Feeling overwhelmed

[ChelseaChop]

I have inherited a large, mature garden in Southern England. My neighbours said the previous homeowners were out everyday working on it! I don’t have that time to dedicate working full time with two small children. But I don’t want to let it go to waste. I’m a keen novice gardener but lacking knowledge. We have a greenhouse and they left all their tools and products/compost/manure etc.

This will be our third summer here. The first year we spent watching and logging on an app what we had- I’ve got to over 150 but there are a lot more plants than this. I’ve pulled out Elder (a thug?) and an unhealthy looking rose. General weeding, pruning (probably doing it wrong) and lawn mowing is.

I guess my question is how to do I streamline? What can be left and what needs more attention? I’m starting to see pests (spider damage, weevil damage, we have a lot of flies already. Loads of snails and damage to leaves (holes). I’m worried I’m not keeping on top of it because I don’t know what I’m doing! I have the RHS monthly gardening book but find it a bit crap. I watch GW.

I’m not sure if the volume I have is normal for a mature garden or is too much. I’ll try to summarise what I have:

Loads of fruit: Raspberries, Blackcurrants, Redcurrants, Apple tree, Pear tree, Fig tree and Blueberries bush (young in pots), 2 Apple trees in very large pots, Plum tree in ground! Tiny strawberries in all the borders.

2 x attractive large rockeries- one with a fabulous small conifer (lacelike branches which lay flat against each other - I’ve seen a lot of spiders in it). Lots of what I think are alpines, Saxifrage, cyclamen, nigella, marigolds, Ivy, Lily of valley, Lots of bearded irises, Bushes and a lot of other plants I haven’t yet identified. There’s so much and it seems to be layered seasonally. Like grape hyacinth dies and something else comes up. One rockery is being taken over by mint.

Lawn, which has a lot of wildflowers around edge. Size is over 100ft, width of a semi.

So many other plants and trees it’s overwhelming. Things like a massive bay tree (15 ft with extensive leaf damage from weevils acc to my app), hydrangea, 5 mature rose bushes, Fuschia, clematis, Buddleia, lavender. Loads of green bushes I can’t remember what.. 2 dogwoods also. Daffs, aguiloa, wallflowers and loads of hollyhocks.

We also have a large empty raised bed in middle of garden I’m guessing they used for veg. I cleared it of weeds and put cut flower bulbs in (gladioli ranunculus).

Anyway I’m not really sure what I’m asking but I’m feeling so overwhelmed I don’t really know how to go about looking after it all.

Also can we use 3 year old (peat free) compost? There are loads of packets and potting stones etc.

I should probably say how much time I have-45 mins each weekday and 2-4 hours at weekends watching children while they play in Wendy house

3 year old compost will be fine. I think maybe break it down and decide on the area you want to tackle first? Perhaps something close to the house which you will enjoy. If anything gets too much, there's always the option of strimming and laying cardboard on top.

Our garden self seeds freely and you might want some lower maintenance shrubs, but if you decide on your small patch you want to make how you want it, you can worry about the rest later.

Thank you @mareep good to know I can still use the compost and not kill the plants!

I think I’m going to focus on protecting the fruit trees and roses this year, which are more likely to fall victim to pests. I spent time pruning the raspberries, laying down potash and bark, now going to look for protection. The rockeries kind of look after themselves apart from some watering in hot weather. The lawn just needs a mow and borders weeded regularly. We pulled out all the forget me nots today, which were huge and dominating the borders. They have been lovely for the bees, but don’t want them to go to seed.

It’s difficult with two young children constantly asking me for things, I can do quick jobs like pulling up weeds but anything more is tricky. I don’t really have any time when it’s light outside when I’m not working or looking after children... except my 45 min lunchtime (wfh). How do other parents find the time?!

I have put some bedding plants in the raised bed (stocks) and have tomato plants growing in greenhouse so will enjoy watching these Grow.

I really want to enjoy it, but all the weeds/pests/ issues.... it just feels like such a chore right now!

