Feeling overwhelmed

[ChelseaChop]

I have inherited a large, mature garden in Southern England. My neighbours said the previous homeowners were out everyday working on it! I don’t have that time to dedicate working full time with two small children. But I don’t want to let it go to waste. I’m a keen novice gardener but lacking knowledge. We have a greenhouse and they left all their tools and products/compost/manure etc.

This will be our third summer here. The first year we spent watching and logging on an app what we had- I’ve got to over 150 but there are a lot more plants than this. I’ve pulled out Elder (a thug?) and an unhealthy looking rose. General weeding, pruning (probably doing it wrong) and lawn mowing is.

I guess my question is how to do I streamline? What can be left and what needs more attention? I’m starting to see pests (spider damage, weevil damage, we have a lot of flies already. Loads of snails and damage to leaves (holes). I’m worried I’m not keeping on top of it because I don’t know what I’m doing! I have the RHS monthly gardening book but find it a bit crap. I watch GW.

I’m not sure if the volume I have is normal for a mature garden or is too much. I’ll try to summarise what I have:

Loads of fruit: Raspberries, Blackcurrants, Redcurrants, Apple tree, Pear tree, Fig tree and Blueberries bush (young in pots), 2 Apple trees in very large pots, Plum tree in ground! Tiny strawberries in all the borders.

2 x attractive large rockeries- one with a fabulous small conifer (lacelike branches which lay flat against each other - I’ve seen a lot of spiders in it). Lots of what I think are alpines, Saxifrage, cyclamen, nigella, marigolds, Ivy, Lily of valley, Lots of bearded irises, Bushes and a lot of other plants I haven’t yet identified. There’s so much and it seems to be layered seasonally. Like grape hyacinth dies and something else comes up. One rockery is being taken over by mint.

Lawn, which has a lot of wildflowers around edge. Size is over 100ft, width of a semi.

So many other plants and trees it’s overwhelming. Things like a massive bay tree (15 ft with extensive leaf damage from weevils acc to my app), hydrangea, 5 mature rose bushes, Fuschia, clematis, Buddleia, lavender. Loads of green bushes I can’t remember what.. 2 dogwoods also. Daffs, aguiloa, wallflowers and loads of hollyhocks.

We also have a large empty raised bed in middle of garden I’m guessing they used for veg. I cleared it of weeds and put cut flower bulbs in (gladioli ranunculus).

Anyway I’m not really sure what I’m asking but I’m feeling so overwhelmed I don’t really know how to go about looking after it all.

I mean self seeded annuals + perennials. I’m never going to be able to over winter plants even though I’ve got a greenhouse. It’s never gonna happen!

Honestly don’t feel guilty about getting rid of what you don’t like. The previous owners of our house loved rose bushes it seems, there were so many old leggy ones. I hate them, as roses are only pretty when in bloom. Past that they are thorny and sparse. I’ve removed About 20. I’m now growing a new David Austin climbing rose up one of the walls of the house. But it’s pretty, and not some old leggy thorny nightmare.

Simoly becayse it’s there doesn’t mean you need to keep it.

I recall cutting some large bushes back at about year three and saying to a friend what a night mare it was. Proper big boy gardening, And she said, oh you’ll get into it, and I thought never, and now I am in control, on top of it, and totally into it. We plant new stuff, we remove old stuff, we are shaping the garden as we want it .

It just takes time to get to that stage. Where you stop thinking the last owners had it nailed and start making it yours.

From your self seeding list, caution on the foxgloves as they're very poisonous and you have young dc. And add in my beloved cowslips-super charming, very bright spring yellow and they just do their own thing and look cheery. And good early forage for pollinators.

Hi OP, I'm on light chalk soil and the selfseeders that do well with me are foxglove, forget me not, nigella, sweet William, aquilegia, hollyhock. The bulbs are allium- which actually self-seed too, daffs and the usual spring ones, day lilies, iris. The perennials are the real troopers that do all the work for months: penstemons, flowering salvias, perpetual wallflowers, perennial cornflower, delphiniums, gaura, and Japanese anenome. I honestly don't weed the borders as this lot just run the show.

You'll have different conditions, but if you find a plant you love that grows happily for you, a good bet is to get it in a few different varieties (I have 5 types of flowering salvias) and just let them do their thing.

