You know you're really Irish when...

[Gossipyfishwife]

...you tell the barman to put the change in the poor box.

Yer man there's an awful eejit , and Yer woman's nobuta bold wagon so tell em to shag off.

even if you grew up on the other side of the world and visited Ireland for the first time at the age of 30, your relatives would ask you if you're home to visit

When your guests are leaving and you say "Safe home"

^^ yes, or else 'good luck' instead of goodbye - people in England look at me quizzically.

Or you wake up with a hangover and your Mum says, "You didn't get home last night until this morning"

When you leave a social event it takes at least an hour from the time of saying you are going to actually going. I don't know if there's a name for it, I call it the long goodbye.

My dad from Armagh would often refer to someone whose name he didn't know (during one of his long, entertaining stories) as "the quair fella" ie "the queer fella."

Mum (from Co Louth) often told us there'd be "wigs in the green" if we were naughty.

And of course we had butter and sugar sandwiches if we were good.

Buggedoff I call it 'hurry up to fuck' and it is usually directed at my mum/gran/aunt

Saying 'bye, bye, bye, bye, bye,' to finish every phonecall

Buggedoff they can't leave the social event before the 'Sing-Song'

I've got brilliant memories of me, my siblings and our cousins actually crying with silent laughter and embarrassment at some of the 'singers'...

You have been given a pic of the Sacred Heart for your house and you put a statue of the Child of Prague in the front window to bring good weather on a special day of a religious nature! (First Communion, Confirmation or Wedding)

We didnt turn off the lights in my house, we shut off or closed off the lights.

I still say 'wigs on the green' and 'you put the heart across me'.

"if you don't like it, you can turn your arse to it"

if you didn't want to eat your dinner.

My granny would always say 'hurry on would ye!' impatiently whenever we were getting our shoes on to leave the house

Oh and my Dad finishing a huge bowl of Irish stew

He'd pat his stomach and say, "I could beat a bull out of a bog after that"

Oh, and a telephone conversation sounds like this

'awk hello, how are you keeping'
'awk yes, wee Jimmy from down the street, that's right, our Mike went with his youngest girl Mary'
'he did so, no it was before he went with her'
'mmhmmhmm'
'DEAD?NO? Sure he was only 88!'
'was it quick?'
'I'll see you at the wake'

WeGotAnnie, we used to 'out the light'

Or 'plug it out' (when pulling a plug from a socket)

And if you left the kettle on the stove too long...

"You'll boil the ass out of it"

You automatically call Morrison's

Mossy's

Being called 'a fine lump of a girl' by older people is intended as a compliment!

Wheelie

My dad phones from Ireland even now and we have this convo at least once a month:

'are ye after remembering your man John O'Shea'

'No, Dad'

'you know your man John O'Shea, sure he was married to your one, Mary Roach from '

'um...no, Dad'

'Ach, sure you KNOW him. He was over in London in , he was working for your man

"The poor wee cratur" isn't a small pothole apparently.

Squoosh it's always followed by "God love her"