Page 2 | Would you be irritated?

misdee · 03/11/2005 21:53

use me as an example. if my kdis get a cough or cold ewe have to avoid my dh, if its more serious then we all have to stay away. when he was home and dd1 class was having cases of chickenpox, we asked the gp what to do if one of our kids came down with it, he said to send dh away somewhere safe.

colditz · 03/11/2005 21:54

Yes, verty irritated. I have bawled one of my own friends out before, he said he had been off work that day with a diarrhoea bug, then picked up my ds!

I'm not going to repeat the tirade, but it started with "OI!"

trefusis · 04/11/2005 22:55

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baka · 05/11/2005 11:21

she brought her dd round puking?

I know one person who is notorious for this. Now I tell her to stay away quite blunty (after she turned up with diarroeah dd when I had a 4 week old baby in the house).

trefusis · 05/11/2005 14:35

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trefusis · 05/11/2005 14:35

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Stilltrue · 05/11/2005 15:24

Following on from Polgara2 -At the next meetup couldn't you "invent" a sil/friend of friend or something. Then tell the tale of how "she" and her"dd/ds" were at the receiving end of a really nasty infection (not just a cold) brought in carelessly into a similar group by one of its members who's "always" doing that sort of thing. Maybe embellish a bit and say the little dd/ds ended up in hospital overnight with dehydration due to sickness/breathing difficulties, whatever. You and your fellow group members - perhaps primed in advance since you've all obviously been discussing it - could then simply agree some strong guidelines for your own ill kids, along the lines of anything beyond a cold then we will be pissed off big time. If she doesn't get the hint then maybe it's time to be blunt!

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spod · 05/11/2005 19:49

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spod · 05/12/2005 20:54

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Pennies · 06/12/2005 16:32

It sounds fair enough that you say something IMO. I know someone who is like this (did this with chicken pox when she knew I was pregnant which totally p'd me off) and since then I've taken to leading by example really in an attempt to get her to see the situation.

hativity · 06/12/2005 16:46

next time you arrange to meet call her shortly before hand - find a flimsy excuse if you prefer. Ask how the kids are and if she says any of them are ill - be up front (assuming you're not meeting at your house)and just say "If she's been throwing up I think I'd rather not come to (wherever). DD/DS has got tummy bugs from other kids before and its a bit miserable. I'd rather not expose him to the risk". If she has ANY self-awareness at all she should realised that it's her that should bow out not you. If she doesn't she doesn't and there's probably nothing short of falling out with her that will make her realise. (just keep up the phone calls prior to meetings)

SackAche · 06/12/2005 16:56

Sorry but I feel really sorry for this woman! He kids are obviously sickly children to be ill sooooooo much! Should she just lock them away in a cage????

And if they are sickly kids then they are not going to pass on infections to kids who are not prone to catching infections IYSWIM.

Are you saying she brings her child along whilst they are puking with stomach bug? Or do you mean she just comments that her child has had a tummy bug? Big difference IMHO.

I'm going to go against the trend here..... kids are going to catch bugs all the time. Quite frankly I'd be really offended if someone implied I should stay away coz my child is off colour alot!

SackAche · 06/12/2005 16:57

...to answer the original thread. No it wouldn't irritate me. Thats life!

hativity · 06/12/2005 20:55

I think the point is that she should give parents of other children the choice as to whether they should expose them or not. I just think it's common courtesy to tell people - I am laid back about colds and coughs but stomach bugs can be nasty for the child - and to sound a bit callous they can also have a big impact on you if it means you can't take your kids to nursery ie you can't go to work/have to run around getting ad hoc childcare, arguing with dh about who should take time off, whilst starting to run a temperature and throwing up yourself. great. Bugs spread quickly and for the same reason that nurseries ask you to stay away I think parents should at least inform each other - not to is effectively taking a decision on behalf of someone else and someone else's kids about whether or not the risk is one they want to take.

misdee · 06/12/2005 20:59

it would annoy me. the kids being ill limits my life so much. i am missing another week of seeing my dh as dd3 is ill.

SackAche · 06/12/2005 21:08

Misdee - Your situation is so different to the norm though.

