Phobia of embarassing myself

[starbright]

This may sound really strange but just wondered if anyone else suffers from this problem.
Since having my children I have become increasingly worried about messing my pants in public.So much so I have to know that were I am going their is toilets nearby and usually tend to wear tenna lady pads most days for sercurity.
It effects my life so much and I make sure I have extra pads with me and a packet of anti diarrohea tablets just in case I need them.I would'nt contemplate goung on a long journey in a car as I would feel trapped.

Reading this back it sounds so silly and am ashamed to admit this to anyone,even my DH and family.I just make excuses all the time to not go to family gatherings etc.
I don't know whether this is connected to giving birth in anyway as I know whren I had my children and was in labour the midwife sais you may go to the toilet whilst pushing,I don't know where this fear has come from but it is with me everyday and dictates my life so much,even to the point where I watch what I eat if I know I have got to go out the next day and don't eat most mornings before going out on the school run.
Every trip has to be plannedin my head around how far I am from home and where i feel is safe.

Would be gratful for any advice.

Sorry can't offer any advise. Just wanted to say it doesn't sound silly. A friend of mine has the same phobia. Thinking of you

This is obviously affecting your life you really need to see someone, your GP should understand and refer you if they can't help. Did you have an actual incident that triggered this. I think after pregnancy woman often feel out of control with some physical things.

Thanks for your replys.
During my labour with ds I did have a bowel movement but as I have read since this is quite common.I just feel this problem has taken over my life.I would dread riding in a car with anyone but my DH and would'nt use public transport.When we have to go and visit relatives it's a agonising process about a week before planning what I am going to eat leading up to the visist an I try to get away with not eating or drinking much whilst their but my family tend to notice and I just refuse their invitations to things now and pretend I am ill.
I hate lying to them but I just get so panicky.

You really need to discuss this with someone who knows how to deal with phobias. Have you had any actual physical problems since then?

Skribble-I did used to take anti diarrohea tablets quite frequently if I was having to go on a long journey for piece of mind but have not taken any for a while now as they were giving me stomach cramps.

Good that you are not taking them now but i meant did you have any accidents after that might have re-enforced the phobia or did it all come from waht happened during your labour?

Perhaps you could work on increasing length of journey's and visits, it might help to talk to a therapist who can advise you best on how to work through this.

Skribble-I have not had any accidents since then but it is always on my mind that it could happen.

Thinking back I remember an incident when I did have an accident but that was about 20 years ago and maybe the labour incident brought it all back for me.

Bump

Bump

I can relate to you and you do not sound silly at all.

Mine started 13 years ago, I had many things happen in a space of a few months one of which was a car accident, very minor, I was in a traffic jam and got hit from behind.

A week or so later my mum was having to take me to work and I got stuck in a traffic jam again, my stomach started churning and I desparately needed to toilet I ended up having to go behind a bush since then I have been afraid of the feeling of being out of control, not been able to get were I want to starts my stomach off again, it has prevented me from doing many a journey, I travel at night on motorways so I have very little risk of feeling trapped.

This went on for a long time, 4 years ago I had to start walking the kids to school and thought, how do I get there, there is not a toilet in between and I can't use the school ones, will I get back on time, I used to get into a right pickle about it. I then heard that peppermint helps you relax, so I bought some stong mints and because physcologically (sp?) I was told they would help, they did, (sounds daft I know), everyday I would leave home armed with my mints and they became my safety source, and now somehow, somewhere along the line I don't feel bad anymore, I don't know what has happended to change it, maybe I have become more confident. I am also aware the a few of my friends have felt the same at some point, which helps because I bet a % of people in the playground feel the same way too.

Even sometimes now, if I am gong on a long journey with friends who don't know/understand I reach for the diacalm, but its not very often.

Just wanted you to know how I dealt with it, daft as it seems, maybe worth a try, but of course if you are finding it incredibly hard to cope with then a trip to your GP is the right thing to do. HTH Take care

Looks like I am the only one with this problem.
I always thought it was a strange phobia to have and have not told anyone about this other than admiting here on mumsnet.
This has just confirmed it.

I am a new poster so not known and as was suggested on another thread not in with the in crowd!!!!

Starbright, I have similar social phobias and it's horrible isn't it? I think mine stem from pregnancy too. I have to know where toilets are before I go anywhere and usually once I know where they are I don't actually go it's just the reassurance. I also have a fear of being sick or fainting whilst in public which must stem from pregnancy too.

It is hard to explain to other people especially when you are totally confused by these irrational feelings yourself. My phobias have really affected my life as they have yours, simple things like taking the kids to school or going shopping are a nightmare.

A year ago I finally went to my GP who was fantastic, he could see that I was mildly agorophobic because of these fears and panic attacks and he prescribed cipralex which is normal an AD but is proven to help with anxiety disorders and put me forward for CBT - although I haven't heard about that yet.

