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Original poster

Phone monitoring

63 replies

notgoodatthis2 · 25/07/2018 21:11

Name changed for this post.

My dh seems to know if I have been contacted on my mobile by a certain number. I think I am being surveyed by a 3rd party but am u sure whether it is only traceable at home.

I did think about WhatsApp calling or my 2nd idea was to purchase a cheap PAYg phone with a new number. Are there any handsets where the phone does not have to be regularly topped up and can be kept for emergencies and credit does not run out.

I just want another number to be contacted on.

Thanks

OP posts:
KenDoddsDadsDog · 16/08/2018 14:35

Give Apple Support a call and they can help with ensuring your privacy is strong by changing everything with you and checking other connected devices . However computer savvy his mate is you just cannot hack an iphone that’s password protected .

Original poster
notgoodatthis2 · 16/08/2018 17:54

Thanks, I rang them .they said it may be a case of letting network provider know. There is definitely something dodgy going on.

I have blocked the person anyway with some reluctance Sad

OP posts:
IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 16/08/2018 17:59

Not being funny, but why are you not divorcing him?

Alfiemoon1 · 16/08/2018 18:24

If you are reluctant to block the om maybe you are better off divorcing your dh as neither of u seem happy

Alfiemoon1 · 16/08/2018 21:42

Sorry if that sounds harsh without knowing the background with the om. I am not condoning your dh behaviour it is extreme but the situation is obviously causing him a lot of distress to react like that unless he is normally controlling and jealous

Your main concern seemed originally to be how to carry on contact with the om behind your dh back when surely it should be proving to dh it has ended and re building trust so he doesn’t feel the need to go to such extremes

Original poster
notgoodatthis2 · 17/08/2018 10:18

He's always been controlling and jealous. OM was so different. I have been married a long time and my marriage was not good. My dh definitely has been abusive at times.

My heart said one thing and my head another. I had so much to lose financially.

I will see how it goes with my DH. I do feel guilty about blocking OM as I would've liked to explain

OP posts:
Original poster
notgoodatthis2 · 17/08/2018 18:19

I also found a VOS device in my bag today which is very worrying.

OP posts:
IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 17/08/2018 18:29

I also found a VOS device in my bag today which is very worrying

Yeah, as suspected, he is tracking you.

You need to get out of this relationship. He probably is tracking you on here. So be careful what you are doing.

Alfiemoon1 · 17/08/2018 18:39

What’s a vos ??

combatbarbie · 17/08/2018 18:54

There is an app for WhatsApp that lets you download to multiple devices...I used it when my DD started boarding school. You just need a 30 second window to verify from the number you are trying to connect too.

If you both have iPhones he's probably got your number linked so he will receive anything you do, calls txts etc.

coolcahuna · 17/08/2018 19:24

I'm going to be honest, I think it's time to move on from this. Your husband doesn't trust you and is now tracking you.

Neither of you can live like this. Once the trust has gone, that's it.

I've been in a very similar situation.

Notmorewashing · 17/08/2018 21:03

Get rid, life is too short to be miserable

Alfiemoon1 · 18/08/2018 09:44

Neither of you are happy he obviously doesn’t trust you for whatever reason so I agree with others it’s probably time to look into separating

Original poster
notgoodatthis2 · 18/08/2018 12:03

He won't separate. I did think about it. It's divorce or nothing with him.

If I was feeling spiteful I could ring the police about the VOS as he has been warned about not doing this sort of thing.

I know I shouldn't have got involved with OM but to me it became platonic and I have been strong not meeting him. Deep down I want to sort things out with DH

OP posts:
IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 18/08/2018 12:59

If I was feeling spiteful I could ring the police about the VOS as he has been warned about not doing this sort of thing

Huh? So you already knew he had been monitoring you?

You aren't in jail you know. You can't 'sort it' with this type of man.

Original poster
notgoodatthis2 · 18/08/2018 13:49

I could never prove it. It sounds pretty awful when I write it down. We do have good times together and sometimes it's better the devil you know,!

OP posts:
IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 18/08/2018 14:42

Not when they are stalking you it isn't.

Original poster
notgoodatthis2 · 18/08/2018 16:08

He is pretty desperate and wanted me to not be in contact with OM,

Anything inappropriate on my part has massively dwindled and I suppose I wanted to keep it platonic with OM.

OP posts:
Notmorewashing · 18/08/2018 20:37

Stalking / monitoring is NOT normal under any circumstances this is toxic

Original poster
notgoodatthis2 · 18/08/2018 20:53

But isn't it in the circumstances. I got involved with someone else and couldn't break away. I'm no paragon of virtue.

But he has accused me of doing things that I haven't.

OP posts:
Alfiemoon1 · 19/08/2018 09:43

This level of stalking and monitoring is not normal however if u wanted to make a go of it with dh I don’t think he is unreasonable in expecting U to cut all contact with the om no matter how platonic it is now

cobwebsinthebelfry · 19/08/2018 10:04

It is coercive control and it's now unlawful. You need serious RL advice as a matter of urgency, OP.

Original poster
notgoodatthis2 · 19/08/2018 12:45

No I agree Alfie and that is the way forward. I want to stand by my dh despite all the monitoring and what I have done in first place. There are dc to consider and family.

OP posts:
Notmorewashing · 20/08/2018 21:06

Whatever you have done and however bad it was still doesn’t justify monitoring stalking and control

beanaseireann · 24/08/2018 09:05

What is Avis

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