Honestly this was us seven years ago. Took us about three years to work out how to handle it, and now we are on top of it. It was really only last year I’d say we had it under control

You just do it bit by bit op. Most things don’t need pruning annually you can get away with doing it every couple of years. The critical thing is having the tools for the job. For example I don’t weed, I use a bush cutter in at the borders as it would take too long otherwise. I keep bottles of insecticide, fertiliser etc in a kitchen cupboard and so it reminds me to do when required.

How much time do we spend? Probably in spring summer and autum about three hours each on average over a weekend. There are weekends we do nothing, there is weekends we are out there all day, both days. In winter much less, that’s more leaf collection that sort of thing.

Our garden is three acres. It’s mature and I’d say fairly manicured, mainly laid to lawn but with massive borders and beds. It doesn’t matter if something doesn’t get done today or tomorrow.

We literally just pick bits and say oh I will do x tomororow and get it done. Things are appropriate to the time of year, Ie planting up the veg beds or pruning the wisteria, but past that no real plan.

So try to relax. Do it bit by bit. It will be fine.

I feel your pain - we took over a big garden over 20 years ago and I'm still getting to grips with it and learning. I agree it's amazing how useless those month by month gardening books are. I do find that the advice section on the RHS website is more useful.

The two most useful books I have found were Helen Yemm, Gardening in Your Nightie and Bob Flowerdew's The No Work Garden (this second one is a bit disappointing but it does have some good tips). I have also found the blog and YouTube channel The Middle Sized Garden useful. She has a huge range of videos to choose from.

I wouldn't worry too just about the insect pests. You will see a few plants take a hit but then predator insects and birds come along and things find their own balance.

I agree with the PP about dividing it up into zones. Get one of those big notebooks with a section for each part of the garden and just start keeping notes.

If you can find someone locally to help that makes a huge difference too.

I think you’ve got two choices: do it but-by-bit or pay someone to come in and sort it out for you.

If you’re doing it bit-by-bit then I’d work out exactly what it is you’d like from your garden and start from there. So you’ve got loads of fruit and the kids will enjoy that, that’s a good start. Potatoes are easy to grow and so are salad-type things like lettuce and herbs - why not turn your raised bed into an edible garden? Or a bee garden?

There’s loads of advice on Instagram too, start there for ideas!

I’d agree with the PP about pests too, you’re always going to have them (unless you start using pesticides and stuff which is grim) so finding a good balance is great advice - and I say that as a person who has a resident pigeon who seems to think I grow things just for him to eat 😡

Go easy on yourself. If something isn't giving you joy and is a pain then Marie kondo it and dig it up, give it away. There are loads of plant swap groups on Facebook, so you won't feel so guilty in pulling out a living plant. Some things I'd really keep an eye on are the mint, Buddleia and bay, to be honest I have lived with or next door to these and they are very invasive and difficult to control. I'd only have mint and bay in pots now and wouldn't have Buddleia at all (definitely not near the house). But yes go easy on yourself, it sounds like you're doing a better job taking care of it than others might do if they inherit a high maintenance garden.

Oh and learn to love the bugs. I saw caterpillars on some plants (that the old owner had planted). My initial thought was oh no, but then I thought caterpillars will be growing into butterflies and moths that will feed the local bats so really, they are quite welcome to eat the plants!

Which bits do you really like and which bits are you not so bothered with and could maybe live without ?
Personally speaking, I'm not sure i could be faffed with the soft fruit but if you really love it could you get rid of something else? It sounds like a lot with small children to supervise. You could always replace things when they're a little older and if you've caught the gardening bug in the meantime.
Alternatively could you afford a bit of help and advertise for a gardener a couple of hours a week? Someone retired looking for something to do might fit the bill.

You need a gardening philosophy OP. It helps immeasurably abd means you can cut through a lot of agonising. Mine is, if it can't cope with the conditions in my garden then it doesn't need to live here. This means I don't need to water, lift and shelter things over winter, or deal with tender annuals and fussy ornamentals. Massive tine-save. The borders are full of bulbs, perennials and self-seeding annuals and look good for much less effort. The exception is a couple of raised beds at the end for veg and fruit which I love and obsess over, but that cuts it to a manageable scale.

