Afraid I have PND

[melsy]

I must apologise first as I seem to be posting my ISSUES all over this website and feel I am being a tad wallowing in pity and all that.My dd is 5 weeks old and it has been and overwhelming litany of problems.

I have just read the thread started in March by Tappy on prozac, as was worried to post message regarding PND as quite difficult to talk about . I have suffered with depression on and off for many years up until beg 2002 I had been on seroxat for the previous 3 years. I weaned myself of so we could safely family plan. During this last year though with getting preggers, I had discussed PND with my DH, who by the way had a hard time accepting my depression as his Dad is bi polar. He disagreed that I would get it just because I am prone to depression. My therapist however , warned me of the higher risk. The last couple of weeks I have been telling myself I havent got it , but I have been noticing increasing signs:crying alot/not sleeping when I can/feeling useless/not wanting to go out on my own/shouting at dh/afraid of what I have done by having a baby and on and on. Now I am worried to talk to dh and mum, as they keep telling me what I am feeling is normal. I also feel guilty because I am told to "just look at your beautiful daughter" as a way of thinking positive joyous thoughts and "what have I got to be miserable about".
I just feel afraid and overtly anxious all the time, (I have an irrational overwhelming fear for the safety of my baby and something awful might happen) and cant seem to deal with it. I would also like to know more about the Edinburgh test , anyone know if its on the internet anywere. I will check back in the morning , as I am falling asleep at the screen trying to finish this message.

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHH Just had awful first night on citalopram. I knew the side effects were coming as I recognised them coming on earlier in the evening, (took seroxat for 3yrs). They just seemed to worsen as the night went on ; shaking,giddy heavy head,nuasous,dry mouth & agitated limbs. It took nearly 12 hrs for effects to start, so through the day felt fine and thought "well this seems to be ok", so when it started I got worried. Will these ware off in a few days?? Its typical I didnt get to sleep properly as it was the first morning that DD slept till 6:30 & DH did graveyard feed tooo!!!!Still feel a bit odd this morning , so dreading taking next pill today. I keep teling myself it will pass to encourage me to continue taking them, but it was so overwhelming last night.

Melsey - that just sounds terrible!! Have you explored other avenues to treat your PND?

I never had to take Anti-D's, but my GP told me about a homeopathic treatment called Sepia. I started taking it and within a few days felt MUCH more on top of things. I still take it now around my AF. It is FAB! I have raved on about it before in MN.... and I know a few people who have tried it and loved it too.
It has no side-effects.
Just a thought....

Hope you start to feel better soon.

Melsy, I've just seen your posts! Sorry for not replying sooner. I hope today has been better for you. My side effect (dizziness) lasted less than a week. The drug started taking effect almost immediately too (I'm on Citalopram also-- it is the same as Cipramil).

I saw the doctor after 2 weeks (it was supposed to be one, but y'know...) and he said that as it was working, he'd keep me on it. AND that I'll keep feeling better and better as the weeks go on. Very good news as it's helped so much already.

I'm feeling good. So much so that I've got the boys on my own this weekend and have sent my husband off on a much needed break with the lads. Amazingly, my sons have been behaving better, also. Hmm... wonder why?

Melsy, how are things going? Hope things are getting better.

Hi JJ - so so. Dreading going to bed as I know that when i get into bed, I suddnely seem so aware of the agitation in my body . I also cant sleep because I know I will have to get up and feed at 3:00am. Dh is doing so much, and at the moment I seem to be leaving him with DD quite alot. I just cant seem to handle it, and want to walk away all the time. I feel I am taking him for granted. I have to force myself to care for her, and then I feel sick to my stomach that I just feel to tired & drained to do more. I love her so much and she is so beautiful it makes me feel like a really sh** mum.

Melsy, I'm so sorry -- I've been thinking about you. Maybe the Citalopram will kick in soon? Have you gotten your thyroid checked? My former doctor thought that all women should get their thyroid functions checked at their 6 week postnatal visit. When is the next visit to your GP? Mine did say that I should know within two weeks if the AD was working.

I hope you feel better.

Oh you have just reminded me, I need to make an appt with GP in about 3 weeks as he wants to make sure the ssri's r working. Or did I do that already aaaaaaaaarrrrrggggggghhhhhh. I just cant seem to remember stuff and its making me feel crazy. I dont laugh at myself at the moment , just this realisation has got me upset. I will mention thyroid. Can this can give similar effects as depression????

