TAMOXIFEN 9 *********

[MaryAnnSingleton]

Starts here !

We're off to the Blakeney seal boat next weekend, fleeing from the Royal wedding. One of the advantages of living in London is friends want to do house swaps. Any top Norfolk tips Kurri? It's years since I've been up there. How are the puppets going? Are they alive yet?!

Huge commiserations to all those on chemo with icky SE. Though Figgy, you really do get the prize don't you. I had my dose reduced too and as Kurri says it's quite common. Onc was quite blunt when I objected and said too much was potentially fatal and she could be struck off if they continued. So let them reduce it, I say. You can't keep on being as ill as you have been.

Pink, big cheers from me over your CT and yip-yip the lump's shrunk. You seem to react like I did. I threw up during every chemo session. They said they'd never seen it before, so maybe we're twins.

Yeay for LGF too - brilliant to hear your tumour's responding too. You sound like you're none too bad, or are you putting a brave face on??

Amberlight, sorry you're with us, but it sounds like you're doing well ploughing through it all. Brilliant your tumour's shrunk so much. I'm another who had the op first, so haven't a clue if chemo worked or not.

LJelly I have never been to a Harvester. You have made me want to though. On the crumbling bone issue, my Onc told me Tamoxifen protects/ strengthens your bones, so in a round about way it's a positive side of treatment.

SR, am in awe by you making Easter Eggs. [shameless scoffer of cadbury's emoticon] Also mighty impressed by the weight loss. What was 'Submarine' like? Was thinking it looks interesting, so might go and see.

MAS, thanks for the lovely e-mail - I do so wish I could reciprocate. Your dad's picture's wonderful too. I didn't know he was an artist too.

Sparkle, g'ah to the bureaucrats for losing DS's notes. Absurd the amount of hoops you've had to jump through. Hope Easter with the kids was a good break from it all. You definitely deserve more fun.

SpongeBob - great name!! I love SpongeBob. Definitely keep away from the thug family. They sound scary.

Not sure what to tell you about my holiday. Was genuinely astounding in places - especially the nights in the Atlas mountains. I wasn't exactly goat like, but did trek a fair bit, so that alone made me feel chemo and all the rest of the cancer nonsense is definitely in the past. DS now wants a mule; have to say it would be handy for an eco-friendly Sainsbury's run.

Sorry if I've missed lots in the above. Hello to Coorong and hoping Lilruthie's feeling not too bad. Do I get the prize for longest post??

Hi Ladies, sorry I haven't been on here for a little while. What with school hols and feeling tired/gernerally yuck I've found it difficult :(

Welcome to Amberlight :) - I am at the same stage as you. I had my 3rd FEC 10 days ago, one more to go and then 4 lots of docetaxol, ending up with surgery around September I would think. I have been told my tumour is responding well, and although it has spread to lymph nodes it has not gone anywhere else!

Figgy - big big hugs :)

Well I didn't get any sickness this time but felt very wiped out until Thursday. I have also felt very dehydrated. My skin looked awful and I was constantly drinking water. I have also developed what I can only describe as heat rash on my legs since Friday despite not really going out in the sun.It is very itchy and not getting any better. I ended up ringing the hospital today about it. They didn't seem to concerned though as I had no temperature etc. I have taken an anti-histamine tablet on doctors advice, and it seems to be helping a little bit.

Hope to catch up a bit more tomorrow :)

LGF, I got that rash too - anti-histamine's all you can do from what I remember, though maybe try soothing some E45 onto it too if you have some. No surprised you're feeling wiped out, but it's great you're through FEC and onto the final run of Tax. Honestly, after chemo the op and rads is a doddle.

Hi Smee - I have been putting DS1's Aveeno cream on as well which sooths it for a bit. The op still seems so far away and have had moments of feeling quite tearful this week, which I haven't been for quite some time. I think its just because I felt yuck :( Maybe its also because I want to go on my childrens new trampoline but can't for fear of my wig falling off in full view of the neighbours...maybe I can go on after dark???

Smee your holiday sound as if it was just what you needed, so glad you feel as if it has helped you move on from all the 'cancer nonsense'

Holkham is a beautiful beach long stretches of sand, - Mundesley (sp?) and Hunstanton are nice too.

You can hire a boat if you fancy a day/afternoon on the broads (they are pretty easy to drive if you've never done it before)

Wells Next The Sea is a pretty little seaside town ( my DS sometimes works in the theatre there).

the seals are gorgeous, your DS will love them - lots of birds there as well.

LGF - hope the rash clears up soon. Would a head band keep your wig on so you can bounce? - Sorry you have been feeling tearful - those emotions creep up on us while we're not looking sometimes, have a hug and a from me xx

Holkham is amazing ! We got soaked at Wells next the Sea in the biggest rain shower ever -I have never been so drenched.

