Tricky neighbour situation in the garden

[AliceandMatt]

Hi everyone. Thanks for your help on a tricky situation with my neighbours.

My husband and I recently moved into a terraced house next to a very lovely elderly couple. The garden fence (which belongs to the neighbours) is only waist height so we can see right into each other's gardens. At the back there is a shared gate to our drive ways. The couple that live next door have been their all of the husband's life and we have already learnt that even from moving potted plants around on our side that he is very opinionated about the way he thinks our house ought to be. I think he feels like our home almost belongs to him too (he was telling us stories of how he was friends with the kids in our house when he was young so they would be in and out of both houses). Given this, I know he lacks flexibility about our wishes. His wife is very old fashioned and has no say over household matters.

We are finding the lack of privacy quite difficult. I don't mind so much that they can see into our garden but as soon as I even step out of my back door to hang washing or water some plants the neighbours are straight out there too. I don't mind a little chat but they won't stop talking. The husband in particular talks about the same stories again and again. He doesn't stop if you say you're busy and have to get on with your day. And worst of all he does it to everyone that comes to he house too. Friends, family, even workmen! Our neighbours on the other side have even said to us that they feel sorry for our workmen because they can't get on with their job.

My husband and I have come to the conclusion that we need a better barrier between us and them but we don't want to cause offence and we are worried that (after the potted plant incident) the neighbours won't approve. We particularly wanted to try to get a boundary between our kitchen windows that look directly at one another. Putting up a fence won't take away their light but it might upset them that we're less excited ash to talk to.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Any advice or ideas would be appreciated.

Oh dear they sound lonely and territorial. How about putting pea netting between two posts on the boundary and planting a climber. You could say you'd always wanted Honesuckle in your garden.

Isn't there an old saying - high fences make good neighbours or something.

I'd just out up a bug fence and tell them that it's because you like to sunbath topless and wouldn't want to offend them.

They do sound lonely

Could you ask thier advice as you want honeysuckle? To smell lovely by the window?

Yes. Research and plant high things ( fast growers)quickly. We have a lot of laurel and golden bamboo. Could you put an arbour bench seat somewhere strategic for now?

Yep fence or 6' trellis on your side and grow some everygreen clematis or similar!!!

I think these sort of things might be less confrontational than increasing the fence height itself. Same effect hopefully.
www.selections.com/wooden-trellis-garden-planter-by-gardman.html?gclid=Cj0KCQjw_o7NBRDgARIsAKvAgt3itAgO2Ebv1hVppw-q8qgUvgWJqaNEksm_ZQOv22HTaGUVUNGKVzcaAntbEALw_wcB

Difficult one. Do you have DC? Could you say that you need to put up a higher fence because of ball games? Or plant a hedge that will grow up naturally (but may be not quickly enough by the sound of it!)

The honeysuckle is a lovely idea!

Good excuse to build higher fence is that you are getting elderly relatives dog and it's a jumper so needs a nice secure garden. Then after fence is built , oh no dog has died?

Or put up fencing and just be straight and say "I am sure we would both appreciate a bit more privacy" although very difficult to do.

Or go through the wife. She will get it as she has to live with him.

Sorry but at conveniently expiring dog

Could you say your dh needs more privacy for mariachi band practice?

Get a fence installed on your side of the garden but taller than the one that they own. You'll own it. It'll be on your land and you will maintain it.

If they ask why, just say that you wanted more privacy. Don't need to expand on that. It's not their business. While they sound like nice neighbours, they also sound like nosey and intrusive ones too and you're entitled to the quiet enjoyment of your new home. Perhaps consider bamboo as a temporary alternative as it grows really quickly and doesn't need to be in the ground, it grows well in pots.

Wow some really great ideas for solutions. Thank you everyone. It's nice to hear the varied opinions on how to handle it. I will float some of the ideas by my hubby and we'll find a way to move forward with it.

Hahaha! And I also love the dead dog idea for a bit of comedy!

Depending on yours and DH's heights you could go with a 5ft fence on gravel boards (extra half a ft) and another ft of trellis on top - 6.5ft total

Might seem a bit less "blocking them out" than a 6ft solid fence. You can then get some evergreen climbers on it asap!

I have a feeling neighbour will still see it as the worst thing ever but he might just have to deal with it.

We had similar with neighbours when we moved in. It was our boundary and we put a high fence and gate up. I said I wanted to feel more secure against burglary as dh often works away.

I had a similar situation in a previous house.

I did as a pp suggested and just put up fencing on my land that was the "right" height.

People who have lived in a property for a long time can get overly invested in how things ought to be - because that's what they have known for decades.

However that's not your problem. You don't have to incite a boundary dispute but using your own land, you can resolve the issue quite simply.

If a fence is too costly think about trellis panels with small gaps. Short term it will provide more privacy than you have now. Long term. If you plant next to it, you'll get a "full" barrier

Might be a good option wrt neighbors as it's a progressive process.

I had this with an elderly neighbour. Fortunately, her fence was falling down, and knowing she had little cash, we replaced it with higher fencing at our expense.

Oddly, once installed it felt forbidding and rude so we later took out a few top layers of the fence panels and installed a friendlier trellis for the top 18". Later still took out a whole panel to replace it with trellis to let in light and visually join the gardens. Much further down.

The proprietorial aspects of your neighbour are down to habit and shrinking horizons. Where work took them out, retirement shrinks the boundaries. Or he's an arse.

Seriously the dead dog idea is excellent. Having been in your position OP I can report that nothing short of a solid 6 foot fence worked.

"We're going to put up higher fencing; my brother/uncle/great grandmother is a police officer and says the low fences are much less secure to burglaries. We'll put it up on our side of your existing fence though, so there'll be no damage to yours."

Be ready to look sympathetic to a million reasons and then end up repeatedly saying "gosh, interesting, I do think we will go with his advice, thanks so much for that though." And then wander off.

Dog idea is great!
You could even borrow a stunt dog for a couple of hours saying loudly "this is going to be your new home Fido, once we have a secure fence in place"

RIP Stunt Fido

Who owns the fence between the two properties?

What did they say about the garden pots though-do tell!!

Oh poor Fido! Will there be a little memorial to him.

Here lies Fido
Companion and true
We had to buy a higher fence
All because of you.
RIP

Or

We hoped to give you a loving home
Even built you a fence so you would not roam
So sad you have died, it is so hard
But your memory lives - on our credit card.

viques

I would move.
It sounds like you can't enjoy your garden in peace at all.
What's the point in having it if every time you pop out, someone starts talking at you and won't take a hint to leave you alone.