DS not doing great in Y12 - not sure what to do

[WinterFollies]

We've always had trouble with DS and school. He's a nice quiet kid who always got the lower end of average results - GCSEs were 5s and 6s with a few 7s. Teachers said he could do better if he studied harder but he didn't.

He's doing A levels now and his predicted results (I'm not sure what this actually means) are DDC. I mean - that's not going to get him into a university is it?!

We're suggested over and over that - as he doesn't like studying - he might not be cut out for uni and he could look into other options. He isn't interested.

He refuses to talk to us about studying, refuses help, refuses to ask his tutors for help, refuses to do any extra curricular stuff that might help him out with applications, or just knowledge/engagement - I'm not sure what I should be doing.

It's at the point where any mention of school results in huge arguments. Since last year I've just left him to it, hoping without us going on at him he'd work it out - but I just got his report and not only is it the same as the last one (DDC predicted) but he's now being flagged as of concern.

What can I do?! What should I do?

Hi op sorry that you are dealing with this.

To start, PGs mean just that - what his teachers think he will get in year 13. DDC is not great but he could go to uni with those grades. It’s whether you and he think it is worth it.

Does he want to go to uni? To study what? If he doesn’t enjoy study it’s probably not a good idea tbh.

What A levels is he taking? What did he get in those GCSEs? A levels are a big step up so if he gained 5/6 at GCSE there’s a lot of work to get B+ at A level.

If he is keen he can still work and improve. But it sounds like he isn’t. I would suggest a serious chat about his future. Does he have a pt job? What does he want to do eventually?

Have you looked at apprenticeships? That might be a better way for him to- earning and learning too.

Hi, just commenting as I work at a university. He would be fine and university and even potentially thrive. I work at a post 92, where there is wide diverse cohort of Learners. Yes some courses (medical/STEM) may require higher a levels, but foundation years are common for those who don't get the grades then they join the degree course. Don't rule it out or have him thinking he's not good enough.

Thanks for replying @clary x

He wants to study psychology - which makes me want to bang my head against a wall! It's very widely offered - I guess he'd probably get a place somewhere but it would just be throwing money away. There's almost no way he'd progress unless he has some kind of epiphany - which we've been waiting for for years now. He's been a bit vague about what he ACTUALLY wants to do - I think clinical psychologist but it's just so so unlikely at this point.

A levels are Philosophy, Geography, and Psychology.

I will look into apprenticeships but he is set against it - and I'm not sure if there's anything that's suitable. I guess he needs a wakeup call but this doesn't seem to be it. He's looking for a PT job - he's working at a charity shop as a volunteer atm which is good - but again he does the bare minimum there!

Thank you - all is not lost! I will have a look at foundation courses - I don't really know anything about them as I didn't grow up here (another thing that I worry is disadvantaging him).

No it's not, ideally you all want the best marks, but not everyone can get them. Get to some university open days, that might help motivate him as well. Good luck!

Well I agree with @Unomum21 that there will be a place for him somewhere to study psych but I would caution that while he could certainly thrive, equally he might struggle. Uni requries a good deal of independent learning and a student has to be motivated to do well.

Unis want their students to do well but equally, they will not allow them to breeze through doing no work. I know of numerous examples of YP who were asked to leave after retaking years bc they just didn't do the work needed. I'm not trying to be negative, but if your DS does no work that could be him.

Possible places to look at for a psych degree with 96 UCAS points (CCC) would be UCLAN (university of central Lancashire) or university of Staffordshire. Places like Leeds Beckett or NYU would be asking for higher grades. I think becoming a clinical psychologist would be a big ask if I am honest but there are other possible careers in that area.

Have you taken him to any uni open days yet? I took my ds16 to one at Birmingham and it was helpful to make realise the grades he needs to get.

Is he happy with the A Levels he is studying? or would he rather do something else (he has the option to restart Year 12 if he wants to).

Regardless of the grades, if he's unsure about his future path then taking a year out and working while he takes some time to decide is always an option. My DS did something similar (although he ended up only taking a few months) and I think being able to step off the school "treadmill" and think about what he wanted and what he didn't want really helped him.

Apols @WinterFollies when I said NYU I meant NTU - Nottingham Trent. Some of the newer unis are very well respected indeed. I agree uni open days might be an idea. He needs to be inspired to do what he is going to do next.

Is he otherwise enjoying school? Does he have friends / social life / learning to drive etc? IMO this is actually more important - a happy teenager will be ok, and even if his grades aren’t amazing, will do fine but if he is unhappy then I think some help / light guidance towards thinking about his future might be needed. It’s hard being 17, there’s a lot going on. He definitely still has time to turn those Ds to Cs (or even higher) which would buy him more opportunities for university if that’s what he really wants to do.

I know kids who failed some of their A levels (as in formally failed not my opinion failed) and still go into foundation courses at uni. foundation courses help kids access further education.

University open days are a good idea too. I'll draw up a list! It looks like there are some coming up.

