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Original poster

can someone please talk some sense into me! Tmi, sorry!

28 replies

kaylasmum · 19/06/2011 11:08

hi, i feel so stupid, i've posted so much about this subject in the last week that everyone must think i'm a complete nutter!

It started off with a lump at my anus which my gp confirmed was a pile, got some cream and it does seem to be going away. The doct
or gave me a rectal exam and did'nt seem to find anything untoward. Anyway yesterday while in the shower i decided to check for any lumps, i did'nt find any but i did feel a couple of tiny pimple like things. Not sure if thats normal or not, no pain or discomfort. My health anxiety has completely taken over, i've not been eating properly for 3 weeks and have lost about 10 pounds. Only eating on average 700 calories per day. Supposed to be at work right now but just doing the everyday things is a massive chore. Just want to stay in my bed all day.

Please if anyone can help it would be much appreciated. Really feel like i'm going to lose it big time, hanging on by a thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
kaylasmum · 19/06/2011 11:23

please anyone?

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 19/06/2011 11:26

Okay, let's take a step back; what do YOU think is wrong with you?

The lump does sound like a pile. The cream will have increased the amount of oilyness round your bum and now you have pimples, that's pretty much normal.

Losing weight because you are worried can also be normal but needs tackling before you go too far. You will be tired if you don't eat enough.

Go back to the GP, say you have major health anxiety. It seems your pain in the bum has become a focus for your bigger problems with stress. Both of which are fixable. :)

winnybella · 19/06/2011 11:26

You need the treatment for HA, so get yourself to a GP for meds/ referral for counselling.

No one on here can diagnose your pimples, but if GP said there's nothing to worry about then I wouldn't panic.

winnybella · 19/06/2011 11:28

Oh wait, the cream made the lump go away? So it was a pile then?

thisisyesterday · 19/06/2011 11:29

agree with whomoved...

when you say "my health anxiety" is this a condition you have? that's being treated? or do you mean you just are generally a worrier about your health?

i totally think you need to see your GP again because on the surface of tbings this appears to be a major over-reaction to a minor ailment that is being treated successfully....

Original poster
kaylasmum · 19/06/2011 11:32

hi and thanks,

The pimples are inside, not sure what its meant to feel like in there. Just always manage to convince myself i'm going to die and leave my kids behind.

My gp did a rectal exam, would she not have saiid if she felt anything was wrong?

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winnybella · 19/06/2011 11:34

Of course she would refer you for further testing if she found something out of ordinary.

bibbitybobbityhat · 19/06/2011 11:36

Kayla - please stop posting about this, for your own sake. What have you done since all the good advice you have had on your many other threads on this subject? Continually obsessing is just feeding your anxiety. You are NOT helping yourself at all. No one on here can reassure you.

Original poster
kaylasmum · 19/06/2011 11:41

i've had cbt before which i felt had worked but the anxiety has come back so much worse than before. I'm a shaking, irritable nervous wreck. I have been re-referred to psychology. I want to go back to my gp for another rectal exam but don't want it to look like i don't trust my gp. She's been a gp for 30 years.

OP posts:
Original poster
kaylasmum · 19/06/2011 11:42

i've had cbt before which i felt had worked but the anxiety has come back so much worse than before. I'm a shaking, irritable nervous wreck. I have been re-referred to psychology. I want to go back to my gp for another rectal exam but don't want it to look like i don't trust my gp. She's been a gp for 30 years.

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thisisyesterday · 19/06/2011 11:43

i'm glad you've been re-referred to psychology. it sounds like you need that more than you need another rectal exam.

Elibean · 19/06/2011 11:43

Kayla. I'm not going to talk pimples with you, because I know (have had HA, and recognize obsession when I see it) it won't help.

You need help with the anxiety - doesn't even matter that its health anxiety, atm, thats just the focus. Fact is, you are in a spiral and need some counselling NOW. Go back to your GP, tell him/her you feel you are losing it big time, and ask for help. Focus on the anxiety, not on physical health. You are at much more risk from untreated anxiety than you are from a pimple in your anus just now, honestly.

And when you do get help, please please talk to your counsellor about the focus of your fear: 'I am going to die and leave my child/ren alone'. It sounds to me, without knowing anything about you whatsoever, as if you have been left alone yourself at some time in your life, and what seems like irrational fear is probably just some unheard, unrecognized, ungrieved loss trying to get your attention.