Absolutely agree with PP saying do it in zones in manageable and enjoyable chunks of time. No point in doing any of ths if it's not fun!

@Bluntness100 yes I agree with you, I love roses but they do get leggy if not looked after well. But here they tend to flower June to October so I think they’re worth the thorns. We get a lot of flowers

@TheSpottedZebra good point about the foxgloves... I learnt this last year and as my youngest is very inquisitive I’ve been pulling up all the self seeding foxgloves when they start to appear. There are so many poisonous plants including lily of valley which we have at the back of a rockery... I pull out all those which grow towards the front as I don’t want the children touching them. The ones at the back are hard to get to and I’ve never seen them try to climb over the rocks.

@OneMoreForExtra I love your list! I like all the SS annuals and perennials you mentioned (country garden) so pleased to hear they grow so well and overpower the weeds. This is what I need for my 2 large borders! If you have any photos I’d love to see We don’t have clay soil, it’s pretty good here so hopefully that’ll mean they will grow well. I already have nigella and forget me nots and they’re thriving. I love sweet William so pleased to see that on your list

I'm glad that you have found the "Middle-sized Garden", Alexandra is so sensible and practical. I forget which video it is one but I loved her advice re low-maintenance. She said that, basically, one border - the sunny, south-facing one - will be the show stopper so spend your effort on that. The others - especially the north-facing one - will be more muted so make them low-maintenance, which in her definition, means using plants that look after themselves: trees, shrubs, perennials, ornamental grasses and bulbs. But don't fall into the trap of thinking that low maintenance = boring.
And I absolutely second everyone's opinion to make it your garden, not the previous owner's legacy. It should bring you joy, not be a burden! Good luck with it.

I'm really glad you like the Middle Sized Garden OP, she has completely inspired me and helped me a lot with my garden. So many books and articles are about small gardens and making the most of small spaces - no help at all.

All the advice here is excellent, I think the PP who said you don't have to keep your garden as the immaculate garden you took over, change it to fit your philosophy, is spot on. It will be great to develop the wildlife side too, especially with your DCs.

We took on a very neat and professional garden, but the owners had planted leylandii hedges all over the place. They looked good for about 8 years then suddenly morphed into enormous forest trees and took over vast chunks of the garden and it just used to get me down. So, instead of going on holiday this year we spent the money having them all cut down and it's transformed the whole space. I am really looking forward to making it into my garden at last.

I hope we meet again on this forum!

We bought our house with its large-ish garden about 3 yrs ago and we’re only just starting to ‘take ownership’ of it. We have let it go somewhat in relation to its previous condition and I often hope that they don’t drive past and feel disappointed! At the same time, they are retired and have the time to spend - we aren’t.
But little by little I’m taking it in hand. And it’s a good thing to take your time and get a feel for how your garden works rather than trying to do everything at once.
My tips are to avoid leaving bare soil. Find ways to ‘occupy’ it - for example, I’m trying a cover crop for the veg patch. If ok budget-wise, consider a wood-chipper to make mulch from any branches you trim. Then you can use it to keep weeds down and save on water. Keep an eye on weeds at this time of year and catch them before they get too big and go to seed (I speak from experience...).
I don’t want an immaculate garden with a pristine lawn anyway, I personally don’t believe that nature should be so tightly controlled.
But above all, don’t feel bad. You’ll get into the swing of things soon enough!

They are beautiful but don’t produce fruit and look like they are pot bound because they have lichen on them. My apple trees are in the ground and have lichen

I drove past there whilst visiting friends and was devastated to see the garden a neglected ruin and years of making it beautiful. You have to let go. Look at Sir Roy Strong who tried to give his to the NT and they refused to take it! In my last house I created a knot garden full of herbs in the front garden - 5 years later it was back to scruffy grass and the remains of one of our roses climbing the house wall. And the greenhouse we'd left was empty apart from a tumble drier.

My mil is a keen gardener, so I could ask her for advice That's a good choice. Otherwise it's difficult to decide who is a gardener and who is a bloke with a strimmer and a lawn mower. Only problem is, she'll be around to see which of her pieces of advice you've ignored. If you weren't so far away I'd gladly do it - it's great having the chance to look round someone else's garden.

For native perennials can I suggest: red campion, greater stitchwort, bugle (Ajuga reptans) for shady areas, greater burnet (Sanguisorba), all native perennials which are attractive in their own right. Good for bumblebees and hoverflies are things like knapweed (Centaurea) and scabious (Scabiosa or Knautia). Meadow cranesbill (Geranium campestre) is the thing that grows most readily in my "lawn".