Your gardening mantra might be different from mine, but it sounds like you have subconsciously adopted: I have to keep the garden just like previous owners had it - and you don't!

I think breaking up your land in zones is an excellent idea, where you decide what you will be enjoying close to the house.

On YouTube, there's a channel called Middle Sized Garden, where a lovely lady gives tons of tips and tricks for just about anything garden related. The one tip that has helped me a lot, is the 15 minute rule, where you tackle one zone for 15 minutes and then do something else (like play with children for a bit). It really helps to think of the garden that way.

I have a couple of bushes of berries and am planning to put a decent size apple tree once our land has been levelled (whenever that may be, gardeners are overbooked until autumn ). It's not nearly as huge as what you describe, but I ask friends to come help every year. They love the produce they get to take home, we have a fun afternoon plucking berries, it's a win win since I have chronic back pain.

My son who's 9, helps with weeding and planting veggies. I don't know how old your children are, but in the future they might help around as well

If all else fails, book a gardener who takes a bit of time to handle the garden and especially explain/demonstrate how you best proceed so you can not only work in your lovely garden, but also enjoy it.

I just refreshed the page and saw Middle Sized Garden has already been mentioned But it's a good tip

@OneMoreForExtra

You need a gardening philosophy OP. It helps immeasurably abd means you can cut through a lot of agonising. Mine is, if it can't cope with the conditions in my garden then it doesn't need to live here. This means I don't need to water, lift and shelter things over winter, or deal with tender annuals and fussy ornamentals. Massive tine-save. The borders are full of bulbs, perennials and self-seeding annuals and look good for much less effort. The exception is a couple of raised beds at the end for veg and fruit which I love and obsess over, but that cuts it to a manageable scale.

Your gardening mantra might be different from mine, but it sounds like you have subconsciously adopted: I have to keep the garden just like previous owners had it - and you don't!

This is excellent advice.

I would relax more about the pests. If you can grit your teeth the next couple of years, and stop using any pesticides, predator populations will have a chance to build up, and everything will get back in balance.

Lawns look ok if the edges are neat. So keep a mown strip around the edge, and maybe a path through the middle.

Perennials are less trouble than annuals. Plant densely and weeds will find it hard to penetrate - and any that do can’t be seen.

Get those apples into the ground, then you won’t have to water them. Blueberries need an acid soil so best in a pot. Figs need their roots confined, but you could bury the pot to reduce watering.

Thank you to everyone who replied and for being so thoughtful and helpful. You all make some very good points about zoning, leaving wildlife to it’s own devices and tackling a smaller space in bite size chunks. Great tips on books and YouTube channel that sound perfect for me. The children are under 5 and love being in the garden so much, it’s their favourite place, so it would be great if I have an area that’s for me, where I can sit and watch them.

I think I’ve been feeling under pressure to maintain it ‘just as it is’ because it was the previous owners’ pride and joy. They gave it up because they could no longer manage it.

I‘ve actually realised while reading your replies, that I don’t love a lot of the plants. Even the roses are not my taste (red, bright pink - I’m into pastels). The bearded irises are spectacular, but the colour (Burgundy) is not to my taste. I know rockeries are old fashioned, but I really love mine. They’re also low maintenance so that’s a bonus. They don’t fit with the cottage garden look I like, but I can create that in the patio area.

So I’ve decided I’m going to grow some seeds and annuals in pots on the patio (have made a start already), leave the currants and fruit trees alone and just cut them back at the end of the season. I’ll leave all the other borders to go a bit wild (we have honesty, forget me note etc so they’re nicer weeds). Dig out thugs (elder and mint!). I will focus my efforts on protecting the raspberries, figs and blueberries which we love eating. And mow the grass. Maybe do a bit more as the children grow (bulbs perhaps) and I learn more about my garden and what I like.

I’ve enjoyed walking around the neighbourhood and seeing what others grow. Often I’ll see the same plants so that gives me a good idea of the things that are easy to grow in our local soil

I’ve also decided to give away the huge apple trees in pots. They deserve to be in the ground but we just don’t have the space and I don’t want more trees (we have enough already!). They are beautiful but don’t produce fruit and look like they are pot bound because they have lichen on them. I’m not sure how you go about giving away such huge trees (can’t even lift them) but surely someone would appreciate them?

