garden trends you wouldn't want in your own garden?

[DaringAquaViewer]

a fruit plant

I hate decking, astro-turf, mirrors, big ponds.

We have a bloody pond, takes up half the lawn area and is tastelessly edged with ugly grey tile/paving. It's vulgar and vile. When we bought the house I had intended to fill it in asap, but unfortunately there were 15-20 big fish in it and I couldn't bring myself to bang them over their heads on the paving, and I couldn't find anyone who wanted them. So I put up with them and had to feed them and they recognised when I was coming and came to the surface and burbled at me every morning and it was so funny and I got used to it and even grew quite fond of them so we still have the damn pond even though all the fish have now died (they were pretty old when we moved in); and now we have frogs in it and I've always really liked frogs so .....

Your garden sounds lovely. ☺️

Weeds, sorry, ‘wildlife gardening with native plants’, especially nettles, thistles and hogweed and its relatives ( which can cause really serious blisters).

It looks awful , is very difficult to control or eradicate if you change your mind( come to your senses) and is actually less useful for ‘wildlife ‘ ie birds, insects and un domesticated mammals than a good range of shrubs and perennials which flower over a longer period and provide a diversity of habitats.

Not a trend but leylandii conifers. Too many gardens blighted by these giant trees that end up looking ugly because the owner can’t afford or won’t maintain them. Usually one neighbour hacks at them. They take all the nutrients and make it impossible for things to grow nearby.

Fake plastic grass.
Plastic outdoor rug.
Modular fake rattan outdoor sofas.
Narrow raised beds made with sleepers round the edges of a fenced garden covered with white gravel and the odd fake box ball or cordyline.
Wind chimes.
Gnomes or other 'cute' garden ornaments.
Resin solar water features.
Hanging fake box balls.
Plastic plants of any type.
Hot tub.
Garden bar.
Any music of any kind whatsoever.
Gardens which consist of patio and grass with no plants.

I actually like black fences, my garden is hedges all round but I do have an old fence in one part which I painted black, it provides a really good backdrop to the plants and sets them off really well. They do need plants in front of them, very bleak otherwise.

What's wrong with fruit trees OP? That seems a odd dislike!

I'm wholeheartedly agreeing with the AstroTurf brigade, but I don't particularly understand the snobbery with the plastic "rattan" furniture. It's generally comfortable and much more durable than rattan, particularly if you aren't lucky enough to have a massive garage or shed to store it away in winter. Poking fun at that seems snobby.

Mine is naturalistic planting. Not because it's not beautiful when done well, but I think you need to be very skilled to do it well and also keep it looking good throughout the year. And I am nowhere near good enough for that!

I think that's one of the main problems with things like Chelsea. It promotes the idea of a garden being a perfect snapshot, but it's totally impossible to have a garden like that in reality looking good all year round.

May I say I think you are fabulous!

Your garden sounds great.

If it’s any consolation, I hate actual rattan too..?

I’m pro-frog. We don’t have a pond and the river is a busy road and an enormous garden away, but we have lots of frogs, and leave areas of damp grass for them.

Astroturf and fences painted any colour other than a natural stain. Also any sort of music or TV setup.

But I love our grey plastic rattan furniture, it's really practical and comfortable.

Is this a thing?!

How on earth is 'a fruit plant'¹ a trend? My niece has them, I have them (including an apple tree in my current garden that is almost a century old), my parents have them, my grandparents had them, their grandparents had them ... they are practically the opposite of a trend.

¹ That covers a lot of possibilities- a strawberry plant is hardly like an apple tree.

@Jux 🤣🤣 the pond is going nowhere is it.

@jux: I love your account of your fish!

Your garden sounds wonderful

Yeah I'm not sure what's wrong with a fruit tree / plant and why it would be considered a trend?

Pampas grass- 😉

Bamboo
wind chimes
hot tubs
fake grass
shabby dark grey painted everything
those metal / plastic pergola things

@StarlightLime yes, yes it is, if you have fb you can search it and many delights are provided for your viewing

We are house hunting and are finding it very difficult to separate the rose gold gin bar tat, fake grass, hot tub and shit interior panelling

Yet the people genuinely think they have style and class..

I believe that Temu and The Range must be responsible for most of it

The shower curtains, I don't understand this trend, I've even seen them recommended on fairly serious Facebook gardening groups.

No one thinks you have a waterfall or a stable with a pony in your garden.

Oh god yes! There are entire groups dedicated to them on Facebook 🤣🤣

Oh I have a garden rug, goes under the dining set under the gazebo, it’s lovely, and a seperate modular rattan sofa set , fruit trees and some pampas grass, plus solar lights,,,all twinkly and have lasted about 3 years so far😂 plus a fire pit and bbq…it’s all fab and I love it out there,

for me artificial grass, I’m not a fan, also lots of twee ornaments, like gnomes and windmills.

but also honestly when it’s poorly maintained, dirty patio, weedy borders, poorly maintained grass, no pots of plants on the patio, just a bare space, and old tatty wooden furniture that’s not been maintained.

Plastic…whether it be grass, plants or tat in general, but mostly the plastic grass-looks bloody awful and is an environmental abomination!