My tips are to avoid leaving bare soil. that's also good advice as regards wildlife friends. The RHS has just finished a research project, and found the main thing is that the biodiversity goes up the more plants you have. Apart from that, it doesn't matter whetehr they're natives or "near-natives" - eg wild flowers from N Europe - and that exotics can be useful in giving out-of-season nectar.

@senua and @TonTonMacoute I’m going to search out the video where she talks about low maintenance planting , it sounds v relevant for me. I’ve been watching 1 video a day and have already learnt a lot. Great channel

@Mamanchien Thank you for sharing your experience- it’s good to know I’m not alone and I shouldn’t feel guilty about making it my own / not being able to spend the time on it that retired people can

@MereDintofPandiculation lol I have the most wonderful MIL and she’s never judge me on ignoring her advice, very lucky to have her especially as lots of MNs seem to clash with their MILs! Thanks for sharing your tips and plant ideas.

We actually have lots of bugle and I think we have campion. Our garden is full of lots of different types of bees so they seem to like the diversity here. I’ll post some pictures below...

I can’t figure out how to upload photos!

I think this is bugle?

I feel your pain. We moved into a house with a 2 acre garden, 7 years ago. It was beautiful once, but the previous owners were elderly and a lot had got out of hand due to being neglected/ unable to keep up with it all. We aren’t knowledgeable gardeners either and at times it has been utterly overwhelming.
What helped us was having a vision of the overall theme or style of the garden, and simplifying things to make maintenance easier. Do a little section at a time and it feels less scary.
We are in a beautiful rural location so wanted something that feels quite natural and open, so the contrast between garden and surrounding fields is less stark. We also love wildlife and could watch the animals and birds for hours a day. The previous owners were obviously keen gardeners and had bought an enormous amount of plants of all different styles and the garden was so busy and full you couldn’t see where it ended. We started removing bits that we really hated or were shabby or just didn’t match our simplified country garden theme. So that meant the rotting pergola, broken greenhouse and lots of tropical plants went. The whole garden was absolutely choked with bindweed and thorns (they had a lot of roses), so we prioritised getting on top of that, which was a huge amount of work. We then started opening up the views which involved removing a huge conifer that was taller than the house and right infront of our window, blocking the view and our light. We also removed two large beds completely and laid them to lawn. We also removed approx 2 dozen rose bushes that looked pretty diseased and were in a really strange position: two long lines along the garden, which didn’t look right at all. We then focused on caring for what we still had: pruning of trees and hedgerows along two sides of the garden. We also redid the pond and made it much more in keeping with the surrounding landscape. The last couple of years we have been more on top of things: maintenance is much easier now and we enjoy watching the wildlife, which we just couldn’t see before cos the garden was so full. And now things are much more fun, we are able to add bits, eg planting hanging baskets, growing veg on our patio, adding the odd shrub that we like where we find space. For 5 years it felt relentless as e removed bits that didn’t work with our vision, but now we are adding our own personality and really enjoying our little paradise. And over lockdown, last summer I added a beautiful seating area where we can just relax and enjoy our surroundings. The garden now really feels like us and it was worth the effort. I remember crying 3 years ago as it felt so bloody relentless and it felt like every weekend was taken up with having to work in the garden. I just wanted to relax sometimes and I was so overwhelmed thinking that we had taken on too much. I was considering moving to somewhere much smaller. But during the past year it really felt like a sanctuary and I am so grateful.

So sorry, that was an essay! 😬

Lots of good advice on here.
I have always loved gardening but did find it overwhelming when I had small children and worked.
I agree with focusing on one spot that you love.
Self seeding annuals and perennials are lovely but not as low maintenance as you might think. You can end up with bare soil which is an invitation to weeds.
I have never used pesticides, not for any real ecological reason but because I can't be bothered. If a plant is too needy it goes in the bin.
Fruit requires very little effort except at harvesting time. For currants I chop off the whole branch - instant pruning and it's easier to pull the fruit sitting down at a bench.
Nothing in pots unless you want to add watering every dayin summer to the jobs.
If you don't like something get rid. It's your garden now.
Can you afford help? I found it difficult to get a proper gardener but I have a bloke who mows the grass and cuts hedges leaving me time to do the rest.

an enormous amount of plants of all different styles
That's another tip from the Middle-sized Garden. Have lots of plants but have the same ones. So rather than having to prune this one in that month and divide that one in a different month and de-head t'other and and and ...
Have, say, lots of plant A, lots of plant B and lots of plant C. You can blitz all of the plant A together at one time and then ignore the bed until it's time to blitz plant B; ditto C. It involves less mental load. It means you can do a lot in one go instead of faffing with different bits and bobs. And all that repetition of planting makes the garden look harmonious and a bit more designery.

