DS not doing great in Y12 - not sure what to do

[WinterFollies]

We've always had trouble with DS and school. He's a nice quiet kid who always got the lower end of average results - GCSEs were 5s and 6s with a few 7s. Teachers said he could do better if he studied harder but he didn't.

He's doing A levels now and his predicted results (I'm not sure what this actually means) are DDC. I mean - that's not going to get him into a university is it?!

We're suggested over and over that - as he doesn't like studying - he might not be cut out for uni and he could look into other options. He isn't interested.

He refuses to talk to us about studying, refuses help, refuses to ask his tutors for help, refuses to do any extra curricular stuff that might help him out with applications, or just knowledge/engagement - I'm not sure what I should be doing.

It's at the point where any mention of school results in huge arguments. Since last year I've just left him to it, hoping without us going on at him he'd work it out - but I just got his report and not only is it the same as the last one (DDC predicted) but he's now being flagged as of concern.

What can I do?! What should I do?

Following @PrincessOfPreschool post, bear in mind that if exams are the issue, there are many uni courses where no exams are needed. My dd did not well in her A levels but amazingly well at uni as all her work was assessed via coursework where she was able to excel (plus doing sthg she loved).

Could your ds consider uni for this Sept @PrincessOfPreschool

Hi OP, sharing a positive story. My DS was where yours is - bright but absolutely refused to work for A levels and got CCD. Difference was that post A levels he really didn’t want to go to uni. He took a year out and worked - that made him realise I think he wanted to do something different. He’s now on a foundation year at a uni. He’s not perfect but in terms of study he’s a changed man! I wasn’t sure if the foundation degree would be a waste of money - thinking he might not apply himself. But actually it sounds great and I’ve realised that as a child of Covid he just doesn’t have basic study skills, and the foundation year is giving him that and some confidence. I also teach at uni and you can definitely see the benefits for the foundation year students that join my course. I’d pursue time out if you can to get him to consider his options, and take the pressure off re results. If it helps my DS said that he didn’t want to try and fail as then people would know he’d tried - he preferred just not to try. I wonder if there is anything similar going on? My DS had a very academic older sister so maybe felt pressurised. All the best to him, this could very well turn around though it is very frustrating to stand and watch.

@claryHe is not confident enough to move out of home, so it would need to be a uni course in London (luckily not too far). At the moment he's lost all self confidence but we can look into this again I think, especially as a PP said, with a foundation year. I will try. Thanks for the encouragement.

That is very heartening! Good luck to your DS - I am totally in favour of a little 'wandering' before university.