Ha, sounds like you bought muy old house - I didn't have a greenhouse though. My garden was 100 foot of glory. It was beautiful.
I drove past there whilst visiting friends and was devastated to see the garden a neglected ruin and years of making it beautiful.
I suggest making sure the bindweed is regularly dug up and the nettles because they can totally wreck the garden.
Get someone in to mow the lawn once a fortnight, the secret is little and often.
Choose a few feet of flower bed per day while the kids are playing outside and dig up the weeds or anything you don't want.

Always just get rid of anything you don't want.

@TonTonMacoute oh my 20 years and you still haven’t got to grips with it! Yes the monthly gardening books might be a helpful reminder if you know what you’re doing in the first place

@Bluntness100 wow 3 acres is huge, no wonder you need a bush cutter. We do have a fairly good range of tools but could invest in electric hedge trimmer.

Thank you @TonTonMacoute and @Navilana thank you for recommending the middle side gardener - I’ve been wasting a lot of time looking for something similar but haven’t found anything so good

I would love to book someone who could tour my garden and tell me what to do. Does this service exist at all? I have heard local gardeners are very busy and charging higher fees than normal. My mil is a keen gardener, so I could ask her for advice

@Shehasadiamondinthesky oh that must be heartbreaking for you! I think the owners would be pleased to see that their garden is still in good shape. I’ve managed to keep the bindweed/ elder at bay. I’ve lived next to beautiful gardens that were sold and went to ruin. One new neighbour even set fire to the whole thing. Which apart from being illegal was horrific to see. They are planning to lay a patio on all 100ft

@OneMoreForExtra that sounds like a good philosophy! I love the self seeding annuals we have and would be keen to fill up borders with these and take out the plants not doing so well. What do you have?

We have Grape hyacinth, honesty, love in the mist, poppies. In terms of bulbs I’m thinking of planting tulips and alliums this winter.

This sounds like my sort of gardening!!

Oh god 100ft patio! Gardens can definitely seem overwhelming and like a constant battle. Love the advice that if it can't take care of itself it doesn't belong in your garden!

I also totally agree with the zoning. I think of mine like rooms in the house and focus on how I will use or enjoy them...raised beds and soft fruit for eating, kids' play areas, areas given over to wildlife, little tucked away seating areas to sit and read a book. Makes it much easier to focus on just getting one job done and feels much less exhausting because you can 'do' one room and feel it's ticked off.

It sounds like a wonderful space and I'd bite your hand off for bearded irises so sure you'll find plenty of people local to you who will do too!

Agree with reframing it. It's your garden now, you can do what you want with it.

And you don't have to be so high maintenance (with gardening). Maybe consider being more wildlife friendly? This means no pesticides, just leave the eco system to balance it out. Only trim hedges puts ide of nesting season (ie not often). Mow less, as pp said, but maybe mow the path through so the areas look deliberate.

And you really don't need to prune everything. If you don't prune currant bushes, nothing bad happens. They just get a bit bigger. Over say 5 years they might get congested. You don't need cover raspberries if you can't be bothered -butmyoull probably get less fruit.

Just do it your way! And start a new plant id thread and post pics on here. There are some very knowledgeable people who can id things. There are apps too, but they're not so great.

Plants you don't want bung on fb marketplace or freegle. Someone will probably want them. The apple trees have probably exhausted their pot so they may well fruit when they're put in the ground.

I’ve just found this on the middle size gardener linked by pp, this is just up my street!

www.themiddlesizedgarden.co.uk/the-25-best-self-seeding-plants-to-save-you-time-and-money/

I think wildlife friendly is a good philosophy and would work very well with our lifestyle and my personal tastes. I will leave the two rockeries exactly as they are because they are already easy and I love them. The rest can be self seeded annuals

Great idea about asking for plant IDs on here. There are lots that ‘picture this’ hasn’t been able to identify and they’re definitely not weeds!