Tricky neighbour situation in the garden

[AliceandMatt]

Hi everyone. Thanks for your help on a tricky situation with my neighbours.

My husband and I recently moved into a terraced house next to a very lovely elderly couple. The garden fence (which belongs to the neighbours) is only waist height so we can see right into each other's gardens. At the back there is a shared gate to our drive ways. The couple that live next door have been their all of the husband's life and we have already learnt that even from moving potted plants around on our side that he is very opinionated about the way he thinks our house ought to be. I think he feels like our home almost belongs to him too (he was telling us stories of how he was friends with the kids in our house when he was young so they would be in and out of both houses). Given this, I know he lacks flexibility about our wishes. His wife is very old fashioned and has no say over household matters.

We are finding the lack of privacy quite difficult. I don't mind so much that they can see into our garden but as soon as I even step out of my back door to hang washing or water some plants the neighbours are straight out there too. I don't mind a little chat but they won't stop talking. The husband in particular talks about the same stories again and again. He doesn't stop if you say you're busy and have to get on with your day. And worst of all he does it to everyone that comes to he house too. Friends, family, even workmen! Our neighbours on the other side have even said to us that they feel sorry for our workmen because they can't get on with their job.

My husband and I have come to the conclusion that we need a better barrier between us and them but we don't want to cause offence and we are worried that (after the potted plant incident) the neighbours won't approve. We particularly wanted to try to get a boundary between our kitchen windows that look directly at one another. Putting up a fence won't take away their light but it might upset them that we're less excited ash to talk to.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Any advice or ideas would be appreciated.

Hi all! Thank you for such lovely support and comments. I am still loving the dead dog idea. I think security might be the way to go though and I think you're right by saying I need a next line planned already for when they show their disapproval! I do need to stand my ground a bit better.

The pots thing took me by surprise. I was just planting some things and moving stuff around to see what looked nice where (just for fun) and the neighbour came out and kept asking why I was moving things, saying that the last neighbour left her potted plants over there and he liked them there so that he could see them from his window. Then asking if I'd get more because the previous neighbours had more and it looked prettier. I just said that probably next summer I'd get more plants but that I'd only just moved in and had lots to sort out in the house (which is true!).

All so needlessly stressful. A good fence surely will help!

Keen gardener here. No need for a bigger fence - careful planting will do the job. It will be less obvious to elderly neighbours what you are trying to achieve and shouldn't offend them. Carefully selected plants/trees will creep up and give you the privacy you want in no time at all. Plus they are much nicer to look at than a six foot fence.

Trouble is with plants is that they can be 'helpfully' pruned by next door neighbours!

Perhaps a combination of fence and trellis to give any plant coverage some back up?

We had exactly this with our NDN, low fence when we moved in and they were insistent our dog was welcome in their garden so there was no using him as an excuse It was a few months until we could afford new fencing and it was a nightmare, everytime we stepped outside the back door they were out like a shot but we just cracked on and put new (6ft) fencing up as soon as we could. I did get asked 'have you fallen out with us' but that was the end of it, we hardly see them now it's bliss.

Sounds like you need to just be straight, if he says the last neighbour did x just say something like 'oh well, I have my own ideas about what I want in my house now I've bought it, being polite but clear

I'd be really careful with this. Even if you put the fence up on your land, it's still their boundary so you'll be blocking their light etc, and will probably be deeply unhappy about it. Plus if they've lived there all their lives, they will be used to the 'community feel' of the gardens.

I'm speaking from experience.

The beat thing to do is to nip the conversations in the bud, you need to be firm yet polite, for example ' I've moved the plant pots because I like them better over here, it is MY garden after all' tinkly laugh and big smile

Honestly my neighbours still have opinions on my house/garden/life 9 years on, but I've learnt to deal with them politely. And, in terraced housing it's really helpful to remain friendly with your neighbours, after all there's no escaping them!!!!!

We have the same problem so have installed this. It is independent of the fence, it comes from Jacksons.