For all of those who have been worried about pills/pnd/ mental state , just wanted to say - WHAT A CHANGE, I am sleeping and calm and relaxed. Never thought I would feel like this 4 weeks ago.These citalopram are doing wonders. I am now enjoying my amazing DD. Hope I dont eat my words now and jinx everything. Ooop a little pecimism slipping in. Dont get me wrong , I still feel a little of what I went through , but it is marginal and not as overpowering, If thoughts come into my mind I am able to deal with it and move on(sort of).

Melsy it's great to hear your feeling better,just a word of warning dont do what is common and come off them too son because you feel so great they are very decieving.I have had depression on and off for 61/2 7 years and still come off the pills too early thinking,Oh i feel great dont need them anymore then crash something terrible a few weeks later.
Your right though it really is amazing how they can make you feel so better,i describe AD'S as little steps cut into the edges of the pit im in which they call depression,like little footholds to help me climb back out into the light.

What an amazing analogy. Very philosophical I like it.

Im glad

That is so similar to the way I felt...I was in a deep hole and the prozac gave me a footstep so that I could 'see' out. Once I could see out I could visualise myself further out of the hole each day.

I'm glad you're feeling better-good luck

Glad they are helping Melsy. I am going to try to come off mine soon (Cipralex), well, as soon as Jan/Feb are over! I have been on them since last Jan and I do feel better now. I agree that it is important to stay on them for a while, as it is tempting to come off them too early, and then you can fall back into depression. Good luck, and keep enjoying your dd!

loobie & chinchilla , just read thread again to see my progress. Its like an online diary.I just realised you were both there from the start, thank u for all your support over the last couple of months. I cant believe what a long way I have come. I wont be coming off them yet, as GP suggested 3-6 months treatment.

No problem! That's what we are here for after all...glad you are feeling 'better'.

Hi Melsy, sorry to butt in on your thread, but I too have recently been diagnosed with PND and have just started taking Citalopram, so have read your posts with great interest. Hope you are continuing to feel better? I started taking the first tablet two days ago but tonight started to feel a bit sort of "woosy". I wondered how critical the not drinking alcohol bit is, as I must admit I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine each evening.
Hope we can give each other some moral support here on this thread.

Melly - I am on Cipralex (Escitalopram), which is the newer version of your drug (Cipramil). I have the odd drink, and don't notice any effect. However, you might if you are having a couple evry evening. Perhaps you should ask your gp? You will probably feel a bit woozy for a few days. My symptoms lasted a week, but I noticed a beneficial effect after only a few days.

Thanks Chinchilla. I have decided to err on the side of caution and not drink alcohol except like you the occasional one. I must admit I do seem to feel a bit better already or maybe that's because I've not been drinking

I would be careful on the alcohol - it has been known to bring back the side effects felt in the first couple of weeks. You should start to feel fab very soon Melly. I have only been having it on special occasions, although with Xmas & New year that was quite often!!!

How are you doing Melly , did u do the edinburgh test at all. Have you had it bad???

Hi Melsy, sorry haven't been on line for a couple of days. I'm at work at the moment, so will post again later on.
thanks for your support

Hi again Melsy, how are you doing? I must admit I feel better each day on the tablets and the funny woosy feeling that I was getting seems to have gone, so I'm feeling really positive at the moment. My ds is 9 months old and I also have a dd who is 2.5 years so they are quite close together. Don't think I had PND after dd but looking back it started quite soon after ds was born but at the time I just didn't realise what was happening. He was born quite dramatically - 45 minute labour and born on hall floor at home delivered by paramedics. At the time it seemed quite amusing and a good story to "dine out" on, but as time has gone by I've come to realise that actually I keep having flashbacks and worrying about what could have happened etc etc. Like you, I felt and still do to some extent, feel afraid and very anxious all the the time and also have a fear that something might happen to the children. I also felt so tired all the time although both children sleep exceptionally well. Lethargy, feeling that I wasn't coping, being isolated and being extremely tearful were other things that I have experienced. I've found that just talking about PND to the HV and GP and to some close friends and family has helped enormously and also not feeling ashamed to ask for help.
I can now, for the first time really since ds was born, think about the positive things that have happened and all the things we have to look forward to, rather than dwelling on negative and irrational fears that seem to have been lurking at the forefront of my mind.
I hope things are improving for you too Melsy and that you are enjoying your dd.
Melly xx