The point in Nursery is you dorp your child off unaware that there may be an ill child there. When you meet up with someone and their child is ill then you have the choice to just leave again! The choice. If she arrives and says "od dd has been puking everywhere all morning".... then you have the choice of saying "Well I really dont want mine catching this so I'll just leave".

peachandpear · 06/12/2005 21:33

I hate being ill, I hate the kids being ill, I am a real paranoid freak about illness (builds up immunity etc I know I know). I really hate it when someone turns up with an ill child without giving warning. Takes away my choice of whether I want to be ill or not!

SackAche · 06/12/2005 21:45

Peachandpear - It doesn't really.... you can just leave.

PruniStuffing · 06/12/2005 21:57

I think it's just bad manners, isn't it?
You have to give people the choice as to whether they unwittingly pick up a stomach bug, or wittingly take precautions against it, which may include not meeting up with you.
FGS if it was a couple of tantrums or a sniffle, that would be one thing, but 24hours of heaving witht he joy of it spreading round the family...You'd have to be pretty selfish to imagine that was OK.
(And nine times out of ten, if you give people the choice, they say 'Oh come on over, it's ok.)

SackAche · 06/12/2005 22:00

Fair enout but Pruni - as far as I'm reading Spod hasn't said she turns up with her child heaving.

Polgara2 · 06/12/2005 22:07

PeachandPear - are you me? I think its incredibly selfish to bring an ill child into contact with healthy ones actually. Who wants to be ill be it child or adult (and I'm not talking about coughs and sniffles). Having had the whole house with a tummy bug recently the impact is huge and I don't want to feel soooooo ill thank you very much. So I want to be able to choose to stay away. Have to say though that at this stage of the game Spod I would be abandoning politeness and just tell her! If she's offended well then tough, your children are more important to you.

SackAche · 06/12/2005 22:11

er... just don't go??

Still don't know what kind of serious infections Spod is talking about. I mean.... how does she know they are contagious!?? The kid might have something else more chronic wrong?

Spod - Have your kid(s) actually caught anything from her child? Have any of them?

Plus... going on a train/bus or even in shops you are exposed unwittingly to infection.... especially in lifts. Do you all avoid those sitations too?

I don't like my kids being ill, but I accept that most 'bugs' going around will spread anyway one way or another! My kids are in Nursery and we both work so I know how inconvenient and nast it is when one of us is ill.... but really..... they can catch things anywhere!

Polgara2 · 06/12/2005 22:16

Well of course they catch them anywhere and of course that is just life. But.... do you really want to expose them if it could be avoided ie by said friend actually mentioning it in advance. Also not everyone copes with illness as well as others, I know I don't, but maybe you do Sackache and I wish I was like that but I'm not so I would much prefer to be given the choice. AND I still think its just courtesy to do so whatever your take on illness.

PruniStuffing · 06/12/2005 22:25

Pre-kids, I had a friend who used to invite people round, give them a drink, a meal etc, then casually drop into conversation that everyone had just had a stomach bug, oh we were all up all night heaving etc.

It got so frequent that we (coven of childless friends) took to ringing up before visiting her to check if they'd had a bug.

(Actually it's self-preservation for me, since if I get anything I get it bad - as in may end up hospitalised - so frankly any exposure for me is scary and I don't have any problems telling people they should be a bit polite and at least give me the choice.)

SackAche · 06/12/2005 22:31

Most 24 hr bugs aren't contagious after the puking stops though!

No Polgara25, I cope terribly with being ill. Can't stand being sick... makes me choke/panic. In fact I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon! BUT..... what if.... just what IF her children don't have anything contagious.... what if they actually have a condition that means they have low immunity or something else. Do you see what I mean?? CHildren being ill tha often could be something else other than just 24 hr bugs.

So, if we are talking purely about a generic situatio with someone bringing a chld to your house , for example, that still is being sick and having diarrhea from a 24/48hr tummy bug.... but doesn't warn you then YES I would be a bit peeeved.

But, I'm purely trying to offer another perspective on this particular post which could hold more background than her kids just being infectious all the time. Is all.