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Gardening

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Advice on neighbour/garden

51 replies

Suzi888 · 08/08/2020 08:20

Morning, hope someone on here can help. We’ve lived in our current house for 11 years and have always gotten along with our neighbour. However, as we’ve done little things to the house (improvements, minor I think; new boiler, double glazing, fitted wardrobes... they have ignored us for a few weeks after the work was completed. Recently we had a baby and previously never bothered much with our garden. It’s sort of tiered. Balcony, steps to large patio, then lawn. Anyway we had a lot of conifers and bushes etc at the bottom of our garden. It blocks off quite a nice view of woodland. So after contacting the council to ensure the trees were ours and no tpo’s we had someone over to cut some down to the stump and others half way. The main reason is to dry up the area so that our daughter can play on the lawn and so that we get more light, maybe have a tree house and I can put some bedding plants in. There’s also a lot rubbish left by a previous neighbour that needs to be disposed of. A tin roof, railings, glass. I’ve been sorting it and every time I go outside he appears and asks what I am doing and suggesting I stop as I might knock down our fence and expose him to the view. I said that we are getting a new fence and that all the rubbish will be removed by the start of September. I could tell he wasn’t happy.
Yesterday he started shouting that I am a disgrace, that I’m disgusting, that I want to see concrete and that I have ruined trees that were there before I was born, I’ve exposed his garden and he will end up in the grave. I replied calmly and said the plants belong to us and I’ve spoken to the council. He said that doesn’t mean you can go around doing what you want in your garden. I said actually it does. This area is nowhere near the boundary and the neighbour has many conifers etc of his own. What would you do?

OP posts:
ScottishStottie · 08/08/2020 08:23

Just ignore him. I wouldnt bother trying to keep friendly neighbour relations with him now, just ignore and act as if he doesnt exist.

DonLewis · 08/08/2020 08:25

I'd just completely ignore him! It's batshit behaviour. Don't get into it with him. Who are these people that go around trying to police what other people do? What gives him the right?

Enjoy your garden!

Disfordarkchocolate · 08/08/2020 08:28

I love trees but conifers need keeping in check or the take over.

Just ignore him and enjoy your garden. Encourage some wildlife though, your daughter will love that.

KingOfDogShite · 08/08/2020 08:31

You’re right, you can do exactly what you want in your own garden. Just keep telling him that on repeat.

Beebumble2 · 08/08/2020 08:58

This must be very unpleasant for you, but if you can, ignore him. You don’t say how old he is, but older, more established neighbours can sometimes resent change. ( I’m older so no offence intended)

It’s important that you do not get into any formal wrangle with your neighbour as this would have to be declared should you want to sell your house.

Suzi888 · 08/08/2020 09:58

I do feel like neighbour relations have completely evaporated. I feel guilty about the changing landscape, but they are our trees and there are plenty behind them too. Thank you for the advice, just wanted a second opinion on whether I am being unreasonable. He’s going to report me to the council 🤯 but I’ve already had two officers out thank goodness! Thanks both, makes me feel better.

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 08/08/2020 10:02

He is 70, so yes he is older. We are 42 and 50 though. We don’t have loud parties or cause problems. He’s a bit of a gossip and we have found him out in lies so I no doubt know he will put us in a bad light. We don’t have neighbours our side and our property is not attached to them- but they do. I just feel like I’m bullying this elderly man I suppose. Thanks Bumblee I wouldn’t want to enter into a legal dispute at all. 😣

OP posts:
labyrinthloafer · 08/08/2020 10:03

Oh dear.

I might be tempted to ensure my DH did all the conversing from now on, as sometimes this doesn't get directed so much towards men.

If you've spoken to the council and the trees are on your land, he's no comeback.

He may be really struggling at the meeting moment. Hope it calms down.

Chottie · 08/08/2020 17:17

OP - you sound a lovely, considerate neighbour. Please ignore this man.

Suzi888 · 08/08/2020 17:52

We hope we are. We have an apple tree which we wanted removed to have some decking as the lawn surrounding it is the only patch to get the majority of sun, but the neighbour likes the tree, so we hit that idea on the head. It feels like anything we do, we ask permission and he’s against it. We’re not noisy and we don’t play music as we know he enjoys the birds. Just wanted somewhere to sit and have our garden look tidy, low maintenance. I just don’t understand it, sometimes think it would be easier to move. We don’t constantly do DIY I could understand if we did, or if our improvements caused him work or damage. Thank you for the messages ☺️

OP posts:
CausingChaos2 · 09/08/2020 09:42

@Suzi888 If you want somewhere sunny to sit please don’t let this man get in the way of it, take the apple tree down. He can’t control what you do in your own garden.