Enjoy also the surprises that nature will bring. This year so far we’ve had primroses pop up in the middle of the front lawn (as well as all over the village), wild strawberries appear along the side of the house, then on the back there’s been muscari, red nettle, and what looks to become a magnificent poppy. Oh, and spuds growing in the compost

I agree with getting rid of things you don’t like. I inherited a much smaller, but much loved garden. I got rid of a few things, moved a few things and learned to love a few things. Some things don’t have my colours, but are only in flower for a few weeks of the year and lovely the rest of the year. I also associate them with the garden, as they were the first things to bloom when we moved in. But some things were absolutely culled.

Is there an area maybe further away from the house that can be purposefully turned into a wildlife/wild area? Grass turned into a meadow, everything left to grow a bit wild, put in hedgehog homes, bug boxes, bird boxes. I’d love an area like this. It would be lovely for your kids too. Win, win, win for you, your kids and the wildlife. Then you can concentrate your time on the main more formal garden.

I also love The Middle Sized Garden YouTube channel. She has lots of videos about reducing the amount of work in the garden, low maintenance suggestions, increasing wildlife and taking over a new garden.

Oh and if you have some spare cash it might be worth investing in some play things for your children. If they have somewhere to play - mud kitchen, willow den, outdoor games. You could put this in a visible place, so they could play while you garden and you won’t feel so guilty.

@ChelseaChop I think that might be Ground Ivy Glechoma hederacea. They're both in the same (dead nettle/mint/thyme) family. Stace (the accepted authority on UK flora) separates out Bugle as being one of only two genera which has a missing or very small upper lip, whereas I think yours has quite a decent upper lip. Other differences are that bugle leaves are hairless, and the flowers in spikes about 4-6 inches tall. It's looking remarkably healthy!

The white flower - is that mossy saxifrage (a wildflower) or one of its hybrids (which are wildly sold as rock plants)? Or is it something else entirely - I can't see the leaves very clearly.

But during the past year it really felt like a sanctuary and I am so grateful. Yes, Covid has given new perspectives, hasn't it! I've realised that despite the chorus of people saying "everyone should downsize by their 70s", our house/garden gives two things that make it sensible for old age 1) space for a sleep-over carer 2) a garden with enough space and variety to spend a lot of time in it without feeling imprisoned.

Squirrels gives excellent advice. It's easier without pesticides if you can grit your teeth for the first few years till the predator populations build up, don't waste time on plants which don't like the conditions, fruit is easier - vegetables need you to do things at specific times, fruit just needs you to prune sometime over the winter, exact time to suit you, pots are high maintenance, it's cheaper to get a lock with a van of tools to mow and cut hedges, and leave all the fun stuff to you (but you need a proper gardener for pruning).

[quote ChelseaChop]@Shehasadiamondinthesky oh that must be heartbreaking for you! I think the owners would be pleased to see that their garden is still in good shape. I’ve managed to keep the bindweed/ elder at bay. I’ve lived next to beautiful gardens that were sold and went to ruin. One new neighbour even set fire to the whole thing. Which apart from being illegal was horrific to see. They are planning to lay a patio on all 100ft [/quote]
Bindweed is a sod, I used to be overrun with it and it took 5 years of painstakingly pulling it up to finally get rid of it.

It's not only easier without pesticides it's safer for your children and the wildlife.

When we first moved to this 2 acre garden ! it was in 'rooms' which we have kept but there were loads of slugs etc. The people before us had sprayed poisons everywhere. We are organic gardeners and now there are hardly any snails (the plentiful wildlife love them!).

I will add that the rockery here is NOT low maintenance so I've let the 'snow in summer' grow over it and trim back the odd weeds. I Never spray or use artificial anything . The nettles make amazing plant food! Also great for butterflies!