DH did this

[Whyohwhyjustwhy]

Leaving aside what on earth he was thinking, which is part of a bigger problem, do you agree that this looks absolutely awful?
Does the tree have any chance of growing back into any reasonable shape from this sloping flat top? My feeling is that it's ruined.

Can't you just hide all the tools ?

Re hawthorn, it is wildlife friendly and intruder hostile, but it does need frequent trimming and we rarely get blossom/berries because of this
and the thorns are like sharpened steel darts, which can puncture the soles of your shoes, so you have to be v careful about clearing up afterwards.

Get one with muscles, tattoos, a beard, a sun tan and a chainsaw. It's the only way - the manliest man with manly parts and manly voice and manly plant brain.

He needs to explain how wonderful DH is to be planting with wildlife in mind and how useless 'those men' who think they know everything but just go chop happy and ruin everything are, but that he's happy to come back regularly to help with the things DH can't manage and all you, his lovely wife, needs to do is call him.

Your Dh will instantly pay for the butchered victim to be removed and become the most environmental of environmentalists. You may never need to guard a seedling again, as he'll ensure that you never have to call on the most manly of men's services ever again.

Find me that man and I’ll give you ALL my pocket money

A flagpole cherry blossom?

I wouldn’t mind (well I would because it’s fucking awful) but it isn’t even straight

i am afraid it's ruined

Hide the tools

It does look ridiculous and it won't regenerate well, but otoh it deserved it. These types of conifers are ugly bloodsucking, life-sucking monsters that create dead zones wherever they grow. I'm with your DH, except that he should have gone further and murdered it to death.

Oh thanks - I was thinking of getting one as I've been lusting after my neighbours - I think I might go back to the drawing board.

Anyone any thoughts on an upright or an espaliered apple or plum tree?

I'm mad on your behalf OP! How bloody annoying. Why the fuck doesn't he actively listen to you?

Plums everytime.

Have you seen how much they cost these days for rock hard lumps, compared to apples?

Our neighbour had this done to a very very tall conifer, took of the top 2/3. I can't see the top (still very tall) but I always assumed it dipped in the middle to the trunk and wasn't flat. Either way the branches have continued to grow.

I have a gorgeous bamboo, that seems to dance in the wind, but it grows/spreads sideways and needs a little bit digging out every 2 years. I have given these pieces to other people and they have them growing in their gardens now. It is very pretty and needs no care whatsoever. Grows to about 3 metres high.

🤣🤣🤣

@londonmummy1966 - if your neighbour's snowball bush looks good I guess there's a good chance you'd be OK with one - DHs parents had a big one that didn't get infested.

You need a heavy chain and a padlock to join all the 'dangerous' equipment together. Plus a lock box for smaller things like secateurs and loppers. That way nothing can be spur of the moment. I guess you can probably leave the lawnmower unsecured, there's not much damage that he can do with that (I hope those aren't famous last words).

That would be a whole thread of its own, and I don't have the strength for it right now ☹️

@WyrdyGrob it really is laughably wonky

The top will grow back - the lower down stuff will grow upwards and conceal the flat top.

The sides won’t grow, you’ll always have a bare trunk. You could grow something up it - I saw. Tropeolum covered conifer which looked splendid.

but as a specimen tree it’s not a beauty and I’d remove it.

Trouble is if you remove it straight away you’ll never convince your husband of his error. I’d give it 3 years to let it sink in.

Agree absolutely about the thorns. We have a hawthorn hedge.

But if you have enough space for the hawthorn, they don’t need trimming, and the blossom and berries are both stunning. One year we had a flock of waxwings

I won't convince him anyway! And he won't leave it 3 years (even if I wanted to look at it for that long). The reason he cut that much off was so that he'd still be able to reach the top to trim it using the ladder he has.
I'll cut it down, but I'm just upset and frustrated that he can't see how awful it looks. It isn't even symmetrical, it's a bent uneven slope on the top. He thinks it looks fine. He's done this so many times with other trees and shrubs and he'll keep doing it.
The view from the front upstairs windows shows how ridiculous it looks, but I can't post a photo that would show that.
I'm not putting a hawthorn there - we have plenty of trees and native shrubs in the back garden, and hawthorn wouldn't be a good fit for that spot at the front. I'll get something smaller that won't appear to him to need "trimming".
Thanks to everyone for all the suggestions.

Hope you're regrouped overnight @Whyohwhyjustwhy and have a solid plan on how to rectify the bloody awful thing your DH did.

When you do feel strong enough to start a new thread to tell us all about why the fuck he doesn't actively listen to you, we're here to listen and support you armed with tea, biscuits and alcohol of your choice. I'm sure you've read this before, I dug it out after reading your post yesterday - https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/oct/09/true-men-dont-listen-to-to-word-their-wives-say

I'll get something smaller that won't appear to him to need "trimming".

Or maybe get him something like a privet that he can chop around. Or maybe yew as that's the one conifer which does grow back?

Time for a new patio OP.

DH is grumpy because he honestly thinks it looks fine.

He thinks it looks fine?? He's given it a bloody tonsure!!