LindainLockdown · 09/08/2020 10:48

Please don't let this man dictate what you do to your own garden, you sound like good neighbours and he could certainly do a lot worse! But if he is abusive towards you perhaps you should contact a community police officer because that is unacceptable and should be nipped in the bud.

Mintjulia · 09/08/2020 11:46

Some people don’t cope well with change but that doesn’t give them the right to interfere in your life. Just ignore him.

If you want a patch of sun, take down the apple tree and plant one somewhere else (north boundary?) You sound like calm good neighbours

BaronessBomburst · 09/08/2020 11:49

Take the apple tree down. You can easily plant another one elsewhere in the garden.

Chottie · 09/08/2020 12:55

OP - having read your update, my advice would be cut down the apple tree and make sure your new dividing fence is high.

You sound a really nice neighbour :) and your neighbour sounds like he has too much time to sit around commenting on other people's gardens.

insancerre · 09/08/2020 12:59

Ignore him
We are currently enjoying the sun in our garden after our neighbour removed their conifers, it will make such a difference to how you use your garden
Just enjoy it and ignore the silly little man

Bargebill19 · 09/08/2020 13:07

Ignore him and carry on. You’ve done everything right (unless you started at 5am!).
As things are done he will gradually accept it, as he’s done in the past.
As we get older change is harder to accept.
Perhaps things look a bit ‘rough’ at the moment, but it sounds like you have a sensible time frame to finish the job quietly. The end product sounds better than what you have had.
Is it possible he’s become lonely in lockdown and this is the only social interaction he’s had? If so think of it as he’s lost his social skill set and rather than being angry he actually meant to ask what you were doing/aiming for.

Suzi888 · 09/08/2020 16:09

Thank you. The problem is that he says everything is his, this includes our trees. It’s irrational, but he’s elderly and I know he will gossip about us ruining his life/ garden etc. I feel embarrassed about it all. Like we are bullying him. Our 4 year old wants a trampoline, maybe I’ll be really annoying and swap the tree for that! 😂

We’ve not heard anything from him since, though yesterday he did water his garden and spray our washing, hope that’s not a pattern! It was very hot luckily! I’ve asked the council for a letter confirming all land that I’ve removed any shrubs/trees on is legally ours. If we remove the tree he’s likely to plant lots of conifers anyway! So may as well keep the apple tree.
Just a shame that we’ve had this falling out.

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 09/08/2020 16:11

Ps thank you all for the support. I was wondering if some might say that we shouldn’t touch our garden, so feel relieved no one has.

OP posts:
insancerre · 09/08/2020 16:23

Does he have any relations? He sounds like he may have dementia and may be struggling

Bargebill19 · 09/08/2020 16:24

Let him gossip, very unlikely anyone will act in it other than to nod and just let moan.
Personally I would keep the apple tree and work it into your intended scheme. Better then conifers.
If your being really kind - give a a gift to say thank you for putting up with them disruption’ once you’ve finished. It might sweeten relationships and at least you know you have tried to make amends.

Chottie · 09/08/2020 20:50

OP - just because he is 70, doesn't mean he can dictate what happens in your garden. If he has lived in his house for a long time, the other neighbours probably know him only too well and will ignore his comments.

Enjoy your garden and I hope your LO enjoys the trampoline :)

Suzi888 · 09/08/2020 22:03

No, his wife and son live there. His wife has joined in the abuse but not the son (around my age, recently split with his wife & children). So I don’t think it’s dementia. I don’t feel particularly inclined to give a gift to someone who has called me a disgrace 😣 I’ve caused him no mess or destruction. I feel a gift would admit guilt and I don’t think he would accept it in any case. I’m inclined to ignore them from now on. I won’t chop the apple tree, or put up a trampoline but will put in plants and decking to sit on the other side of our garden.

OP posts:
Seracursoren · 11/08/2020 14:14

The best thing to do is video your garden now and take photos.

If he tells people you have cut down his trees so what? If anyone asked you about it you need to say I think he is getting confused, those were my trees in my own garden. I think sometimes people get stuck in their ways and always assume something will be a particular way.

My FIL is in his 70s, at his last house all the neighbours had 3 foot fences, everyone had a patio area and they were on a hill meaning my FIL could overlook about 6 gardens down the hill from him and the view into the distance. He got really pissed off when a new neighbour moved in 2 houses down and put up a 6 foot fence. The original 3ft was a typical 1970s horizontal bar one which his young child kept climbing. FIL was livid, he had had that view for 30 years Grin how dare someone put up a fence!

Do what you like in your own garden. If he asks you what you are doing tell him it is none of his business, because it isn't. Stop engaging with him. If he starts shouting at you tell him he needs to stop or you will call the police.

mamaoffourdc · 11/08/2020 14:21

Absolutely get a trampoline for your daughter!!

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