I would hang in there till tomorrow, then do whatever you can to get some counselling. Please. Smile

Elibean · 19/06/2011 11:44

ps if it helps to contain the anxiety until you get the appointment with the psych. dept, go see your GP again and ask for reassurance - tell her you know its HA but it would help for her to re-examine you. She should understand, it is not wasting her time, and its ok to ask for that containment.

Original poster
kaylasmum · 19/06/2011 11:46

bibbity- you're right! I sound pathetic don't i?

Unfortunately, part of the health anxiety is obsessive behaviour. I'm a 45 yo mum of 5 and i can't function properly, i'm so ashamed of myself!

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Elibean · 19/06/2011 11:52

No shame in obsession - its just a symptom of your anxiety! Please be gentle with yourself, Kayla, until you get that help.

Original poster
kaylasmum · 19/06/2011 11:56

elibean- thanks for your understanding. I really don't want to be like this, its a living nightmare.

Going to work now, nearly an hour late!

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whomovedmychocolate · 19/06/2011 14:35

You don't sound pathetic. You sound like you are struggling mentally with the day to day pressures. I've been away a while so haven't seen your other threads but honestly, most people's bottoms are lumpy inside, it doesn't mean anything!

You need to chase up that psych referral, say you are not coping well and focus of getting well all over. And good luck. We all have low times. But for almost everyone it gets better eventually. :)

BrianAndHisBalls · 19/06/2011 14:41

citalopram can work very well oin this kind of obsession, you could try asking your dr about that? Dose for depression is 20mg usually, dose for anxiety/ocd etc is 40-60mg. Might be worth a chat.

Original poster
kaylasmum · 19/06/2011 14:59

whomovedmychocolate- thanks for your post.

I'm at work, i work on a checkout in a supermarket and i'm really struggling to hold it together. The shops really busy and i have to keep smiling and conversing with the customers when all i want to do is hide away so,ewhere on my own.

I am on 40mg of citalopram at the moment but its not helping. I'm wasting my life with these worries.

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Elibean · 19/06/2011 15:22

In that case, definitely push for therapy as well as the meds. You need to get to the bottom of the anxiety.

Elibean · 19/06/2011 15:22

Blush no pun intended, honestly!

littlejo67 · 19/06/2011 16:43

Sometimes we think that the HA is causing the anxiety, I have come to realise that my anxiety was there in the background and it found a channel through the HA. So in essence it has underlying causes.

Therefore it is important to go to Counselling and discover what the underlying anxiety is. It is affecting your behaviour now which in turn could affect your children.

I understand that having children and the responsibility that goes with that is consuming, though your fear of leaving them has become disproportionate. I would guess that feelings of loss is an issue for you?

Question the negative thoughts that pop into your mind, replace with more rational ones, control your breathing. Remember negative thoughts create negative feelings. Its a cycle that needs breaking. Its a pattern of behaviour.

A website you may wish to visit is no more panic it has a section on HA on the forum. This can be very helpful reading posts from others. For me it was like discovering others in the same place. It helps to gain perspective.

My HA is controlled but it does speak to me sometimes. I have learnt to understand it and balance it with the rational part of my being. Hopefully in time that is what you will do.

When you are in its grips it is truely terrible. Living with the fear of your impending demise is consuming. Its great that you are asking for help though. Also have a look at these websites - mind gym and living life to the full. They are CBT in approach.

Wishing you well.

Original poster
kaylasmum · 19/06/2011 21:55

hi elibean, thanks for the unintended joke, it made me laugh!

Littlejo67 - thanks for your post. I've always been a worrier, but this ha just emerged 7 years ago after having my dd. I was diagnosed with post natal depression and its just carried on from there. I've been on the no more panic website a lot over the past few years.

I worry a lot about my behaviour affecting my kids, in fact my 3 eldest children have mental health problems. My 26 yo dd has bpd as does my 25 yo ds along with a codeine addiction. My 19 yo ds has ocd and general anxiety although she has'nt been diagnosed, but i see the signs. I have a 7yo dd and a 4 yo ds aswell and i'm so worried tthat they are going to have problems in the future too.

I have usedd the no more

OP posts:
Original poster
kaylasmum · 20/06/2011 10:42

just a quick update,

Saw another gp today who confirmed what the first one said. She said it can take weeks to go away and gave me more cream.

I feel reassured for the time being. Hopefully i'll get my cbt appt soon.

Just want to thank everyone for their support.

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Elibean · 20/06/2011 12:49

Well done. Containment from GP reassurance will keep you going for a while Smile