bi polar. He disagreed that I would get it just because I am prone to depression. My therapist however , warned me of the higher risk. The last couple of weeks I have been telling myself I havent got it , but I have been noticing increasing signs:crying alot/not sleeping when I can/feeling useless/not wanting to go out on my own/shouting at dh/afraid of what I have done by having a baby and on and on. Now I am worried to talk to dh and mum, as they keep telling me what I am feeling is normal. I also feel guilty because I am told to "just look at your beautiful daughter" as a way of thinking positive joyous thoughts and "what have I got to be miserable about".
I just feel afraid and overtly anxious all the time, (I have an irrational overwhelming fear for the safety of my baby and something awful might happen) and cant seem to deal with it. I would also like to know more about the Edinburgh test , anyone know if its on the internet anywere. I will check back in the morning , as I am falling asleep at the screen trying to finish this message.

you have my sympathies,i suffered PND after all three of my children,most severly after no.1 not too bad after no.2 as i knew the signs ec and didnt want to be in that scary place again,after no.3 everyone else was watching out for it for me,she is 1 next week and i am still on prozac i had only very slight depressed feeling but went on straight away as much for everyone else as me,my H.V was having a heart attack wondering how i was every week,i am glad i went on them even though i wasnt too bad because at least i never got the stage where im denying and wont go on them.my family also thought that i should be grateful for my wonderful baba and thought i should just get it together(this was after no.1)but when my dp at the time found me crying in the corner of our kitchen clutching 1/2 packet of paracetamol having already taken the first 1/2 he realised how bad i really was the crunch for my family was when my H.V wanted to admit me t the physc(SP?)ward,scary stuff hence why the all watched me like a hawk after this baby as i was on my own by then.Im so sorry you dont have the support from your family and probably not the strength to fight them on the issue,could you visit the doc and get help whether it be ADs or therapy and not tell offending persons until you feel strong enough to stand up to them.If you have already suffered depression you know the signs in yourself and also how scary a place depression can be so please dont let anyone put you off getting help,if you are continueing to feel this way then it is not just 'normal'.Big hugs your way and i hope you get the help you need,and remember the sooner you get it the sooner you feel better and can fully enjoy your dd.

It's real pain when those you generally trust and look to for support just dismiss your worries, isn't it? Maybe you are just tired - it's perfectly normal with a newborn - but maybe not, and of course you want your fears acknowledged. I suppose you are at a higher risk of developing PND because of your history, but that doesn't necessarily mean you have done so or will do so. I had PND with no1, and was terrified of it happening again as I felt I hadn't yet fully recovered by the time no2 was born. But, 10 months on, I have not developed any depression and if anything feel better about myself than at any time since no1 was born. So, you see, it may not happen. But, yes, I felt exactly what you describe for the first few months after no2 was born. And I also hated it when my fears and worries were dismissed by those who I thought would care and take me seriously. Hold on and trust in yourself. It's OK to be tired, miserable, anxious...'what have you got to be miserable about?' well for one thing you're exhausted, your body doesn't know what's happened to it, you haven't done this before and don't know if you're doing it right... Find someone to talk to about these feelings - there's always we Mumsnetters, but what about your GP, HV or therapist? IME, the fact that you have had depression in the past makes you more likely to be treated early, before anything develops, this time round - but you may have to push for it.

Hi Melsy - your dh and mum don't mean to be unsupportive, they think they are saying the right things to cheer you up. But they don't have the specialist knowledge to realise that all they are doing is making you feel guilty. They don't understand that you just can't snap out of it, because it is an illness and it isn't any more possible for you to do that than to switch off a headache by the power of thought!

Please go to your GP who will (hopefully) understand and offer help. If he/she is unsupportive go to your HV or change doctors. Help is available and the sooner you get it the sooner you can start to get well. Nip this illness in the bud so that you can enjoy your baby and your life.

You really mustn't contemplate trying to get by without help if you feel this bad. Every day of your life is precious and should not be spent in the misery of PND.

If you had a pain of any other kind you would go straight to the doctor - emotional pains like this are no different, just as debilitating and often have a physical cause anyway. Hormones are often to blame with PND and once you become depressed, the sad feelings spiral out of control. Hormone treatment can redress the balance, anti-depressants can be useful too. Don't be worried about the treatment, it beats putting up with the symptoms every time!

I am here anytime you want me, contact me direct or through mumsnet if you wish, I promise I will never ask you what you have to be miserable about! I have had the same question asked of me when I had PND - so I really do understand.

Lots of Love.

Hi Melsy, is this the test you're looking for? I sympathise - Janstar's advice sounds good to me.

Thank you Janstar, boyandgirl & Loobie for your support.
I have discussed it a bit more with my DH today and he would like me to discuss it with GP to make sure we can try and nip it in the bud now, before it becomes a major problem.Thats if it is PND.Atleast he is now acknowledging my feelings despite being a bit worried about the impact on himself.I showed him an interesting peice on PND online which made him take it more seriously. For those interested have a look at \link(www.nrdgp.org.au/projects/postnatalsharecare/postnatalsh243.html#top).
It discusses diagnosis through behaviours,mental outlook etc & brought home to him what I have been like the last couple of weeks. The next one to bring round to the possibilty is my mum. That will be harder.
Hope to speak to you again.