LGF, I felt weepy on chemo 3 too. Think you're spot on, as I thought it was something to do with the end feeling a long way off too. I know I sound a teeny bit flippant saying that the op and rads are a doddle, as obviously they're not. It was only how I found it - being hugely pragmatic for me the op was brilliant as it was taking away the problem iyswim - also an op's more tangible - with chemo you don't know how you'll react, but with an operation the physical side's pretty predictable. With Rads you're so close to the end that you're virtually galloping into the hospital each day to get it over with - or should that be a slow crawl.. . The emotional toll of all of this is on the other hand, a whole other ball game, so trampolining in the dark sounds essential. Throw that wig to the floor and bounce woman.

Kurri, thanks for Norfolk tips. Will see what the weather brings, but Holkham is one of my most favourite beaches, so wind swept walks will do me. Kind of hoping the weather's not too good, as that way it won't be too crowded.

DS back at school today. Feels weird.

LGF, yup, I'm more emotional than usual on FEC 3 too.
I use a wig cap under my wig and a gale force hurricane couldn't shift it. worth a try if you're not doing so at the moment?

Morning all.

So sorry to hear you're feeling so tearful and yuck, LGF. I'm on my third Docetaxol and have 3 FEC to go and I do so sympathise with how you're feeling. I had a tearful period last week and yearn to feel "normal" again. I keep telling myself it's 'only' 9 more weeks of chemo and then I will be back to my old self but, of course, I wont. I think I am changed for ever. Very profound, I know.

I feel inspired reading about the seals. I live in Essex so it's not too far to drive to the Norfolk coast. I am determined to go and see them. I will talk to DH and maybe we would plan a couple of days away after chemo and before radiotherapy. That will give me something lovely to look forward to.

i think its only natural to have down days i have only had my second chemo and already im so sick of it,the thought of 4 more doses of chemo surgery then radiation feels like its going to go on forever.im really struggling with the impact this is having on my life its as if everything has just stopped,very hard when you are use to living a busy life.

on friday for the royal wedding im having family and friends round thats how sad my life as got lol,i just need to do something to hang on to some normality.

going to really miss a holiday this summer but im already saving for a holiday abroad most likely next year when this is all over, i keep trying to focus on that and knowing that im going to be slimmer,healthier and i will have my own hair back.

Hi everyone, sorry I am still not caught up with the social whirl that is this thread.

Hope everyone is doing ok, I will try and read through tomorrow, but just wanted to let you know I hadn't disappeared.

Smee, I'm really happy for you that you had such a great holiday. I'm not sure that I am really changed forever from the BC experience but it sure does make me appreicate things I perhaps took for granted a bit. My hols after chemo finished last year were so fabby even though I was still rather whacked at the time!

Everyone on chemo - yes it does seema terrible long haul at times. I remember feeling that after 2-3 chemos and knowing I still had about 6 months to go. But hang on in there - let life slow down for now and give yourself small challenges each day that you can manage and feel proud of. In a short time it'll be behind you - you'll get there but its a marathon not a sprint and sadly you just have to accept that this year will not be your usual round of busy activity. I used to make little lists of things I thought I'd be able to do - even if one was clearing out a drawer! Or watching a lovely DVD. Or on a good day walking to the Post office or wherever I could manage. When I re-read my diary now it is so marked and clear - a period of 10 days when I used to go downhill for 2 then slowly crawl back up again and then have a week of feeling pretty good before starting again.

Anyway hang on in there - courage -and remember how very many women have got through.

Have to go to Slimming World now. The family wedding + Easter have rather interrupted progress!

Missing my DD now she's gone back - and her facing finals too makes me a bit tense and anxious for her.
Love to all.

Hello all, so sorry some people are feeling a bit low on the chemo - it's totally natural when you consider what you are going through. I think we sort of get used to being ill, going to the doc. getting some pills and then you're better. So this business feels like a very long haul. i know its a cliche but I tried to approach it in small stages, and tried not to look to far beyond the next little bit, other wise it feels daunting. Its very frustrating when you can't do normal things, but SR's idea is a good one - try to do small things that you can manage, and spend the times you don't feel so bad doing something you enjoy.

SR - I know that anxious feeling, my DD is going back at the weekend, and she has to finish her dissertation, get it bound etc etc. - I am inwardly panicking because I don't think she's as far on with it as she should be.

Figgy - I was in Essex today, at Walton on the Naze, it was a bit blowy - but we had a lovely long walk along the beach, found a few good fossils, and then treated ourselves to a ice cream

We saw an air sea rescue while we were there - two people were winched up from about half way down the cliff - scary - poor things I hope they were OK.