I would suggest that you see your GP and also try to tell your friends and family - possibly change it slightly to having a fear of vomiting and needed toilets close by if it sounds easier to explain. Once others know it really does take a lot of pressure off and stops the need to make up excuses all the time.

I'm currently doing really well, taking each day as it comes, going out a lot more and really trying to educate myself that if something does happen whilst out then It won't kill me!!

You've done the first thing by realising that you have a recognised problem!!

honestly you are not alone, I really do know how you are feeling

golds - I carry Extra strong mints everywhere!!!!

Hi Golds,Thank you for your reply.That's exactly how I feel.You have described it so well.
It is such an embarassing phobia and one I don't feel I could ever tell anyone in real life.
The school run really struck a chord with me as I go through this every day and I know I can't keep feeling like this every morning when I need to take ds to school.

Glad you are doing so well,gives me hope for the future.Thanks for replying and making me feel that someone understands where I am coming from.
I posted about no one replying ,then I saw your post,Thanks xx

and do they help you ? it sounds so silly, but it has helped, if you go in every pocket of my coats you will find a mint or chewing gum somewhere.

Baublerock-What you say about knowing if their are toilets nearby is exactly what I have to know before going anywhere.Like you say I normally don't need to use them but it's the reassurance factor.

Shopping is a nightmare and had not entered a supermarket in about 2 years and did all shopping online but these last 3 months I have been going shopping locally and although it is a struggle I make myself go even when my stomach feels tied up in knots and I think if i do this and nothing happens it will prove to me how unreasonable I am being.

Also my children love the trips to the supermarket and the local library and I try to do this most saturdays for their sake and find having to keep an eye on them and engaging them in the shopping helps to keep my mind off feeling anxious.
My dh is very supportive although he does not know all the details about losing control but I explain to him that I just feel panicky with a lot of people around and need to feel in control.

Thanks for your advice. xxx

Golds-I will give the mint idea a go.It makes sense as I think their is something called colpermin which contains peppermint oil to setle a stomach disorder,I might have the name wrong.

Anyway it's got to be worth a try.Thanks.

The mints are like my security blanket now, I actually panic if I don't have any - oh my god - I am a mint addict!!!

There are so many situations where you are actually 'trapped' and it would cause a scene to go to the toilet even if there is one close by - like school events such as harvest festival, parents evenings, nativity plays.... or an interview situation.

I used to watch people on the tv doing normal everyday things and be so envious that they didn't have to think twice about doing things. I think it makes it worse that I used to be really outgoing and I do still have the urge to do spontaneous things. It's very frustrating

Baublerock,you have just descibed my thoughts entirely.I could have written that myself.
I look at people on tv also and in everyday life and think how could they do that without worrying!!
I am lucky in the respect that our house backs onto the school playing field so I know I am never far away from home.
My dd will start pre school mother and toddler in January and am dreading it already.Bing stuck in a small classroom with all those what look to be confident mums.

I know what you mean about it being frustrating and like you I used to be really outgoing.
Believe it or not 7 years ago I got married in Las Vegas and did the tour of the monterey coast,yosemite approx 2,000 miles in a car with Dh.I could'nt contimplate doing that now.

Lonelymum is lurking! Nothing really to add to hausfrau as my phobia is a bit different but I certianly relate to the "looking at people on TV and being envious of their ability to carry on normally" though for me, it realtes to their ability to cope with vomiting.

Will you have to do rota duty at preschool too?

I've done that same west coast USA trip!!! In 1993, it was my last holiday with my parents, I was 17 and we flew to LA drove up the coast road through Monteray (17 mile drive) stanford, san francisco, oregon, washington, over to vancouver island, then back inland to yosemite, disney, universal, beverly hills etc..., san diego, seaworld, tijuana then back up to LA and home.

Amazing trip!! I think I may have to get my GP to drug me and send me to exotic places otherwise my kids and DH are going to miss out. I already sent DH to Ibiza and Florida with his mates

Thanks Hausfrau,I will take a look at the archives.

Baublerock-Doing the rota duty at pre school has'nt been mentioned so will have to see.

We started our trip in Vegas then went on to Hoover Dam,Grand Canyon,San Francisco,Death Valley,Yosemite .Monteray coast(can't remember the order)but would love to go back with the children one day.

Lonelymum-Thanks for your reply.I can sympathise with your paticular problem as my phobia causes me to avoid eating when anxious which in turn makes me feel sick because I have'nt eaten.
It's difficult for others to understand and my MIL thinks I am rather odd,she once said so because I did'nt want to eat the night before I was travelling somewhere the next day.Over the years she nows when we leave hers after a visit I don't eat the night before but always makes me feel I am being awkward or un socialable.