He seems fairly happy in general but he doesn't let us in very much. He'd like a job and to earn some money but I think it will just take a bit of time - his friends with jobs (and his GF) are pretty impressive kids and he's a bit less confident. Which is another issue that may be affecting his grades - he seems to lack confidence and really tries not to draw attention to himself, good or bad. I think there may some stuff to unpick and I will see if there's someone I can ask at school, although he's definitely under their radar.

Foundation courses might be the way to go for him.

I love the idea of him taking time out - I didn't think it was possible but I suggested it anyway and thought we could fudge it!

He wasn't interested - it seems he doesn't want to do anything too unusual, for some reason he has a real fear of standing out and doing things differently. Its such a shame because I feel he'll have a hard road trying to do things the 'right' way.

He does like the A levels he's studying - philosophy and psychology are his real favourites. I'd say its really his thing but his grades don't bear that out! I overheard him talking to relatives over Christmas and he can sound really impressive.

There are lots of options these days. Could he do a degree apprenticeship so work while studying?

My dd was predicted DDC and came away with ABB no way did we think she would do that well. Don’t write him off year 13 is the one that counts and if it doesn’t then even the fact he’s sat A levels puts him way above the average with employers. A grade doesn’t define you, personality does. Some are academic some are not. I used to tear my absolute hair out when dd was in year 12 she wanted the UCAS to do a police degree apprenticeship, got the grades and is now doing something else entirely. Hang in there!

Why is he doing A levels? Why does he have to think about university? Why are you concerned only by his grades? What would he really like to do?

Maybe in Year 13 his grades will have gone up. I think its normal in Year 12 that grades are based on what they have learned so far in the course. Is there a parent portal? There maybe predicted grades in there or could you speak to his tutor at the college?

Going to university is not just about getting a job after 3 years. It's a journey of self- discovery, of the whole self, and also provides a good base from which young people can go on to do other things. It teaches people to think critically, to negotiate relationships (ie housemates), to manage money, to live independently, to manage time, to construct arguments, to shop, cook and do housework - these are all vital life skills. Your son can get into uni with a CDD and he should do psychology if that's what he's interested in and has a passion for. Six forms like to encourage pupils to drop A levels if they won't get great grades but don't let them bully him out. Your son sounds great - you should support him.

As I've said, he wants to do psychology with the aim of becoming a clinical psychologist - that's only achievable with a (good) degree.

I would be SO happy for him to think of something else, something that aligns with his ability, or if he had an interest in doing something less nebulous but competitive, especially if it involved an apprenticeship or vocational training.

True.

He said over the weekend that he'll take a gap year after Y13 so perhaps he'll have more perspective after that. He would really benefit from a journey of self-discovery - but that's probably not uncommon at his age!

That's amazing - well done DD!

There's no parent portal - the school are pretty bad with communication. It's a large comp so DS is a classic nice overlooked student.

Parent teacher night is in April - I was going to give it a miss since its the same thing each time but I guess I'll give it a go. For GCSEs (and earlier) it was always "He's a pleasure to have in class. We'd love it if he would contribute more. He's capable of getting at least one grade higher if he studies."

I'm wondering about him seeing someone - an educational psychologist? - to work out what's going on. He says he studies - perhaps he doesn't: why? perhaps he does: why isn't it working?

If he wants a gap year then no decision is imminent. Apply to uni, defer his place and then likely he will choose to do something different in 2 years time.
My 16 y o tells everyone something different when asked what he us going to do after A Levels: police, army, apprenticeship etc but I think he will do a ucas application of the off chance.
Keep your options open.

OP, I totally sympathise. My DS1 was the same (couple of 5s, mostly 6s, 7 in maths and RE). He hated A levels and was struggling by the end of Y12. In fact at the end of Y12, I tried to persuade him to go to college and found some courses I thought he'd love. He absolutely refused and felt like I was undermining him even though I just wanted him to thrive and not hate every minute he was at school. He soldiered on with tutoring and got B (Product Design), D (Maths, predicted C) and D (Physics, predicted E). He didn't want to go to Uni, he petrified of exams and worried about the debt. He wanted an apprenticeship in a specific industry but with those grades it wasn't happening. He worked for 8 months at B & Q then they were overstaffed and let him go but his already low self esteem was shot. He's been doing nothing now since last Aug, not even signing on as he doesn't feel he is able to do anything so won't search for work (therefore can't claim Job Seekers).

Not to put the fear into you! But my regret is not encouraging him to go to uni to do a course he would have been capable of. Even if it didn't lead to a job, it could have been 3 years of better mental health whilst he grew up a bit, which is worth the 30 grand fees. No price on good mental health. He may have been in a similar position after finishing Uni but he would have 3 years of being older and wiser and hopefully more confident being out of school. Only you know your son but you need to work with what he wants as well as what he's capable of. The job and apprenticeship market is so hard right now. Maybe the 3 years of uni will help him.

Oh Lord @PrincessOfPreschool - this is the kind of thing I'm scared of. I hope your DS turns a corner soon. xx