Smee - I hope you get good weather, it can be a bit unpredictable here sometimes - boiling hot in the towns, but very misty and cool at the coast - odd.

lookee here [cgrin] !!

[cgrin] - very snazzy!

I just found out the air sea rescue was a training exercise - so no one was hurt

phew KK ! we used to see lots of rescues in Dorset when we stayed in a house by the sea -from Portland I think -but I think they were practices. My brother and friends were once towed back by RNLI after getting into trouble sailing there- I think something snapped on the boat.
Mindfulness 'booster' class tonight -really need it as I've been struggling a bit.
How are puppets going ?
am just finishing the drawings for the disgusting joke book.
Persuaded ds to go to the RS GCSE revision class after school - he said there were a few people there - bless him-my tactic was to say, I can't make you go and it's your choice;but if you don't you might regret it.

Yeay for MAS - very impressive psychology. Persuading teenagers to revise is a high level skill. A friend stayed in our house with her 17 year old when we were in Morocco and I found traces of bribery on return. Am still not sure what to do with the cans of cider as none of us drink it.

SR must be hard letting your DD go - finals are such a big deal, but I'm sure she'll do well. What's she going to do next year? Is she planning on an MA?

Kurri, I like the sound of your day out. I'd forgotten about fossils - someone told me West Runton's good for them - does that make sense to you?

[csmile] I can do it too!!

yes - well done MAS, he will be glad he's gone [csmile] Hope the mindfulness booster is helpful.

Smee - West Runton and East Runton both good for fossils - but as with most places you're likely to be more lucky if there's been a bit of a rough sea to loosen things up. West Runton is where they found a fossilised elephant skeleton in the cliffs. (How would you get it home if DS found one of those ?[cgrin])

I juts been to the Gp - been having pain and constant feeling of pins and needles in my hand. Apparently I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, - so I've got to take something to protect my stomach for a couple of days, then anti inflammatories (I usually have stomach problems with them), if its not better in two weeks he said 'come back and we'll stick needles in you' [cshock]

He also upped the dose of my AD's - as I've been feeling quite anxious the last month or so.

Hope everyone else is feeling OK today. [csmile]

Blimey Kurri, you do go through it don't you?? Glad to hear you have a clear diagnosis though. A friend's just been diagnosed with what I think is similar and he's doing some exercises which he says have really helped. Upping the AD's sounds sensible too.

A fossilised Elephant sounds extraordinary. Not sure about DS, but I definitely want to find one. [cgrin]

Hope all those on treatment aren't feeling too icky today. [csmile]

Smee - its old age I think - I'm disintegrating [cgrin] - exercises sounds a good idea - I'll google them and give them a go.

Kurri - I have carpel tunnel in both hands since I had dd2. The injections is when they inject steriods into area, but my rheumatologist said it basically doesn't work except in a very few cases, and exercises and wrist splints or surgery were the only things that work. I am waiting until dd2 is old enough to not need picking up all the time before I have surgery, you have to watch out for muscle wasting in the hands and base of the thumb, if you don't have that then time is on your side and you can wait it out and see if it improves.

I am never going to catch up at this rate....so give me a quick summary....how are you all doing, do we have new people to meet and support?

[cgrin]

Right I have managed to scan a way back, I have probably missed a lot, but I think I am sort of caught up......vaguely!

Hi Amber, welcome to the thread, sorry you have to be here.....you know what I mean.

LJ how are you doing, has the chemo brain started to subside?

Figgy are you feeling better now?

LGF how are you doing? Have you survived the hols too?

dh's osteopath told him to do pelvic floor exercises -he told him to ask me how to do them ! (his shoulder is bad and he goes to be realigned now and again) I hope you carpal tunnel girls are ok- sounds horrid.
Am setting up a website,which is very exciting- am sure I'll come a cropper though -have registered my domain name anyway [cgrin]
Celeste is amusing herself by bringing individual tulip petals in and batting them about- when I throw the shredded bits away she nips out and brings another back in [csmile]

Sorry you have it too Sparkle - its quite uncomfortable I find. Can you get a wrist splint from the GP, or do you have to buy one yourself? he didn't say I have muscle wasting, although my grip is not very good, I'm hoping the meds will sort it - but I'm not overly optimistic.

Website does sound exciting MAS - you'll have to give us a link when its ready [csmile]

Celeste sounds so sweet. When our dog was a puppy, everytime she went outside she had to pick up a little twig and bring it inside, - my sitting room looked quite rural! [cgrin]

I have a small boy who does that Kurri. [csmile]