Cant seem to get my link to work!

Hi wickedwaterwitch , I tried that one today but it doesnt give u a score and I dont know how to score this test.

Melsy, I just tried the link given by www and made up some symptoms and it gave me a score (10) when I finished, and said that any score over 10 suggests a depressive illness and needs further investigation by a doctor. It sounds as though you have some problem with the way your browser is set up or something, maybe? The only thing I can suggest if you're really desperate is that you post your answers on here, I'll feed them in and tell you what it says, but that seems a bit intrusive.

melsy, if you try here right at the bottom it will tell you how to score the test.

I scored 28

I hope you get some help soon, I've made an appointment with my GP to discuss medication etc for depression (DD2 is 3 weeks old today)...until you do get to talk to someone, and even after mumsnet is fantastic support.

I'll post this on your other thread too incase you don't see this one (just so you know why I'm posting everywhere!)

Well done, Melsy, that's a big step forward!

Edinburgh test : I scored (20) Oct 25th so VERY high then. I did it again for Gp appt 7th Nov and came out (12), so still on the high side but not as alarming. GP didnt seem to know much detail about the test & I ended up educating him on making sure it is done at 6,8 & 10 weeks to diagnose it better. As obviously it can just be "BABY BLUES" and not PND. Unfortunately a strong indicator is repeated panick attacks which I have had several of in the last week. Any way I have another appt nxt week, I will do test again & discuss further B4 medicating.

Pie - how r u doing , as u also went to GP . Has he suggested medication?? If so what is it?? What were the tell tale signs 4 u ???

Melsy - You described perfectly how I felt for 18mths of ds's life. My friends and family were next to useless when they finally were told that I was suffering from it.

Good luck.

I'm off to try this test now, I've never heard of it!!!

hi melsy, glad to hear that your test score has come down, panic attacks are scary though, look after yourself.

I saw Dr last week and I've been taking antidepressants since last Thursday. Signs for me? Wanting to take my own life, so pretty big sign.

Anyway, hope you are getting more support from you DH

Hugs xxx

Ah THAT test... At my 8 week check up I lied and got a borderline score. I didn't want anybody to know that I wasn't coping.

Did it just now though and scored 10. Which I think was better than my original score where I had tried to lie to make me look on top of things!

melsy your thing about an "irrational fear for the baby's safety" struck a chord with me - i posted something about this a while back and the whole thread helped me to realise that i may have had mild PND. DS is 18 months now and I feel absolutely fine now.

Definitely talk to your HV/doctor some more. I had heard they can give you hormone patches to start with which might help (and seems less like taking medication).

I remember crying looking at my beautiful son as I felt so down for no reason and seeing my tears splash off his little face made it so much worse. My HV told me to fake a smile on my face when looking at DS and eventually it would become a real smile. Seemed like crap advice at the time but did actually work somehow.

Poor, poor you. I had mild PND (scored mid to high teens from memory on Edinburgh test)and felt similarly to you. I found that recognition and acceptance from others that I had PND, and acknowledgement of the same from myself, actually helped me to start recovering.

How are you getting on now Melsy since its a couple of weeks since you first posted?

Had friend round yesterday - she had her baby same time as me & I hadnt seen her since b4 birth so that was nice. I have been brave & started to tell people about it as b4 when I had depression few yrs ago, I just COULDNT, mainly as the friends were from wrk & u cant trust anyone& I also felt there was a stigma & that others would see me as strange.
My point is, is that as more people r responding & acknowledging me, it is helping. It is better when u feel u r not isolated & weird for feeling this way.

Still deciding about nurse/ nanny thing though.

Melsy, glad to hear you're a bit better. Just wanted to say quickly that you're NOT weird or unusual or anything and that isolation had an awful lot to do with my depression after ds was born. Sending you good thoughts and well done for doing something about it. There are some strategies for coping with panic attacks here. I've had them too and do know how scary they can be.

Melsy, glad to hear you're feeling better, but sorry to hear you're not feeling well still. Hope the doctor listens to you and has good advice.

Hi all who I have been speaking with. Unfortunately my pc decided to die on me so it had to go to computor hostpital for a week. Suffice to say I have been desparate to get back on here. I REALLY missed it , but it did mean I slept when DD slept instead of sitting on here !!!!! Any way I finally succumbed to my GP's wishes and he has put me on cipramil (I think!!) and will be monitoring me closely whilst on them. He wanted me to take the first one today but I am nervous. I will start tommorow may be ????, as he said if I dont take them it could take 6months to a year to get over this the natural way and even then he said the effects can stay with u for years.

Melsy - Cipramil will be fab. I had a bit of dizziness for the first week of taking, but the effects were almost instantaneous. Within a week, my irrational fears of being attacked when out with ds were gone, and I felt like a new person. It took going up to 20mg a day to stabilize my depression though. I think it is a really good drug, and would say not to worry about starting it. Good luck.

Hi Melsey, just wanted to tell you that you are not alone and there are many netters who have or are in the throws of PND. I personally have suffered now for nearly 4 years. Inmy experience knowing that you are not abnormal goes along way to helping the healing process. Chin up girl.

Just read box - it is actually CITALOPRAM - is this the same family as cipramil ?? I think I read somewere on here that it may be ??