Cocaine and alcohol addictions

[Littleblue]

Can anyone give me some advice.. I have a friend who is in freefall with both.. tried to go cold turkey and did loads of exercise etc..for five days.. then last night he downed a bottle of whisky , speed , wine and is still drinking..having driven to work.
He is resistant to seeing a Gp.. can anyone make any suggestions? I don't think sudden withdrawals a good idea..he is behaving very erratically..

As I said... he is not in my daily life.. and will not be either...he doesn't want that..and I won't allow it..end of

He doesn't pitch it like that... I'm not an idiot..if he was melodramatic with it I would have told him to fuck off long before now..scuse the language.. what your reading..is actually not what I'm saying... but thanks for the input.

As have I..perhaps your judging someone with a jaundiced eye..perhaps not..I have been very clear that I will continue as a friend to be supportive..Im old enough..and hard enough..at 42 to make an objective decision to listen carefully..and wait..see how the land lies as it were... He supports his son/exe/sister.. and has lost himself after a painful relationship breakdown sent him into a downward spiral .. his social coke use got out of hand..and he flayed himself to confess this to me..this man is very insular..always has been..he may well fail..I know this.. "coke is the mistress no woman can compete with".. I'm not judging him right now.. not yet.. I will shop him drivingwise however..

This is a very good book about coming off alcohol and drugs. Insightful and very graphic.

Woolies is history..as I suspect most of your post is...tbh.. thanks agonybeetle :)

Maryz my kids are my life...yes..on coke im alot naive..but not on addiction generally... I used emotive terms to try and explain how hard it was for him to confess his habit..and the effects on his son/self..you can empathise , indeed love someone..without judgement.
I don't sympathise with him..thats a whole different thing.. he chose to use coke.. it wasnt something that happened to him..he chose to pitch into substance abuse...please don't mistake me here... I have walked away from domestic violence and lost everything financially..to guard my children...this man is not in my families reality... I do best in distance relationships..very independent.
He is an articulate man...and in a shit place ,life wise..im just saying that im prepared to listen... not marry him.

my dependence booze wise is relatively tame..not long term,I know that for my health ,we are not , however , talking about a family on the edge here...not in any respect..I have a son in Uni..a daughter just finished A-levels..and younger kids coming up just fine..I worked hard for that..and falling for someone with a worse failing than mine was not in my bloody gameplan... but ive seen it..ive friends who recovered....i just want help to point him in the right direction and see if it sticks... thats all

I have ordered that book.. and being amazon , there were appropriate links to various other books..so passed on the link to my 'friend'.
I am concentrating on my own issues..lifewise generally..the effects of my own addiction are subtle..but if im honest with myself..yes , pervasive on many levels.I have worked out my units weekly as an average and made an appointment with my Gp.
This man is not in my life..nor will he be unless he can get clean.. the fact I fell in love with someone whose addiction proved to be far more serious than mine is heartbreaking tbh.. but I have dealt with worse in the past..emotionally.. he knows I love him..and will be here if he kicks it..that's all he's getting.

Thank you, MaryZ, I really hope your son asks for help at some point too - its an awful illness, to everyone involved. As for me, its so far in my past it rarely comes up - but stories like yours touch me, and its so important to know people can and do recover

Littleblue, I'm glad you are dealing with your own addiction issues - if your friend does deal with his, he would probably be advised to stay away from anyone actively drinking! Why not check out an AA meeting yourself, to see what you think?

I have close friends I talk to about this.. I think he and I both went into our own crisis because of each other.. we recognised so much of ourselves in each other..on every level..he is my soulmate.. and the blank areas made me extremely depressed..and I drank.. and he drank..and did more coke. He is a senior manager in a high powered job in the centre of london...I live over a hundred miles away as I have said.
When he went clean..so did I..we both did a week..and talked to each other only quietly on email..the only support I have the headspace to offer him..healthily..is to continue to be honest..I always tell him directly when hes using delusional addict speak to sustain his excuses hes using with himself to continue.. have asked the right people the right questions..and will continue to do be as frank with him as I always am..
I have been in freefall in many ways because of my own problems..debt/depression and so on... he was my happy place..til coke outed itself.

Sounds painful. Close friends are great, but not the same as problem-specific support, where addiction is concerned.

I tried to get clean 'with' my boyfriend, many moons ago....it didn't work for us, and I'm afraid its rare that it does. Your best bet is to deal with your own issues, and set a boundary with him - eg he needs to have been clean for a month (with support) before contacting you.

If that feels impossible, I would seriously ask myself 'why'.

I tried to go clean in more in tandem than 'together' iykwim.. because I need to..and if he was clean and I wasn't..etc..
When I say I've talked to close friends..actually more in a confessional sense.. am seeing the Gp soon..to admit to them im drinking heavily on a regular basis.

I did say i am dealing with my own issues..he knows where I am..and that I will not see him clean..but not talk to him at all..? I don't see why..he get's it straight from me..I am the last person to judge him..and his industry makes coke available socially..he had stepped out of that bit til he fell off again...I'm not easy on him on this..be in no doubt about that.

He's been honest.. brutally so..with himself , and with me..if he hadn't I'd have closed the door..I can promise you that..told him he's playing russian roulette with substances..etc.
Do you think its as simple as 'self worth'..? I know the buzz I get when I get praise for my work far exceeds that of any numb in a bottle.
His father was Dv..as was mine.His mother was alcoholic..(dead) as is mine.
Your strength of character in not drinking when you feel depression creeping in is fantastic..I'm the opposite , despite knowing full well that alcohol is a depressant..what you are describing is empathy with an addicts trigger's I suspect..if you have that , as I do..then judgemental responses are easier to refrain from..I don't believe(never have) that taking the moral high ground is effective with situations/people in general life "there but for the grace of god go I" etc...
I am one of those middle aged mothers you describe..I have a son who is now stable at Uni but went thru a severe and drawn out time with depression..and was a danger to himself..second son is mildly autistic and has a rheumatoid disorder which will see him in severe pain much of his life..its started already.
My daughter's are fine and well..and life is stable now..4 years out of a violent relationship..whats been hard to kick..is using alcohol.

I will look for those threads..thank you..:)

Oh thank you..! :-) your a star .x

gotcha :)